Day 482 ~ Dealing With Passion (Anger)

A little over two weeks ago I shared with you how "passionate" I am... lol!!  Okay... my anger issues.  (click here to catch up)

Okay... let me set something straight here... I am not a mean person.  I have always been very very kind... unless someone hurts me or my own... then that's a different story.

But what I have noticed in the last couple of years, thanks to Perimenopause, is that once in a while my evil twin comes out of nowhere, reacts and takes over.  What's more is that there are times that I remind myself of my father, his response(s) towards me... his ugliness.

I am not ugly as he was, but it is a little eerie.  Sometimes I hear his words coming out of my mouth... and I come to a screeching stop.

I blame my temper on all the bad things that have happened to me, the bullies, my father, and my sons' father.  I am not trying to make excuses or point fingers... however through my "passionate" class (anger management class) I am learning about my "triggers"... and those triggers are situations that present themselves that bring up old issues or unresolved feelings.

Now... I stand by my belief that what is in the past is in the past and I can not do anything to change it... today is today and I will not allow my past to rob the happiness of my today or tomorrow.

I can't dwell on past issues... BUT I can learn from those experiences to make my today and tomorrow HAPPY!

In class, we are using Gary Chapman's book Anger: Handling a Powerful Emotion in a Healthy Way.  [Gary is the same author that also wrote the Five Love Languages. (Love that book!)]  

Gary does use scripture for the foundation of how to handle anger.  At first I was a bit skeptical being that I have spent years on therapy couches (LOL- got to laugh about this today wink, wink)  However, what did I have to loose... after all it was scripture.

One thing that I have learned, which is also common sense, is not to act on anger... sit on it a bit and try to find out more information as to why something upset you.  If someone did something, more information is needed... and when speaking to a person, always do so in a loving way.

Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members of one body. ²⁶ “In your anger do not sin”^[d]: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, ²⁷ and do not give the devil a foothold. ²⁸ Anyone who has been stealing must steal no longer, but must work, doing something useful with their own hands,that they may have something to share with those in need.

²⁹ Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. ³⁰ And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.³¹ Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. ³² Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.  ~Ephesians 4:25-32

[here's to you finding your... ]

Peace...

I am second..

... for a, l & c.  You are my sunshine(s).  

Images are courtesy of google or Bing images.  Some images maybe labeled property of Carla Barila Karam and of this blog, Took It... Making It... Living It... My Life .  © 2012  U.S Copyright Laws apply.

Day 468 ~ Letting Go...

Today has been an unsettling day for me.  Going back to what happened on Sunday... (you can catch up on the drama here) ... well let's just say that not much else has been on my mind.  It's like a bad movie playing over and over again, without an end in sight.

Well I did come to one conclusion today...

After giving this (so) much thought... I figured out that much of my hurt stems from being bullied and humiliated for most of my life (especially as an adult,) by my own father and my (younger) sister, in my own home.  That, and witnessing lie after lie coming from both of their mouths.  It's like they weren't happy with their lives that they felt a need to fabricate most, if not all of their accomplishments.

So... fast forward to today... I do not do well when others lie.  I find a need to call them out on it.  Not to mention the bullying... well let's say that I am sensitive to that.

Therefore... you can definitely say that I do not do well with other people's $#!+.  I do not do well when people are not forthright.  I do not do well with people who are not honest.  I definitely do not do well when people are mean, ugly and gold-diggers! (both male and female alike!)  {and} Needless to say, I DO NOT LIKE BULLIES and WILL PROTECT my love ones and myself from them.  

I would just rather stay away from it all (period).

SO that's where I'm at.  My feelings hurt.  My defense up.  (and) A little sad.

What I am suppose to be doing is praying.  At least that is what my passionate anger class states.  Pray, leave it to God and if needed talk to the people who hurt you in a loving manner.  Therefore... tonight... I am praying and leaving it to God.  Tomorrow... talking.  Maybe.

Lord, you know what has happened.  You know how hurt I am, how angry I feel.  But I really believe that the best thing for me to do in this situation is to accept the wrong and turn the person over to you.

You know not only his or her actions, but his or her motives.  I know that You are a righteous God and so I trust You to do what is right by that person.  I also release my anger to You.  This anger stimulated me to think through the situation and I am taking the steps I believe to be best.  Therefore, the matter is over.

