Day 193 ~ Helping Others Is An Art

I have come to the realization that helping people is heart wrenching.  It is heart wrenching because you have to sit back and watch them struggle until the day comes that they get that courage, that motivation, that drive to climb out of the hole they have been living in and change their life!

I see my sister today, and I want to scream at my parents!  I feel so bad for her.  Her self esteem is shot, as is her self confidence.  She walks around on eggshells, and has no reason to.

Oh... I am trying to get over what happened yesterday.  Today I decided to be a bit more patient and take a "watch and see" approach.  I am a true believer that actions speak louder than words.  

I do want to make an effort, my sister needs the help.  So, as infuriating as all of this can get, as difficult as it may seem at times, I have to take a breath and look at the big picture.  However, I am not stupid and will not enable anyone.

Boy... helping others takes work!  Sure isn't easy.

The purpose of life is not to be happy - but to matter, to be productive, to be useful, to have it make some difference that you have lived at all.  ~Leo Rosten

God has not called us to see through each other, but to see each other through.  ~Author Unknown

If you have much, give of your wealth; if you have little, give of your heart.  ~Arabian Proverb

On the fifth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, 

...   five rooms plus more

...   four loving dogs

...   three cook books

...   two ceiling fans, 

...   our little girl we call Calley

Blessings to all!!

172 days weeks to go...

PS... I love and miss you boys.  To the moon and stars above and back.  You are my sunshines.

All contents herein are protected under Copyright laws and can not be used, altered or copied.  All accounts herein are written by Carla B Karam and are true accounts of her life.  Some names may be changed to protect the innocent or protect me from the guilty.  (just kidding... wink, wink)

Picture credits... images courtesy of Bing images.

Day 192 ~ Life's Curveballs

SO many thoughts going through my mind right now, that it is not even funny!  My thoughts are bouncing off of each other... it's crazy.  The moment I try to process one thought, another one is right behind it taking me in the other direction.

We have Christmas right around the corner, and as I shared last night, I have barely done any shopping.  The big reason is that money is really tight and it might be that Dean has limited work between now and the first week of January.  Ugh!!  

Just as we were getting ahead, BAM!  Little by little, whatever I had saved up... G-O-N-E!  But I have faith that something good is up ahead for us.  I have decided to think that way rather than to focus on the present situation.  I just handle whatever comes our way, and continue to look forward.  SO tired of dwelling on the negative.

Then I have my "special" house guest, my sister.  The jury is still out on this one.  Although, I could say that it's been okay.  It is very difficult to open up and be 100% trusting and loving.  I understand that in order to truly forgive, one must basically let go of the past, in order to move forward and past it all... especially if you want to have a healthy relationship.  However, when there has been as much kaos and havoc as there has been in our lives and relationship with one another... well once you've been burned, you are really careful when you get close to the stove the next time.

Don't get me wrong, I have been giving our relationship a big effort... after all my sister is staying in my home.  And I am trying to teach her about nutrition, exercise and a healthy lifestyle.  I am trying to help my sister.  I feel bad for her... yet, one must keep in mind that whatever she has or does not have is because of decisions she has made.  I am prepared, and will help her... I will however not enable her.

Originally she was to stay until February, operative words being, "originally" and "was".  She found out this evening that she has an appointment just before New Year's that she may not be able to change... she will not find out for sure until tomorrow.  Although by sounds of it all, looks like a definite go.

How do I feel about this?  I really do not know.  Initially, I was very upset in thinking that she is was giving up and reneging on all our plans.  On one hand I don't blame her that she may want to return, yet on the other this is a much healthier environment for her.  Honestly, I can't help it but to think that she wants to go back and this is a perfect out for her.  Well only "time" will honestly dictate if I am right or not, or even if it matters. 

I really thought we would have this time to heal our relationship, and then WHAM-O! she is not here but for four days and something comes up... so much for starting a business or preparing for the future.

I know I am disappointed about the possibilities of things not changing for her or for me.  However, I also have to remember that even though help is offered, that does not mean that it will be welcomed, or taken for that matter.  The "person" in need must want to be helped, and/or want to change things in their life.  We can't force a person to take advise, or to take our help.

