Day 205 ~ Out With the Old * A Look Back At 2011

SO here we are... at the end of another year.  As I sit here and look back at the entire year, only one word comes to mind... PHEW!

Seriously now, I am going to say that this year has definitely ended on a great note!!  It may have started out as a continuation of prior years, but at about half way through I made a decision that ended up changing my life forever!  Come with me and take a look see at my "condensed" life in 2011.

As I look back my January started a little rough.  I was still working at my daughter's school and had been put in several uncomfortable situations there.  The staff at the school was awesome, a couple of wrinkles here and there, but all in all I worked with some pretty great people.  Our boss on the other hand... how do they say it in the south with that naughty southern twang... God Bless her.  That is all I will say.

Our February here in El Paso started off in a cold freeze.  Our city shut down, lost power and water due to freezing temperatures.  We were in the teens for several days.  That was a real experience.  Pipes were frozen all over the city causing mayhem at local hardware stores.  Bottle water was no where to be found.  We were lucky there... when it first was starting to dip in temperature, I ran out and bought around six or seven cases.  We were set.

March, April and May went by fast being that I was buried at school.  I was extremely busy with putting out the year book, along with other presentations I had to put together for end of year activities.  And it did not help any that my year at school ended on a sour note due to issues there.  I had made it a rule of thumb not to work for another woman in prior years, what made me think this would end any different. 

Low and behold June came around.  By the time June arrived I was at a very low point, and was looking forward to our trip to Los Angeles at the end of July.  The only thing that had kept my spirits up for the past year when I was down was popping in Julie & Julia in my dvd player. 

The movie had some sort of pull on me.  I think it was the slight connection to Julie, being that I wanted to write a book (for nearly 20 years now) and she wanted to be published.  I know that wanting to write a book and wanting to be published are not exactly alike, however I felt a similarity and a pull.  

This is where unbeknownst to me at the time, I would make a decision that would turn my life around!  I decided to blog.  Although very intimidating at first, I was soothed at the thought that I would commit to doing it for a year as Julie did in the movie.

I had issues.  Unresolved issues.  Many of them.  About forty-eight years worth to be exact.  Not only that but the lack of both my sons' presence in my life has affected me as well.  I thought that by writing my blog I could somehow show my sons (Calley, other family members, and friends too) who I was.  Tell them of our past, my past, explaining who I was so they would know me one day.  At first, as I look back, I started angry.  I was hurt.  

As time went on I started to notice that there started to be a difference in how I was feeling all the way around.  I was getting all this garbage off of my chest, being fair and honest to everyone involved, but I was getting it off my chest!  It was like going to therapy everyday.  There would be a day or two I would unload and then I would feel for elated for the next few days afterwards.

in July I challenged myself to prepare for my 30 year high school reunion by writing My wii Fit Plus 21 Day Challenge where I "extreme" dieted for 21 days. I exercised my butt off and ate healthy for three weeks and blogged about it.  I only wish I would have started it earlier.  Why?  The last week of my diet was the first week of my vacation.  Not a great ending.  I only met half of my goal.


Returning from Los Angeles in August, left me expressing my feelings about where we live, wanting to leave the area within a year.  Yet, through blogging I have also learned to communicate with my husband better.  Don't ask me how, but yes it happen.  In doing so I discovered that my husband loves it here in El Paso.  You see he did not grow up with his father or brothers... and to live here now, a handful of miles away from them... he's happy.  It's a wonderful thing to have a great family.


Following the death of our Nana August 28th, I have grown even more closer to my mom (mother in law) and dad (father in law), let alone my brother in laws... Let's just say that we are not thinking of moving any time soon. (big smile)  I have decided to permanently shelf the idea.  Having a wonderful family can be a negative, just as much as it can be a positive.  I wish I could move and take care of us all!  

This past fall has been a whirlwind.  Our family has undertaken the responsibility of getting Nana's estate taken care of, including the sale of her house and all it's contents.  This in itself was a learning experience.  Let's just say that when it comes to shopping, I always ask myself "Want or Need?"  If it's a need, we will buy the best to be able to pass it down to our children.



