Day 540 ~ Friendships & Integrity

This can be a subject that can take you through thick or thin . . .  better or worse . . .  in sickness or in health . . . 'bad hair' days . . . 'best news in the world' days . . . 'best day in my life' days . . . 'heart ache' days . . . 'break-up' days . . . 'love at first sight' days . . .  as well as all the 'you can count on me' days . . . and 'I need a friend' days.

Almost sounds like 'vows,' doesn't it?
Friendships can be like marriages . . . just as complicated and just as rewarding.

more on this tomorrow . . .   

Yesterday's post ended just like that.

Some people feel that 'good' friendships just happen . . .  without effort . . . picking up where you always leave off.  I have a couple of friends where months can go by, even years at times, and when we speak next. . .  well . . . needless to say it was as if we had not skipped a beat!  Love my girls!

Then there are friendships that. . . well . . . you wonder . . . what the . . . where did . . . huh?!

I met a gal a handful of years ago, in passing.  Next thing I knew she was around every corner.  She would claim things about me where I would say "what the . . . where did . . . huh?! . . . "  I guess you could say that she made herself my best friend.

Weeks and months went by, with apprehension and hesitation on my part, well . . . I did not turn my back on her, I was there for her.  I figured she needed a friend.  After all she was in a bad place in her life.

After a bit more time went by I felt her dominance, even putting words in my mouth that were no where near the words that needed to come out of my mouth.  She would say one thing, and then leave me hanging with her actions . . . time and time again.  She would say how important I was to her, yet would think of me last or leave me out all together.

Well to make a long story short this person that called herself "my {Christian} sister for life" did a very ugly thing.  She even came across thinking that she was better than me, talking down to me.  {and} . . . 

For the first time in my life I did not let this person know what I really thought.  Funny.  Yes I am chuckling.  Because most of my life when push came to shove I have never held back from letting anyone know what I really thought.  SO, yeah, it's funny.

Bottom line . . . I did not allow myself to go down to her level.

But, an even more BOTTOM LINE than that . . . she truly hurt my feelings.  Everything she had ever told me . . . [bottom line] were all lies.

Regardless of how a person may initially feel about another person . . . how they treat you when they are friends with you and when they are [I guess] angry with you . . .  well it all leaves an impression, a mark.  Which can hurt.

What hurts even worse is that I had given this person my word that I would help her . . . that I would look out for her . . . even including her in my 'master plan' whole heartedly.  I was going to watch out for her and her needs.

I said that "friendships are like marriages". . . "just as complicated ... and rewarding."

When a friendship has found its "end" . . .  it hurts.  You have shared with this person. . . opened up to this person and shared personal thoughts . . . and regardless of initial feelings you called this person a friend and grew to count on her.  No different than sharing with a spouse and counting on them to always be there.

Marriages and friendships alike can be very rewarding . . . painful . . . fun . . . humbling . . . loving . . . eventful . . . and so much more.

Above all, the most important thing to remember in a relationship is to treat others how you would want to be treated.  If we always can remember this golden rule . . . we should always feel loved and be happy. . . regardless of its journey or destination.

It all comes down to integrity.

Do to others as you would have them do to you.  ~Luke 6:31

I am thankful for my wonderful friends!!

What's coming up?   Hmmm.... 

I think I see another challenge off in the near distance. . . 

December 9th - 15th

[here's to you finding your... ]

Peace...

I am second..

... for a, l & c.  You are my sunshine(s).  

Images are courtesy of google or Bing images.  Some images maybe labeled property of Carla Barila Karam and of this blog, Took It... Making It... Living It... My Life .  © 2012  U.S Copyright Laws apply.

Day 539 ~ Friendships & Marriages

As I am sure that you have gathered by now. . .  I haven't been feeling too hot this week.  Gosh darn allergies!!  I guess I should be grateful that up until we moved to this part of the country I never knew what allergies were like.  

One word . . . YUCK!

Yes . . . my butt was handed to me on a platter this week and was not even able to handle day light let alone sitting in front of my lap top. . .  it took all of my energy to post what I did end up posting!  lol!  Call me wimp if you want. . . I don't care . . . I felt like crap and was barely able to  keep my eyes open, let alone take my Calley-girl to school each morning.