One thing is for sure... I tried to help.  I sincerely cared.  That's all I will say right now.  Trying not to get upset.  Just when her self- esteem and self-worth were beginning to show signs of growth.  She was even starting to believe in herself.  (big happy face.)

So as disappointed as I may be to the possible change of plans, I must place my faith in God by leaving my worries in his hands.  I praise you Jesus!

Anything God asks us to do he supplies us with the energy and grace to do.    ~ author unknown   

If anyone speaks, they should do so as one who speaks the very words of God. If anyone serves, they should do so with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power for ever and ever. Amen.  ~ 1 Peter 4:11  (NIV) 

On the forth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, 

...   four loving dogs

...   three cook books

...   two ceiling fans, 

...   our little girl we call Calley

Blessings to all!!

173 days weeks to go...

PS... I love and miss you boys.  To the moon and stars above and back.  You are my sunshines.

All contents herein are protected under Copyright laws and can not be used, altered or copied.  All accounts herein are written by Carla B Karam and are true accounts of her life.  Some names may be changed to protect the innocent.

Picture credits... images courtesy of Bing images.

Day 79 ~ Saving Money On Therapy!

courtesy of Bing images

NEW MILESTONE!!!  3,000 VIEWS!!   This is too cool... 
Here are some blog stats for you (or rather for me, being that I am so amazed by this all)... 
it took 29 days for my blog to reach 1,000 views, another 24 days to reach 2,000 and it has taken 26 days to reach 3,000 views.

I can not explain the feeling I get when I get a comment on my blog ... other than to say that I feel elated, as if my "self-esteem" meter goes off the charts!  

courtesy of Bing images

I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that "writing," more than likely, will not be most people's first choice for a "self-help" therapy, let alone "blogging"... although for me IT IS number ONE!  

"Writing/Blogging" has and continues to be very therapeutic for me... not to mention all the money I am saving on actually going to a psychologist??!!  Could you imagine that if everyone that goes to therapy were to start writing? or if they were prescribed to write a journal...  hmmmm....  very interesting thought.  Anyways... it works for me, plus I don't get kicked out in mid thought at the end of the hour!  LOL!


Instead... I kick myself off my laptop in time to publish my post before midnight!

And by the way, everything in life is writable about if you have the outgoing guts to do it, and the imagination to improvise.  The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt.     ~Sylvia Plath

Writing became such a process of discovery that I couldn't wait to get to work in the morning:  I wanted to know what I was going to say.     ~Sharon O'Brien

If I fall asleep with a pen in my hand, don't remove it - I might be writing in my dreams.    ~Terri Guillemets 

Blessings to all!!

286 days to go

All contents herein are protected under Copyright laws and can not be used, altered or copied. All accounts herein are written by Cali-Gal/Carla B Karam and are true accounts of her life. Some names may be changed to protect the innocent.

Day 51 ~ My Dream Team Continues to Grow with Angels!

courtesy of Bing images

Life has given me ups, downs and in-betweens, that's for sure.  But the thing I am most grateful for, has been the "Angels" that have been placed in my life!

I have had my struggles with family, which I am sure that that will be endless... however, one constant, has been my friends, or rather what I like to refer to as my "Angels" on my "Dream Team"!

It may have not been apparent at the time, and the world may have felt as it was ending... BUT as I look back, I have always had my "Angels" by my side.

I mentioned that through my blogging, my desire is to be able to help someone else through my experiences... which in turn in my eyes would have made it worth it having gone through what I did.  All the days and nights that I spent in fetal position, all the tears shed, all the moments longing for my children... ALL OF IT WOULD BE WORTH IT if I can spare someone else from going through it.

courtesy of Bing images

Life has a funny way of doing things... a funny way of putting something or SOMEONE in your path of life...

Monday, when Dean, Calley and I were headed to the beach, we were indecisive as to where we wanted to go... so we just went where our feet took us...

