Day 519 ~ After the [30 Day Husband Encouragement] Challenge

After the challenge... Husband Encouragement Challenge
courtesy of ReviveOurHearts.com

". . . This is my beloved, and this is my friend . . ." (Song of Solomon 5:16b) 

Friends can be completely honest with each other, but friendships are strained when truth is not spoken in love. How are you speaking to your beloved? Are you so "used" to him that you don't appreciate the wonder of his friendship? That is your challenge today. Is your sweetheart your best friend? Does he know this? Have you told him, or do you assume he "just knows"?

Friendship is something that is cultivated through the good times and the bad. Friends can share their hearts, but they don't step on each other's hearts. The way to have and be a good friend is to cultivate and celebrate the relationship. As you end this "30-Day Encouragement Challenge," celebrate your friendship with your husband. Get alone and reflect on your beloved friend. Write him a letter, listing the qualities you admire and appreciate about him. If you are creative with words, write and frame a poem about him.

. . .  prepare a special meal, just for the two of you . . .

Encouragement, as you have seen these past 30 days, is a synonym for love in action. How has this challenge changed your heart and life, dear friend? Did God encourage you as you planned ways to encourage your husband? Were there difficult days where you simply needed to trust that God was working? Days when it was hard to leave the results to God?

. . . 

What kinds of victories have you experienced in your home since you started the "30-Day Encouragement Challenge"? Would you take a moment to share these victories with us?. 

The biggest and best part of the challenge... 

HOLD IT!!!!   Let me stop right there.  First off this was called a "challenge."  Right?  Some would think and wonder 'how can "encouraging" your husband be challenging?'

Well let me tell you... I was to do this for 30 days straight regardless of mood, temperment, emotion, right, wrong, bad or good moods... for 30 days straight I was to "encourage" my husband.  All positive.  Regardless if I was mad at him or not I was to "encourage" my husband in a "positive" way each day.  I was not to say anything bad to him or about him to anyone.

I will be honest, I did have a couple of rocky days... I really did!  On "those" rocky days, It took all of me to bite my tongue and keep my thoughts to myself and follow with my encouragement.

I know ... some of you may think "are you kidding me!? I would have let him have it!!"  ...  at the mere mention of not speaking your mind someone close to me said, "well, then I will never marry!  I have to speak my mind!!" ...

I can completely, 100% understand what you mean!  I am all about being heard and "talking" about "feelings", being honest with one another.

But after experiencing this challenge, I have learned a couple of things.... 1)  it's not about being right or wrong... it's about being happy!!...choose your battles and 2) that there are nice ways of getting one's opinion across without being "rude" or "heard" in a negative way..

It is about learning how to communicate "outside the box" without supressing your own feelings without conflict.

All in all it has been a positive experience which has left positive changes in my marriage.

You know part of misunderstanding is one's marriage is because we "expect" things from our spouse.  I only "expect" things... as an example... this one instance with taking out the trash.  If you are walking by a pile of boxes that are evidently going out to the trash and you are leaving, can't you take the initiative to grab the trash on your way out?  Does everything need to be said?!  Can't it be left to good logic?  "If I am on my way out the door and I walk by a pile of items that are headed for the trash. . . gee I think I'll help and take them out. 'honeyyyyyyyy?!" ....-calling out to ask if the pile is heading out...

I have stopped "expect"-ing and that in itself has brought peace to my home.  

After all. . . isn't it about being happy?  Is the "trash"  really worth getting in a fight over?  I don't think so.  

Listen, for me it can be the "trash" or "laundry"... for you it could be "getting off the couch", "yard work" or even "helping with the kids" . . . 

Bottom line. . . because of this 30 day encouragement challenge my husband's love tank is full.  He is happy.  He is even helping more.  {and} I am asking for things to be done in sweet creative ways, along with my continued "encouragement"...[ that's right, I have not stopped encouraging my husband because the challenge is over ]  our home is a happy home full of laughter, joy and happiness.

I am blessed. 

I am thankful for my best friend, my husband!

[here's to you finding your... ]

Peace...

I am second..

... for a, l & c.  You are my sunshine(s).  

