Day 523 ~ The "Blue" Time of This Year. . .

This time of year may bring joy to many, and heart felt kindness to others... but there are some people out there who do not see it that way, they don't welcome this time of year with open arms.  Too much sadness. . .   too much pain. . . 

People may withdraw... or not have any family to open up to... or even have a smaller circle of friends.  I want to be able to help you . . . so here I found out about some red flags to look out for ..  

according to the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH)  here are some signs to look for:  

Persistent sad, anxious, or "empty" feelings;  Feelings of hopelessness or pessimism;  Feelings of guilt, worthlessness, or helplessness;  Irritability, restlessness;  Loss of interest in activities or hobbies once pleasurable, including sex;  Fatigue and decreased energy;  Difficulty concentrating, remembering;  details, and making decisions;  Insomnia, early-morning wakefulness, or excessive sleeping;  Overeating, or appetite loss;  Thoughts of suicide, suicide attempts;  and Aches or pains, headaches, cramps, or digestive problems that do not ease even with treatment.

  For more informatioon on depression click here.

There are many wonderful people out there that have suffered a life altering loss and even at times may regret living to tell about it. . .  if that makes any sense.    This time of year brings "It" out in the air for them.  

I know. . . there probably isn't anything I can possibly say to  help. . . .   

Although, I truly understand how some people may feel.  I know what it's like to not want to get out of bed for days.  I know what it's like to let the phone ring and ring.  I know what it's like to make last minute excuses for not attending functions with a lot of people or even with one person. . .  I know what it's like. . . . 

I was about to tell you how I didn't gain anything from being depressed, but that's not true.  I had to go through things "my way" at "my pace" to get to where I am today, to be who I am and do what I do today.  I had to dacide when . . .  I was done?  When I was complete.

Whether we go through happy times or even regretfully bad times, all those experiences make us who we are including how we choose to "process" some life altering events. . .  all of this and more is what we are made of. 

All and all, I sit here very proud to be who I am and have made the choices I have-  what else can you do a tthis point?  . 

{BIG SMILE}

I am thankful for my life!

[here's to you finding your... ]

Peace...

I am second..

... for a, l & c.  You are my sunshine(s).  

Images are courtesy of google or Bing images.  Some images maybe labeled property of Carla Barila Karam and of this blog, Took It... Making It... Living It... My Life .  © 2012  U.S Copyright Laws apply.

Day 367 ~ Took It... Making It... Living It... My Life

Funny thing happened to me on the way to bed tonight...  {wink, wink}

So I go to get in ... and thought... wow, I finished my goal... now what?

Well I guess I could sit back ... relax ... watch a movie ... kick back ... glance at my  lap top ... watch my movie {free HBO this weekend... I recorded Bridesmaid earlier} ... glance at my  lap top ... start the movie ... glance at my lap top ... 

Grab my lap top!

I just can't help myself.  wink, wink.  

I open my blog and see a couple of new comments.  Big Smile.  

Then I read last night's post, Day 366 (remember it was leap year) ... which makes it one year ago today that I took on my challenge.

So ... all day today... in the back of my mind I thought... what next?  Then I kept repeating "Taking Back My Life ~ Making It My Own", over and over again ... and "What's Next?"

After a few more moments I began to say... Took It... Made It... over and over again... as if it was the next step, the next chapter... but then I thought... something was missing... and repeated "What's Next?" a few more times... oh brother this is ridiculous I thought... 

At that instance, it all came together. 

Taking Back My Life ~ Making It My Own ... was my rebirth and growth.

Took It... Making It... Living It... My Life ... will be my life, creating it and my purpose.

Listen, it may have taken me this long to accept life... it may have taken me nearly fifty years to really realize I am only here for a limited amount of time... surprisingly enough, it also took me all this time to understand that all along life has been up to me...

{and} Even though I was a slow learner... what matters now is that it is my choice to do something about life... to do something good about life.  

So now I welcome you to...

Took It... Making It... Living It...  My Life  

the sequel to Taking Back My Life ~ Making It My Own

Keep an eye out for new changes. wink, wink.


Keeping my dream alive.

Attitude is a choice.

[here's to you finding your... ]

Peace...

... for a, l & c.  you are my sunshine(s).