Ok . . .  enough venting and whining.  Big smile.

Needless to say that when I wasn't sleeping or blowing my nose, my thoughts were getting the best of me.  Maybe not getting the best of me. . . let's just say that the subject matter was very thought provoking.

I thought about "friendships" . . . 

This can be a subject that can take you through thick or thin . . .  better or worse . . .  in sickness or in health . . . 'bad hair' days . . . 'best news in the world' days . . . 'best day in my life' days . . . 'heart ache' days . . . 'break-up' days . . . 'love at first sight' days . . .  as well as all the 'you can count on me' days . . . and 'I need a friend' days.

Almost sounds like 'vows,' doesn't it?

Friendships can be like marriages . . . just as complicated and just as rewarding.

more on this tomorrow . . .   

I am thankful for the handful of good friends in my life!!

What's coming up?   Hmmm.... 

I think I see another challenge off in the near distance. . . 

December 9th - 15th

[here's to you finding your... ]

Peace...

I am second..

... for a, l & c.  You are my sunshine(s).  

Images are courtesy of google or Bing images.  Some images maybe labeled property of Carla Barila Karam and of this blog, Took It... Making It... Living It... My Life .  © 2012  U.S Copyright Laws apply.

Day 519 ~ After the [30 Day Husband Encouragement] Challenge

After the challenge... Husband Encouragement Challenge
courtesy of ReviveOurHearts.com

". . . This is my beloved, and this is my friend . . ." (Song of Solomon 5:16b) 

Friends can be completely honest with each other, but friendships are strained when truth is not spoken in love. How are you speaking to your beloved? Are you so "used" to him that you don't appreciate the wonder of his friendship? That is your challenge today. Is your sweetheart your best friend? Does he know this? Have you told him, or do you assume he "just knows"?

Friendship is something that is cultivated through the good times and the bad. Friends can share their hearts, but they don't step on each other's hearts. The way to have and be a good friend is to cultivate and celebrate the relationship. As you end this "30-Day Encouragement Challenge," celebrate your friendship with your husband. Get alone and reflect on your beloved friend. Write him a letter, listing the qualities you admire and appreciate about him. If you are creative with words, write and frame a poem about him.

. . .  prepare a special meal, just for the two of you . . .

Encouragement, as you have seen these past 30 days, is a synonym for love in action. How has this challenge changed your heart and life, dear friend? Did God encourage you as you planned ways to encourage your husband? Were there difficult days where you simply needed to trust that God was working? Days when it was hard to leave the results to God?

. . . 

What kinds of victories have you experienced in your home since you started the "30-Day Encouragement Challenge"? Would you take a moment to share these victories with us?. 

The biggest and best part of the challenge... 

HOLD IT!!!!   Let me stop right there.  First off this was called a "challenge."  Right?  Some would think and wonder 'how can "encouraging" your husband be challenging?'

Well let me tell you... I was to do this for 30 days straight regardless of mood, temperment, emotion, right, wrong, bad or good moods... for 30 days straight I was to "encourage" my husband.  All positive.  Regardless if I was mad at him or not I was to "encourage" my husband in a "positive" way each day.  I was not to say anything bad to him or about him to anyone.

I will be honest, I did have a couple of rocky days... I really did!  On "those" rocky days, It took all of me to bite my tongue and keep my thoughts to myself and follow with my encouragement.

I know ... some of you may think "are you kidding me!? I would have let him have it!!"  ...  at the mere mention of not speaking your mind someone close to me said, "well, then I will never marry!  I have to speak my mind!!" ...

I can completely, 100% understand what you mean!  I am all about being heard and "talking" about "feelings", being honest with one another.

But after experiencing this challenge, I have learned a couple of things.... 1)  it's not about being right or wrong... it's about being happy!!...choose your battles and 2) that there are nice ways of getting one's opinion across without being "rude" or "heard" in a negative way..

It is about learning how to communicate "outside the box" without supressing your own feelings without conflict.

