Day 519 ~ After the [30 Day Husband Encouragement] Challenge

After the challenge... Husband Encouragement Challenge
courtesy of ReviveOurHearts.com

". . . This is my beloved, and this is my friend . . ." (Song of Solomon 5:16b) 

Friends can be completely honest with each other, but friendships are strained when truth is not spoken in love. How are you speaking to your beloved? Are you so "used" to him that you don't appreciate the wonder of his friendship? That is your challenge today. Is your sweetheart your best friend? Does he know this? Have you told him, or do you assume he "just knows"?

Friendship is something that is cultivated through the good times and the bad. Friends can share their hearts, but they don't step on each other's hearts. The way to have and be a good friend is to cultivate and celebrate the relationship. As you end this "30-Day Encouragement Challenge," celebrate your friendship with your husband. Get alone and reflect on your beloved friend. Write him a letter, listing the qualities you admire and appreciate about him. If you are creative with words, write and frame a poem about him.

. . .  prepare a special meal, just for the two of you . . .

Encouragement, as you have seen these past 30 days, is a synonym for love in action. How has this challenge changed your heart and life, dear friend? Did God encourage you as you planned ways to encourage your husband? Were there difficult days where you simply needed to trust that God was working? Days when it was hard to leave the results to God?

. . . 

What kinds of victories have you experienced in your home since you started the "30-Day Encouragement Challenge"? Would you take a moment to share these victories with us?. 

The biggest and best part of the challenge... 

HOLD IT!!!!   Let me stop right there.  First off this was called a "challenge."  Right?  Some would think and wonder 'how can "encouraging" your husband be challenging?'

Well let me tell you... I was to do this for 30 days straight regardless of mood, temperment, emotion, right, wrong, bad or good moods... for 30 days straight I was to "encourage" my husband.  All positive.  Regardless if I was mad at him or not I was to "encourage" my husband in a "positive" way each day.  I was not to say anything bad to him or about him to anyone.

I will be honest, I did have a couple of rocky days... I really did!  On "those" rocky days, It took all of me to bite my tongue and keep my thoughts to myself and follow with my encouragement.

I know ... some of you may think "are you kidding me!? I would have let him have it!!"  ...  at the mere mention of not speaking your mind someone close to me said, "well, then I will never marry!  I have to speak my mind!!" ...

I can completely, 100% understand what you mean!  I am all about being heard and "talking" about "feelings", being honest with one another.

But after experiencing this challenge, I have learned a couple of things.... 1)  it's not about being right or wrong... it's about being happy!!...choose your battles and 2) that there are nice ways of getting one's opinion across without being "rude" or "heard" in a negative way..

It is about learning how to communicate "outside the box" without supressing your own feelings without conflict.

All in all it has been a positive experience which has left positive changes in my marriage.

You know part of misunderstanding is one's marriage is because we "expect" things from our spouse.  I only "expect" things... as an example... this one instance with taking out the trash.  If you are walking by a pile of boxes that are evidently going out to the trash and you are leaving, can't you take the initiative to grab the trash on your way out?  Does everything need to be said?!  Can't it be left to good logic?  "If I am on my way out the door and I walk by a pile of items that are headed for the trash. . . gee I think I'll help and take them out. 'honeyyyyyyyy?!" ....-calling out to ask if the pile is heading out...

I have stopped "expect"-ing and that in itself has brought peace to my home.  

After all. . . isn't it about being happy?  Is the "trash"  really worth getting in a fight over?  I don't think so.  

Listen, for me it can be the "trash" or "laundry"... for you it could be "getting off the couch", "yard work" or even "helping with the kids" . . . 

Bottom line. . . because of this 30 day encouragement challenge my husband's love tank is full.  He is happy.  He is even helping more.  {and} I am asking for things to be done in sweet creative ways, along with my continued "encouragement"...[ that's right, I have not stopped encouraging my husband because the challenge is over ]  our home is a happy home full of laughter, joy and happiness.

I am blessed. 

I am thankful for my best friend, my husband!

[here's to you finding your... ]

Peace...

I am second..

... for a, l & c.  You are my sunshine(s).  