Images are courtesy of google or Bing images.  Some images maybe labeled property of Carla Barila Karam and of this blog, Took It... Making It... Living It... My Life .  © 2012  U.S Copyright Laws apply.

Day 429 ~ #21 of My 30 Days of Truth...

My 30 Days of Truth challenge   I will admit that I changed one question and changed a few curse words... other than that the challenge is intact. 

Day 21: (scenario)  Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour earlier... what do you do?...

So here I am with one third of my honesty challenge left before me... and let me tell you that the only thing that is difficult about this is being honest.

Not that I do not want to be honest, I really don't have a problem being honest.  If anything I think I am honest to my detriment.  Don't ask me if your butt looks big, please... you may not like what you here.  wink, wink.

What is difficult is my not knowing what colleagues (other blogger friends) may think of my more recent honesty.  

My last two posts have been a little heavy subjected and I am three days ahead in my blogging to sharing ratio... My blogging got ahead of my sharing my posts for comments on my favorite site (voiceBoks.com) 

What are people thinking of my honesty?  Have I lost readers?  followers?  or maybe friends?  I'll be finding out in the next couple of days after my posts have been read.  It's Saturday night as I am writing this.  Saturday in itself is a low numbers kind of day for blog reading... Sunday picks up a little and then Monday even more. 

...Then there's tonight's topic... this is an absolute no-brainer!!

There is no doubt in my mind.. I didn't even have to give it a second thought...As soon as I would find out that my best friend was involved in a car accident I would drop everything and go to their aid.

No brainer!

No fight is worth not being there for a friend let alone losing a friend over. 

Wouldn't you do the same?

Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?”

²² Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.  ~Matthew 18:21-22 (NIV)

Where I've been and where I'm going next...  

Day 01 : Something you hate about yourself.

Day 02 : Something you love about yourself.

Day 03 : Something you have to forgive yourself for.

Day 04 : Something you have to forgive someone for.

Day 05 : Something you hope to do in your life.

Day 06 : Something you hope you never have to do. 

Day 07 : Someone who has made your life worth living for.

Day 08 : Someone who made your life hell, or treated you horribly.

Day 09 : Someone you didn't want to let go, but just drifted.

Day 10 : Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.

Day 11 : Something people seem to compliment you the most on.

Day 12 : Something you never get compliments on.

Day 13 : A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough days. (write a letter.)

Day 14 : Write a letter to a hero that has let you down.

Day 15 : Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you've tried living without it.

Day 16 : Someone or something you definitely could live without.

Day 17 : A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.

Day 18 : Your views on gay marriage.

Day 19 : What do you think of religion?  Or what do you think of politics?

Day 20 : Your views on drugs and alcohol.

Day 21 : (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?

Day 22 : Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23 : Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 : Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25 : The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26 : Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 : What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 : Name a decision you made that caused a chain of events that would not have happened if it wasn't for that decision.
Day 29 : Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30 : A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself

 Here's to 30 Days of Truth!

I am second.

[here's to you finding your... ]
Peace...

... for a, l & c.  You are my sunshine(s).  

Images are courtesy of google or Bing images.  Some images maybe labeled property of Carla Barila Karam and of this blog, Took It... Making It... Living It... My Life .  © 2012  U.S Copyright Laws apply.

Day 281 ~ Doing Our Share

I wanted to start tonight's post by saying that I really sincerely am grateful to all the kind comments I received on my post yesterday.  Honestly.. I am not sharing the way I feel to get your attention.  No one implied that either.  I am just trying to figure all of this out.  Maybe, you are too?

My last two posts have really been on my mind... more so the way I have been feeling has been weighing very heavy on me.  The number one reason is for myself, my husband and daughter.  Especially my daughter.  

She doesn't need to see her mommy moping all the time.. what kind of life is that?  Pretty sucky if you ask me!  Good way to teach her how to cope with life!  

How to cope with life =  curl up and do nothing!

Yeah, right!  I think not!!  I have to teach my daughter to be strong, and move on!  Now.. if I could only do that for myself.

For different reasons both our daughters and sons benefit from a good healthy self esteem and a good and healthy self confidence... and their relationship with each of their parents are detrimental to their psyche.  How we as their parents handle life's obstacles is a life's lesson to our children.  We have to remember to be good role models, often putting aside personal feelings in order to do so.