All in all it has been a positive experience which has left positive changes in my marriage.

You know part of misunderstanding is one's marriage is because we "expect" things from our spouse.  I only "expect" things... as an example... this one instance with taking out the trash.  If you are walking by a pile of boxes that are evidently going out to the trash and you are leaving, can't you take the initiative to grab the trash on your way out?  Does everything need to be said?!  Can't it be left to good logic?  "If I am on my way out the door and I walk by a pile of items that are headed for the trash. . . gee I think I'll help and take them out. 'honeyyyyyyyy?!" ....-calling out to ask if the pile is heading out...

I have stopped "expect"-ing and that in itself has brought peace to my home.  

After all. . . isn't it about being happy?  Is the "trash"  really worth getting in a fight over?  I don't think so.  

Listen, for me it can be the "trash" or "laundry"... for you it could be "getting off the couch", "yard work" or even "helping with the kids" . . . 

Bottom line. . . because of this 30 day encouragement challenge my husband's love tank is full.  He is happy.  He is even helping more.  {and} I am asking for things to be done in sweet creative ways, along with my continued "encouragement"...[ that's right, I have not stopped encouraging my husband because the challenge is over ]  our home is a happy home full of laughter, joy and happiness.

I am blessed. 

I am thankful for my best friend, my husband!

[here's to you finding your... ]

Peace...

I am second..

... for a, l & c.  You are my sunshine(s).  

Images are courtesy of google or Bing images.  Some images maybe labeled property of Carla Barila Karam and of this blog, Took It... Making It... Living It... My Life .  © 2012  U.S Copyright Laws apply.

Day 518 ~ I Am Blessed (XXX)

Day 30 of the Husband Encouragement Challenge
courtesy of ReviveOurHearts.com

". . . This is my beloved, and this is my friend . . ." (Song of Solomon 5:16b) 

You're moving toward the home stretch of your 30-day challenge! Just a reminder of what you've committed: 

• You can't say anything negative about your husband . . . to your husband . . . or to anyone else, about your husband.
• Say something that you admire or appreciate about your husband . . . to your husband . . . and to someone else, about your husband!

Friends can be completely honest with each other, but friendships are strained when truth is not spoken in love. How are you speaking to your beloved? Are you so "used" to him that you don't appreciate the wonder of his friendship? That is your challenge today. Is your sweetheart your best friend? Does he know this? Have you told him, or do you assume he "just knows"?

Friendship is something that is cultivated through the good times and the bad. Friends can share their hearts, but they don't step on each other's hearts. The way to have and be a good friend is to cultivate and celebrate the relationship. As you end this "30-Day Encouragement Challenge," celebrate your friendship with your husband. Get alone and reflect on your beloved friend. Write him a letter, listing the qualities you admire and appreciate about him. If you are creative with words, write and frame a poem about him.

Perhaps you can prepare a special meal, just for the two of you, and read the letter or poem to him. Ask if you can pray for him, and if he is willing, thank God for your love and friendship, asking for His blessing on your home.

Encouragement, as you have seen these past 30 days, is a synonym for love in action. How has this challenge changed your heart and life, dear friend? Did God encourage you as you planned ways to encourage your husband? Were there difficult days where you simply needed to trust that God was working? Days when it was hard to leave the results to God?

Remember that God is faithful, and He will bless you for your willingness to obey Him. His ways are not our ways, and perhaps He will honor you in ways you do not expect, but one thing is sure—you will never be the same because of your commitment to be more like Christ!

What kinds of victories have you experienced in your home since you started the "30-Day Encouragement Challenge"? Would you take a moment to share these victories with us?. 

Day 30! . . .
I'm going to keep this simple and not let it get too wordy.  

All I know is that this challenge has improved my marriage and how I see my husband.

Not that I did not love or appreciate him before this challenge. . . because I did on both counts.  wink, wink.

But... I guess you can say that this challenge has opened a new door to our relationship. . . more healthy communication.  This challenge has helped strengthen our relationship.  {and} finally. . .  This challenged has helped me gain more admiration for my husband.

What I will say about my husband I will sum up in three words. . .

I am blessed. 