Images are courtesy of google or Bing images.  Some images maybe labeled property of Carla Barila Karam and of this blog, Took It... Making It... Living It... My Life .  © 2012  U.S Copyright Laws apply.

Day 509 ~ Speaking Kindness (XXII)

Day 22 of the Husband Encouragement Challenge
courtesy of ReviveOurHearts.com

"Let your speech always be with grace." (Collosians 4:6a) 

• You can't say anything negative about your husband . . . to your husband . . . or to anyone else, about your husband.
• Say something that you admire or appreciate about your husband . . . to your husband . . . and to someone else, about your husband!

Focus today on how you represent your husband in your home, your church, and your community. In this challenge to encourage, ask: "If all my family and friends knew about my husband came from a filter of what I've said about him, what would they think of my husband?" Do you need to change the filter? Do you talk positively about your husband to others . . . or do you complain and criticize?

Your speech should reflect 1 Cor. 13 love. Your words should be kind, and should never "rejoice in iniquity" (v. 6). Refrain from listing your husband's faults to others. Satan likes to trick us in this area—be wary of sharing barbed "prayer requests." Remember, "Love will cover a multitude of sins" (1 Pet. 4:8b). Present your husband before others today in a strong, positive manner. Slip in a "good word" for your spouse.

Resist the urge to correct or belittle him in front of others. Some of what you say may come back to him—and you want your words to be sweet, building him up and never tearing him down.

Don't forget: you are always criticizing—or encouraging—before an audience. God hears your conversations when you are alone with your husband in your own home. May your speech be always seasoned with grace. 

Day 22 ! . . .
I'm going to keep this simple and not let it get too wordy.  

Kindness... 

I can't tell you how many times kindness has nipped me in the butt!  LOL!  

Seriously now... 

I think the hardest thing to do is to be kind to someone who is downright mean.

I am definitely not speaking of my husband... he is far too kind.

I really don't have to go out of my way to speak kind of him... especially when everyone else already is doing so.

My husband has done well for himself.  He is far too kind and has always been known as such.

If anything, I sometimes think "what the heck is he doing married to me?!"

Oh... let me get something straight here... I am not mean.  I just have been hurt so much that I have taken my hurt out on others.  "Scapegoating."  I can't be more honest than that.

However... I tend to go out of my way to protect myself and my family and am far more on the defense than he is.

My husband is kind, loving and very giving.  He has not seen not even 10% of the cruelty that I have seen.  He never thinks or looks at things or people as I do.  I am always very skeptical and he is so trusting.

With that said... this is was makes us so different.

He grew up in a loving, supportive family... divorce and all.

I on the other hand, saw nothing but spite, revenge and ugliness... 

BIG DIFFERENCE.

So when it comes to building my husband up... well... his actions have already taken care of that.

[here's to you finding your... ]

Peace...

I am second..

... for a, l & c.  You are my sunshine(s).  

Images are courtesy of google or Bing images.  Some images maybe labeled property of Carla Barila Karam and of this blog, Took It... Making It... Living It... My Life .  © 2012  U.S Copyright Laws apply.

Day 232 ~ Choosing Your Battles

Back on the lighter side of life... well lighter that yesterday's subject anyway... marriage.

Yes I said  m-a-r-r-i-a-g-e.  I know and realize that for some, this may not be a lighter subject.  Could be a sore subject at that.  I know there was a day that I used to feel this way... many, many, many moons ago (first marriage).  Almost seems like a lifetime ago... geez, it was a lifetime ago!   

My first marriage was so... so militant.  Strict, could be another word.  Quite uneasy at times, and always under the gun.  Each day at about quarter to five in the evening, I would stop what I was doing and would rush to pick up the house.  Otherwise, hell was sure to break loose.

Don't get me wrong, I loved having a clean house.  My house was clean, believe me is was.  But no matter what, something would always stand out and not meet "his" standards.  

I have always been of the thought "there's a place for everything and everything has its place".  However, "he" took it took a whole new level.  

Venice, California

Fast forward to today.  

