Day 297 ~ My Fight Continues V

Continued from Days 62, 63, 295 & 296...

As time went on, there were more and more times that I was put aside.  As the dust began to settle, my sons began to live.  My sons began to grow.  They were finally able to live their lives, and that they did.  They started going to sleepovers and parties.. conveniently they it would happen during their time with me.  What was I supposed to do?  Take their complete childhood away?  Hindsight.. I should have put myself first a little more.  Because, as time went on, my sons learned to put their friends first, before their mother.  Again, what was I supposed to do?  Keep them from having friends?  I wanted for them to have a happy healthy life.


More time went by, I found myself alone more without my boys.  The alienation continued.  The     passive aggressive behavior towards me continued.  The bullying continued.  My car had been vandalized at an event that was a last minute outing with my sons, and only their father knew it.  He own his own auto repair shop.  Very easy for him to have one of his flunkies do it for him.  I ended up being stranded for two hours that night, having to call "him" to come get the boys. 

After a couple of more years of the same, and with my sons growing older and older... I made a decision... I moved back home, back to Los Angeles.  Their father agreed to continue vacations and  major holiday trips at my expense... which never transpired.  He renigged on it all.  I was able to have my younger son visit me once, and even then his father called and cut his trip short by a day ("he" wanted my son home one day early, ONE DAY!) ... which caused major heartache on my part and I was out an additional $100 for changing the ticket.  Which he never paid me back.

My eldest son was allowed to come see me once, with my youngest son... it was for my father's funeral..  My sons' father would not allow my sons to be with their (my) family for more than six hours.  I actually paid $800 for my sons to fly down from the Northwest for six hours.  We had to pick them up at the airport at eleven in the morning, and then back at the airport by five that same evening.  They were not allowed to grieve for their grandfather.  The only grandfather they had ever known.

One would think that after twelve years (at the time) the dust would be settled.  I longed for the day that each of my sons would turn 18... hoping that they would have their own voice to finally speak up.  But... The dust never really settled... even after being divorced for nearly nineteen years.  

Y O U   S E E . . .  all this time I have been alienated from my sons.  I have been lied to, as have my sons.  With that said, I have put it all behind me- except for having to relive it all now with these posts, so that I may share my story.  Hold on a moment!  How can anyone ever put this behind them?  Honestly, time only helps to not think about it as much.

As each day passes, I struggle a little less.  I have good days.  I have bad days.  The loss of my sons will forever live inside of me.  Their lack of effort made to be a part of my life will change one day.

T O D A Y . . .  I have Calley.  I thank God for Calley everyday.  I feel so blessed to have been given a second chance at being a mommy.  Although, I must admit that because of the loss of my boys I sometimes catch myself being a little too overprotective over her.  I guess that can't be all bad.  I cherish each moment I have with my daughter, and strive to do right by her.

I have been telling Calley about her brothers from the day she was born, and has met them once (her older brother twice).  The last time she was with her brothers was three and a half years ago, she just had her second birthday before our visit.  


Whenever given a chance, Calley loves to tell people that she has brothers.  Also, there are all the pictures of them on our family walls.  Calley's too cute too, she is always asking about them.  She asks me to tell her stories of when they were little.  She continuously asks me what they like to eat and then will ask for me to make it for her.  At the end of each day, we finish with a prayer for her brothers, to keep them safe and close to God.

Funny thing... recently Calley one day started talking to me about her brothers.  Somewhere in the conversation she innocently assume that her daddy, was their daddy too.  Boy, talk about being put on the spot!  Well I proceeded to tell her that they had a different daddy, and that we had stopped being married.  Somehow as simply as I had put it, she understood.  And then proceeded to ask me if their daddy was part of our family.  OH BOY!  I had to contain myself,  and managed to do so.  I told her that her brothers are part of our family, and their father is part of their family... and since that was the case, we could all be considered an extended family.

I know one day my daughter will know the truth, but until then I will be as honest as I can, without taking her innocence away from her before its time.

