Day 503 ~ Communication Station (XVI)

Day 16 of the Husband Encouragement Challenge
courtesy of ReviveOurHearts.com

"And the Lord God said, 'It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.'" (Genesis 2:18) 

• You can't say anything negative about your husband . . . to your husband . . . or to anyone else, about your husband.
• Say something that you admire or appreciate about your husband . . . to your husband . . . and to someone else, about your husband!

God says that it is not good for man to be alone. But the way some women criticize their mates, the husbands may long for solitude. Be careful today not to criticize your mate, but look for ways to encourage him personally and publicly.

Speaking of communication, does your husband communicate with you? God has made you a companion and helper for your husband, and part of being "one flesh" with him is the privilege of sharing and discussing personal needs and concerns. Thank God for that wonderful gift. Thank your husband for communicating with you. If your spouse does not communicate as you wish, look for ways that he communicates that are normal for him—smiling at you, nodding his head, even a pleasant "grunt!"—and then thank him for letting you know that he cares. Perhaps he needs to be lovingly taught how to communicate. Be patient with him . . . and listen when he does speak.   

Day 16 ! . . .    

I'm going to keep this simple and not let it get too wordy.  

Communication... boy... this can make or break a couple that is for sure!!

I have never had a problem communicating... well let me re-phrase that.  I have never had a problem communicating for others.  Meaning if you are in trouble, I have your back.

Now... when it comes to speaking for myself, I dread confrontations and have no problem speaking of happy things... but when a wrong has been done to me, I have a problem voicing it. I have found it easier just cutting all ties.

I know that isn't healthy on its own, but neither is that feeling of anxiousness or intimidation.

So when it comes to communicating with my husband I do it ever so lovingly... and if by chance I am upset... those have been times when I have written him a letter.

This is not to say that we have not had our moments of "bad" communicating... because we have.  But the important thing about it all is that we have learned from those "bad" moments.

We have had our moments of communication that were far from perfect in our marriage... but nearly 10 years later I would have to say that we love each other more than ever and have a stronger marriage.

[here's to you finding your... ]

Peace...

I am second..

... for a, l & c.  You are my sunshine(s).  

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Day 129 ~ And The Forgiveness Continues...

Buried machinery in a barn lot;
Dallas, South Dakota, May 1936
photo borrowed  from wikipedia

It wasn't until my day was over today and the dust cleared, that finally my thoughts were on something else other than a "garage sale"...  when the time finally came for me to sit down and write tonight's post, I realized that after months upon months of procrastinating, that I finally decided to  forgive myself yesterday.

When I sat back and thought about it, and what all this meant, that is... I realized that most of my forgiving, in one way or another, had something to do with my sons.  I do not want to belittle, dismiss or excuse the fact that they are upset or what they must be feeling...

(As a side note...) Not to keep you in the dark... I know that I have not gotten back to "my story," (or maybe we can refer to it as "my experience") concerning the fight for my children, which I started writing about in my posts  Day 62 and Day 63.  To be very honest with you... if I really think about it, I think I have procrastinated because of the difficulty of remembering it all... re-living the experience.   It was not the best time in my life, you know. 


Quite frankly, as I take a look at the fact that I first wrote about this "experience" and now... well, go ahead and say it... "I really have procrastinated on the matter."  Give me a few days or so to get my "goat going" (wink, wink) american idiom.  Get my courage up sort of speak.


Anyways, as I was saying, and the point to this post is that even though my sons do not respond to my messages, (which only leads me to believe that they are mad at me,) will not communicate with me as to why exactly they are mad at me... well, I can not beat myself up about it anymore.  I will add that I will take responsibility for my own actions and know all the effort I have always put forth and will continue to do so.  


I have made many attempts to talk to them, communicate with them in a healthy way.  Have left them countless upon countless messages... (I am embarrassed to admit that I even got all psycho with the phone calls one night when I received disrespect from one of my sons)... and nothing.