Today, I am married to my best friend.  I have never felt so at ease with anyone in my life.  Never at a loss for words.  No need to sensor myself.  There isn't a moment in the day that I do not feel that I can not be myself around Dean.

You guessed it!  Dean is the complete polar opposite of "him".  Dino, as I lovingly call him, is so laid back.  If anything, I find myself being too orderly around him.  Needless to say, that with the years together, I have toned it down quite a bit.  Even so, I still love a clean house. 

With all that said, there are days that I wonder why my wonderful husband can't put the bread back, or actually make the hamper once in a while.  My life is not as orderly as it used to be, but having lived and seen the "dark side" ... I would not have it any other way.

March 22, 2003  ~  Malibu, California

After eleven years, of which we have been married for nearly nine years, I have almost mastered the art of "choosing my battles".  Instead of getting upset each and every time something is not put away, I may make a crack about it on the tenth time or so.  

In recent years, I have taken a page out of my mother-in-law's life... just take care of it.  After all she is living with three, YES THREE men... my father-in-law and my two brother-in-laws... and she wholeheartedly takes care of all three of them without a complaint.  That's three men she is picking up after and taking care of.  I once commented to her that both my brother-in-laws were old enough to make their own beds, sorry guys.  Mom explained to me that the boys do so much for her and dad, that that's the least she could do.  Enough said.  Understood.

After some thought, you can say that I have it easy.  Especially since Calley, our five year little girl, loves taking care of her daddy too.  She really is starting to be a BIG help around the house.

My husband comes home to Calley and me every night, he is honest and caring, a hard worker with integrity and a sense of humor that doesn't stop.  He is my best friend and the love of my life.  He has always brought out the best in me.  I wouldn't trade him for the world!

So, when I see the mayonnaise left out or Dino forgot to take the trash out... I snicker and put the mayo in the fridge and I take the trash out myself.  I pick my battles.

You see there are worse things to fight about.  

A happy wife, is a happy life.  ~ many attributions for this quote

A happy man marries the girl he loves; a happier man loves the girl he marries.  ~ author unknown 

We are told that people stay in love because of chemistry, or because they remain intrigued with each other, because of many kindnesses, because of luck.  But part of it has got to be forgiveness and gratefulness.  ~ Ellen Goodman

Blessings to all!!

133 days to go...

PS... Sons, I love and miss you.  To the moon and stars above and back.  You are my sunshine(s).

Images belong to Carla Barila Karam and Taking Back My Life ~ Making It My Own, and are protected by US Copyright Laws.

Day 107 ~ Editor's Pick of the Day!!

When I woke up this morning I knew immediately that I had to continue on course... Sooo when Calley woke me up at "o-dark-thirty", all I could do was whisper to her to get under the covers with me and snuggle with mommy until it was time to wake up.  After all it still was dark out!!  

Finally after the sun rose, business was as usual... and the second thing I do before rolling out of bed is to check email.  YES from bed!!  lol!  I know I am a crazy techie!!  First thing I do... I smother Calley with kisses!

However I did not have a clue what was about to happen or what was in store for me until I opened my email.  I started seeing emails from other bloggers from bloggers.com... not that I normally don't get any, but I was a little surprised when I saw an email from bloggers.com themselves with "Congratulations..." in the subject box.  I didn't even finish reading the word "congratulations", let alone the entire sentence, and I was opening the email from them.  I felt a little excitement growing, just like the kind you feel when you are opening up a present.  Then I read the following:

Hello Carla:

Congratulation!

You have been featured on BLOGGERS as one of the Bloggers of the day. Your profile and Blog "Taking Back My Life ~ Making It My Own!" has been showcased in Bloggers Home page (http://bloggers.com). In addition to that you are awarded with Featured bloggers badge on your profile.

Thank you again for your brilliant work. Enjoy the latest features and tell your friends to join this wonderful community.

regards

Thank you
The Bloggers Team 

Editor's Pick of the Day!!

OH MY GOODNESS!!! I could not believe what I was reading, and then the next thing I knew I was overwhelmed with joy and started to cry.  I could not believe that my blog had been chosen... and then I started reading all these comments from fellow bloggers... 