Images are courtesy of either google or Bing images.  Some images maybe labeled property of Carla Barilá Karam and of this blog- Taking Back My Life ~ Making it My Own.  US Copyright law apply  ©

Day 312 ~ My Glass, Half Full!

We're half way there!  Really?  Wow... it's been a hair shy of two weeks already?  How time flies when you're having fun!  Honestly, I knew I just finished with the 13th letter, "M"...  
However it did not dawn on me that I was half way through my little challenge (Blogging A to Z...).  In other words even though it was staring me in the face, I did not see it.  Make sense?


BTW... tonight, Sunday is a bye night... we take a break from the "bet" (short for "alphabet", trying to sound hip.  LOL! trying being the operative word. 


Moving right along... 


This has been a fun experience... and one that has had me looking at things in a more "positive" light.  Just as I ask my five year old daughter... "don't you get tired of whining?"  


I swear, each time I hear those words come out of my mouth... well let's just say that it keeps me in check!  As a matter of fact, anytime I hear words come out of my mouth which are directed at Calley to better herself as a person... I give it a second thought.


What I lacked as a child, structure, love etc...  I  am seeing to that Calley will will never have to endure the same..


With that said... Is my challenge halfway over OR am I almost there?  That question is no different than asking if the glass was half empty or half full... 


Now, you can choose to look at this one of two ways.. 


(1) It's half over.  The glass if half empty...  Sounds so negative... as if you do not have anything to look forward to after it's over.


OR


(2) The glass is half full.  I am halfway there.  I have so much to look forward to, so many possibilities with this choice.  Even if that's no the case, it put a positive view on it.


Excuse me... I just want to interject something a little off subject here...  


I would like to make something perfectly clear here.  I do not enjoy being negative.  Nor do I enjoy bringing up my past... I can not help that I have been through quite "an adventure" in my life (trying to put a "positive" twist on this.. wink, wink.)


Also, keep in mind (directed more so to those reading TBML for the firs time) I want to leave this for my children, family and friends.. those I know and those I have yet to meet,  A handbook on "How & Why is Carla, Carla?"  A "how to" of sorts... or better yet... Carla for Dummies!    


After all what I write in my posts is about my life, my thoughts and/or my experiences, etc... and are all my accounts, memories and my truths.   


I was challenged once by a family member against something I had written.  However, as far as I am concerned this person "challenged" me with their opinion being based on "hear-say".  


All I had to say to that was ... "it was and is my life. I was there, this is what I saw, this is what I felt, this is what I experienced.. you were not there..."  That's it. There's no argument.  Zip.


I have nothing to gain by not being honest here, only credibility to loose.  As is I can not control who reads and doesn't read my blog.


No one has said anything to me to suggest anything of this nature... however... my blog has received over 23,000 views and 421 total comments.  You do the math.  Okay, I'll do it for you... 17% of readers leave me a comment.  If you haven't done so yet... please leave a record of your visit by commenting.  Become a part of my blog.


What I am trying to say is that not everyone of the 23,000+ views have left me a comment... 


Leave your thoughts in the comment area below each post.  As opposed to Facebook.  You'll be helping me put my book together.  It'll be easier for me to print out my complete blog.  Fear not... your comment left on Facebook will still be included in my blog-  I just have to look it up and include it that way. Whether you agree or not. Even if you think I may be crazy, or not... I want to know what you think, and I get to hear from you.  .       


Back on subject...


I am choosing to see the "glass half full" and to look forward to the next 13 letters of the alphabet.  Most importantly i am excited to see what I will be learning about myself the  second half of the alphabet.      

Every day do something that will inch you closer to a better tomorrow.  

~Doug Firebaugh

If you aren't sure who you are, you might as well work on who you want to be. 

~Robert Brault 

Blogging A to Z Challenge April 2012... What will "N" have for us tomorrow?

Blessings to all!!

53 days to go...  (This is starting to become bitter-sweet)

... for a, l & c.  You are my sunshine(s).  

Images are courtesy of google or Bing images.  Some images maybe labeled property of Carla Barila Karam and of this blog, Taking Back My Life ~ Making It My Own.  U.S Copyright laws apply.  ©

Day 309 ~ "K" is for Kismet

"K" is for Kismet.  Kismet?  Yes, kismet.  

For those of you just now jumping on the alphabet train... okay there's no train, but the Blogging from A to Z Challenge which myself and a whopping 1,801 other bloggers are participating in.  