I adore my sons, there's no question about it.  But until they are ready to be a part of my life, I will continue to hope for the day we will finally be able really put it behind us and be a family.  I will pray for myself.  I will pray for their safety.  Above all, I will pray for them to one day meet, fall in love with and marry wonderful Christian girls.

Making the decision to have a child is momentous.  It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.  ~Elizabeth Stone

Continued with my final thoughts on Day 298.


Blessings to all!!

68 days to go...

PS... for a, l & c.  You are my sunshine(s).  

Images are courtesy of google or Bing images.  Some images maybe labeled property of Carla Barila Karam and of this blog, Taking Back My Life ~ Making It My Own.  U.S Copyright laws apply.  ©

Day 296 ~ My Fight Continues IV

Continued from Days 62, 63 & 295...

After that day at McDonald's, there were what seemed to be an eternity of court dates, weekly appointments with the G.A.L, and then at least two appointments per week with a family psychologist.  For nearly one year, my sons gave up their childhood... and for what?  Just so a man can get his vengeance.

Oh how I hated showing up at the court house.  Then finally, "my day" in court came.  I gave my attorney a document (I got a hold of) that proved that my sons' step-mother had committed pergury.   All of a sudden the other side wanted to settle.  To this day I am still bothered that my attorney did not go directly to the judge with it (or is that done only in the movies?), instead he went to the other side with it.    

At that moment, all I could think of was putting it ALL behind me.. having my life back with my sons... giving my sons back their childhood...  I knew at that moment that either I could continue fighting my sons' father, or end it all amicably (for whatever that means)... I thought of my boys.  


We had settled on shared custody, with the boys staying with their dad ("he") the majority of the school year-  I would get my sons Thursday through Monday one week, and Friday through Sunday the next.  During the summertime, it would flip.  However vacation time would come into play, as well as these cockamamie "free" days that I or he could use with a 48 hour notice.  But somehow my sons dad would screw me over each summer, where I would barely end up with a month with my sons.  I always was somehow taken advantage of.  I was always thinking of my sons, and "he" knew it... and "he" would always be thinking of how he could stick it to me, instead of just letting go and let live.  There were also holidays, birthdays and so on that were split and alternated each year.


Even at that moment . . . when I was signing the settlement papers in front of the judge, all the while he was saying that we better be sure of what we were agreeing to, I was unsure of it all but did not want my sons to suffer any more.  Years later, my youngest son asked me why I hadn't fought harder.  O U C H !  All I know is that I did the best I could at the time, especially when I did it all alone.

As I look back, I see myself as being weak.  I had been intimidated and bullied for so long.  My sons' father and his wife would gang up on me.  They would ridicule me.  So many times I would show up at my sons' athletic events and I would be shunned upon.  My sons were not even allowed to come over and say hello to me when they saw me... they would have to ask for permission to come over to me, yet allowed to go anywhere else without a problem.


I remember once at my son's baseball game, I was enjoying the game.  I was watching the game comfortably in a lawn chair, in front of my car... when another mom approached me.  She had asked me who's mom I was, knowing the answer already.  She proceeded to warn me about my son's step-mother.  She told me that the step-mother had been bad mouthing me to several of the mom's there.  "Don't worry honey, I too deal with an evil step-mother and recognized her actions right away.  I want you to know that we would love it for you to sit with us anytime you want."  WOW!  I could not believe what I was hearing.  Someone actually coming to my defense, someone actually "having my back."  I thanked her and continued watching the game from where I was sitting.

to be continued...

Recently, I keep hearing these words said over and over, yet worded a little different each time.  I would like to share my friend's quote with you... 

Surround yourself with people who celebrate who you are, not those who choose to pick you apart.  They don't appreciate the gift you really are, and aren't worthy of your presence anyway.   ~ Denise Matthews Bickers 

Blessings to all!!

69 days to go...

PS... for a, l & c.  You are my sunshine(s).  