As simple as it may sound, all that comes to mind is .... THANK YOU!!!  You all made my day!!! my week! my month!! my year!!!

Who'd a thunk?!

First thing I did was call my hubby :)  I love that man so much!!!  After all, he is putting up with my writing every evening before I go to bed, which at times makes it difficult for him to go to sleep.  Does he complain... NO! he does not... He encourages me to continue writing.

Dean, I love you so much!  You mean the world to me... I look forward to continue to grow old with you!! and raise our daughter together!!!  YOU are my knight in shinning armor!!  

At day's end I received nearly a hundred emails, and I continue to receive them as I am writing tonight's post.

And If I have not responded back to any of your questions or emails yet, please rest assure that I will!!   and...

Once again.... a sincere, heartfelt Thank You!!

A thankful heart is not only the greatest virtue, but the parent of all other virtues.  ~ Cicero

Blessed are those that can give without remembering and receive without forgetting.    ~ Author Unknown

Every time we remember to say "thank you", we experience nothing less than heaven on earth.   ~ Sarah Ban Breathnach 

Therefore I will give thanks to You, O LORD, among the Gentiles, And sing praises to Your name.   2 Samuel 22:50

Blessings to all!!


258 days to go...

All contents herein are protected under Copyright laws and can not be used, altered or copied. All accounts herein are written by Cali-Gal/Carla B Karam and are true accounts of her life. Some names may be changed to protect the innocent.      

Day 105 ~ Tender Kisses

After surviving the first time Calley had "something scary" wake her up in the middle of the night, it sure was blissful waking up next to her this morning.

As I felt her tender little kisses on my cheek, I pretended I was still asleep... and then before she knew it... I was smothering her with "mommy" hugs and kisses!  Just as I think about it right now, as my heart smiles, I do too.

This is how I want to start every day!  All the while I was kissing Calley, I couldn't help thanking God for being so blessed.  

Telling myself that it was okay for me to mourn the loss of my boys was one of the better ideas I have had lately.  For some reason it had a positive sub-conscience affect on me.  It allowed me to be okay with being sad, and then "starting over" per say today.

After having such a loving morning with my little girl, (which by the way I just realized yesterday that she will be turning five, three weeks from tomorrow,) I decided to enjoy the rest of the morning watching her play at the park... I even had Daddy meet us there, Calley was so surprised!  

I spent the entire day enjoying my family, even the little things in life.  What a beautiful day that God gave me today!  

Thank you God.  I am so grateful for the life you have given me.

"At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person.Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us."   ~ Albert Schweitzer

"He is a wise man who does not grieve for the things which he has not, but rejoices for those which he has."   ~ Epictetus

"As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them."  ~ John F. Kennedy 

This is the day the LORD has made; We will rejoice and be glad in it.   Psalm 118:24  

Blessings to all!!


260 days to go...

All contents herein are protected under Copyright laws and can not be used, altered or copied. All accounts herein are written by Cali-Gal/Carla B Karam and are true accounts of her life. Some names may be changed to protect the innocent.     

Day 64 ~ "Let's See Where This Goes" Approach ;)

As you may have already noticed I am not continuing with "part tres" of "My Fight Begins" tonight.  

I have thought about this for most of my day today.  Do I want to just write about it all and GET IT OVER WITH... or...do I want to break it up?  Which by doing so, gives me a break on having to re-live it all at once.- However, this method is like removing a band-aid very slowly, making the pain last longer. 

I mentioned in the first part of this series that if my goal is to help some one other than myself with my experiences... then, I have to put it (my story and myself) out there.  

courtesy of Bing images

And even as I sit here writing this, I am still indecisive!

Listen, I have been going through all of this all my life, what's a little longer?  Well. I just want to put it out there and then place it all in a BALLOON! and get it over with!!  I want to lead a positive life, and the sooner I can get it all out, the sooner I can start living!

What's wrong with little bits here and there, with a little POSITIVENESS in between?

courtesy of Bing images

Well that settles it!  I will continue it in a few days... maybe this will be the topic for each Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday or just Tuesday and Thursday, until it's all said and done? ... Or ... Maybe just maybe, I'll get it out there every few days?  How about taking a "let's see where this goes" approach?  