Since July, I had not been feeling satisfied about not reaching my goal on My wii Fit Plus 21 Day Challenge.  It prompted me to rethink the whole dieting thing and the fact that I was not in my 20s, let alone 30's and was almost done with my 40s.  I do not have a need for being completely skinny minny, but I do want to feel and look good.  SOOooo, on the first of December I started My LifeStyle ReDesign.  A healthier approach to dieting.  Actually, it's not a diet in itself.  I have to modify the way I live a bit, get on the right track, to be the person I want to be.  Eat and live how I want and look good too.  Body, mind, soul and spirit.  



For the first time in my life, I have gotten to know who I am... and I like myself.  I have forgiven myself for mistakes I have made in my life, as I have even forgiven others as well.  This has been an enriching and enlightening experience.  I am looking forward to see what the next six months has in store for me.

Dean and Grandma Betty ~ March 2004

*** At approximately 3:15 mountain standard time on Saturday December 31st our family's matriarch, Dean's grandmother Betty Karam, became on of Jesus' angels and was reunited with our dear grandfather, her beloved Ted Karam.  God Bless you Grandma.  We will always carry you in our hearts.



2011 is the year I took back my life and am making it my own!  

Happy trails to you, until we meet again.
Happy trails to you, keep smilin' until then.
Who cares about the clouds when we're together?
Just sing a song and bring the sunny weather.
Happy trails to you, 'till we meet again.

Some trails are happy ones,
Others are blue.
It's the way you ride the trail that counts,
Here's a happy one for you.

Happy trails to you, until we meet again.
Happy trails to you, keep smilin' until then.
Who cares about the clouds when we're together?
Just sing a song and bring the sunny weather.

Happy trails to you, 'till we meet again.

~  Dale Evans Rogers

Blessings to all!!

160 days to go...

PS... Sons, I love and miss you.  To the moon and stars above and back.  You are my sunshines.

All contents herein are protected under Copyright laws and can not be used, altered or copied.  All accounts herein are written by Carla B Karam and are true accounts of her life.  Some names may be changed to protect the innocent or protect me from the guilty.  (just kidding...wink, wink)

Picture credits... first two images are property of Bing images, third property of Sony Pictures and last four are property of Carla Barila Karam, Taking Back My Life - Making It my own, My wii Fit Plus 21 Day Challenge, My LifeStyle ReDesign.  All Copyright Laws apply.

Day 185 ~ A Christmas Note To My Sons

Calley loves wearing
Nana's 'cowgirl' hat

This time of the year is such a magical time of the year.  People are kinder, more giving and thoughtful.  There's hustle and bustle, shopping and wrapping, the proverbial crossing of names on your shopping list, all as you get ready to travel home for the holidays.  Or you could be like me... one who is preparing their home for family to arrive.  However, not everyone is as blessed.

For those of you who have suffered a recent loss... we too have suffered one.  This is our first Christmas without our 'Nana' and feel a great loss as well.    Regardless, family always comes to mind and heart, this time of year.  Our prayers are with you all.

For me, the holidays make me miss my sons even more than any other time of the year.  Not only does this time of year bring to mind all the time we have spent apart, but the missed opportunities of growing closer as a family, as well as the love and respect felt being in one another's lives.  Not to mention the many Christmases spent away from one another.  My heart aches for my sons. 

I remember being around eighteen years old. Motherhood was the furthest thing from my mind.  Truth be told, it scared me half to death.  I just knew I wasn't ready, and that I needed to grow... I was aware that I was barely a young adult.

My Baby BUMP!
 (my heart & I have a big smile)

And came the day that not only was I more than ready, but I was going to be a mommy.  Whether I learned of my first, second, or even third baby was to bless my life... I was so happy.  I felt so wonderful.  I began to bond with each of my babies right away, confiding  in them, as well as including them in every decision in my life from then on.

I remember being twenty-four and pregnant with Addison,  and going for drives, just so I could talk with him (to my belly.)  Logan was no different, I would even drive around the corner of where we lived, and I'd just sit in my car for hours talking to both he and Addison (who by this time was three and a half years old and I, a mere twenty-eight.)  We would make BIG plans.  