Images are courtesy of google or Bing images.  Some images maybe labeled property of Carla Barila Karam and of this blog, Taking Back My Life ~ Making It My Own.  U.S Copyright laws apply.  ©

Day 295 ~ My Fight Continues III

Continued from Days 62 & 63...

Ronique "Pepper" Smith and her birth
mom reunited at last   June-2011

Just finished watching this heart wrenching, anything is possible kind of story on Dateline ID, titled Lost and Found.  

This episode was about a woman who had been kidnapped at the age of four and raised by her kidnapper.  Click here for the story on YouTube.  This episode is in a total of six parts on YouTube, this being the first of six. The other five are on YouTube as well.  

Every parent's nightmare, mine including, is the fear of your child being abducted, taken away from you.

I remember the first time my father took my eldest son to his first Los Angles Kings game, he was about 3 or so.  The entire time he was with my father, I prayed that my father would keep an eye on him and not let him out of his sight.  Talk about anxious!  I could not wait for the game to end so I could pick up my baby.

It doesn't matter how old your children are, the concern and worry will always be there.

Today, in a split second, when Calley (5) steps away from me at the market...I become a wreck!!!  Yes, I freak out each time; and each time I kneel down to Calley and praise God and then scold her.  I try to put the fear of God in her.  Tell her that there are bad bad people out there.  I just realized that I always tell her about BAD MEN... I should also tell her that there are BAD WOMEN too. Calley always responds to me so innocently, "Mommy... I was just right there" (pointing to only steps away.)  

Now, even though my boys were not taken away from me in the same way by being abducted, I can sincerely empathize with parents who have had their children taken from them.  

Some may even say, your sons were with their father... you knew where they were.  

Yes.  They are right.  I did know where they were.  However... their father went to unorthodox, evil measures and made up that I had inappropriately touch my younger son (who was three at the time).... Which then caused a horrible domino affect in my life!  A restraining order was put on me to stay away from my children.   To read more about this see Days 62 and 63 for more details.

H O W E V E R. . .  I suffered a loss.  My "mommy" strings were cut... my children gone.  

to be continued...

I never knew how much love my heart could hold until someone called me "mommy."  ~author unknown

Blessings to all!!

70 days to go...

PS... for a, l & c.  You are my sunshine(s).  

Images are courtesy of google or Bing images.  Some images maybe labeled property of Carla Barila Karam and of this blog, Taking Back My Life ~ Making It My Own.  U.S Copyright laws apply.  ©

Day 237 ~ I Forgave Him Because I Had To

ON OFF ON OFF ON OFF... I have literally been staring at a blinking cursor for the last two hours.  I have been sitting in a trans just thinking about my sons.  They are grown up.  24, and in twenty-three days my youngest of my two will be 21.  Boy do I miss them.  

It's been a while since I have reminisced about my boys of when they were little.  We were inseparable up until my eldest son turned six.  Breaks my heart to even think about the years we struggled to be together, while their father manipulated and calculated ... that's when all hell broke loose in my marriage to their father.  That's all I'll say right now.  Ouch.  Still is very painful, even after all this time.

I forgave myself a long time ago for my part in it all.  I do want to say, that even though I hate what their father did to me and I rip on "that" marriage, I did love that man once.  I was in love with him.

There were good times... and then there were bad times.  Regardless, I took our marriage serious and was true to him, and our marriage until the end.  There's so much a person can take.

My funny Valentine'  ~ February 1994

There were many things that went wrong with it... but when trust went out the window, that was it.  We both failed.  Sad thing is that we failed our sons above all.  He failed for keeping them from their mother.  I failed for allowing it all to happen.

Never the less... that marriage ended December of 1993, eighteen years ago and "that" man still can't let it go.  He has never encouraged a relationship between my sons and me... actually quite the opposite.  


It may seem as if I can not let it go, not true.  I let go a long time ago.  I wished him happiness a long time ago.  I had to start my life over again, a long time ago.  I found new love, a long time ago.  

