Okay so I am at day three of re-grouping from a two day melt down. HAHAHA!*
*although not funny whatsoever... I have to allow myself to laugh and make light of it all at some point.
Yes. I am feeling a little better. {and} with God's will, tomorrow I will feel even better than today and so on. Not that the feeling of loss ever goes away, but time will {eventually} help lessen the ache. Puts a little distance between the past and me, if you will.
However, I think... actually, I feel that this time I things will be a little different.
Why? You ask.
Well. Allow me. heehee ;)
First thing, the last 344 days have not been spent in vain. I have spent each day learning a little more than the day before on how to better my life. All the way around.
So ... having said that... and for as much as what I have experienced in my life is a sad tale [wink, wink] ... it happened.
Yes it happened.
{and} There's nothing I can do about it. It is what it is. It's done.
Now... I just have to experiment just a tad more with my "recipe"... and then I will be able to make the best lemonade with all these "lemons" I have been so graciously given!
In other words... I have to make the best of it all. Or rather... enough is enough. Being that I can't make any of that better. Not asking for a better outcome, but a better understanding and acceptance of it all.
At this point all I want is to be happy, and help others to accomplish the same. Or a least help them smile.
So in order to truly move forward... I have to let go of "it" all once and for all... or better yet... accept it all. Accept and forgive. Forgive everyone... more importantly forgive myself once in for all {for allowing it all to happen}.
Then find a way to use my experience for something positive.
**UPDATE**
Last weekend, after what turned out to be a four hour class, I became a formal member of my church. I also spoke to the Pastor about getting involved with a battered women's organization...
I think the next step is to meet with my Pastor again to discuss the groups I want to be involved in. The only other thing that I did mention to him was that I would like to become a part of a Bible study group that is reading the Bible as a refresher course, better yet a beginner's group*.
*I studied the bible as a child {I attended Sunday school and St. Monica's Catholic School in Santa Monica, California. However... that was ages ago!... I may have lived according to the ten commandments, but now I am discovering the Bible all over again as new.
Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken. ~Psalm 55:22
(here's to you finding your...)
Peace,
... for a, l & c. You are my sunshine(s).
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