If you have a little extra time check the list of participants here.  I'm at 1,401.  Click on a name and read their magnificent blogs.  I am humbled to be amongst such talent!   As a side note, as bloggers drop out the total number of bloggers participating has decreased by 23 since I first posted these statistics several posts ago.  

I know, you are probably still scratching your head at Kismet.  Honestly, as I was thinking "Hmmm, the letter K is next... what should ... KISMET!  I love the sound of that word.  I wonder what it means or if it's even a word?"


Although I found this word in Mirriam-Webster, I liked the definition on Urban Dictionary best.

The word Kismet is of foreign origin and is used in Turkish, Urdu, Hindi and Arabic. In Hindi it would be pronounced more like kismat, and it means "fate" or "destiny". The meaning is exactly the same in English. So instead of saying, "it is fate", you could say "it is kismet". 

I love it!!  "Fate" or "destiny".  Great words!  


Now do I believe in fate or destiny, or are they mere coincidences ?  


I believe in a higher power, God.  I also believe that God more or less knows in what directions we will go, however he leaves the choices to us.  Hopefully we will make good choices and stay away from the proverbial "apple".

With that said, I believe it is fate.  Coincidences makes everything seem less personal... less kismet if you know what I mean...  as if God doesn't have a hand in it all.  Which is against all that I believe it.   SOooo... therefore... it is fate... it is destiny... It is kismet.

Fate chooses our relatives, we choose our friends.
 ~Jacques Delille

Blogging A to Z Challenge April 2012... What will "L" have for us tomorrow?

Blessings to all!!

56 days to go...

... for a, l & c.  You are my sunshine(s).  

Images are courtesy of google or Bing images.  Some images maybe labeled property of Carla Barila Karam and of this blog, Taking Back My Life ~ Making It My Own.  U.S Copyright laws apply.  ©

Day 203 ~ A Message For Someone In Need

Did you ever see a love one falling and want to pick them up.  Or you see an accident about to happen and you cringe at the sight.  As an outsider to another person's life, we sometimes witness self harm by others and want to help... even wonder as to why someone would inflict pain upon themselves, slowly even killing themselves in the process?  What would you do?  What would you say?

This is my message...

I sit here looking back on our time together after so many, many years... so many years of turmoil... so many years of being at odds... so many years of being played against one another... and I am saddened.

Life's experiences leave a "mark" on a person.  Not only that, but you can even say that each experience changes a person just a bit each time.  Whether good or bad, life's experiences makes us who we are. and/or rather who we end up being.

However, we are given choices.  At each moment in our lives, we are free to make choices.    Down to the toilet paper we use.  You know what? Sometimes we are even given too many choices.  We, as citizens of the United States, pretty much can make decisions for ourselves.  We are very fortunate to have the choice of how we want to live as well.  Now I know other variables come into play, but let's just keep this simple.

Now... generally speaking, there are life's boundaries, parameters, rules, laws... however or whatever you want to call it... bottom line being, we need to be respective of one another, and of one self.  We can't harm one another or one self, either.  If someone was hurting someone else or even themselves, what would you do?  If I heard or saw something violent or harmful, I would call for help.

I see the sadness in your eyes...  I see the loneliness...  I see the pain...  I see life's "marks" on you.  I also see bad choices.  I see how those bad choices affect our life together, time spent together or lack of it.

When I realized that expectations were made by all for time to be spent together, and that I could not control the choices you made, I was saddened even more.  On top of that, I discovered that I became a tad angry because I really did want that time together~  quality time.

Excuses can be made and stories are changed each time they are told, but a person's actions speak loud and clear and are seen by all.  There were moments of our time together that brought a smile to my face.  A moment that I saw  a strong willed, beautiful giving person.  However the time was short lived.  It was evident that a choice was made which transformed your being and your spirit.

I pray that you find the courage to see what has been seen by all, before everything golden that has been gained, is lost.  I pray that you find the faith to believe that YOU do have the strength within yourself to do anything you set your mind to.

Choose to live.  Choose to love.  Choose to experience life as it should be, embracing life's treasures as you experience them.  Choose to have faith and hope.  Choose to give it to the Lord.

But whatever you do... foremost above all, do choose to do it for yourself, for your happy self.

With all my love and faith... 

That is what I have to say.

Excuses can be made and stories are changed each time they are told, but a person's actions speak loud and clear, and are seen by all.  ~ Carla Barila Karam

Blessings to all!!

