SO many thoughts going through my mind right now, that it is not even funny! My thoughts are bouncing off of each other... it's crazy. The moment I try to process one thought, another one is right behind it taking me in the other direction.
We have Christmas right around the corner, and as I shared last night, I have barely done any shopping. The big reason is that money is really tight and it might be that Dean has limited work between now and the first week of January. Ugh!!
Just as we were getting ahead, BAM! Little by little, whatever I had saved up... G-O-N-E! But I have faith that something good is up ahead for us. I have decided to think that way rather than to focus on the present situation. I just handle whatever comes our way, and continue to look forward. SO tired of dwelling on the negative.
Then I have my "special" house guest, my sister. The jury is still out on this one. Although, I could say that it's been okay. It is very difficult to open up and be 100% trusting and loving. I understand that in order to truly forgive, one must basically let go of the past, in order to move forward and past it all... especially if you want to have a healthy relationship. However, when there has been as much kaos and havoc as there has been in our lives and relationship with one another... well once you've been burned, you are really careful when you get close to the stove the next time.
Don't get me wrong, I have been giving our relationship a big effort... after all my sister is staying in my home. And I am trying to teach her about nutrition, exercise and a healthy lifestyle. I am trying to help my sister. I feel bad for her... yet, one must keep in mind that whatever she has or does not have is because of decisions she has made. I am prepared, and will help her... I will however not enable her.
Originally she was to stay until February, operative words being, "originally" and "was". She found out this evening that she has an appointment just before New Year's that she may not be able to change... she will not find out for sure until tomorrow. Although by sounds of it all, looks like a definite go.
How do I feel about this? I really do not know. Initially, I was very upset in thinking that she is was giving up and reneging on all our plans. On one hand I don't blame her that she may want to return, yet on the other this is a much healthier environment for her. Honestly, I can't help it but to think that she wants to go back and this is a perfect out for her. Well only "time" will honestly dictate if I am right or not, or even if it matters.
I really thought we would have this time to heal our relationship, and then WHAM-O! she is not here but for four days and something comes up... so much for starting a business or preparing for the future.
I know I am disappointed about the possibilities of things not changing for her or for me. However, I also have to remember that even though help is offered, that does not mean that it will be welcomed, or taken for that matter. The "person" in need must want to be helped, and/or want to change things in their life. We can't force a person to take advise, or to take our help.
One thing is for sure... I tried to help. I sincerely cared. That's all I will say right now. Trying not to get upset. Just when her self- esteem and self-worth were beginning to show signs of growth. She was even starting to believe in herself. (big happy face.)
So as disappointed as I may be to the possible change of plans, I must place my faith in God by leaving my worries in his hands. I praise you Jesus!
Anything God asks us to do he supplies us with the energy and grace to do. ~ author unknown
If anyone speaks, they should do so as one who speaks the very words of God. If anyone serves, they should do so with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power for ever and ever. Amen. ~ 1 Peter 4:11 (NIV)
On the forth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me,
... three cook books
... two ceiling fans,
... our little girl we call Calley
Blessings to all!!
173 days weeks to go...
PS... I love and miss you boys. To the moon and stars above and back. You are my sunshines.
All contents herein are protected under Copyright laws and can not be used, altered or copied. All accounts herein are written by Carla B Karam and are true accounts of her life. Some names may be changed to protect the innocent.
Picture credits... images courtesy of Bing images.
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