Day 523 ~ The "Blue" Time of This Year. . .

This time of year may bring joy to many, and heart felt kindness to others... but there are some people out there who do not see it that way, they don't welcome this time of year with open arms.  Too much sadness. . .   too much pain. . . 

People may withdraw... or not have any family to open up to... or even have a smaller circle of friends.  I want to be able to help you . . . so here I found out about some red flags to look out for ..  

according to the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH)  here are some signs to look for:  

Persistent sad, anxious, or "empty" feelings;  Feelings of hopelessness or pessimism;  Feelings of guilt, worthlessness, or helplessness;  Irritability, restlessness;  Loss of interest in activities or hobbies once pleasurable, including sex;  Fatigue and decreased energy;  Difficulty concentrating, remembering;  details, and making decisions;  Insomnia, early-morning wakefulness, or excessive sleeping;  Overeating, or appetite loss;  Thoughts of suicide, suicide attempts;  and Aches or pains, headaches, cramps, or digestive problems that do not ease even with treatment.

  For more informatioon on depression click here.

There are many wonderful people out there that have suffered a life altering loss and even at times may regret living to tell about it. . .  if that makes any sense.    This time of year brings "It" out in the air for them.  

I know. . . there probably isn't anything I can possibly say to  help. . . .   

Although, I truly understand how some people may feel.  I know what it's like to not want to get out of bed for days.  I know what it's like to let the phone ring and ring.  I know what it's like to make last minute excuses for not attending functions with a lot of people or even with one person. . .  I know what it's like. . . . 

I was about to tell you how I didn't gain anything from being depressed, but that's not true.  I had to go through things "my way" at "my pace" to get to where I am today, to be who I am and do what I do today.  I had to dacide when . . .  I was done?  When I was complete.

Whether we go through happy times or even regretfully bad times, all those experiences make us who we are including how we choose to "process" some life altering events. . .  all of this and more is what we are made of. 

All and all, I sit here very proud to be who I am and have made the choices I have-  what else can you do a tthis point?  . 

{BIG SMILE}

I am thankful for my life!

[here's to you finding your... ]

Peace...

I am second..

... for a, l & c.  You are my sunshine(s).  

Images are courtesy of google or Bing images.  Some images maybe labeled property of Carla Barila Karam and of this blog, Took It... Making It... Living It... My Life .  © 2012  U.S Copyright Laws apply.

Day 212 ~ I Believe In Myself

Weirdest thing just happened... I was watching a new CBS tv show and was taken aback by the following dialogue...

So you crawled in a hole to die... honey, don't you know that a good life is the best revenge...

too late for that...

it's never too late... I have battled more than my share of demons and came out the better for it and I'm not going to let you crawl back into that hole.

What's so weird about that?   It was as if I had tuned into a segment of my life.  Yes!  Exactly!!  I have said those words to myself before.  Not quite the same words, but enough for it to raise the hair on the back of my neck.

SO now what I say to myself is,,, Crawling into a hole is NOT an option!!  Can not get anything done from a hole either!!

I start 2012 with the strong belief that all will be okay.  Almost as if this is going to be "the" year.  I start my year stronger, better and with a new healthier outlook!!  I even start my year off with a growing fondness in myself!!

I have found that there is only one thing that heals every problem, and that is:  to love yourself.  When people start to love themselves more each day, it's amazing how their lives get better.    ~ Louise L. Hay

Blessings to all!!

153 days to go...

PS... Sons, I love and miss you.  To the moon and stars above and back.  You are my sunshines.

All contents herein are protected under Copyright laws and can not be used, altered or copied.  All accounts herein are written by Carla B Karam and are true accounts of her life.  Some names may be changed to protect the innocent or protect me from the guilty.  (just kidding...wink, wink)

Day 205 ~ Out With the Old * A Look Back At 2011

SO here we are... at the end of another year.  As I sit here and look back at the entire year, only one word comes to mind... PHEW!

Seriously now, I am going to say that this year has definitely ended on a great note!!  It may have started out as a continuation of prior years, but at about half way through I made a decision that ended up changing my life forever!  Come with me and take a look see at my "condensed" life in 2011.

