The first time it happened I had been invited to happy hour with a friend ... when I had accepted the invite I was so gun-ho, and could not wait.
As the day approached, I started wondering where I was going to get the money. When I accepted the invite I figured I could afford it. Honestly, I had even wondered if when my friend invited me if she had "invited" me or we were going to meet up and pay for our perspective tabs.
I can not tell you enough how much I hate that feeling. Not being able to afford a simple invite... a coffee with a friend... or a cocktail at Happy Hour. Let alone a present for a special someone's birthday... or return a kind gesture to a friend.
Needless to say, as each day got closer, my stomach started to get tight, get tense and knot up.
What did I do? The "Friday" finally arrived... I called my friend and cancelled. I told her I was not feeling well.
Over the summer Calley was invited to her "bestest" little friend's (and her sister's) birthday party. Although a year and a couple of months apart, her friends' parents decided to celebrate both girls birthday together.
Only problem was that it was hard enough {in our budget} for us to buy a gift for some"one", but two? Now-a-days you can not buy a child a reasonable gift under $20-30 without it falling apart or looking cheap.
As the weeks went by and the days approached to Calley's friends' party... again my stomach started to get tight, get tense and knot up.
What do I do? Do I let them know? Do we show up without gifts? Do I risk people looking at us a certain way and take a chance of Calley not being invited to parties in the future? What a dilemma!
What did I do? Well, the ten days leading up to the party Calley was having "issues". We were put in a position to tell her if she did not behave she was not going to go to her friends' party.
She didn't make the grade.
A couple of days after the party I received a text from her friends' mom... she was wondering if we were okay and if anything happened... they missed us there. I went as far as asking when I could call and talk so that I may explain what happened... preparing myself to tell "mom" the truth.
I didn't make the call, but "mom" never text me back to let me know when I could call either.
A few weeks ago I met this really great gal at the "Y"... Calley and her children were in swimming lessons together.
We hit it off! She was and is an amazing gal- she's a retired Officer from the Navy, served for fifteen years. Really impressive!!
She invited Calley to her son's birthday party this past weekend {at a local family fun arcade/park} and then invited me to a girl's night out.
Well... knowing that our budget was very tight I hesitantly accepted the invite... sure I could have said we were busy... but I stumbled over my thoughts and words, and before I knew it I was saying how great it all sounded.
Honestly... I was somewhat hoping that I could confide in her my dreaded little secret...
... We're broke!
It didn't use to be this way.
It's been a "long row to hoe" for us ... trying to get back on our feet these past four years... and it has not been for a lack of effort either!
My husband works very hard at his job... and after he puts in 8 hours in a day there, he then is helping his parents with any repairs they need and trying to get a business with his brother off the ground. He has at least twelve hour work days.
So... It's not for a lack of trying.
So tell me... what would you do?
For the most part people who are close to us know our predicament... so ... then end result... we don't get invited to many places... or ... the tab is paid for us. Not a great feeling. Not at all. We're very grateful... but I would rather have money in my pockets and get treated out, than lint in them and get invited.
Pride? I don't know if it's pride... but it is a little embarrassing or sad having to explain how Dino lost his "great paying" job four years ago.
However... I am the first to invite family and friends over to our house [in lieu of] and I will cook up a storm for them. Somehow we can afford that. Go figure. Big smile.
I just don't want people to feel sorry for us. I want to work as a team with people- anything to help... however I do not want them to pity us.
I don't want people to feel sorry for Calley either. We do provide for her. We have a sturdy roof over our heads, our utilities all paid, and even can pay for cable.
Calley's tummy is full... and we have manged to put together a beautiful bedroom for her with a closet full of beautiful dresses.
We cook a lot... we do a lot for our church together... and we do a lot for in-laws and spend a lot of time with them as well. Not to mention that parks and sunsets are free.
So... do you tell people you can not afford to go? Do you graciously decline and make up an excuse, tell them you're busy that night? Do you get a "headache" at the last minute? OR...
Do you tell them your dreaded little secret... your budget will not allow for the expense... you're broke?
Tell me... what do you or would you tell them? What would you like for me to tell you? The truth? Do I risk it? Will you look at us differently?
But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that. ~ 1 Timothy 6:8 (NIV)
[here's to you finding your... ]
Peace...
I am second..
... for a, l & c. You are my sunshine(s).
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