As many mommies, I fell in love with my children at first kick!  if not sooner.

Time went by and life happened... decisions were made... some are stood by and some... well let's just say that they were paid for.  All in all, no matter what, my love for you, my children grows stronger every day.  As time goes by, the void in my heart may grow darker... but the faith I have will never allow me to give up hope that one day we will be together once again.

I love you to the moon and stars above!

In the meantime, I will use this time to grow stronger as a person, wiser as a mother, and understanding and forgiving of those who have brought harm our way.

I was given a gift from my dear friend Alysia, and it reads as follows...

Life is not about finding yourself... Life is about creating yourself   ~ author unknown

  

Blessings to all!!

180 days to go...

All contents herein are protected under Copyright laws and can not be used, altered or copied.  All accounts herein are written by Carla B Karam and are true accounts of her life.  Some names may be changed to protect the innocent.

Day 106 ~ Say Cheeese!!

Have I told you all lately how much I love my mother in law Gene? ... Well... I do!!

After going through some gloomy days, including mourning over my sons... I have been spending a lot of time helping Gene, or rather mom (because that's what I call her and it is weird to call or refer to her as Gene, if you get what I mean)...anyways...

Mom is such an amazing woman.  Here it has been five days shy of loosing her mother, Nana, and the first words out of mom's mouth when Nana passed, "I have lost my best friend!".  Still chokes me up when I think about those words.  Anyways, as I was saying, here its been just five days shy of a month and not only has she been taking care of her own family, but in addition has been going through her mother's home of nearly thirty years.

I've been in my house for three years now and have accumulated some things as you can imagine... but can you imagine THIRTY YEARS?!?!  One word... WOW!!!

Standard sized recycle bin

So Calley and I have been helping mom too... I've been in charge of going through photographs... Nana loved taking pictures!! to say the least.  I'd say I've gone through thousands of pictures covering her life span of eighty-five years, and still have a third left... unless we find a hidden box somewhere else.  hahaha

So while I have been going through all these pictures, some thoughts have been going through my mind....  

6" left to the top!

1. From now on my pictures must contain a loved on in them!  - of all those pictures Nana took, two thirds of them were of landscaping, plants, beautiful flowers, landscapes, her home, her doggies and koi fish. 
2. If taking pictures of loved ones or friends, now that we have the technology, please TAG them!!  If we would know who some of Nana and Grand-dad's friends were in some of these pictures, I'm sure they would have loved to get them.

So... the next time I see a beautiful flower and I want to take a picture of it.... "Calley, come take a picture!!"

A friendship can weather most things and thrive in thin soil; but it needs a little mulch of letters and phone calls and small, silly presents every so often - just to save it from drying out completely.      ~  Pam Brown

God intended motherhood to be a relay race. Each generation would pass the baton on to the next.     ~  Mary Pride

Blessings to all!!


259 days to go...

All contents herein are protected under Copyright laws and can not be used, altered or copied. All accounts herein are written by Cali-Gal/Carla B Karam and are true accounts of her life. Some names may be changed to protect the innocent.      

Day 91 ~ Paying It Forward

We may have just said good-bye to Nana, however this afternoon we celebrated her life.  There is something to be said about being with family at a time like this... especially the sharing of stories of times gone by.

I can not imagine being in the position of having lost a family member and not having anyone to grieve the loss or celebrate their life.  Must be horrible.

I feel so blessed to be surrounded by such wonderful people at a time like this... as I am sure they are too, especially since their loss is far greater than mine being that I married into the family.  I think I feel the loss for my mother in law, Gene... meaning I feel her loss.

I may have not known Nana that long, but I know what she means to Gene and the rest of the family.  And knowing that makes me sad.  This is not to say that Nana didn't mean anything to me, because she did.

Uncle Jim, Gene and Nana

All of this speaks volumes about Nana.  Especially knowing the people she raised.  Uncle Jim and Gene are wonderful people, with kind hearts and faith to no ends - to say the least.  All the qualities that were given to them by Nana, have now been given to their own children, and to theirs as well.

Dean spoke very eloquently about Nana today, and said something that has stuck in my mind ever since... "Great parents make great children."  This not only says something about Nana, but it also says something about Uncle Jim and Gene, and the rest of our family.