I am thankful for my marriage!

[here's to you finding your... ]

Peace...

I am second..

... for a, l & c.  You are my sunshine(s).  

Images are courtesy of google or Bing images.  Some images maybe labeled property of Carla Barila Karam and of this blog, Took It... Making It... Living It... My Life .  © 2012  U.S Copyright Laws apply.

Day 517 ~ My Husband, Mr. Integrity (XXIX)

Day 29 of the Husband Encouragement Challenge
courtesy of ReviveOurHearts.com

"A prudent man forsees evil, and hides himself; the simple pass on, and are punished." (Proverbs 27:12) 

You're moving toward the home stretch of your 30-day challenge! Just a reminder of what you've committed: 

• You can't say anything negative about your husband . . . to your husband . . . or to anyone else, about your husband.
• Say something that you admire or appreciate about your husband . . . to your husband . . . and to someone else, about your husband!

As you near the end of your Encouragement Challenge, take time to think about your husband's responses to the wickedness of the culture, the media, etc. Does your husband recognize and avoid evil? Does he regularly turn his back on pornography, sexual temptations, and the urge to lie and cheat?

This is a valuable character trait. Like Joseph in the Old Testament, who fled from the wicked advances of Potiphar's wife, this takes an understanding that these kinds of sins are first and foremost, sins against God (Gen. 39:9).

Praise your husband when he recognizes and turns his back on wickedness. If you can think of a circumstance where your husband stood for righteousness, remind him of that today-and express your gratitude. 

Day 29! . . .
I'm going to keep this simple and not let it get too wordy.  

From the first day I met my husband I have seen the type of man he is.  He has shown me early on in our relationship how honest he is.

What really sticks in my mind that he not only has found one wallet (full of money, credit cards and even an endorsed paycheck) in our time together, but he has found three!  Each and every time he literally went out of his way to return it to its rightful owner, and has denied any reward offered!

Amazing, huh?!

He isn't just about returning wallets... he has always stood up and helped the underdog and has even gone to battle for them... since he was a boy too.  If he saw someone being picked on, he stood up for them.  He even went as far as fighting the school's biggest bully not caring about his own safety.  He won everyone's respect in his school.

Sooo... I tell you... not only do I feel blessed because Dean IS MY husband and soul mate... I am also blessed that he IS a man of INTEGRITY...  Thank you Lord for not only bringing a man into my life who loves me, but one that is honest, sincere and has integrity!

I am thankful for my husband!

[here's to you finding your... ]

Peace...

I am second..

... for a, l & c.  You are my sunshine(s).  

Images are courtesy of google or Bing images.  Some images maybe labeled property of Carla Barila Karam and of this blog, Took It... Making It... Living It... My Life .  © 2012  U.S Copyright Laws apply.

Day 510 ~ Kindness, A Substitution for Anger (XXIII)

Day 23 of the Husband Encouragement Challenge
courtesy of ReviveOurHearts.com

"Let your speech always be with grace." (Collosians 4:6a) 

You're moving toward the home stretch of your 30-day challenge! Just a reminder of what you've committed: 

• You can't say anything negative about your husband . . . to your husband . . . or to anyone else, about your husband.
• Say something that you admire or appreciate about your husband . . . to your husband . . . and to someone else, about your husband!

"In all things showing yourself to be a pattern of good works..."  (Titus 2:7a)

Does the "30-Day Encouragement Challenge" seem like hard work? Or is it becoming a pleasant exercise in genuine Christ-likeness in your home? You are only scratching the surface of ways to encourage your mate. Is your husband organized? Is he diligent? Is he persistent? These are all related to a pattern of personal disciplines that are worthy of your praise. Affirm him for one or more of these traits that you see in him.

Some men have not developed these qualities because they are naturally more spontaneous. You can praise his spontaneity! Perhaps God has called you alongside to help him with disciplines he has not yet developed - but this does not include nagging. You can keep him organized.

Whatever the need, you can be your husband's cheerleader, encouraging him when he wants to give up.

Day 23 ! . . .
I'm going to keep this simple and not let it get too wordy.  