I am not writing this to bash him.  After all he is the father of my sons.  But, that is where is stops.  I no longer consider him (and this will be the one and only time you will hear me say it) "my ex-husband".  That will be the last time you read that in print.  He is nothing to "me" now.  I forgave him, because I had to as a good Christian and that's it.  I know I am being harsh or hostile toward him, and that in itself is not Christian... but I am working on it.  

Nevertheless, I miss my sons so much.   The past is the past, and must remain there.  We can't do anything about it.

Tomorrow?  Well tomorrow, I will always be here for you.  and... Tomorrow will be awesome!  


I trust in you God.

If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you.  John 15:7 (NIV)

Blessings to all!!

128 days to go...

PS... Sons, I love and miss you.  To the moon and stars above and back.  You are my sunshine(s).

Image(s) courtesy of google images.

Day 232 ~ Choosing Your Battles

Back on the lighter side of life... well lighter that yesterday's subject anyway... marriage.

Yes I said  m-a-r-r-i-a-g-e.  I know and realize that for some, this may not be a lighter subject.  Could be a sore subject at that.  I know there was a day that I used to feel this way... many, many, many moons ago (first marriage).  Almost seems like a lifetime ago... geez, it was a lifetime ago!   

My first marriage was so... so militant.  Strict, could be another word.  Quite uneasy at times, and always under the gun.  Each day at about quarter to five in the evening, I would stop what I was doing and would rush to pick up the house.  Otherwise, hell was sure to break loose.

Don't get me wrong, I loved having a clean house.  My house was clean, believe me is was.  But no matter what, something would always stand out and not meet "his" standards.  

I have always been of the thought "there's a place for everything and everything has its place".  However, "he" took it took a whole new level.  

Venice, California

Fast forward to today.  

Today, I am married to my best friend.  I have never felt so at ease with anyone in my life.  Never at a loss for words.  No need to sensor myself.  There isn't a moment in the day that I do not feel that I can not be myself around Dean.

You guessed it!  Dean is the complete polar opposite of "him".  Dino, as I lovingly call him, is so laid back.  If anything, I find myself being too orderly around him.  Needless to say, that with the years together, I have toned it down quite a bit.  Even so, I still love a clean house. 

With all that said, there are days that I wonder why my wonderful husband can't put the bread back, or actually make the hamper once in a while.  My life is not as orderly as it used to be, but having lived and seen the "dark side" ... I would not have it any other way.

March 22, 2003  ~  Malibu, California

After eleven years, of which we have been married for nearly nine years, I have almost mastered the art of "choosing my battles".  Instead of getting upset each and every time something is not put away, I may make a crack about it on the tenth time or so.  

In recent years, I have taken a page out of my mother-in-law's life... just take care of it.  After all she is living with three, YES THREE men... my father-in-law and my two brother-in-laws... and she wholeheartedly takes care of all three of them without a complaint.  That's three men she is picking up after and taking care of.  I once commented to her that both my brother-in-laws were old enough to make their own beds, sorry guys.  Mom explained to me that the boys do so much for her and dad, that that's the least she could do.  Enough said.  Understood.

After some thought, you can say that I have it easy.  Especially since Calley, our five year little girl, loves taking care of her daddy too.  She really is starting to be a BIG help around the house.

My husband comes home to Calley and me every night, he is honest and caring, a hard worker with integrity and a sense of humor that doesn't stop.  He is my best friend and the love of my life.  He has always brought out the best in me.  I wouldn't trade him for the world!

So, when I see the mayonnaise left out or Dino forgot to take the trash out... I snicker and put the mayo in the fridge and I take the trash out myself.  I pick my battles.

You see there are worse things to fight about.  

A happy wife, is a happy life.  ~ many attributions for this quote

A happy man marries the girl he loves; a happier man loves the girl he marries.  ~ author unknown 

We are told that people stay in love because of chemistry, or because they remain intrigued with each other, because of many kindnesses, because of luck.  But part of it has got to be forgiveness and gratefulness.  ~ Ellen Goodman

Blessings to all!!

133 days to go...

