Sunday, July 22, 2012

Day 410 ~ #3 of My 30 Days of Truth...

My 30 Days of Truth challenge   I will admit that I changed one question and changed a few curse words... other than that the challenge is intact. 

Day 3 : Something you have to forgive yourself for.

What do I need to forgive myself for?  ...    

This one is easy-peasy...

There's only one thing I need to truly forgive myself for ... bottom line... it was that I should have continued to fight for my sons, no matter how much money it would have taken me.  

Now... it's not that I did not fight for them... BELIEVE ME I put up a good fight... HOWEVER... I should have stuck it out.  

The other side wanted to settle immediately after I had introduced a document to my attorney that would have proved that my sons' father's wife at the time had perjured herself in court.  Hmmm ... the "timing" of their wanting to settle sure was suspect!

The reason that I "reluctantly" signed the final court documents, was that I wanted my sons (11 and 7 at the time) to have their childhood {back}.  After all, they were going to therapy twice per week... were not having a normal childhood... and had been in and out of court for five years at that point... and all the money it was costing me for legal fees was being taken away from my sons.  Meaning I could have used the money for my sons.  

All these years I have really been hard on myself for that decision.  Angry if you will.  Hindsight... I wish I would have stuck it out without care of what anyone would think of me or the money or time it was taking.

Sooo... I've been working on putting this behind me.  I really want to forgive myself for this.  After all it is what it is... and I can not do anything about it today...

The only thing I can do today is love my sons, now 25 and 21... and always be there for them.

I know I did the best I could at the time... and I need to forgive myself for it.

I forgive me.  After all I did do it all for good reason.. regaining my sons' childhood and happiness for them.

I forgive me.  
But if we confess our sins, God will forgive us. We can trust God to do this. He always does what is right. He will make us clean from all the wrong things we have done.  ~ 1 John 1:9
what's next? ...
Day 01 : Something you hate about yourself.
Day 02 : Something you love about yourself.
Day 04 : Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 05 : Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 06 : Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 07 : Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 08 : Someone who made your life hell, or treated you horribly.
Day 09 : Someone you didn't want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10 : Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11 : Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12 : Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13 : A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough days. (write a letter.)
Day 14 : A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15 : Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you've tried living without it.
Day 16 : Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 : A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 : Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 : What do you think of religion?  Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 : Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 : (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 : Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23 : Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 : Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25 : The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26 : Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 : What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 : Name a decision you made that caused a chain of events that would not have happened if it wasn't for that decision.
Day 29 : Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30 : A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself
Hey if you want to join along... well let me know in a comment and I'll visit your challenge each day.  We could even link up our blogs.  wink, wink.  No.. seriously we could.

Here's to my 30 Days of Truth challenge!

I am second.

[here's to you finding your... ]


... for a, l & c.  You are my sunshine(s).  

Images are courtesy of google or Bing images.  Some images maybe labeled property of Carla Barila Karam and of this blog, Took It... Making It... Living It... My Life .  © 2012  U.S Copyright Laws apply.

8 comments: said...

Great series of posts. Looking at them really got me thinking. What do I hate about myself? The fact that when I was younger, I wasted time and now feel like I'm doing things I SHOULD have gotten done 25 years ago. I guess I hate that I'm a slow grower-upper. :)

Cheryl said...

Interesting series your doing. I was reading some of the future topics, wow there are a couple that I am not sure I'd be brave enough to tackle. Good for you.

Pepper said...

Yes, forgive yourself, Carla. It's hard, but possible. You did what you could for your sons back then. I'm sure they perfectly understand. Stay strong and happy :)

Anonymous said...

Very good post Carla, yes we all should think about what we need to forgive ourselves for, so we can have peace within ourselves. thanks so much for sharing.

Karen Dawkins said...

It's so hard to forgive ourselves. We forget that God forgave the first time around. Satan reminds us of our mistakes and tears at our hearts. Vicious! God forgave you. You forgave you. Now move on in love, bitterness gone.

A friend of mine reminded me that when I beat myself up again and again, I let the past control the present. Not only am I robbed of what could have been then, I rob myself of what could be now. Not good.

Your daughter is so blessed to see you working through mistakes in a healthy, God-honoring way. She will not carry the baggage or hurt that you have carried so long and worked so hard to shed.

Life by Cynthia said...

I admire you for sharing so much of yourself in your posts. Thank you for inspiring me to share more of myself!

Mommy's Juice said...

What a great idea this is. Really inspiring! Thanks for sharing.

GJT said...

Wow, what a battle you've faced! I can only imagine what kind of effect that decision has had on you. But I'm glad to hear that you've gathered the strength to forgive yourself. It sounds so simple, yet it seems so difficult. Somehow I seem harder on myself than on others.