Friday, July 6, 2012

Day 394 ~ Taking It All In

So bummed.  I didn't get my next I Am Second video (#16)... I did contact them, sent an email... however, no response up until now.

I have decided to give you an I Am Second 22 Day Challenge update... you know... how I am handling it all... or rather the after affects.

I do have to say that each day has given me more and more to think about.  One thing for sure is that I am not the only one who has felt the way I have.  

Each video has touched me... it has sort of put a spotlight on different feelings I have felt and experienced throughout my life.

One thing that has been confirmed with this challenge is that I have a control issue when it comes to my life.  lol!  HA!  As if I didn't already know that!

Another confirmation is the anger that has brewed in my heart all these years.  

Funny... I was telling my friend tonight that I wasn't always angry.  I once was a very happy person.  Even a little too happy as I have been told.  It wasn't until I started fighting for my children that the hurt that was being done to me started building upon itself as days would go by.  

You see something would happen, and as I would be in the process of processing it, then something else would happen... and then I would have to process that... and so on and so on...

No different than playing a game of tackle football day after day... having your body slammed day after day {without a break}, getting bruises on top of bruises... not allowing your body to go through the healing process.  Then one day just not being able to play as well as you did on the first day of play... to the point of not recognizing yourself.

Granted... I had no choice.  I had to be in the game for my sons sake.  All the while taking emotional and mental beatings after beatings.  I was able to stay in the game itself... it wasn't until the after math... the dust never settled and I broke. 

Fighting the battle and facing each day made me weaker.  I did try going to church... however I did not keep it up and was discouraged even more.

Today, I can only imagine what it could have been like if I would have really gave God control of my game play.  

But that was then... and now is now.

Waiting for Day 16 of my 22 day challenge, I feel God in my life more today than on Day 1.  Maybe not getting my sixteenth video was a good thing... it's given me the opportunity of looking back and taking it all in.

We are Second when we put Jesus First. Seconds are bold to lift up Jesus and tell others. Are you ready to become a stronger Second?

I challenge YOU to take the I Am Second [22] Day Challenge... Can you spare maybe fifteen minutes in a day?
Do not worry. Learn to pray about everything. Give thanks to God as you ask Him for what you need. The peace of God is much greater than the human mind can understand. This peace will keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.  ~ Philippians 4:6-7 (NLV)

[here's to you finding your... ]


... for a, l & c.  You are my sunshine(s).  

Images are courtesy of google or Bing images.  Some images maybe labeled property of Carla Barila Karam and of this blog, Took It... Making It... Living It... My Life .  © 2012  U.S Copyright Laws apply.


Sharon Ruggieri said...

Oh hun, I know the struggles so well. I'm a huge fan of living in denial. I'll tell ya though, after I started going to church again, things got better.

It took 5 years, but finally, I now go to Catholic Mass every single Sunday, and I can't begin to tell you how things have changed for the better.

Try again someday mama...

T. Lorraine F said...

Your blog post did two things:
1. inspired me to give more of myself -share more of my REAL feelings
2. To look up the I AM second challenge. I had heard of the ministry we even have a friend that is in a video. Maybe I need to join the challenge.

Twins Happen said...

Wow! So powerful darling. One of the hardest things to do is to remember that He is control. I struggle on a daily basis. I especially loved your analogies. Very strong stuff. Thanks for sharing this and for sharing my story today.


Claire Jennings said...

It is good to get a chance to reflect from time to time. It sounds like you are stronger than you felt and you know. I am glad you are in a better place now.