My anger has served its purpose and I release it to You.  Help me not to be controlled by any residual thoughts and feelings that may come to me over the next few days.  I want to use my life constructively and not be hindered by this event.  Thank you that I am your child and that You will take care of me.

Amen. 

I hope this works.  Don't want to be angry anymore and waste my precious time thinking about this.

 

[here's to you finding your... ]

Peace...

I am second..

... for a, l & c.  You are my sunshine(s).  

Images are courtesy of google or Bing images.  Some images maybe labeled property of Carla Barila Karam and of this blog, Took It... Making It... Living It... My Life .  © 2012  U.S Copyright Laws apply.

Day 467 ~ I'm Passionate, Not Angry

So... don't laugh now... but I am taking an "anger management" class through my church.  

Don't get the wrong idea now... I mean... granted, I am starting to go through "the change" and my hormones have been running wild, but I am not generally an angry person.  I am passionate!  Sooo... It's a class for "passionate" people!

The class is based off of Gary Chapman's book Anger: Handling a Powerful Emotion in a Healthy Way.  Gary is the same author that also wrote the Five Love Languages. (Love that book!)

In light of what happen yesterday I decided that some homework today may be helpful to my situation...

WOW! I was right...

Here are a few of the verses that kinda made me go hmmmmmm...

For it is written: "Be holy, because I am holy." ~1 Peter 1:16

“In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, ²⁷ and do not give the devil a foothold. ²⁸ Anyone who has been stealing must steal no longer, but must work, doing something useful with their own hands, that they may have something to share with those in need.    ²⁹ Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. ³⁰ And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.³¹ Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. ³² Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. ~Ephesians 4:26-32

A person’s wisdom yields patience; it is to one’s glory to overlook an offense. ~Proverbs 19:11

Listen to advice and accept discipline, and at the end you will be counted among the wise. ~Proverbs 19:20

Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end.   ~Proverbs 29:11

[here's to you finding your... ]

Peace...

I am second..

... for a, l & c.  You are my sunshine(s).  

Images are courtesy of google or Bing images.  Some images maybe labeled property of Carla Barila Karam and of this blog, Took It... Making It... Living It... My Life .  © 2012  U.S Copyright Laws apply.

Day 408 ~ #1 of My 30 Days of Truth...

SO here goes Day 1 of my 30 Days of Truth challenge   I will admit that I changed one question and changed a few curse words... other than that the challenge is intact. 

Day 01 : Something you hate about yourself.

Wow... So, I have been thinking about this all day... What do I hate about myself?  hmmmm...


After much thought and consideration, I would have to say that there are two things that I hate about myself... I just couldn't make up my mind between the two.


Can I say dislike?  "Hate" is such a strong word.


Anyhooo.... 


First thing I hate about myself is that I am not confident enough about myself.  I second guess myself, always have.  Unsure if I am saying the right thing or doing the right thing.  I think this is part of wanting to please others .  You know, not wanting to ruffle anyone's feathers and all.


Tied for first is the fact that I get intimidated very easily.  I really do not like this about myself.  I pretty much can stand on my own, and believe very strongly in all that I believe in...  But get me around someone with a very strong personality, a man no less... and I coward down like a baby.  This I know for sure I can thank my father for.  He was very threatening to me, plus it didn't help that I had witnessed him hit my mother several times as a child... 


Okay.. make it three things I don't like about myself... because as I sat here writing this I realized that along with a lack of self esteem/confidence and intimidation.. is my quick anger.  It has come out more so in recent years (the beginnings of menopause for sure!) and I am not liking it.  I will blow up at something... and then after the fact ask myself where the heck that came from.  Was that my evil twin sister or what?!  My husband says its okay because at least I am aware about it and realize it... and I am trying to work on it and snip it at the bud.  So... I guess he does have a point... after all I could be a bitch and not care about it at all!  HAHAHA   Thank God that's not the case.


So there you have it... not one, not two, but three things I do not like about myself.

what's next? ...

Day 02 : Something you love about yourself.
Day 03 : Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 04 : Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 05 : Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 06 : Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 07 : Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 08 : Someone who made your life hell, or treated you horribly.
Day 09 : Someone you didn't want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10 : Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11 : Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12 : Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13 : A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough days. (write a letter.)
Day 14 : A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15 : Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you've tried living without it.
Day 16 : Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 : A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 : Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 : What do you think of religion?  Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 : Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 : (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 : Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23 : Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 : Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25 : The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26 : Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 : What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 : Name a decision you made that caused a chain of events that would not have happened if it wasn't for that decision.
Day 29 : Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30 : A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself

Soo...  here goes another challenge and by the looks of this one... well I have a feeling I may get more out of this than just a 30 day challenge.