PS... Sons, I love and miss you.  To the moon and stars above and back.  You are my sunshine(s).

Images belong to Carla Barila Karam and Taking Back My Life ~ Making It My Own, and are protected by US Copyright Laws.

Day 188 ~ It Did Happen!

After  last night's post, I am going to go on the (somewhat) lighter side this evening.  Having to recall years of painful memories triggers some heartache, sometimes making it feel as if it was all happening yesterday.  It takes a lot out of a person.

[Stated in a sarcastic tone.]  I guess that is why it took me a little over four months to continue into part three!

How many parts will there be? you ask.  Well, you want to know something funny?  There is so much drama to my past, that I have no clue how many parts there will be to my "fight."  Maybe a couple two or three more or not.  Maybe I'll just make a point of it and that's it... I'll take it as it comes for right now...who knows?

But what I do know, is that I have to keep in mind that I better tell it quick, a reader's digest version per say... making points of the important lessons, while weeding away non-sense.  Basically hitting the important points... that way there's a better possibility of my connecting with someone who is going at it all alone (or feels alone), someone who may need a friend who can say they sincerely understand.

Okay... now on to ... ta ta Ta da!!!  the announcement of my "special" house guest.  Of my "YES IT DID HAPPEN" special house guest.

This is a person who I have known for over forty-five years, a person who I can not remember when we sincerely had a respectful, honest, trusting relationship.  Hardly ever as adults, that's for sure.  The last time I spoke to this person, before six months ago, was two months after my father's death in March of 2006.  

After I had spoken to this person, I remember regretting being nice to this person at my father's funeral.  Before that, I tried helping this person in 2001, which ended in a very sour situation.  

Then, I vaguely remember that I had what could be considered a brief encounter, being that  I remember very little of it.  Addison, my eldest, was about two, which makes it 1989 more or less.  The years in between 1989 and 2001... A.. I either I did not speak to this person... B.. tolerated this person or... C.. I lived in Seattle, Washington- far away from family drama.

Prior to 1989, I remember being forced to invite this person (and spouse) to my wedding to the father of my sons, in 1986.  Earlier than 1986 it had been five years since I had contact, and before that, well let's just say there were many, many issues that go back to my being nine and having a knife thrown at me by a six year old in a hysterical rage!  

As children, there are few good memories on my end... I strongly feel that I always harbored more resentment, more so because my feelings were generally not validated.  You know... maybe a "sincere," "honest," apology once in a while would have been nice.  and Remember... we were generally played against each other.

What has changed?  Seven to eight months ago I was informed that this person had been hospitalized, almost loosing their life Thanksgiving 2010, four months earlier.  (Imagine being in a hospital and no one wanting to be by your side?)  It took me more or less two months to initiate contact.  Funny, I make it sound sooo mechanical.  

I was guarding my heart, after so many years of fights, arguments, lies, drama, etc... I was apprehensive, with my only extending well wishes for a speedy recovery at first.  

You're probably asking, what's the big deal?  You don't understand... there were many years of, for lack of a better word (and I am not admitting to one what-so-ever) but than "sibling rivalry."  Actually that is not a good description, although that is what our parents chalked it up to being.

However, I do not see it as that.  After many conversations, hours upon hours, upon hours of telephone conversations and countless correspondence, as well as my many years of experience as a wife, mother and countless hours of therapy... I have come to the conclusion that our parents were too busy trying to get even, lie about one another, as well as use their children as pawns in their "love to hate" game against each other!

And by now... you may have probably guessed it... my "special" house guest is my sister!  Again, some may think it is not a big deal, and that I may have made something out of nothing... YOU DO NOT UNDERSTAND!!  THIS IS REALLY BIG!!  To not only invite my sister, but to have her stay in my home, or even talking to her and getting along... WITH ALL CARDS ON THE TABLE... THIS IS HUGE!!

We'll see where this goes... what I would like?  Well, I would like to have a sister in my life for the first time ever!  One who I can count on and trust.  But first thing is first, help her re-cooperate from her surgery a year ago November.  

