I wish there was something to dig me out of this pit I have dug for myself. Somehow, don't ask me how because I don't know how... but, I manage to hide it from Calley... however, I know that things all the way around, could be better.
I'm in what some people say, a "slump". Do I want to be in this "slump"? No, I do not! However, I am having a horrible time trying to even connect. I've been doing a minimal amount of housework, laundry, dishes, meals, and even minimal social networking! I have hardly promoted my blog this week.
No, my house is not a complete disaster. But, it's not at its normal and usual sparkly self. I guess that's one good thing... at least I am still keeping up with daily chores, minimal (lol) of course, and I make it a point of keeping my sink clean and making my bed each day is a must!
What have I been doing, beside feeling sorry for myself? because I am just not getting "it"... I have been using Calley as an excuse. I have been spending a lot of one on one time with her. Coloring, watching classic Disney movies, schooling, and taking care of her while she has been sick. Quite honestly, she is loving all the attention.
Another thing that has been a constant, a way of release, self-therapy if you will, something to look forward to... has been my blogging. I refuse to quit on this. It is not an option not to write my daily post. Even if I was not in the "mood", like tonight, I forced myself to write at least one line. Funny, I always end up with more than one line. wink, wink.
At the beginning, I gave you all my word that I would be honest and not sugar coat anything... well this is me being a little depressed, somewhat disappointed, having a desire of wanting more to life, and my realizing that I want a purpose! That's It !! I want a purpose!
I want to feel a passion for something... I want that to be my purpose... I want this purpose to be like my dream come true. I want to feel that desire... the fire in me. As if I am trying to create "the" perfect masterpiece. Is that too much to ask?
I think not! I will not give up! I have to set an example for my daughter, for my children. I leave it in your hands, my Lord. Amen.
Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. ~ Matthew 7:7 (NIV)
This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. ~ 1 John 5:14 (NIV)
Blessings to all!!
85 days / 12 weeks to go...
PS... for a, l & c. You are my sunshine(s).
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