Having a healthy self esteem and self confidence can help each and everyone one of us in one way or another.  We can teach our children to be positive.. and in turn then improving as individuals, becoming better spouses, in turn being better parents, better role models, better communicators... the possibilities are endless!  Sounds perfect, huh?  It is possible... if we all do our share.

Today started out to be gloomy, as it was yesterday.  Playing over and over in my head... what is going on in my life.  Wondering how to fix everything.  Wanting to make everything better.

Tonight, I was reminded... I was humbled... we all have our own problems behind our respective front doors.  Our own respective demons that we deal with.  And not to lessen anything that I may be going through... but, all I can say is that it really made me feel good tonight to be able to be there for a friend.  

Speaking from my heart, I did my best to comfort my friend (withholding her name in order to respect her privacy) in her time of need.  Being careful not to put my size nine in my mouth by saying the wrong thing (my mouth tends to get me into trouble, speaking before checking in with my brain!)  Exchanging a little of our pasts... learning of the similar roads we have traveled... having a genuine moment, sharing personal experiences... creating a bond from life's common occurances... finding a soul sister, if you will.   Thank you for that moment... the moment of being able to help, a moment of feeling needed.  A moment that helped me more than you know.  Thank you for sharing in your life with me.  

Always remember...

Friends are like stars. You don't always see them, but you know they are always there.  ~ unknown author.

If someone wants to be a part of your life, they will make an effort to be in it.  ~ unknown author. 

I dedicate my post this evening to my friend... here's to you!  here's to life!!
  

Blessings to all!!

84 days to go...

PS... for a, l & c.  You are my sunshine(s).  

Some images courtesy of google and bing images.  U.S Copyright laws may apply.  ©

Day 124 ~ You Only Live Once...

Sometimes I just can't wrap my head around a persons's actions, let alone their non-actions.

I found myself scratching my head more and more as my day went on today... why is it that some people do not find it important to trade dialogue... this is what some people call having a conversation or possibly a discussion about recent events... good or bad.  

All I ask... which I really don't think that I am being unreasonable... is that if something bothers you, then let's talk!  We may have mixed our signals ...

Listen, I know that most people are uncomfortable approaching a family member, a friend or even a coworker, over a misunderstanding, let alone if they have been wronged against.  It's a tough position to be put in ~ been there done that... however, if one thinks about it and takes a gentle approach at the situation, before it festers, I think we can learn to understand one another...  and more importantly there would not be any time loss.   

I mean, I have the perfect example, my sister and I, and please realize that the dynamics of our relationship were a little more complicated than not... we lost 25 plus years;  my sons and I have been estranged two years, however, since July there has been some communication on and off... currently it seems as if we are off.  (sad face)

The saddest part of both of my sons' estrangement with me is the part that is affecting their relationship with Calley ~ their little sister.  

Calley is such a darling little girl.  A little girl who talks about her brothers everyday with such adoration, including them in her prayers as well.  Calley is having her fifth birthday in three days and the last time she saw her brothers was just shortly after turning two.

For these reasons... I do my best at apologizing when I am in the wrong, and then practicing the art of tolerance and forgiving those other times.  Not only that, but... You Only Live Once!

There is no love without forgiveness, and there is no forgiveness without love.     ~  Bryant H. McGill

Stay committed to your decisions, but stay flexible in your approach.  ~  Tom Robbins

Tolerance is the virtue of the man without convictions.    ~  G.K. Chesterton

Blessings to all!!

241 days to go...

All contents herein are protected under Copyright laws and can not be used, altered or copied. All accounts herein are written by Cali-Gal/Carla B Karam and are true accounts of her life. Some names may be changed to protect the innocent.

Day 120 ~ Seventy Times Seven Times

All my life I have struggled making friends...  When I was little, about five, it seemed as if I didn't fit in.  Already I felt like an outcast.... and as I grew older that feeling did not go away.  This was mostly because my last name was not "all american" and I spoke with a slight Spanish accent.  Back in the 70s, let alone the 60s, the Latin population in Los Angeles was barely a tenth of what it is today.