I just want to say that forgiving is not an easy task, I think the hardest step was taking the first one ... and that was swallowing a little pride and admitting a little responsibility (just a little.) ~ wink, wink. 

I am not saying that all honky dorry and all better... but after literally having witnessed death nearly four months ago, having almost lost my sister (which this has done her a lot of good as well as- a somewhat humbling experience I'd say) thirteen months ago, and my getting close to the big five-O... well this has been a humbling experience in learning to let go... and why not give it another shot, after all she is my sister and I'd hate to see her die alone.  

For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.  But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.   ~ Matthew 6:14-15

The week can never forgive.  Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.  ~ Mahatma Gandhi

Sisters are different flowers from the same garden.  ~Author Unknown

Blessings to all!!

177 days to go...

PS... I love and miss you boys.  To the moon and stars above and back.  You are my sunshines.

All contents herein are protected under Copyright laws and can not be used, altered or copied.  All accounts herein are written by Carla B Karam and are true accounts of her life.  Some names may be changed to protect the innocent.

Picture credits... images courtesy of Bing images.

Day 187 ~ My Fight Continues... Part Three

Days 62 and Day 63 I began to tell you the painful story of the loss of my two sons, to their father.  When I first brought this up one hundred twenty-four days ago, I did not expect it to take me this long to continue.  It is  not easy reliving those days.

Last I left off on Day 63, was that I had received the results to the MMPI, another psychological test and a polygraph test.  Let me tell you... I walked in there with nothing to hide and they still try to strip you of your dignity!

When it comes to a possible wrong doing against a child, the accused (me in this case), is guilty until proven innocent.  Nothing is taken for granted.  It is amazing, how Child Protective Services can come into your life, toss it all upside down and all over the place, put you and your life under a microscope and then excuse themselves as if nothing ever happen! 

Wrong... something did happen!  Finally, after nine months of trying to prove my innocence and waiting for the appointment to take a test, then another month for the results, then another week for an appointment with a Guardian ad litem, I was finally granted a supervised visit with my sons with the Guardian ad Litem present.  

Wow, I think by this time my sons were about eight and a half and four [roughly] it was more or less 1996... and I felt like a complete stranger.  I was given instructions  prior to my visit with my boys, I was not allowed to touch them or hug them unless "they" initiated the contact.  It was such an awkward moment.  We, my children and I have always been very demonstrative of our love... meaning we would hug, give and get kisses on the cheeks (my boys would give me kisses, and I would return them)... all the innocence of our mother/son(s) relationship was stripped from us!

Fast forward to July of 2009, I get a friend request on one of the social networks, from the newest of the soon to be ex-wives club member!  Meaning, that the father of my sons (I call him this because I do not want to give him the honor of being called "my" anything!) was getting divorce number three!  Anyways, tonight's post is not about that... we can leave that for another post.  The point I am trying to make here is that she, ex-wife number three, admitted to ALL of his lies.  

What a coward!  Instead of playing fair, he was being spiteful at my and my son's relationship's expense.  He didn't care.  So many times he looked at me as if saying he had no clue where everything was coming from, or blaming his wife... when all along he had been behind all the lies, all the loss time from my sons, the heartache he caused between my children and I.  Their father had been behind it all!

Today, I only think of this when I have to write it down.  It is very painful to relive the time apart from my children.  The privilege of being a day to day parent... all stolen!

I wrote about the fact that loosing my boys this way is worse than loosing them to death. At least with death, there is finality.  There isn't someone bad mouthing your character, as well and poisoning their opinions of you.  

It is a hard thing to explain when someone strips you from being a parent to your children.  They make it difficult, as well as uncomfortable for communication. 

I want to end this post on two positive notes.  First off... although it has been eighteen years since my divorce was final to the father of my children, I am now learning to let go and dare I say it... forgive him.  Not for him... for me.  For my peace.  I will not allow him to hurt me anymore.

I thank God and Jesus for giving me the gift of being a mother a third time.  The privilege of being a parent is definitely God given.  Thank you for giving me Calley.  Thank you.  