162 days to go...

PS... Sons, I love and miss you.  To the moon and stars above and back.  You are my sunshines.

All contents herein are protected under Copyright laws and can not be used, altered or copied.  All accounts herein are written by Carla B Karam and are true accounts of her life.  Some names may be changed to protect the innocent or protect me from the guilty.  (just kidding...wink, wink)

Picture credits... images are property of Carla Barila Karam and Taking Back My Life ~ Making it My Own.  Copy right laws apply.

Day 174 ~ My Do It Yourself Project

I have a feeling that this time next week I will be banging my head up against the wall wondering what I have gotten myself into!

courtesy of Bing images...

Honestly... It could not have been a better time for Calley to be sick... the fact that she is sleeping most of the day away has been a great help.  Especially since I have spent a better part of it working on my new blog.

In just a couple of days I will be launching my "new blog."  Although... I have to let you know that I am starting to get a little anxious.  However, knowing that this is good for me.  Plus, why should I worry?...  after all I have all of  you to keep me in check!  right?

There is no greater motivation than one that forces you to be accountable not only to yourself, but to others.  I always did do better going to the gym with a friend, rather than alone.  Not that I didn't go, I just had a better work out with a work out buddy.  I worked harder, and it was always more fun and enjoyable doing so with a friend.  So, now I have you as my life work out buddy.  

I am almost certain that some of you might think I am insane for not only starting a second blog, but to do it right before the holidays.  I could not agree with you more!  (ha ha I think I am crazy! ha ha) [just kidding, for those of you that do not know me,  I am not crazy, nor do I seriously think that about myself.] This is my lame attempt to humor(at my expense.)  still laughing, I don't know... but now I have the "giggles." 

Okay, seriously... that is the beauty of it all.  I need to face life head on... right at the holidays!  Test myself, better yet learn about myself.  I need to start thinking of what I want my "reality" to be.  How do I want to live my life?  What kind of life do I want to have?  Do I want to live a long healthy life?  Do I want to be mobile, active and have fun?  and Do I want to do so over weight?  Or continue to go up and down with my weight?  How do I want to see myself as I age?    

So, why not start at the holidays?  Why not now, instead of continuously putting it off... 

I feel that I am still young enough to do something about my life, the quality of it and improve upon my health.  I thank God that I am healthy and that I have not suffered any severe ailments.  

At the age of forty-four years old my father had been diagnosed with severe cancer, had a twenty-two plus pound tumor removed from him, and was near death,  WOW!  When I think about that... I am forty-eight (almost forty-nine ...yikes!) and I thank God that the times I have been in the hospital were for three different c-sections, when my babies were born.

Alright, enough said.  I am as ready as I will ever be for my new project.  Project me.  I have been working on the design end of my blog... so we'll see when it's all done what you think.  And if I experience anything near to what I have writing this blog, then I know it will be enlightening, empowering, educational, life cleansing, and above all I will keep it LIGHT and FUN!

It takes half your life before you discover life is a do-it-yourself project.  ~Napoleon Hill

One characteristic of winners is they always look upon themselves as a do it yourself project.  ~ Denis Waitley 

I am thankful for the times my family is together.

Blessings to all!!

191 days to go...

All contents herein are protected under Copyright laws and can not be used, altered or copied. All accounts herein are written by Cali-Gal/Carla B Karam and are true accounts of her life. Some names may be changed to protect the innocent.

Day 121 ~ Feelings or Choices?

SO much talking about forgiveness that I am exhausted!! 


Just kidding... this is half true.  I am just exhausted.... so much so that my eyes are closing as I am writing this.


Truth be told, I have been preparing for Nana's estate garage sale for two weeks now and tomorrow is finally the big day... and needless to say I have reached my limit.


Therefore tonight's post is going to be a short one.  But first I will give you something to think about.

Last night's post was about forgiveness and how it is a choice.  Well, all day I have pondered about this.  And it's true!  I say this because today I saw someone that hurt me very bad, so bad that I went as far as telling this person to never text or call me again.


So needless to say all the hurt feelings came resurfaced the moment I saw this person, and then I thought about what I wrote last night... well let's just say that right now I find it very difficult to choose to forgive this person.  Keep in mind that since all this occurred I have realized that this person is not my cup of tea anyway... or am I just saying this?  (Big Sigh!) 