Thank you Nana!  We will take your teachings with us and pay them forward for generations to come!

Blood makes you related.  Love makes you a family.  ~  Author Unknown

Family:  A link to the past and a bridge to our future.  ~  Author Unknown

You don't choose your family.  They are God's gift to you, as you are to them.  ~Desmond Tutu 

Other things may change us, but we start and end with the family.  ~Anthony Brandt

Blessings to all! 

274 days /  39 weeks to go

All contents herein are protected under Copyright laws and can not be used, altered or copied. All accounts herein are written by Cali-Gal/Carla B Karam and are true accounts of her life. Some names may be changed to protect the innocent.

Day 90 ~ Saying Good Bye to Nana

Tonight was the first of a two part homage to Frances, better known to her loved ones as Nana.  For such a little lady, she has left big shoes to fill.

It has been an emotional night.  Tomorrow will be the the grave side service... which that in itself will be so final.

So many emotions, which only leads many of us to think of our own mortality.  And being such a nut myself, I have no idea what my family will do with me when it comes to my time.  Why, you ask... well... I do not want to be buried in a coffin... claustrophobic - just the thought of it drives me insane... I know ... you are probably saying, "you will be dead... what will you know?".. I'll know!  and I do not want to be cremated because they have to put you in a box to do so... I know ... you are probably saying, "you will be dead... what will you know?".. I'll know!  

When discussing my dilemma with the family tonight, my solution was to have Dean send me to a taxidermist!  We all laughed!!

Just joking of course.  Actually, I am hoping someone comes up with a new method by the time I go!!  ;)

Seriously now...

Nana, you were an amazing woman!  I know I have learned a lot from you, and I will pass it on to Calley.  We love you!!

I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.  Finally, there is laid up for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will give to me on that Day, and not to me only but also to all who have loved His appearing.  2 Timothy 4:7-8

Blessings to all! 

275 days to go

All contents herein are protected under Copyright laws and can not be used, altered or copied. All accounts herein are written by Cali-Gal/Carla B Karam and are true accounts of her life. Some names may be changed to protect the innocent.

Day 86 ~ A Life Well Lived!

After spending most of this week looking, sorting, reminiscing, imagining, and more or less envisioning myself in what remained of Nana's life... hundreds upon hundreds of photographs... I have come to the conclusion that she led an amazing life.

She had fallen in love and married the love of her life at the age of eighteen, and later had two children.  Her husband was in the Army, made a career of it.  After twenty years he retired from Fort Bliss, and continued serving as Deputy Director of the Air Defense School for another thirty years.  To his credit, he would be the one to start and head up the training for the Green Berets.


In order to help support her family, shorty after arriving in El Paso she went to work for a bottling company after convincing the owner she knew how to keep books.  She later went on to become a credit manager of a furniture store and an accounting firm... all the while going to UTEP and becoming one of the first women CPAs in the state of Texas in 1966.  


She later became a credit analyst at the El Paso National Bank, and worked her way up to Assistant Vice President and Credit Manager... handling major accounts all the way.  Eventually she landed at a CPA firm, becoming a partner by 1976.

Frances was very respected in the business world, in a time where women were expected to stay at home.  She was honored by her banking colleagues who elected her the first woman director of the Texas Chapter of the Robert Morris Associates, an arm of the National Association of Bank Loan and Credit officers.  They had to change their bylaws allowing a woman into this prestigious organization.


She managed to do all of this while raising two amazing people.  Let's just say that the fruit doesn't fall far from the tree!


With her petite frame, she not only was quite the lady, but she had a big heart, a faithful spirit and a smile that warmed you heart.  She was just as much part of her grandchildren's life as she was her own children, and was starting on the next generation, her great-grandchildren.


We find comfort knowing that you will now be watching over us, side by side with Grand-dad.  

Here's to you Nana... you truly will be missed!  

It is not length of life, but depth of life.    ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson 

 

Sure God created man before woman.  But then you always make a rough draft before the final masterpiece.  ~Author Unknown

Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good.  Luckily, this is not difficult.  ~Charlotte Whitton

 Blessings to all! 

