Day 98 ~ Logan... A True Blessing

Mommy & Addison 1989

It was 1990 and my life was somewhat complicated.  I was twenty-seven years old, and had been taking part in a one sided marriage for over four years... (meaning I was the one married- and he was still... playing the field)... the blessing of it all... was that I had a beautiful two and a half year old little boy, I called Addison.

My marriage was going through troubles; I came home one day to find my home had been emptied and forced into a separation that lasted for six months. (What a p.o.s.- he moved out while I was at work!)  I had always told myself that until I could honestly look at myself in the mirror and honestly say I gave it my all, that I would stick it out..


A couple of months later, I had arranged a birthday party for Addison's third birthday at Chuck E Cheese, and it was there that my aunt and uncle had put a bug in my ear... they mentioned that I had a glow about me and that I looked pregnant.


Shortly after my aunt and uncle's suspicion was confirmed... I found out I was pregnant with my second baby... a complete surprise... a blessing in my eyes!!  So this told me to give our marriage another change. 

Becoming overwhelmed with joy with wanting to share the beautiful news with the man I loved, the man thought I would spend the rest of my life with, the father of my children... his response..."WHAT! Are you trying to trap me? You planned this!?" on and on... after a while I was numb to what he was saying.  RED FLAG NUMBER ONE!!

What! was he stupid or something!?  We had already been married nearly five years and already had a beautiful little boy... Trapped? What an idiot!!


Oh my... I can not even begin to tell you all the thoughts that were going through my mind... my mind was going a mile a minute with overwhelming thoughts.  Let's just say that this conversation did not end pretty... and if anything it should have taken notice to RED FLAG NUMBER TWO!!


Compared to my being pregnant with Addison... this pregnancy was the most horrible experience I went through!  with the exception of having Addison by my side.


Bret was so much a part of my first pregnancy; talking to the baby; playing with my belly; going to all my doctor appointments, etc..


When it came to my pregnancy with Logan... All I can say it that I thank God for Addison!!  If it wasn't for my sweet little boy, I would have gone through it alone!, Bret called me fat, made excuses for not going to doctor appointments, never touched my belly or talked to it... however I later found out that he had plenty of time for extra curricular activities! and his attention was going elsewhere.

As time went on... Addison, well let's just say he was my bestest friend ever!  It wasn't about me having another baby, it was about Addison becoming a big brother!  He went to all my Obstetrical/Gynecological (OBGYN) appointments with me- when appropriate of course.  :)  He was there for the first time we saw our new family baby, first heartbeat and even when we found out he was to have a "little brother"!

When I was about five months pregnant, Addison and I had been looking at baby names in one of those books with well over 20,000 names..!!  for his little brother, and we came across "Logan" .... strangest thing then happened, Bret came home moments later he was telling us that he had seen the coolest name at the gym... "Logan"....  Guess what LOGAN it is!!!  


As a side note, Bret tried changing Logan's name several time, and Addison and I said NO!  Our baby is Logan!

Literally, the next day, I had been doing laundry... came across an infamous "little black book"... and as all good wives would do, I read it... RED FLAG NUMBER THREE!!

After a few hours of getting my thoughts straight, I found myself having having a very enlightening and lengthy conversation with this lovely lady... I came to find out that Bret had told her that Bret and I had been separated for months, about to divorce, and that I would not allow him to see our son except for every other weekend,- I even went as far as sharing with her that we were expecting child number two!  RED FLAG NUMBER FOUR!!


When I called him out on it when he got home from work...Can you believe it, eventually, in his defense, somehow in his crazy mind, he said it was my fault that he had his "little black book"

ONE WORD---->  WOW!!!

After all, at this point, I was five months pregnant with Logan, and we were making plans to move into a bigger home in Valencia.

Addison 5 and Logan 1-1/2

This was not the first incident like this... once we moved to Valencia and Logan had just turned one, I found out that Bret had been having six month relationship (which I later found out he continued it for another year, including having dinner with her parents, fixing their cars..etc) with another woman, who by the way could care less that he was married and had two children... RED FLAG NUMBER FIVE!!

Three months later, I ignorantly made the decision that we should go ahead and move to Seattle....  S T U P I D --->   S T U P I D ---->  S T U P I D !!! It only continued there!  Once a cheater ALWAYS a cheater!

By the time Logan was two, we had filed for divorce... even with the experience of my own parent's divorce, seeing things I swore I would not do....  

Addison 19, Logan 15, Calley in belly
Mother's Day 2006

Bret on the other hand did not allow anything to stop him... all he cared about was destroying me, my relationship with my boys... parent alienation, perjury, getting his neighbors to lie, friends to lie, sabotaging my car, getting me fired from a job, lying to my children, brainwashing my children.... and so much more...

Why do I bring this up tonight.... well, I have not been able to speak to my son.  He does not answer my calls or texts.  Does not return calls.  Does not call when he says he is going to.

Something is wrong,  A mother knows.  I feel it.  I feel it in my heart. 

Dear Lord;  I am giving you my son, Logan.  I ask that you watch over him.  Be his conscious, help him do right and turn his back to all wrongdoing that comes in his path.  Please soften his heart and place good Christian, positive people in his path and his heart.  

Logan, without you in my life, a big part of my heart, soul and life is missing.  Without you in my life, I am not complete. 

A Prayer for my Son

 Almighty God,

Watch over my child.

In an age of violence, teach him peace.
Fill his soul with harmony rather than discord.
Protect him from injury, harm and sudden death at the hands of others.

Watch over my child, dear Lord.
In an age of materialism, selfishness, and greed,
Let him see beyond the things of this world so that he may see a glimpse of things spiritual.
Let him value others above himself.
Let him seek wisdom above wealth.

Watch over my child, dear Lord.
In an age of lust, let him know love.
In an age of gratification, let him know restraint.
Keep him sexually chaste and self controlled.

Watch over my child, dear Lord.
As he grows, guide him.
As he stumbles, hold him.
In his times of anger, love him.
In his times of fear, touch him.
In his times of foolishness, teach him.
When he strays from your path, retrieve your lost sheep.

Watch over my child, dear Lord.
Do not grant all the desires of his heart,
But grant all the needs of his soul.
Let him know sacrifice and discipline
So that he may know strength and faith.
As gold is placed in fire to be refined,
Give my child pain and suffering
So that he may lose those things in his heart and mind that are harmful to his soul.

Watch over my child, dear Lord.
Give him love for the beauty of the world you have made.
Give him love for the family and friends.
Give him love for the stranger in his midst.
And above all, give him love for you,
That he may know you,
Serve you,
And glorify you.

Watch over my child, dear Lord.
Forgive his parents when they have failed in the nurture of this child,
And quiet their worries and fears.
May they, trusting in your love for their child,
find rest and peace in the knowledge that you are with him.

Amen.

Blessings to all!!


267 days / 38 weeks to go...

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