I do want to be honest with myself, and you... am I feeling resentment?


So... do I still need to forgive?  I should, for myself, and I know this.  But the feeling of hurt is getting in the way of choosing to forgive. 

When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free.    ~  Catherine Ponder

Always forgive your enemies - nothing annoys them so much.   ~ Oscar Wilde

 

Blessings to all!!

244 days to go...

All contents herein are protected under Copyright laws and can not be used, altered or copied. All accounts herein are written by Cali-Gal/Carla B Karam and are true accounts of her life. Some names may be changed to protect the innocent.

Day 120 ~ Seventy Times Seven Times

All my life I have struggled making friends...  When I was little, about five, it seemed as if I didn't fit in.  Already I felt like an outcast.... and as I grew older that feeling did not go away.  This was mostly because my last name was not "all american" and I spoke with a slight Spanish accent.  Back in the 70s, let alone the 60s, the Latin population in Los Angeles was barely a tenth of what it is today.


By the time I was ten, my parents had started their "ugly" divorce.  A midst all of the drama and among all of the dust and rubble of what was once our family, there remained my sister, brother and I.  We were all about three years apart, I was the eldest and my brother the youngest, leaving my sister in the middle.


Today, as a mom to three beautiful children, I have learned that my siblings and I had a very unhealthy upbringing.  At a time in life when children should be loved, taught and guided by their parents, we were instead being used as pawns against one another and between our parents.


My eyes fill with tears just at the thought of what we went through and what we witnessed.  If my parents were not fighting, they were putting us in the middle or just not talking at all.


When either one of them would get upset... WHAM-O!  Once the major fighting was over,  all communication would stop.  There wouldn't be any discussions, let alone agreeing to disagree.  This included other family members and friends.  This is how they handled conflict.  


So... as I grew up and became an adult and formed my own relationships with people... can you guess what happens next?  Well you got it!  I learned what I witnessed.  I developed nearly the same way of handling things.  Oh and never mind if you made me mad or did me wrong... my answer was a simple one... I just stopped talking to you and basically crossed you out of my life.  I stopped associating with you.


The last ten years of my life have been very enlightening.  I now witness healthy relationships, discussions and people agreeing to disagree.  I can still be harsh.  However, if I realize after the fact that I acted like a jerk... I am the first to apologize.


Forgiveness... this is a tough one.  Nonetheless, this is something I have been working on.  Forgiving people who have done me wrong has been very difficult for me.  But I have done it.  The "biggie" was forgiving the woman who helped my ex-husband (his newest ex-wife) take my boys from me.  At first they were just words.  I was just going through the motion and seeing where it took me.  However, as time went on I really forgave her.  The surprise of it all was that I felt AWESOME!!!

Today I was reading a pamphlet, by Christopher News Notes, I found among Nana's books, to Calley... the title, "Forgiveness Seventy Times Seven".  As I read on so many things were making sense to me. First off, forgiveness is not a feeling it's  a choice.  Right then I realize that I did make the choice to forgive my ex's ex.  All those times I was not feeling like forgiving... I was way off!


More recently, after nearly twenty-five years of not having a relationship with my sister I made the choice to forgive her.  This one was not easy.  I was reluctant, fearful of becoming vulnerable.  I am struggling with opening up my heart 100% to her because I am scared to get hurt and not have a sister once again.


As I read on [to Calley] I read that forgiveness is taking a risk.  It read on saying that it is making making myself vulnerable.  Some would even say it was foolishness, BUT to renew my commitment to my sister who had betrayed my trust is to trust myself to handle being hurt again.


Forgiveness is...
a decision; showing mercy even when the injury has been deliberate; accepting the person as he is; taking a risk; accepting an apology; a way of living; and choosing to love!


Forgiveness is not... 
sentimental, not condescending, not righteous.  Above all it is not conditional.

Peter asked Jesus, " 'Lord, how many times must I forgive my brother if he wrongs me?  As often as seven times?'  'No,' He replied, 'Not seven times; I say, seventy times seven times'."            ~ Matthew 18:22

Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.

  

Blessings to all!!

245 days to go...

All contents herein are protected under Copyright laws and can not be used, altered or copied. All accounts herein are written by Cali-Gal/Carla B Karam and are true accounts of her life. Some names may be changed to protect the innocent.