As I look back my January started a little rough.  I was still working at my daughter's school and had been put in several uncomfortable situations there.  The staff at the school was awesome, a couple of wrinkles here and there, but all in all I worked with some pretty great people.  Our boss on the other hand... how do they say it in the south with that naughty southern twang... God Bless her.  That is all I will say.

Our February here in El Paso started off in a cold freeze.  Our city shut down, lost power and water due to freezing temperatures.  We were in the teens for several days.  That was a real experience.  Pipes were frozen all over the city causing mayhem at local hardware stores.  Bottle water was no where to be found.  We were lucky there... when it first was starting to dip in temperature, I ran out and bought around six or seven cases.  We were set.

March, April and May went by fast being that I was buried at school.  I was extremely busy with putting out the year book, along with other presentations I had to put together for end of year activities.  And it did not help any that my year at school ended on a sour note due to issues there.  I had made it a rule of thumb not to work for another woman in prior years, what made me think this would end any different. 

Low and behold June came around.  By the time June arrived I was at a very low point, and was looking forward to our trip to Los Angeles at the end of July.  The only thing that had kept my spirits up for the past year when I was down was popping in Julie & Julia in my dvd player. 

The movie had some sort of pull on me.  I think it was the slight connection to Julie, being that I wanted to write a book (for nearly 20 years now) and she wanted to be published.  I know that wanting to write a book and wanting to be published are not exactly alike, however I felt a similarity and a pull.  

This is where unbeknownst to me at the time, I would make a decision that would turn my life around!  I decided to blog.  Although very intimidating at first, I was soothed at the thought that I would commit to doing it for a year as Julie did in the movie.

I had issues.  Unresolved issues.  Many of them.  About forty-eight years worth to be exact.  Not only that but the lack of both my sons' presence in my life has affected me as well.  I thought that by writing my blog I could somehow show my sons (Calley, other family members, and friends too) who I was.  Tell them of our past, my past, explaining who I was so they would know me one day.  At first, as I look back, I started angry.  I was hurt.  

As time went on I started to notice that there started to be a difference in how I was feeling all the way around.  I was getting all this garbage off of my chest, being fair and honest to everyone involved, but I was getting it off my chest!  It was like going to therapy everyday.  There would be a day or two I would unload and then I would feel for elated for the next few days afterwards.

in July I challenged myself to prepare for my 30 year high school reunion by writing My wii Fit Plus 21 Day Challenge where I "extreme" dieted for 21 days. I exercised my butt off and ate healthy for three weeks and blogged about it.  I only wish I would have started it earlier.  Why?  The last week of my diet was the first week of my vacation.  Not a great ending.  I only met half of my goal.


Returning from Los Angeles in August, left me expressing my feelings about where we live, wanting to leave the area within a year.  Yet, through blogging I have also learned to communicate with my husband better.  Don't ask me how, but yes it happen.  In doing so I discovered that my husband loves it here in El Paso.  You see he did not grow up with his father or brothers... and to live here now, a handful of miles away from them... he's happy.  It's a wonderful thing to have a great family.


Following the death of our Nana August 28th, I have grown even more closer to my mom (mother in law) and dad (father in law), let alone my brother in laws... Let's just say that we are not thinking of moving any time soon. (big smile)  I have decided to permanently shelf the idea.  Having a wonderful family can be a negative, just as much as it can be a positive.  I wish I could move and take care of us all!  

This past fall has been a whirlwind.  Our family has undertaken the responsibility of getting Nana's estate taken care of, including the sale of her house and all it's contents.  This in itself was a learning experience.  Let's just say that when it comes to shopping, I always ask myself "Want or Need?"  If it's a need, we will buy the best to be able to pass it down to our children.



Since July, I had not been feeling satisfied about not reaching my goal on My wii Fit Plus 21 Day Challenge.  It prompted me to rethink the whole dieting thing and the fact that I was not in my 20s, let alone 30's and was almost done with my 40s.  I do not have a need for being completely skinny minny, but I do want to feel and look good.  SOOooo, on the first of December I started My LifeStyle ReDesign.  A healthier approach to dieting.  Actually, it's not a diet in itself.  I have to modify the way I live a bit, get on the right track, to be the person I want to be.  Eat and live how I want and look good too.  Body, mind, soul and spirit.  