279 days to go

All contents herein are protected under Copyright laws and can not be used, altered or copied. All accounts herein are written by Cali-Gal/Carla B Karam and are true accounts of her life. Some names may be changed to protect the innocent.

Day 85 ~ Making a Plan

Having to deal with death just sucks the life right out of you!

My new quote, written by, yours truly.  I'm feeling it right down to my bones.  I guess that's what i get for "burning the candle at both ends"... as coined in the early seventeenth century and then written in part in Edna St. Vincent Millay's poem.

It seems as if every channel I turn to has death on it (the tenth anniversary of 9/11 is around the corner.)  

As a side note:  All I can say is that... when I go, I hope it's a peaceful death.  I most certainly would not want to live in a vegetable-like-state, or be a burden to anyone.

Other than things that will eventually be Calley's... in other words, when I buy something of use... say for example pots and pans or a stand mixer... it will be of quality, like Calphalon cookware or a Kitchenaid stand mixer - only the best!... why, well... I know that I will get good use of it, and eventually Calley will too.

courtesy of Bing images

As I was saying, other than things that will eventually be Calley's, I am not going to buy anything else!  At least this is my plan ...  (wink, wink)  I will put all papers in order, and write everything down in one file for anyone to make sense of our family's assets and liabilities... and keep it all with my will [that I will eventually get to writing.]  I wonder how long it will take me to do this little project?!  (haha ha)

I see what my in laws are going through with trying to put Nana's life to rest... and I do not wish that upon Calley or anyone else for that matter!  Plus, if you think about it... there's something weird about going through someone's life and belongings who is no longer with us... a little on the morbid side, wouldn't you say?

Death is nothing else but going home to God, 

the bond of love will be unbroken for all eternity.   ~   Mother Teresa

 Blessings to all! 

280 days to go

All contents herein are protected under Copyright laws and can not be used, altered or copied. All accounts herein are written by Cali-Gal/Carla B Karam and are true accounts of her life. Some names may be changed to protect the innocent.

Day 84 ~ Tomorrow I Will Do Better

courtesy of Bing images

Can you say exhausted?  There are a few things that are great about being busy... first, you don't have time to think about things- you have to act now, and think later!   Then.. time goes by fast!  Granted, you never want to wish time away.  Just trust me - time does just fine on its own.  Finally, you often loose weight because half the time you forget to eat.  (wink, wink!)

Well... now there's something old to consider... life.  Regardless of what is going on at the moment... hence being there for my mother in law... I still have to take care of my own life.

Prior to Nana's passing, I had plans.  Learning more and more about the type of woman Nana was, I am compelled on moving forward in her name. 

I need to get back on track, move forward in order to accomplish what I want and expect from myself.  

courtesy of Bing images

First thing is first.  I will continue to write my blog and continue to heal.  My other project...~ I will be doing is a Lifestyle Change which is meant to do a redesign of my diet and exercise routine so that I may lead a healthy lifestyle.  My LifeStyle Change Redesign will also include a blog.  I had planned to start this the first of September and would last through March.

My wii Fit Plus 21-day Challenge was just that... a challenge.  In the 21 days I was able to loose just under nine pounds.  Six pounds shy of my goal.  Even so... I felt great, although it was a crazy challenge.  Especially when I had set out to work out twenty-one days in a row without a break- which I did complete!!  (big smile!)

As I think about what is yet to come... I stop right there.  I am not going to over analyze anything, especially when I'm so tired.  I am just going to finish this post up, relax and finish my tea, thank the Lord for my day, and have faith that tomorrow... well, I will do at least one thing to make it a better day than today.

       “Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow.”    ~    Mary Anne Radmacher

 “What we are today comes from our thoughts of yesterday, and our present thoughts build our life of tomorrow: Our life is the creation of our mind.”       Buddha

 “Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in, forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day, you shall begin it well and serenely...”        Ralph Waldo Emerson

 Blessings to all! 

281 days to go

All contents herein are protected under Copyright laws and can not be used, altered or copied. All accounts herein are written by Cali-Gal/Carla B Karam and are true accounts of her life. Some names may be changed to protect the innocent.