Hey if you want to join along... well let me know in a comment and I'll visit your challenge each day.  We could even link up our blogs.  wink, wink.  No.. seriously we could.

Here's to my 30 Days of Truth challenge!

I am second.

[here's to you finding your... ]

Peace...

... for a, l & c.  You are my sunshine(s).  

Images are courtesy of google or Bing images.  Some images maybe labeled property of Carla Barila Karam and of this blog, Took It... Making It... Living It... My Life .  © 2012  U.S Copyright Laws apply.

Day 401 ~ I Am Second Challenge Day 21 of 22

This is Day 21 of my challenge... {and} my twenty-first video... 

... Jason Castro... Believes wholeheartedly...  "There's always something bigger behind whatever you are doing."   Born to a Christian family, father having a Master's Degree in Theology, he had been raised as such.  The summer of his seventeenth birthday was the summer that he truly found his faith... and found himself second, to his King being first.
. 

Jason Castro: I am Second

For today's challenge this was my message... "Seconds have a story to share. What would you say if you were in the white chair? Write it out so it is clear in your head."

So I'm in the white chair, huh? 

Hmmm...

I could start by saying that I've had a rough life... survived an ugly divorce from my first marriage... my sons were kept from me... I've been accused of things I would never commit let alone think of  doing... I've had to start over not only once, but twice, three, four, five, six, seven and eight times in my life time.  I am not exaggerating either... 

All of this affects a person... it affected me.  It affected my demeanor... it took the shine out of my eyes... it even took the smile from my face... it took the warmth of my heart away.  It all made me bitter... unhappy... depressed... not a magnet for other people, that's for sure!

Angry.. bitter... lashing out... and alienating myself from all that was good.  Sometimes even handling situations a little harsher than merited.

My anger was a repellent... my moods dark ... my moods angry... lashing out left and right.. sometimes intentionally, yet too harsh... and others without merit... either way I have been taking out my aggressions on others .. Who in their right mind would want to be around that?!  NOT ME!

Although I knew of Jesus from my mother, her family and having gone to both a Christian school (2 years) and a Catholic school (4 years) as a child... I did not know him... I never had a relationship with him.

Today...I have been blogging for a little over a year now.  Loving every minute of it, taking writing challenges here and there... as well as my own challenge to blog every single day as a means for my children to get to know me {when they're ready to do so one day.}

In the process I have discovered myself, forgiven myself as well as others, and discovered many other things about myself... that and the desire to be closer to God.

After being introduced to a couple of  I Am Second videos at church, it prompt my curiosity to look them up on the internet.  Low and behold not only did I have a library of I Am Second videos at my fingertips... but I came across the 22 Day Challenge ...

I didn't give it a second thought... I started the challenge immediately... that was 21 days ago. 

Through blogging I began to learn and understand that I needed to let go of the past... and through this challenge I have not only released all of that, but I am [really ] forgiving myself, and have started a wonderful relationship with God.  I get it.

I really didn't expect anything out of this 22 Day challenge... however... I truly feel soooo much closer to God... and I feel less angry too!!  Seriously... I feel more at peace and less anger.  I am controlling my anger and leaving it to God more.

I understand that I am not perfect... and I also understand that God is so much bigger than what I have given Him credit for...  

This has been an eye opening, faith growing, God loving experience!!  for me.

That's what I would like to share from the white chair...

That He is first and I am second.

We are Second when we put Jesus First.  Seconds are bold to lift up Jesus and tell others.  Are you ready to become a stronger Second?

I challenge YOU to take the I Am Second [22] Day Challenge... Can you spare maybe fifteen minutes in a day?

Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?  ²⁷ Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?  ~Matthew 6:26-27 (NIV)

I AM SECOND.

[here's to you finding your... ]

Peace...

... for a, l & c.  You are my sunshine(s).  

Images are courtesy of google or Bing images.  Some images maybe labeled property of Carla Barila Karam and of this blog, Took It... Making It... Living It... My Life .  © 2012  U.S Copyright Laws apply.

Day 392 ~ I Am Second Challenge Day 14 of 22

This is Day 14 of my challenge... {and} my fourteenth video...