For the first time in my life, I have gotten to know who I am... and I like myself.  I have forgiven myself for mistakes I have made in my life, as I have even forgiven others as well.  This has been an enriching and enlightening experience.  I am looking forward to see what the next six months has in store for me.

Dean and Grandma Betty ~ March 2004

*** At approximately 3:15 mountain standard time on Saturday December 31st our family's matriarch, Dean's grandmother Betty Karam, became on of Jesus' angels and was reunited with our dear grandfather, her beloved Ted Karam.  God Bless you Grandma.  We will always carry you in our hearts.



2011 is the year I took back my life and am making it my own!  

Happy trails to you, until we meet again.
Happy trails to you, keep smilin' until then.
Who cares about the clouds when we're together?
Just sing a song and bring the sunny weather.
Happy trails to you, 'till we meet again.

Some trails are happy ones,
Others are blue.
It's the way you ride the trail that counts,
Here's a happy one for you.

Happy trails to you, until we meet again.
Happy trails to you, keep smilin' until then.
Who cares about the clouds when we're together?
Just sing a song and bring the sunny weather.

Happy trails to you, 'till we meet again.

~  Dale Evans Rogers

Blessings to all!!

160 days to go...

PS... Sons, I love and miss you.  To the moon and stars above and back.  You are my sunshines.

All contents herein are protected under Copyright laws and can not be used, altered or copied.  All accounts herein are written by Carla B Karam and are true accounts of her life.  Some names may be changed to protect the innocent or protect me from the guilty.  (just kidding...wink, wink)

Picture credits... first two images are property of Bing images, third property of Sony Pictures and last four are property of Carla Barila Karam, Taking Back My Life - Making It my own, My wii Fit Plus 21 Day Challenge, My LifeStyle ReDesign.  All Copyright Laws apply.

Day 203 ~ A Message For Someone In Need

Did you ever see a love one falling and want to pick them up.  Or you see an accident about to happen and you cringe at the sight.  As an outsider to another person's life, we sometimes witness self harm by others and want to help... even wonder as to why someone would inflict pain upon themselves, slowly even killing themselves in the process?  What would you do?  What would you say?

This is my message...

I sit here looking back on our time together after so many, many years... so many years of turmoil... so many years of being at odds... so many years of being played against one another... and I am saddened.

Life's experiences leave a "mark" on a person.  Not only that, but you can even say that each experience changes a person just a bit each time.  Whether good or bad, life's experiences makes us who we are. and/or rather who we end up being.

However, we are given choices.  At each moment in our lives, we are free to make choices.    Down to the toilet paper we use.  You know what? Sometimes we are even given too many choices.  We, as citizens of the United States, pretty much can make decisions for ourselves.  We are very fortunate to have the choice of how we want to live as well.  Now I know other variables come into play, but let's just keep this simple.

Now... generally speaking, there are life's boundaries, parameters, rules, laws... however or whatever you want to call it... bottom line being, we need to be respective of one another, and of one self.  We can't harm one another or one self, either.  If someone was hurting someone else or even themselves, what would you do?  If I heard or saw something violent or harmful, I would call for help.

I see the sadness in your eyes...  I see the loneliness...  I see the pain...  I see life's "marks" on you.  I also see bad choices.  I see how those bad choices affect our life together, time spent together or lack of it.

When I realized that expectations were made by all for time to be spent together, and that I could not control the choices you made, I was saddened even more.  On top of that, I discovered that I became a tad angry because I really did want that time together~  quality time.

Excuses can be made and stories are changed each time they are told, but a person's actions speak loud and clear and are seen by all.  There were moments of our time together that brought a smile to my face.  A moment that I saw  a strong willed, beautiful giving person.  However the time was short lived.  It was evident that a choice was made which transformed your being and your spirit.

I pray that you find the courage to see what has been seen by all, before everything golden that has been gained, is lost.  I pray that you find the faith to believe that YOU do have the strength within yourself to do anything you set your mind to.

Choose to live.  Choose to love.  Choose to experience life as it should be, embracing life's treasures as you experience them.  Choose to have faith and hope.  Choose to give it to the Lord.

But whatever you do... foremost above all, do choose to do it for yourself, for your happy self.

With all my love and faith... 