On a final note... today I woke up to the honor of being a Featured voiceBoks member.  I do not know what I did to bestow such an honor.  However... I am very grateful and humbled by it all.  Thank you!!  I do have to say that I have looked for camaraderie like this for a long time... I have been blessed to have met some pretty amazing women bloggers out there.  I am nothing compared to some of the talent I am reading!  I sincerely look forward to developing some amazing relationships!!  I feel it in my bones!!

The quote I will leave you with this evening in one that should be taken to heart by all parents.

“The most important thing a father can do for his children is love their mother”. - Theodore Hesburgh, American Priest

Blessings to all!!

178 days to go...

PS... I love and miss you boys.  To the moon and stars above and back.  You are my sunshines.

All contents herein are protected under Copyright laws and can not be used, altered or copied.  All accounts herein are written by Carla B Karam and are true accounts of her life.  Some names may be changed to protect the innocent.

Day 146 ~ I Do

Does anyone in Hollywood believe in the institution of marriage anymore?  Or did they ever?

I never understood why the rest of the country would always make their comments on how liberal (in a non political sense) California, let alone Los Angeles is, until I moved away.

Seems like everything needs to be politically correct, as well as "for appearance" purposes.  So when it is being reported that Kim Kardashian's husband was casted, let alone that he was not the first choice for her reality show (really?!)... well, what next?  It's no wonder her marriage only lasted 72 days.

I'm sure you're probably saying, "Carla, you've been married more than once!"  Yes, I have.  However, I know that I gave my first marriage all I could.  I even remember thinking that as long as I can look in the mirror and say that I gave it 100%... well let's just say that I did, and then some.  I know I promised you honesty, and honesty you will get... my second marriage... well it did not even make it to a year, and honestly, I married him for all the wrong reasons... and discovered that love was not one of them.  As a side note, quite frankly I forgot about number two until I was writing this and said, "Oh yeah... that's right!  Oops I totally forgot!"

I do want to let you know that I was not the one that filed for divorce in either marriage.  Regardless, I do not wish either experience on anyone.

I am not here to judge Kim... Lord knows I have made my share of stupid choices and dumb moves in my life.  But the fact that people in general, or maybe in this case, the State of California has made it too easy to dissolve a marriage, and the fact that it is a "community property" state has not stopped anyone.

Personally, I feel that there should be mandatory pre-marriage counseling, as well as mandatory pre-divorce counseling.  What will this solve?  Well, in pre-marriage counseling the weak will get weeded out, and in pre-divorce counseling the strong will remain married.  In my opinion, in both cases, the institution of marriage will get the respect it deserves.

Dean & I  ~  Our Wedding

One last note on the matter... marriage takes work.  It isn't about falling in love and living happily ever after.  You have to work at it.  You have to be able to recognize when to battle and when to keep quiet.  Yes, keep quiet.  Just because someone is upset and being ridiculous, does not mean that you should sink with them.  Let him or her yell it out and give them room or rather time to cool down.  The dust always settles, and then you or your spouse will apologize for any unreasonable actions.  We (always) do.


The important thing is, to fight fair.  Name calling is never acceptable, and neither is foul language.  It only shows a lack of ability to communicate and vocalize your feelings.  You and your spouse should establish "fighting rules" early in your relationship, and stick to them.  Talk it out.  Talk about how you feel, and not about what the other person may or may not be doing wrong.  Be caring and understanding.  Remember, you love this person.

In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.  ~  Ephesians 4:26-27 (NIV)

More marriages might survive if the partners realized that sometimes the better comes after the worse.  ~Doug Larson

A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.  ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook, 1966 

Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.  ~  Hebrews 13:4 (NIV)

I am thankful for my husband.

Blessings to all!!

219 days to go...

All contents herein are protected under Copyright laws and can not be used, altered or copied. All accounts herein are written by Cali-Gal/Carla B Karam and are true accounts of her life. Some names may be changed to protect the innocent.