Day 96 ~ Holding Onto Memories

Wow... I haven't had one of these nights in a while.  Meaning, my being at a loss for words ~  when in reality I have so much to say.  

First of all, I would like to acknowledge the fact that I have not continued with the third part of My Fight Begins, and how I've lost boys... have I been avoiding the subject it?  maybe?  You Think!?

Please understand that, that period in my life was a very painful ... not to say that twenty years later it is any better ... it's just that I have learned to live each day with that numbing pain in the background.  It never goes away, it's there, lingering, I feel it, but am learning not to allow it to consume me, and to hold my head high and try to proceed forward each day a little more in honor of my boys....more than anything I am learning to cope better and move forward.

I will say one thing... the years my sons and I have spent apart... the holidays we were forced apart... not having the freedom of loving your mother and the rest of your family...  all those times, my beautiful sons... Addison and Logan... we will never get back.

We will never get those years back, the tender times taken away that would have made you both better men, and me a better woman, and even the lovely moments of life we were shun from sharing and forbidden from feeling... we will never get them back.

BUT today is another day.  A day full of hope and faith... a day with plenty of tomorrows..  tomorrows that I will be ever so grateful for having, so that I may have another opportunity to show you how much I have missed you and how much I have loved you!

Another opportunity to be your mother... I believe from the bottom of my heart that one day we will be reunited as a family once again.

A mother holds her children's hands for a while...their hearts forever.   - Author Unknown

I never knew how much love my heart could hold until someone called me "mommy."  -- Author Unknown

A mother's love for her child is like nothing else in the world. It knows no law, no pity, it dares all things and crushes down remorselessly all that stands in its path.    --Agatha Christie

Blessings to all!!


269 days to go...

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