That is what I have to say.

Excuses can be made and stories are changed each time they are told, but a person's actions speak loud and clear, and are seen by all.  ~ Carla Barila Karam

Blessings to all!!

162 days to go...

PS... Sons, I love and miss you.  To the moon and stars above and back.  You are my sunshines.

All contents herein are protected under Copyright laws and can not be used, altered or copied.  All accounts herein are written by Carla B Karam and are true accounts of her life.  Some names may be changed to protect the innocent or protect me from the guilty.  (just kidding...wink, wink)

Picture credits... images are property of Carla Barila Karam and Taking Back My Life ~ Making it My Own.  Copy right laws apply.

Day 192 ~ Life's Curveballs

SO many thoughts going through my mind right now, that it is not even funny!  My thoughts are bouncing off of each other... it's crazy.  The moment I try to process one thought, another one is right behind it taking me in the other direction.

We have Christmas right around the corner, and as I shared last night, I have barely done any shopping.  The big reason is that money is really tight and it might be that Dean has limited work between now and the first week of January.  Ugh!!  

Just as we were getting ahead, BAM!  Little by little, whatever I had saved up... G-O-N-E!  But I have faith that something good is up ahead for us.  I have decided to think that way rather than to focus on the present situation.  I just handle whatever comes our way, and continue to look forward.  SO tired of dwelling on the negative.

Then I have my "special" house guest, my sister.  The jury is still out on this one.  Although, I could say that it's been okay.  It is very difficult to open up and be 100% trusting and loving.  I understand that in order to truly forgive, one must basically let go of the past, in order to move forward and past it all... especially if you want to have a healthy relationship.  However, when there has been as much kaos and havoc as there has been in our lives and relationship with one another... well once you've been burned, you are really careful when you get close to the stove the next time.

Don't get me wrong, I have been giving our relationship a big effort... after all my sister is staying in my home.  And I am trying to teach her about nutrition, exercise and a healthy lifestyle.  I am trying to help my sister.  I feel bad for her... yet, one must keep in mind that whatever she has or does not have is because of decisions she has made.  I am prepared, and will help her... I will however not enable her.

Originally she was to stay until February, operative words being, "originally" and "was".  She found out this evening that she has an appointment just before New Year's that she may not be able to change... she will not find out for sure until tomorrow.  Although by sounds of it all, looks like a definite go.

How do I feel about this?  I really do not know.  Initially, I was very upset in thinking that she is was giving up and reneging on all our plans.  On one hand I don't blame her that she may want to return, yet on the other this is a much healthier environment for her.  Honestly, I can't help it but to think that she wants to go back and this is a perfect out for her.  Well only "time" will honestly dictate if I am right or not, or even if it matters. 

I really thought we would have this time to heal our relationship, and then WHAM-O! she is not here but for four days and something comes up... so much for starting a business or preparing for the future.

I know I am disappointed about the possibilities of things not changing for her or for me.  However, I also have to remember that even though help is offered, that does not mean that it will be welcomed, or taken for that matter.  The "person" in need must want to be helped, and/or want to change things in their life.  We can't force a person to take advise, or to take our help.

One thing is for sure... I tried to help.  I sincerely cared.  That's all I will say right now.  Trying not to get upset.  Just when her self- esteem and self-worth were beginning to show signs of growth.  She was even starting to believe in herself.  (big happy face.)

So as disappointed as I may be to the possible change of plans, I must place my faith in God by leaving my worries in his hands.  I praise you Jesus!

Anything God asks us to do he supplies us with the energy and grace to do.    ~ author unknown   

If anyone speaks, they should do so as one who speaks the very words of God. If anyone serves, they should do so with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power for ever and ever. Amen.  ~ 1 Peter 4:11  (NIV) 

On the forth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, 

...   four loving dogs

...   three cook books

...   two ceiling fans, 

...   our little girl we call Calley

Blessings to all!!

173 days weeks to go...

PS... I love and miss you boys.  To the moon and stars above and back.  You are my sunshines.

All contents herein are protected under Copyright laws and can not be used, altered or copied.  All accounts herein are written by Carla B Karam and are true accounts of her life.  Some names may be changed to protect the innocent.

Picture credits... images courtesy of Bing images.