Before I knew it, I spent my day not only with my family, but with a new Angel in my life!!  Alysia.  Not only that, but as we talked and shared, I discovered that we were meant to meet!  You see, she is going through a horrible divorce from a controlling man, who wants to take her children from her!  As I shared my story with her, as well as my blog, it was as if the heavens opened up and was shinning on us both!  Seriously!!  

I do not want to get too personal with her story, and I do not know if you want to call it fate, us meeting that is... however, I certainly think so and sincerely hope that I can help her fight and not give up.  

For a mother, it is second nature to put our children's needs before our own, and with that said, we need to do what is right for them, even if it takes a lifetime.  Believe me you never want to hear the words... "why didn't you fight harder for me?!" ... as I did from my Logan.  It broke my heart!  and I thought I fought... I just saw how tired their little faces were of all the court dates, counseling, etc... but I should have gone to trial!  "Shoulda, coulda, woulda!!!"

Alysia, was not the only "Angel" placed in my path this week...

Last night I had the most amazing night at one of my dearest "Dream Team" Angels... :)   Talk about a house full of angels... Jeannie has been a part of my life for twenty-five years now!!  We met as neighbors, and not only that but we were pregnant with our first borns... who ultimately were born nine days apart!!

Jeannie, has seen me get knocked down (figuratively speaking), and witnessed my marriage to my sons' father... she even socked him in the stomach once!  Got him good too!!!

Prior to my heading over to her home, I received a text from her asking if it was ok to have one of her many children over too because she herself just broke up with her (controlling and verbally abusive man, several years her elder) boyfriend.  I told Jeannie... ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!  Of course not!!!

When we got there... Jeannie shared with me that she thought they were supposed to get together tomorrow night, however my Angel was thinking...  Diana needed to come over TONIGHT!!!  It was meant to be!!!

What an amazing young lady.  Diana is my eldest son's age, 24, and already has seen the devil, more than once!  (ha ha- just kidding, oh well, maybe not!)  SO sad to see someone so young going through such ugliness in a relationship!  The great thing about it... they did not marry and do not have children together!!!  That definitely is a plus... now, to get all the ugliness out of her and bring her up to the place she should be at!  Hold her head up high, believing in herself and best of all... loving herself!!  

Diana, first of all... you made it through night one!! Major accomplishment!!  and secondly... you have not only Jeannie by your side, but Chelsea & Becki (angels in training!!  heck not!!... they are already Angels... and they're mine too!! - after all their mama is Jeannie!!!)  Be strong and know that you can always count on ALL OF US!

I know I had, and continue to have bad experiences from my marriage to my boys' father... and I never EVER thought I would say this... BUT...

I truly feel blessed for having gone through what I did with my children and their father... today I am a strong woman because of it! It is said that we should embrace our experiences in life, after all, it makes us who we are today!!

I have close friends who nurture me and make me laugh.

I am open to friendship, and I now attract the most wonderful new friends to me.

My circle of friendship continues to grow beyond what I ever expected 

Blessings to all!!

314 days to go.

All contents herein are protected under Copyright laws and can not be used, altered or copied. All accounts herein are written by Cali-Gal/Carla B Karam and are true accounts of her life. Some names may be changed to protect the innocent. 

Day 48 ~ Feeling Blessed

I feel so complete as of lately.  As far as I am concerned it's short of a miracle that I am feeling this way... why?  well, I have never felt this way..  and regardless that  my life is not 100% where I would like it to be, I know that I am on the right track!

Furthermore, I know is that, what I want is to be happy...  I absolutely love Dean... and would never want to not live without Calley as I have experienced living without Addison and Logan.  

With all that said, I want to continue to be the best person I can be... and as I have mentioned previously, I would like to save someone else from all the pain I have endured...

I adore my husband...  I have seen how much love he has grown up with, and the difference it makes to how a person that has not been as blessed... as well as the fact that I want my daughter to have the best life ever!  

I never want Calley, Addison or Logan to feel less than, EVER, in their lives.  and ... Other than being the best that I can be... I really do not know what else I can do to have my children to be proud of me.

I can not tell you what my children think of all of this, but what I can tell you is that this is bound to end with a happily ever after!!

I am blessed.

Blessings to all!!