"Kindness..." {. . .  is so tough at a time of anger that two days are needed to cover this subject!"}

Being kind with your words even if you are upset is the hardest thing to do!  Try it.  I have.

The great lesson that I have learned through this challenge has become easier and easier... or  rather yet in the neighborhood of being second nature.

Additionally I have learned that being kind through the course of a disagreement is a whole lot better than getting upset.  Your point comes across clearer.   And the end result being more pleasant.

Our home is calmer.  Peaceful.

Now. This is not to say that I have not gotten uber angry, because I have.  It is just the way I express my anger.  [which at first was very challenging]

Being angry and trying to find kind words to express yourself is an art.  To sit and sort through your feelings and then translate them to kind words is soothing in itself.  Even funny at times.  

More importantly is the way my husband is responding.  What once seemed to be the act of pulling teeth... has now become a day at the candy store.  If that makes any sense.

Heck... I just try to have a more comical, gentler way of expressing myself.  It sure is more welcomed, that's for sure!

[here's to you finding your... ]

Peace...

I am second..

... for a, l & c.  You are my sunshine(s).  

Images are courtesy of google or Bing images.  Some images maybe labeled property of Carla Barila Karam and of this blog, Took It... Making It... Living It... My Life .  © 2012  U.S Copyright Laws apply.

Day 508 ~ All We Need Is Love (XXI)

Day 21 of the Husband Encouragement Challenge
courtesy of ReviveOurHearts.com

"But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you." (Matthew 6:33) 

• You can't say anything negative about your husband . . . to your husband . . . or to anyone else, about your husband.
• Say something that you admire or appreciate about your husband . . . to your husband . . . and to someone else, about your husband!

If we are living in light of eternity, everything we think, do or say is seen from an eternal perspective. We will someday give an account for our failure to speak words of love and encouragement. Determine today that your words will be sweet and helpful.

Does your husband have an eternal perspective that allows him to reject materialism and temporal values? Express your gratefulness for his value system, and praise him for putting eternal things before riches and other things of this world. If this is a problem area for him, consider how you might alter your own value system and live for eternity in front of him, encouraging him to do the same. Only two things will go into eternity . . . the Word of God and people. Be sure that you are focusing on the right things. 

Day 21 ! . . .    

I'm going to keep this simple and not let it get too wordy.  

Materialism.... hmmmm... what a brain teaser, if you will.

Seems when one is young and looking forward to adulthood, most of one's dreams are of what their life may be like as adults... the house... the car... the spouse.. and not to mention the 2.2 kids.

We all assume that life will be just like that...

Never do we picture life struggling ... having a marriage that fails ... an abusive spouse ... or possibly having life altering experiences happen.  

We just assume that we will live happily ever after... just like in the fairy tales.

As a child when my own parents were divorcing ... life as I knew it was falling apart... I experienced much sadness... the only thing that gave me happiness was the hope that God would step in later in my life.  At the mere age of 9 I thought that since my childhood was unhappy that God would make sure that my adulthood was happy.  I thought he did this for everyone.

Needless to say that childhood hope did not come true.

Fast forward to today ... my life is not "peachy keen" per say HOWEVER I have had to struggle for my own happiness and God is a big part of it.

Do material things really matter?  Well they don't hurt anything that's for sure and they do bring pleasure to ones life... maybe a little comfort and luxury.

Do I long for a beautiful home?  luxury car?  all the dresses and shoes to choose from?  

I long for happiness, as does my husband.  My husband is a most content man.  He always makes sure I have nice things (not because I ask for them) and takes the bottom of the barrel for himself.  He is very selfless in that way.

I am in no way saying that any of "those" things would not be grand to have... who are we kidding here?  wink, wink.  But we really don't NEED them as long as we have love and a happy home.  

Besides which, you can't take it all with you and they do not matter in eternal life anyways.

[here's to you finding your... ]

Peace...

I am second..

... for a, l & c.  You are my sunshine(s).  

Images are courtesy of google or Bing images.  Some images maybe labeled property of Carla Barila Karam and of this blog, Took It... Making It... Living It... My Life .  © 2012  U.S Copyright Laws apply.