Day 156 ~ Accepting What Is Me

A while back, Day 71,  I spoke of starting an additional blog.  That I needed structure and to feel healthy.  

Life Happens to Everyone.
CBK graphic designs - (me)

Well as you can see, I mentioned that eighty-five days ago!  In my defense, there has been a lot of "LIFE" going on.  In addition to a lack of motivation!  I can't lie to you, I have to call it as it is.  

What's changed now, you ask.  Well, my life is more of the same (which will always be an issue in one way or another) ---  However, since I wrote that back in August I would have to say that I have grown.  Not to mention, do I dare say it?! ... I am starting to like myself.

I like who I am... I am coming into terms with my past... I like what I am doing... and more importantly I like what I am about.

With that said... yes I will be starting a new blog about health and life style adjustments.  I have come to the realization that I could use to loose a few pounds, but I must be realistic.  I am taking into consideration of how my life is, how I love (LOVE) food and how I love to cook it just as much, who can forget the occasional glass of "vino" or "spirits" and the time I have to exercise... and this all has to be easy enough to maintain for the rest of my life.

My first blog on weight loss was a short term challenge, with the motivation of loosing weight in time for my 30th high school reunion.  The motivation behind my next blog is a change that will take me through the rest of my life healthy and comfortably.

You see, I came to a conclusion.. a revelation... the light turned on!   "HALLELUJAH!"

CBK

I am not obese, just about twenty pounds (more or less) overweight.  Yes I am getting older and no longer in my thirties, let alone my twenties.  I wouldn't say I am ugly, but as I said I am getting older.  

So... do I need to be SKINNY minny?  No I don't! ... Do I need or rather want to look good and be healthy?  Yes I do!  ... Do I love food and everything about it?  YES!  Does it have to be one extreme or the other?  No. 

Ok... so, do you see what I have to work with?  I accept what I have to work with... now to get creative.

I CAN DO IT!

I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being,¹⁷ so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love    ~  Ephesians 3:16-17

Good actions give strength to ourselves and inspire good actions in others.   ~ Plato

If we did all the things we are capable of doing, we would literally astound ourselves.    ~  Thomas Edison

I am thankful for the new inner strength I discover each day. 

Blessings to all!!

209 days to go...

PS... I hope you like the changes you see to my blog... designed by little ol' me. (big smile!)

All contents herein are protected under Copyright laws and can not be used, altered or copied. All accounts herein are written by Cali-Gal/Carla B Karam and are true accounts of her life. Some names may be changed to protect the innocent.

Day 153 ~ My Happy Place

photo by winnond

Doesn't matter how I slice it each day, by the time I sit down to write I am exhausted.  Doesn't help the situation, that we had an early start at our day today... something that honestly has become foreign to Calley and I.  

Unless needed otherwise, Calley and I are blessed this year to start each glorious day at our own pace.  How awesome is that, we do not need an alarm clock!

Well today was an exception... we needed to be out of the house by 7:45 this morning.  A little tough at first, but we did it!  One great thing about having to be somewhere... you get up, get ready and get going without second thought... and away you go!

Talk about setting the pace for the day!  One thing about being busy, you don't get the opportunity to feel sorry for yourself, let alone think.  Having said that... I've been pretty positive lately, and I intend to keep it up.  I know that there was a certain direction I wanted to go with this blog... you know telling my story.  However, my story also includes where my path has taken me including the fact that I do want to be happy.  My story still can be told from a "current" happy place.

As a little girl when I was asked what I wanted to be when I was older, I would always respond the same... "I want to be a mommy and be happy with my family."   Maybe part of this thing called life is to go through the horrible times, so you can appreciate the good ones.

Most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be.  ~ Abraham Lincoln

Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.  ~ Benjamin Franklin

The miracle is not that we do this work, but that we are happy to do it.  ~ Mother Teresa

If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.  ~ Dalai Lama 

I am thankful for my daughter.

Blessings to all!!

212 days to go...

All contents herein are protected under Copyright laws and can not be used, altered or copied. All accounts herein are written by Cali-Gal/Carla B Karam and are true accounts of her life. Some names may be changed to protect the innocent.