317 days to go.

All contents herein are protected under Copyright laws and can not be used, altered or copied. All accounts herein are written by Cali-Gal/Carla B Karam and are true accounts of her life. Some names may be changed to protect the innocent. 

Day 37 ~ I Only "Shop" the Clearance Racks!

As I approached my computer tonight, I was wondering what I was going to write about.  So... I checked into Facebook to see what was going on, and this is the first thing I read...

If you're NOT being treated with love & respect, check your "price tag". Perhaps you have marked yourself down. It's you who tell people what you're worth BY WHAT YOU ACCEPT AND EXPECT! Get off the "clearance rack" and get behind the glass where they keep all the "valuables." The bottom line is....."value" yourself more.  Re-post if you like...You might help someone get off the "clearance rack".

Ok.  Who's been tapping into my brain?  As I read this, the first thing that came to mind was... Where was Facebook when I was growing up? One thing is for sure, their founders weren't even born yet!!  OUCH!  How's that for a stinger!  LOL!


Ah, you know... I think what matters in the here and now is that I now know that I am worth more than I ever possibly thought.  And I will never allow anyone to treat me badly again, not even my boys.

February 1994, Seattle, Wa

I know I mentioned that my boys, (who are men now) and I have been estranged for the last two years.  Well is what happened... my eldest and I got into an argument because I had been talking to who was then the newest of the ex'es in his father's life, the woman that helped "his" father take his brother and he away from me.  He did not like it.  He reminded me of all the things she did to his brother and he, as well as to me.  And of course, all I could hear was "his" father trying to control me through him.


He proceeded to tell me that his father was the "one" that had always been by his side.  I quickly reminded him that "his" father did not communicate many things to me, lied to me, kept them from me, and he himself had been witness etc... and that I did not appreciate what he was saying.  I also remember asking him why it was okay for "his" father to make friends with a man that I used to see that was way more abusive, not only mentally but physically, but it was not okay for me.


Somehow my words were not heard, and what was "heard" was that I had disowned both of my sons.  


Now two years later I feel used, trampled on and very hurt.  Not only by my children, but by the woman who so deeply apologized for her part in taking my children from me.  I did forgive her then, but now... "she" has backed away from our friendship because I had told my son that "she" had been filling me in on things about them to help me out.  Did she expect me to lie to my boys?  I don't keep anything from my boys... "homie don't play that game!"  Well, I definitely do not need friends like that.  Once again she hurt me.  And that was the last time.


It is not that I chose to be friends with her, than to honor my son's request... It was a matter of principle.  I was not going to allow my son to follow in his father's footsteps.  I could hear "his" father talk right through him.  Would I do it again knowing that both my sons would stop talking to me for what now has been two years?  Probably.  Why?  Because I value myself more than that.  Besides what would I be teaching my sons?  It's okay to control women? It's okay to treat people the way their father does?  No, I can't do that.


What would you do?

Courtesy of Bing images

I know that I have missed out in both of their lives, let alone Calley, their little sister has not seen them since she two.  Now, the fact that they do not show me any respect, only drives me more to teach them what is right... even if it means not seeing and talking to them.  I would never forgive myself if I had not tried and then they end up treating others like this, let alone their wives.  


One day they will see how bad all of this was, how much time we wasted apart, and I hope and pray they understand why I did it.  I can not tell you enough how much I love my sons, I would do anything for them... but what I will not do is live on the "clearance rack"!!

My Worth as a Human Being is Unconditional

Blessings to all!

328 days to go.

All contents herein are protected under Copyright laws and can not be used, altered or copied. All accounts herein are written by Cali-Gal/Carla B Karam and are true accounts of her life. Some names may be changed to protect the innocent.

Day 35 ~ BRING IT!!

Courtesy of Bing images

My 5 week blogging milestone!!!  

It really does not feel like I've been writing for five weeks. I can't tell you how long it feels like, but it certainly does not feel like five weeks.

But what I can tell you, is that I feel happy!  I may not have the house of my dreams (YET), or my dream car (YET), or my spice store (YET), and my boys may not be in my life right now...  all in due time!!

