Friday, March 30, 2012

Day 296 ~ My Fight Continues IV

Continued from Days 6263 & 295...


After that day at McDonald's, there were what seemed to be an eternity of court dates, weekly appointments with the G.A.L, and then at least two appointments per week with a family psychologist.  For nearly one year, my sons gave up their childhood... and for what?  Just so a man can get his vengeance.

Oh how I hated showing up at the court house.  Then finally, "my day" in court came.  I gave my attorney a document (I got a hold of) that proved that my sons' step-mother had committed pergury.   All of a sudden the other side wanted to settle.  To this day I am still bothered that my attorney did not go directly to the judge with it (or is that done only in the movies?), instead he went to the other side with it.    

At that moment, all I could think of was putting it ALL behind me.. having my life back with my sons... giving my sons back their childhood...  I knew at that moment that either I could continue fighting my sons' father, or end it all amicably (for whatever that means)... I thought of my boys.  


We had settled on shared custody, with the boys staying with their dad ("he") the majority of the school year-  I would get my sons Thursday through Monday one week, and Friday through Sunday the next.  During the summertime, it would flip.  However vacation time would come into play, as well as these cockamamie "free" days that I or he could use with a 48 hour notice.  But somehow my sons dad would screw me over each summer, where I would barely end up with a month with my sons.  I always was somehow taken advantage of.  I was always thinking of my sons, and "he" knew it... and "he" would always be thinking of how he could stick it to me, instead of just letting go and let live.  There were also holidays, birthdays and so on that were split and alternated each year.


Even at that moment . . . when I was signing the settlement papers in front of the judge, all the while he was saying that we better be sure of what we were agreeing to, I was unsure of it all but did not want my sons to suffer any more.  Years later, my youngest son asked me why I hadn't fought harder.  O U C H !  All I know is that I did the best I could at the time, especially when I did it all alone.

As I look back, I see myself as being weak.  I had been intimidated and bullied for so long.  My sons' father and his wife would gang up on me.  They would ridicule me.  So many times I would show up at my sons' athletic events and I would be shunned upon.  My sons were not even allowed to come over and say hello to me when they saw me... they would have to ask for permission to come over to me, yet allowed to go anywhere else without a problem.


I remember once at my son's baseball game, I was enjoying the game.  I was watching the game comfortably in a lawn chair, in front of my car... when another mom approached me.  She had asked me who's mom I was, knowing the answer already.  She proceeded to warn me about my son's step-mother.  She told me that the step-mother had been bad mouthing me to several of the mom's there.  "Don't worry honey, I too deal with an evil step-mother and recognized her actions right away.  I want you to know that we would love it for you to sit with us anytime you want."  WOW!  I could not believe what I was hearing.  Someone actually coming to my defense, someone actually "having my back."  I thanked her and continued watching the game from where I was sitting.


to be continued...

Recently, I keep hearing these words said over and over, yet worded a little different each time.  I would like to share my friend's quote with you... 
Surround yourself with people who celebrate who you are, not those who choose to pick you apart.  They don't appreciate the gift you really are, and aren't worthy of your presence anyway.   ~ Denise Matthews Bickers 

Blessings to all!!

69 days to go...

PS... for a, l & c.  You are my sunshine(s).  

Images are courtesy of google or Bing images.  Some images maybe labeled property of Carla Barila Karam and of this blog, Taking Back My Life ~ Making It My Own.  U.S Copyright laws apply.  ©

10 comments:

Perspective Parenting said...

Gosh Carla, I can imagine how much of a struggle this has to be. I admire your strength and push to keep going even when it has to be so hard to stay positive. And I really love the story of the mom who sought you out and invited you to join them. Glad you shared and continue to grow through your struggles.

Courtney Baxtron said...

What an awful thing to go through. Seriously. It just blows my mind how people can be so vindictive and mean and completely disregard the effect it has on the children involved.

Carla Karam said...

I do not wish what I have gone through on my worse enemy, I leave that to Karma ;) Children should always come first~! I will not give up the hope on true happiness with all my children, and I think this is what drives me. Please do not let this happen to you. This is the reason I started to write to get this out not for me, but to help another woman.

Ashleigh said...

I love following your story. I'm so sorry that you have had to go through all this, and as a mom, I know you are probably even more worried about how your kids handle it all! *hugs*

Taylor Gilmore said...

I have nothing but admiration for you you Carla. It takes a lot of courage to share what you've gone through, and a lot of discipline to write almost 300 days in a row. Wow!

Carla Karam said...

Much love to you all... my hope is to break this cycle within my children and that they themselves one day have a healthy marriage. Blessings to you all.

Shootie Girl™ said...

Stay encouraged, and don't give up the fight. Your boys will thank you for it later. The best revenge is for you to be HAPPY!

Ang said...

Divorce is so sad, esp for the children, as you said. Both my husband and I come from broken families, so we know what it's like to experience that as children. But as they say, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger! You are being so positive and only good can come from that! Hang in there--we are behind you!

Anne @ Green Eggs and Moms said...

Sounds nasty :( But like Ang said, what doesn't kill us only makes us stronger.

It's great that you're sharing what happened to you so others can learn.

Raine said...

How great is it that women like that exist! How nice of her to come over to you!