Day 290 ~ The Golden Rule

Why does it always happen this way?  Just as you think you are getting ahead... a pin drops... and  you plunge backwards!  Like taking two steps forward and one back.

Literally... that's what happened today.  

It wasn't a pin Calley decided to balance on her forearm (yes, forearm), more like a dog bowl.  A ceramic dog bowl.  Needless to say, it ended up in a million pieces.  And that's all it took...

That's all it took for all my hard work from the last couple of days to go to pot!  It was definitely the straw that broke the camel's back.  Then the proverbial "why me?" question came up a few times. 

It is said that if someone does something to you, to not give them the power to "get to you".  Do not allow them to "get to you".  Eleanor Roosevelt said it best, "No one can make you feel inferior without your permission."

It's not so much about feeling inferior, or is it?  Tell me... along those same lines... could some hurt you without your permission?  I think so. Yes.  Now let's look at this.  When someone hurts me, is it that I have allowed them to?  Have I given them permission to do so when I they have hurt me?

I have read that even though my feelings are normal, it's what I do with them and how I process them that reconnect me to my power.

Well I'll tell you one thing that's certain...  I allowed the one who hurt me, not only to hurt me, but I also allowed them to mess up my day... which took my happiness away from my family.  

I am not saying that I am not a sensitive person.  I may be a little more sensitive than the "normal" person may be.. whatever "normal" is... and Lord knows that I do not have "thick skin" by any means... Soo I do get affected by the actions, or rather non-actions of others and especially so if my sons are involved... you know, I am definitely not a robot without feelings or heart... so tell me... how do I let it roll off my back like water off of a duck's back?  How do I not allow others to hurt me?  Do I shut them out of my life? 

Hmmm... I really think these are all very good questions.  Answers to them, would be even better.     

I really try [very hard] to not let things affect me, however I am human, a mother at that... and with that said...  even though I may have calloused from life's trials and tribulations that have crossed my path... I still have a very sensitive side to me... I tend to hold things in... until the dog bowl breaks. 

Do to others as you would have them do to you.   ~ Luke 6:31 (NIV)

So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.  ~ Matthew 7:12 (NIV) 

Blessings to all!!

75 days to go...

PS... for a, l & c.  You are my sunshine(s).  

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Day 121 ~ Feelings or Choices?

SO much talking about forgiveness that I am exhausted!! 


Just kidding... this is half true.  I am just exhausted.... so much so that my eyes are closing as I am writing this.


Truth be told, I have been preparing for Nana's estate garage sale for two weeks now and tomorrow is finally the big day... and needless to say I have reached my limit.


Therefore tonight's post is going to be a short one.  But first I will give you something to think about.

Last night's post was about forgiveness and how it is a choice.  Well, all day I have pondered about this.  And it's true!  I say this because today I saw someone that hurt me very bad, so bad that I went as far as telling this person to never text or call me again.


So needless to say all the hurt feelings came resurfaced the moment I saw this person, and then I thought about what I wrote last night... well let's just say that right now I find it very difficult to choose to forgive this person.  Keep in mind that since all this occurred I have realized that this person is not my cup of tea anyway... or am I just saying this?  (Big Sigh!) 


I do want to be honest with myself, and you... am I feeling resentment?


So... do I still need to forgive?  I should, for myself, and I know this.  But the feeling of hurt is getting in the way of choosing to forgive. 

When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free.    ~  Catherine Ponder

Always forgive your enemies - nothing annoys them so much.   ~ Oscar Wilde

 

Blessings to all!!

244 days to go...

All contents herein are protected under Copyright laws and can not be used, altered or copied. All accounts herein are written by Cali-Gal/Carla B Karam and are true accounts of her life. Some names may be changed to protect the innocent.

Day 99 ~ Have You Had A Good Cry Lately?

Today was a day that... well... that has opened my eyes to a few things once again!  More like has shined a new light onto things.

I once again woke up on the wrong side of my bed... then as I found myself doing things, I also noticed a very dark cloud over my head.  Then next thing, all I could say was...

"Why  me? ... Why me?"

~ Why was I born to a father who cared more about chasing skirts, than the well being or  even the legacy he would leave his children; who also had no problem belittling me, verbally abusing me- regardless if there was an audience or not!  He also had no problem embellishing any truths... be it his own or mine - which only told me that I did not make him proud enough.

.  

I remember his last wife, number four to be exact- that's if he was being honest about that (for all I know could have been number 5 or 6 at this point!) who knows... anyways... I remember her telling me one that she said my father was a liar...I remember it as if it was yesterday... 'if your father was to tell me it was raining outside... I'd have to go to the window and check.for myself--- that's how much I believe him!"   ...  boy that said a lot... about the both of them!

~ A mother who herself did not have the best examples of what a mother should be, being that her mother herself does not give the best examples, even with how she treats her own children... (for whatever reason my mother ended up being raised by her two great-aunts), then to think...  she thought she found her knight in shinning armor, only to be unfortunate enough to get pregnant from a one night stand (result = me), and then having two more children (I can't explain that one- other than they both came from affluent families, and it happened to be the sixties... in their defense, they both were sober)... as time went on, she finally spent over forty years battling mental illnesses including depression, obsessive compulsive disorder and postpartum depression (in the 60's when they had no clue what PPD was, they thought she had schizophrenia and ended they ended up giving her over seventeen shock treatments).

~  My sister, brother and I, are and were mere products of our parent's screw ups! and their mental disorders... As far as my father was concerned- well he believed that my grandfather was not his biological father, and his mother took the truth to her grave with her... he was spoiled by his mother and in her eyes could never do wrong....

Feeling the need to end this cycle... I sought a therapist.. (many years ago)

During  one of my therapy sessions while discussing my father... my therapist pulled out one of her books and had me read the definition of a narcissist...

I cried .... it described my father to a "t".

So after taking a long look at my life and how I have reacted to life and its trials it has given me...

I have come to the conclusion that I am a harsh person, who is very rough around the edges.  -On one hand it bothers me very much because it reminds me a lot of my father... and on the other... I am saddened by it. 

Why?

My heart is hurting right now so much ... I really need a friend to talk to...  however... when the phone barely rings once and goes directly to voice mail... 

I'm sure you can begin to understand.....

All I can do right now is look back at how I have acted towards people and the reasons behind it... I was about to say ... it's not because I am a bi*&h...

Life, its trials, experiences, being at the right place at the wrong time and mean people have made me a bitter person... and for the few friends I do have... you have been around long enough to be a first hand witness and understand what has happened to me.

It is such a sad and lonely feeling knowing that you do not have anyone to talk to when you are at a low place in your life.

No one is in control of your happiness but you; therefore, you have the power to change anything about yourself or your life that you want to change.  ~- Barbara de Angelis   

Don't run from lessons;  they are little packages of treasures that have been given to us.  As we learn from them, our lives change for the better.  I now rejoice whenever I see another portion of the dark side of myself.  I know that it means that I am ready to let go of something that has been hindering my life.  I say, "Thank you for showing me this, so I can heal it and move on,"   ~ Louise l. Hay

Blessings to all!!


266 days to go...

All contents herein are protected under Copyright laws and can not be used, altered or copied. All accounts herein are written by Cali-Gal/Carla B Karam and are true accounts of her life. Some names may be changed to protect the innocent.