However, the way I am feeling... well I feel as if I can conquer anything!!

Courtesy of Bing images

My wii Fit Plus 21 Day Challenge is going great!!  I have lost 5.4 pounds thus far and I am feeling as light as a feather... alright, not that light, but you get the picture!  I am eating great, exercising and teaching my daughter healthy habits.  Now if I can just get her to stop sneaking the peanut butter jar into her room and eating it, we'll be great!  

It's not the fact that I am loosing weight that makes me happy, although it is my goal.  But what does, is the little things that are happening...  

My wonderful friend Diane has taken her wii out of her garage, has eaten really healthy today, and will be starting her own challenge tomorrow.  I never thought that I could do this, let alone inspire someone else to do it.  What a fantabulous feeling!! 

Now Diane, will have to go about it a little differently.  She is diabetic.  Oh, and Diane, I highly recommend you checking in with your doctor, ok? And, if I know you, you probably already have.  

Courtesy of Bing images

Diane has an Alaskan cruise coming up in 47 days, so that in itself lets her do her challenge at a safer pace.  The only concern that I have is her diabetes, otherwise, Diane can kick some serious butt!!  What a great motivator!!  A Cruise!  You GO GIRL!!  Anything I can do to help you, let me know.  I am working on putting my recipes online for you.  It's always nice trying something new... you don't feel like you're on a, dare I say it? The "D" word... DIET! 

The other great thing that has happened is that my dietary supplements for the remainder of my challenge, and then some, are being gifted to me!!  I am being sponsored by Nutrilite via Dean's mom's business, which she has had for well over 25 years!  

Nutrilite has been around for over 75 years, and in my opinion has the best supplements out there!!  All organic!  Made from plants, herbs and vegetables.  No chemicals!!!

What tomorrow will bring is beyond me, but one thing is for sure.... I'm ready!!  

I can do all this through him who gives me strength.               Phillipians 4:13

Blessings to all!

330 days /  47 weeks to go.

All contents herein are protected under Copyright laws and can not be used, altered or copied. All accounts herein are written by Cali-Gal/Carla B Karam and are true accounts of her life. Some names may be changed to protect the innocent.

Day 34 ~ Blogging... Good for the Mind, Body & Soul!

Tomorrow will be five weeks since I have been writing.  At the risk of sounding redundant, I never knew I would be feeling like this. 

Today was a good day.  I have not touched the subject of another blog... well guess what... for those of you that do not know... I have started another blog!

Crazy? No.  My second blog~ "My wii Fit Plus 21 Day Challenge",  is a short term blog, hence the title.  I will be writing it for only 23 days.  I am challenging myself to loose 15 pounds in 21 days, and it also includes health and cooking tips. The first day was an introduction and the 23rd day will be a conclusion statement.  

Before you shake your head, read it!  Then if you want, you can shake your head. ;)

My first blog... is good for my soul,  and my second one is good for my body.  Both of my blogs together, are great for my mind!

As a result... well let's just say that I am starting to feel pretty good... not just physically, but emotionally too!  So much so... that I am feeling proud of myself for the first time in my life!  

Courtesy of Bing images

With all that said... today I was told by mom Gene (my mother-in-law,) that she was proud of me.  Needless to say, she too is on my "Dream Team".  Earlier in the day, a very dear friend of mine, Diane, who is also on my "Dream Team" wrote to me and said "thanks for opening up and sharing so much of yourself to the world. You are an inspiration!"  I cried then (happy, proud tears) and once again I am crying now.  She's even going to get her wii out of the garage!   YES!!

It's not that I need recognition, after all I am doing this for myself and my family, but let me tell you it sure was awesome hearing!!  

Therefore, between both blogs... I am really standing tall today!  

Courtesy of Bing images

Thank you Jesus for the strength and knowledge you give me each day!!

And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.   Colossians 3:17

Blessings to all!

331 days to go.

All contents herein are protected under Copyright laws and can not be used, altered or copied. All accounts herein are written by Cali-Gal/Carla B Karam and are true accounts of her life. Some names may be changed to protect the innocent.