Day 185 ~ A Christmas Note To My Sons

Calley loves wearing
Nana's 'cowgirl' hat

This time of the year is such a magical time of the year.  People are kinder, more giving and thoughtful.  There's hustle and bustle, shopping and wrapping, the proverbial crossing of names on your shopping list, all as you get ready to travel home for the holidays.  Or you could be like me... one who is preparing their home for family to arrive.  However, not everyone is as blessed.

For those of you who have suffered a recent loss... we too have suffered one.  This is our first Christmas without our 'Nana' and feel a great loss as well.    Regardless, family always comes to mind and heart, this time of year.  Our prayers are with you all.

For me, the holidays make me miss my sons even more than any other time of the year.  Not only does this time of year bring to mind all the time we have spent apart, but the missed opportunities of growing closer as a family, as well as the love and respect felt being in one another's lives.  Not to mention the many Christmases spent away from one another.  My heart aches for my sons. 

I remember being around eighteen years old. Motherhood was the furthest thing from my mind.  Truth be told, it scared me half to death.  I just knew I wasn't ready, and that I needed to grow... I was aware that I was barely a young adult.

My Baby BUMP!
 (my heart & I have a big smile)

And came the day that not only was I more than ready, but I was going to be a mommy.  Whether I learned of my first, second, or even third baby was to bless my life... I was so happy.  I felt so wonderful.  I began to bond with each of my babies right away, confiding  in them, as well as including them in every decision in my life from then on.

I remember being twenty-four and pregnant with Addison,  and going for drives, just so I could talk with him (to my belly.)  Logan was no different, I would even drive around the corner of where we lived, and I'd just sit in my car for hours talking to both he and Addison (who by this time was three and a half years old and I, a mere twenty-eight.)  We would make BIG plans.  

As many mommies, I fell in love with my children at first kick!  if not sooner.

Time went by and life happened... decisions were made... some are stood by and some... well let's just say that they were paid for.  All in all, no matter what, my love for you, my children grows stronger every day.  As time goes by, the void in my heart may grow darker... but the faith I have will never allow me to give up hope that one day we will be together once again.

I love you to the moon and stars above!

In the meantime, I will use this time to grow stronger as a person, wiser as a mother, and understanding and forgiving of those who have brought harm our way.

I was given a gift from my dear friend Alysia, and it reads as follows...

Life is not about finding yourself... Life is about creating yourself   ~ author unknown

  

Blessings to all!!

180 days to go...

All contents herein are protected under Copyright laws and can not be used, altered or copied.  All accounts herein are written by Carla B Karam and are true accounts of her life.  Some names may be changed to protect the innocent.

Day 183 ~ The Innocence Of A Little Sister's Love

Looks like from here on out that my days are numbered (with this blog.)  Today is the second part of my half-way point... being that today I am on day 183, and I have 182 to go (yesterday it was day 182 and 183 to go.)  Unless it is leap year, my half-way point won't be equal.  I know that just sounded so elementary, and why I wrote that last line I have no clue!  LOL! and why I am even leaving it in, is more of a wonder.    Oh brother, I crack myself up!   Such a goof-ball!!  ... BTW ... my blog reached 8,000 views today!  WOWser! In awe here.

Love this picture of Goofy
courtesy of Disney clipart

Being a goof-ball... even saying that reminds me of when my boys were six and three we thought it would be funny if we (I) got a personalized license plate frame for my car that said... "Addison & Logan's Goofy Mom".


Now that my boys are more or less men, I wonder how embarrassing that was for them when I still had that license plate frame on my car when they were fourteen and eleven.  Sorry boys.  I never meant to embarrass you.  It's just that I was, and am so proud to be your mom... regardless of the way things have been and are at the present time.


Going down my own memory lane, I so lovingly remember the Christmases I had with my boys.  The movie marathons we would have (from the "Back to The Future" series, to the countless "Teenage Ninja Turtle" shows) ... the cookies we would make and leave for Santa; and all the singing and decorating we would do.


I hope to continue making Christmas memories with Calley, as I did with them.  I only wish for Calley, that she would be able to one day enjoy her brothers too.  


Today Calley shared with me what she wanted to get me... 

Calley...   "Mommy... you know what?"

Me...   "No, my nuggies, what?"   (one of her many nicknames Dean and I have for her)

Calley...   "I want to buy you a BIG house with three floors." 

Me...   "A three story house?!"

Calley...   "Yes!  You, me and Daddy will live on the first floor, and Addison will have the second floor and Logan can live on the third floor.  That way we can be a happy BIG family." 

Oh my GOSH!! This absolutely brought tears to my eyes!  The love that Calley has for her brothers is just amazing.  She has only seen Addison twice and Logan once in person.  However, the love she feels for them is as if she is with them everyday.  Which, unfortunately, truth be told, she does not.

courtesy of Bing images

The day that I can have all my children together, will be a day I will treasure forever!  Until then I will continue to tell Calley stories of her brothers growing up.  


If she is not talking about them constantly, she will want what they like.  She does not just ask for carrots and ranch dressing, she asks for Logan's favorite salad when he was a little boy.  She does not just ask for (pickled) ginger, she asks for Addison's favorite eat-the-entire-jar-in-a-single-sitting vegetable (root).  When she get's in trouble, I will ask her why she did something and she will reply because she misses her brothers.  (She knows how to work it!)  She even asks me to sing to her the sunshine song I used to sing to her brothers when they were little.  Everything is about her brothers!


I hope that one day Addison and Logan will get to know the amazing little sister that they have.  They are truly missing out on the joyous moments she has to give them.

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine

You make me happy when skies are gray

You'll never know, dear, how much I love you

Please don't take my sunshine away

~ Words and Music by Jimmie Davis and Charles Mitchell 1940

  

Blessings to all!!

182 days to go...

All contents herein are protected under Copyright laws and can not be used, altered or copied. All accounts herein are written by Cali-Gal/Carla B Karam and are true accounts of her life. Some names may be changed to protect the innocent.