By the time I was ten, my parents had started their "ugly" divorce.  A midst all of the drama and among all of the dust and rubble of what was once our family, there remained my sister, brother and I.  We were all about three years apart, I was the eldest and my brother the youngest, leaving my sister in the middle.


Today, as a mom to three beautiful children, I have learned that my siblings and I had a very unhealthy upbringing.  At a time in life when children should be loved, taught and guided by their parents, we were instead being used as pawns against one another and between our parents.


My eyes fill with tears just at the thought of what we went through and what we witnessed.  If my parents were not fighting, they were putting us in the middle or just not talking at all.


When either one of them would get upset... WHAM-O!  Once the major fighting was over,  all communication would stop.  There wouldn't be any discussions, let alone agreeing to disagree.  This included other family members and friends.  This is how they handled conflict.  


So... as I grew up and became an adult and formed my own relationships with people... can you guess what happens next?  Well you got it!  I learned what I witnessed.  I developed nearly the same way of handling things.  Oh and never mind if you made me mad or did me wrong... my answer was a simple one... I just stopped talking to you and basically crossed you out of my life.  I stopped associating with you.


The last ten years of my life have been very enlightening.  I now witness healthy relationships, discussions and people agreeing to disagree.  I can still be harsh.  However, if I realize after the fact that I acted like a jerk... I am the first to apologize.


Forgiveness... this is a tough one.  Nonetheless, this is something I have been working on.  Forgiving people who have done me wrong has been very difficult for me.  But I have done it.  The "biggie" was forgiving the woman who helped my ex-husband (his newest ex-wife) take my boys from me.  At first they were just words.  I was just going through the motion and seeing where it took me.  However, as time went on I really forgave her.  The surprise of it all was that I felt AWESOME!!!

Today I was reading a pamphlet, by Christopher News Notes, I found among Nana's books, to Calley... the title, "Forgiveness Seventy Times Seven".  As I read on so many things were making sense to me. First off, forgiveness is not a feeling it's  a choice.  Right then I realize that I did make the choice to forgive my ex's ex.  All those times I was not feeling like forgiving... I was way off!


More recently, after nearly twenty-five years of not having a relationship with my sister I made the choice to forgive her.  This one was not easy.  I was reluctant, fearful of becoming vulnerable.  I am struggling with opening up my heart 100% to her because I am scared to get hurt and not have a sister once again.


As I read on [to Calley] I read that forgiveness is taking a risk.  It read on saying that it is making making myself vulnerable.  Some would even say it was foolishness, BUT to renew my commitment to my sister who had betrayed my trust is to trust myself to handle being hurt again.


Forgiveness is...
a decision; showing mercy even when the injury has been deliberate; accepting the person as he is; taking a risk; accepting an apology; a way of living; and choosing to love!


Forgiveness is not... 
sentimental, not condescending, not righteous.  Above all it is not conditional.

Peter asked Jesus, " 'Lord, how many times must I forgive my brother if he wrongs me?  As often as seven times?'  'No,' He replied, 'Not seven times; I say, seventy times seven times'."            ~ Matthew 18:22

Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.

  

Blessings to all!!

245 days to go...

All contents herein are protected under Copyright laws and can not be used, altered or copied. All accounts herein are written by Cali-Gal/Carla B Karam and are true accounts of her life. Some names may be changed to protect the innocent.

Day 115 ~ Don"t Judge, Don't Give Up!

I was catching up with friends on facebook part of the day today... Reading what everyone had to say and what they were up to.  A birthday here, a date there, wedding, hockey games...

Every so often I like to comment on my friend's walls or status updates, put my two cents in if you will.  Just a quick way to "pop-in", say hello and let them know I am thinking of them.

Quite often I laugh, other times I may cry or at least get a tear in my eye at the latest and greatest news on there.  Every so often someone posts something thought provoking...

It's hard to explain to someone who has no clue.  It's a daily struggle being in pain or feeling sick on the inside while you look fine on the outside.  Please put this as your status for at least 1 hour if you or someone  you know has an invisible illness (PTSD, Anxiety, Bipolar, Depression, Diabetes, LUPUS, Fibromyalgia, MS, ME, Arthritis, Cancer, Heart Disease, Epilepsy, Autism, MD, etc..)  "Never judge what you don't understand."