... Brian Sumner... moved to the states from Liverpool, England to pursue his skateboarding career.  Besides skateboarding, Brian experienced much in a short amount of time, including marriage and then promptly thereafter a baby.  With changes, came struggles, came anger, came fights... then came Christ.  

Brian Sumner: I am Second

I can totally relate to Brian... anger.  The more you wonder "why me?"  The more you fight to process something you've never experienced before... the more you are consumed... with anger.


In my case... I guess all my hurt morphed itself into anger.  Sure it doesn't help that I am also... okay I'll say it... in perimenopause... are you happy I said it?  lol... 


All I can say that after so many years of fighting... so many years of defending yourself... so many years of being crapped upon...so many years of being bullied...  well... it gets to you.


I personally am tired of the feeling.  No.  I am not constantly angry... but catch me at the right time, and then pressure me, as well as upset me... well there's no telling what will come out of my mouth!


All I'm saying is that I need to take a deep breath, process everything and leave it to God.  What other choice do I have?  It's not like it's been working the way I've been handling it. lol.


Yes... leave it to God... because He is first... and I am second.

We are Second when we put Jesus First. Seconds are bold to lift up Jesus and tell others. Are you ready to become a stronger Second?

I challenge YOU to take the I Am Second [22] Day Challenge... Can you spare maybe fifteen minutes in a day?

Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?”  Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.  ~Matthew 18:21-22 (NIV)

I AM SECOND.

[here's to you finding your... ]

Peace...

... for a, l & c.  You are my sunshine(s).  

Images are courtesy of google or Bing images.  Some images maybe labeled property of Carla Barila Karam and of this blog, Took It... Making It... Living It... My Life .  © 2012  U.S Copyright laws apply.   

Day 163 ~ A Thankful Heart

Yesterday I woke up in a great mood enjoying everything the morning had to offer.  Then in a matter of one phone call everything went south!  

In a matter of minutes I went from happy to angry and cynical.  Most of my day was spent upset and angry at all the obstacles in my life, and the shortcomings that I have been faced with.  

My car situation, my sons, Calley, bills, money, the future, work and lack of, my mother, my sister...  AAAHHH!!

Now, all the while I am fighting these aggressive thoughts... WHY ME? etc... (I'm sure everyone of you has experienced something similar at some point in your lives)...  I am having an argument with my sister (rightfully so,) getting phone calls from Dino (my husband,) [where I basically told him that it would be better for him to leave me alone so I don't bite his head off,] and my mother in law is calling me ... reminding me of the strength that I possess.  

As soon as I opened my eyes this morning I had already decided that I was not going to allow life to get to me as it did yesterday.  Before my feet hit the floor I had prayed over and over for  God please see me through this, God please see me through this ... Please let some good come out of all of this, .Please let some good come out of all of this ...  over and over again.

Before my morning went on, I decided to take a few moments to shake off any bad feelings that may have stuck around from yesterday's "negative" ordeal.  I reminded myself of what I needed to be thankful for, the priorities of my life, as well as all the loving people in my life.

2002 Ford Explorer on loan from
Preowned Motorcars of Dallas

Then, what at first I was afraid to accept, was in all actuality a pretty great thing that was being offered to me...  a wonderful family friend, member of my Dream Team and my "li'l sister," Nicole, (her mother Yvonne and father Masoud included), has given me the use of her extra car!  A great running, dependable vehicle!  

Even though this is Nicole's car, it was a gift made possible by her father.  Therefore, my thankfulness goes out to her parents as well.  Through the years that my family and I have known Nicole and her family, I have gotten to know a family who is caring, loving, respectful, full of good principles and values, true believers of their faith in God, a true blessing in our lives.  

So here's my plug...  (one way I am able to show my gratitude ;)  )


Furthermore, if anyone in the Dallas area needs a great, dependable car... go see Masoud at Preowned Motorcars of Dallas.  I will never make the mistake of not purchasing my next family cars from him!  I am forever grateful to you and your family!

I can not find the words to express my gratitude, other than to simply say thank you!         

A thankful heart is not only the greatest virtue, but the parent of all other virtues.    ~ Cicero

I am thankful because I am surrounded by such wonderful, positive, supportive, and loving people on a daily basis. 

Blessings to all!!

202 days to go...

All contents herein are protected under Copyright laws and can not be used, altered or copied. All accounts herein are written by Cali-Gal/Carla B Karam and are true accounts of her life. Some names may be changed to protect the innocent.