Not even a call to their little sister on her birthday.  What fault is this of hers?


Bottom line... I can not be mad at myself or punish myself, any longer, when I have made many attempts for a healthy relationship.  Honestly, the ball is in their court.  They choose to believe lies and the negativity which has been imposed onto them by their father... as opposed to them making their own decisions and opinions for themselves.  

What I am trying to say is that... both of my sons need to hear what I have to say, especially since they have been listening to one sided views for all these years and basing their judgment upon me on the lies that have been drilled into their minds for so many years.


Although all of this pains me so... not having my sons in my life, let alone their sister's life; missing all of this time with them and the  memories that go with life; and especially the way they are handling all of this... I forgive them.  I do... and will do so seventy times seven times.


After all, I must keep in mind that this it is not entirely their fault.  It is not their fault that their father thinks so little of himself that he had to bully the mother of his children, as well as alienate their relationship with her.  I do not know why he chose to be so hateful and hurtful.  Maybe it was the beating that he received when he was jumped by all those boys back in junior high or the lack of a father around.  I don't know... however, I almost feel sorry for him.  To think of the lack of self-love and respect he must have for himself, that he thinks so low of himself that he would have to go to such measures to make himself feel good, or like a "big man."


With all that said... I have decided to forgive him as well.  Not only that, but I will also continue to ask God to help me forgive him so that I may live peacefully.


I do want to add that just because I have decided to forgive the father of my sons, that this does not mean that I will not finish sharing my experience with him...  after all, I must share with you in order to be able to help you.

The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.    ~ Mahatma Gandhi

You can't undo anything you've already done, but you can face up to it. You can tell the truth. You can seek forgiveness. And then let God do the rest.  ~ Author Unknown

For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.  But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.  ~ Matthew 6:14-15 

Blessings to all!!

236 days to go...

All contents herein are protected under Copyright laws and can not be used, altered or copied. All accounts herein are written by Cali-Gal/Carla B Karam and are true accounts of her life. Some names may be changed to protect the innocent.

Day 124 ~ You Only Live Once...

Sometimes I just can't wrap my head around a persons's actions, let alone their non-actions.

I found myself scratching my head more and more as my day went on today... why is it that some people do not find it important to trade dialogue... this is what some people call having a conversation or possibly a discussion about recent events... good or bad.  

All I ask... which I really don't think that I am being unreasonable... is that if something bothers you, then let's talk!  We may have mixed our signals ...

Listen, I know that most people are uncomfortable approaching a family member, a friend or even a coworker, over a misunderstanding, let alone if they have been wronged against.  It's a tough position to be put in ~ been there done that... however, if one thinks about it and takes a gentle approach at the situation, before it festers, I think we can learn to understand one another...  and more importantly there would not be any time loss.   

I mean, I have the perfect example, my sister and I, and please realize that the dynamics of our relationship were a little more complicated than not... we lost 25 plus years;  my sons and I have been estranged two years, however, since July there has been some communication on and off... currently it seems as if we are off.  (sad face)

The saddest part of both of my sons' estrangement with me is the part that is affecting their relationship with Calley ~ their little sister.  

Calley is such a darling little girl.  A little girl who talks about her brothers everyday with such adoration, including them in her prayers as well.  Calley is having her fifth birthday in three days and the last time she saw her brothers was just shortly after turning two.

For these reasons... I do my best at apologizing when I am in the wrong, and then practicing the art of tolerance and forgiving those other times.  Not only that, but... You Only Live Once!

There is no love without forgiveness, and there is no forgiveness without love.     ~  Bryant H. McGill

Stay committed to your decisions, but stay flexible in your approach.  ~  Tom Robbins

Tolerance is the virtue of the man without convictions.    ~  G.K. Chesterton

Blessings to all!!

241 days to go...

All contents herein are protected under Copyright laws and can not be used, altered or copied. All accounts herein are written by Cali-Gal/Carla B Karam and are true accounts of her life. Some names may be changed to protect the innocent.