That's it!...

It's settled.  I will continue this series every few days with a "Let's see where this goes" approach.  

With all that said, I would like to let you know that I have been sub-consciously, or maybe even consciously,  dreading the inevitable... sharing my fight for my children.  This even goes back to writing my book.  

I have dragged my feet on this because I knew that I would have to re-live it all ... and not only that ... but I am really putting forth an effort on being positive.  Setting a good example, as you will.  What shakes me up once in a while is the thought of the possibility of Calley, my beautiful little girl, learning negativity from me.

I am not going to lie to you, but there has been a couple of times that I have witnessed Calley doing something negative... where did she get this from?  Well, hellooo! ... ME!!  Oh my gosh!  The last thing I ever want is for Calley to experience is needless negativity.

My wish is for her to be everything I am not!  I wish that she will be strong and self confident.  Approachable, smart and with wonderful self esteem.  I would like her to be whatever she'd like, even if it's something I would not choose for her.  I wish for her to be happy! and most of all to love herself!!

Now, now... I am not trying to be hard on myself, don't forget I am working on myself.  Trying to change negative behavior and thoughts... Just so tired of being down and sad.  I wish all those things for myself and I know that one day I will be all those wonderful things I want for my daughter, and sons for that matter.

courtesy of Bing images

My eldest son just told me this evening that he was going to try out for the Navy Seals tomorrow... so many different feelings and thoughts!  One of which...the last thing I want, is for something to happen to my son!  However, this is something he wants and I am very proud of him for setting such a great goal!!  He has a great outlook... kind of a "let's see what happens" approach.   ;)   

I can tell that he doesn't want to get his hopes up... BUT...  I am his mother and I believe that he can do whatever he sets his mind to... and if it's meant to be, well, I believe that HE WILL BE GREAT AT IT!!  Great things will happen for him!!  

Wonderful things are in store for all my children! and for me and Dean!!

My children are a beautiful reflection of God's love.

“Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.”  Dr. Seuss 

Blessings to all!!

301 days to go.

All contents herein are protected under Copyright laws and can not be used, altered or copied. All accounts herein are written by Cali-Gal/Carla B Karam and are true accounts of her life. Some names may be changed to protect the innocent.

Day 55 ~ More Than Just A Souvenir!

Unfortunately, our days here in Pointe Dume are now numbered.  Big sad face!  However, this trip I am taking so much back with me~.

This trip has been more than just about my 30th high school reunion; it's been more than just about loosing weight (and maintaining it off and maintaining a healthy lifestyle for not only myself and my family)...

This family vacation, in my eyes and in my heart, has brought my family closer and has given me a wholesome look at myself and my life.

So many times, myself included, we are so quick to judge the driver next to us (who by the way may have just totally cut us off~ clueless to any of their surroundings), or even the person sitting next to you at a restaurant...  more so, we forget, that just like ourselves, these people also have troubles of their own.

I have come to the realization, that besides ALL of my trials and tribulations, ups and downs, and all the history I have left behind me, that I AM BLESSED!!

Even though we may struggle to pay our bills, or just to cope with the daily ins and outs of our own lives... I have a beautiful family, a husband that is dedicated to his family's happiness, and children who are healthy, and still with me.

And myself... well, I have never felt this good about myself!!!

Now, I can't take all the credit.  I give credit to my family, and all the lovely people that are on my "Dream Team"!  

Why?  Well, I have never in my life have felt like I have so many people on my side.  Not that there are sides to choose.  What I mean is that, I feel as if I have the biggest family in the world that loves and supports me.  Who understands me.... and still loves me!!  

I feel a renewed strength within me, including faith that is never ending.  I feel that we can do anything that we set our mind and heart to.

And with that said... I feel blessed!  

Blessings to all!!

310 days to go.

All contents herein are protected under Copyright laws and can not be used, altered or copied. All accounts herein are written by Cali-Gal/Carla B Karam and are true accounts of her life. Some names may be changed to protect the innocent.