Day 142 ~ Life's Jewels

Liz Taylor shows off the 33 carat
diamond ring Richard Burton gave her in 1968 

• Can you imagine that your daily wear would include a 33 carat diamond ring! Which is only part of $100s of millions worth of jewelry... WOW... One thing for Liz (Taylor), when she did it, she did it big!  

• Imagine building possibly one of the largest homes in the country ...90,000 square feet... being asked why, and replying... "because I can!"

• Or owning a house with 29 bedrooms and a basketball court.

• 560' foot super yacht ... A yacht that is two football fields! in length, has its own missile defense system! ... (rumored to have cost $1 bill dollars ..). 

I just finished watching 20/20 tonight, with Barbara Walters, on which she had shared with all of us what some multimillionaires own...  

I am going to be very honest with you...

I do see success in my future.  And with that said... I do want to live in a really nice home, Dean and I drive nice cars, great education for Calley, nice necessary things for my family, important things, comfort, our retirement, take care of my family... and then of course we can't take it all with us ... (wink, wink)

I do not see us spending money on ridiculousness... or on diamond studded collars for our girls (dogs) ...

I do see us giving back and "helping" those who have had it tough like us, help them (learn) to get ahead... and I do see a nice family (reunion) vacation (wink, wink)... 

This is what I see as my diamond ring..

I do see us leaving a legacy for our children.

How's that for believing in myself?!

I was at the point of my post that I quote something motivational, inspirational that coincides, as I do every evening... my way of paying it forward per say... and I could not have come across a more appropriate quote, which in turn prompted me to write this last paragraph.  This quote was written by Louise L. Hay, yet comes from my heart!  In other words, I could not have said it better!!

I have the power to change my life for the better and I am doing so now.  I love all of the good mental habits I am learning and I watch my life respond to my positive thoughts.  If I had a known how easy this would be, I would have started this process years ago.  I am in awe of the power of my own thoughts to heal my body and my  life.  ~ Louise L. Hay

Blessings to all!!

223 days to go...


All contents herein are protected under Copyright laws and can not be used, altered or copied. All accounts herein are written by Cali-Gal/Carla B Karam and are true accounts of her life. Some names may be changed to protect the innocent.

Day 141 ~ Believing In Myself

Seems to me that I may be onto something here... today I found myself once again surprising myself.  

"I have to forgive my sons' father. not for him... but for me.  I have allowed what he has done to me to affect me and my life for far too long.  I actually let all of it happen to me by not believing in myself and not standing up to him .  As far as my boys... well although they are young men now and are old enough to do as they please... this is now their choice.  They are allowing their father to continue to "brainwash" and lay controlling head games with them.  I love them and always will.  They are my sons and I do forgive them... but if they insist on not talking to me, it isn't for something I did.  As an afterthought, they may be upset at me because of my blog... I stand by what I write and believe in everything I say,  I have done nothing wrong, and write of the truth.  I would do this all over again."

As much as my heart aches for my boys, I believe in what I am doing just as much.  I realize that they have not been under the best tutelage, however they should remember what we went through together, and their father's continued suggestions to not contact me.  

Regardless, now... it is all in the past, can't change it.  All I can do is be the best I can be for myself, and my family.  And as far as the time we continue to spend apart... well, I will continue my blog for them [because I know that one day they will thank me for it,] and I will make them proud of me.

Today I came across the following quote, "I bless the past with love, take a deep breath, and move gently into the new." by Louise L. Hay.  For some reason Louise continues to pop into my life just at the right time, with just the right words.  She could not be anymore accurate.  I'm sure you would agree with me that Louise L. Hay is definitely on my "Dream Team."  

I have to admit that after having read these quotes, I realized that I am actually believing in myself, really liking what I am about and where I am heading.  I can't believe I just wrote that, because I actually am feeling it! 

Every day it gets easier to look into my own eyes in the mirror and say, "I love you just the way you are."  ~ Louise L. Hay

Received word that Shelly is doing well in her recovery process, however is in a lot of pain.  Please continue to pray for my friend's pain to subside and for a quick, healthy recovery.




 Blessings to all!!

224 days to go...


All contents herein are protected under Copyright laws and can not be used, altered or copied. All accounts herein are written by Cali-Gal/Carla B Karam and are true accounts of her life. Some names may be changed to protect the innocent.