Wow!  Did I say thought provoking?  Having been someone who has struggled with depression on and off most of my life, I could not agree with this statement more!  This is so on the money, they hit the nail on the head!!

I can't tell you the times that a friend has caught me on a bad day... they're in a great mood. life as usual... and me, well I can't snap out of it.

I can't tell you how many friends I have lost, or rather they stopped calling and inviting me places.  I guess a person can hear "Not today, I can't."   It's not like I can stop and snap out of it to explain... "I'm sorry, I am depressed today and can't go out and play."  OR  "My sons haven't called me....I am sad..."

I can't tell you how many times I have been invited to functions, parties, dinners, lunches or just to hang out, and I have declined.  Or better yet, I have committed to going and then at the last minute I have cancelled out and not shown up. 

Most of us are so quick to judge someone else just by a mere action or something said... myself included.  I am not innocent here by any means... especially when they just finished cutting me off on the road.

Instead of judging a book by its cover, read the back cover... ask questions... don't be so quick to judge or lay blame.  You never know you may learn something not only about the other person, but maybe about yourself as well.

The next time you're on the road, look at all the other cars on the road.  Now think of everything you have going on in your life and your history... then look back to those cars, to their passengers... they have lives and history too.

If you ever call a friend or a family member, and the phone rings and rings... you think something is out of wack... don't give up on your friend... ask questions... be there for them... make them laugh... make us laugh!  

Depression is nourished by a lifetime of ungrieved and unforgiven hurt.  ~  Penelope Sweet

Good humor is a tonic for mind and body. It is the best antidote for anxiety and depression. It is a business asset. It attracts and keeps friends. It lightens human burdens. It is the direct route to serenity and contentment.    ~  Grenville Kleiser

The most wasted of all days is one without laughter.  ~e.e. cummings 

To understand the heart and mind of a person, look not at what he has already achieved, but at what he aspires to.      ~ Kahlil Gibran

Blessings to all!!

250 days to go...

All contents herein are protected under Copyright laws and can not be used, altered or copied. All accounts herein are written by Cali-Gal/Carla B Karam and are true accounts of her life. Some names may be changed to protect the innocent.

Day 112 ~ Through This Journey...

Sixteen weeks ago tonight I decided to finally put pen to paper, sort of speak.  

If I've said it once, I will say it a million more...  This has been an amazing journey for me thus far.  I personally feel that I have grown so much as a person, including my faith in God... all knowing that I have barely scratched the surface and all in the same, I am so excited to be where I am.

Through this journey, I have learned that the amazing group of people I happen care about also happen to have my back.   

Through this journey I have met some amazing new friends...  This is where God comes in... I have crossed paths with people, and have since become a part of my life in one way or another... It was all about being at the right place at the right time... Thank you God for everything... my every day... my every breath.

Through this journey, not only have I been blessed with having shoulders available to cry on, but my shoulders also have been blessed with a few tear stains on them too.

Through this journey I have realized that all of 'this" is not in vain... including those experiences behind my words... especially since I know in my heart that I am reaching out to people by sharing a part of myself.    

Through this journey I have found that my friends too have their situations to deal with... life happens to everyone.  Always know my friends and family, that my "shoulders" are always available.

Through this journey I have learned that I have so much more to explore and learn from.  Including all the bumps and curves in the road, as well as the straight ways!

Through this journey I have become more appreciative of my family and friends.  I could not be more thankful!  Well... maybe just a little...  (wink, wink)

I sincerely hope that if you are not able to go on this journey with me, that I in some way have been able to connect with you on some level.


Thank you God for everything... my every day... my every breath.

There is great meaning in life for those who are willing to journey.
~  Jim England

Success is a journey, not a destination. The doing is often more important than the outcome.~  Arthur Ashe

The feeling remains that God is on the journey, too.~  Teresa of Avila 

Blessings to all!!

253 days / 36 weeks to go...

All contents herein are protected under Copyright laws and can not be used, altered or copied. All accounts herein are written by Cali-Gal/Carla B Karam and are true accounts of her life. Some names may be changed to protect the innocent.