Day 292 ~ I Married My Best Friend ... Part Deux

As our BIG day approached, all I kept hearing from Dean was ... don't forget we need to keep it small.  For ten months I heard... don't forget we need to keep it small.

All the usual things for a wedding, but with a relaxed twist.  The venue was easy, we were getting married by a long time family friend in Malibu.  What a great place to get married, after all we met near the beach, most of our relationship was spent at the beach, and we grew up near the beach... why not get married near the beach.  We were married at the Malibu Phoenix.

As far as the preparations went...I put all my talents to work with this wedding.  I designed and made the invitations.  The party favors, shoes, and our Titanium wedding bands (the strongest metal to represent how strong our love is for one another)... all purchased on eBay.  Table arrangements, and other decorations including paper goods, glasses and utensils purchased downtown Los Angeles from wholesale merchants.  Then a little of this here and a little of that there... and VIOLA!  Oh, my dress, it was given to me.  Finally, all the delicious Persian food was provided by my father-in-law's Persian friends.  Nummy!!  

Our photographer was perfect, and the flowers just right (I just had to have gardenias! ~ my favorite!)

   

When it came to the guest list... this was funny.  Yes, I still kept hearing ... don't forget we need to keep it small ...  However, Dean's mom was somehow oblivious to this.  I will say this... even though Dean's mother Sally had been divorced from Dean's father for well over thirty years, she had all the family addresses correct.  More announcements went out than invitations, by far. 

As we got closer, and closer, every so often Sally would call me up with some little story of bumping into a friend who we must add to the guest list.  or Better yet... Dean would tell me that he had bumped into an old friend, and that we needed to send them invite.  Then ten minutes later.. yes you got it... don't forget we need to keep it small.  

This would happen up until days before the wedding.

Now, that I think about this.  I feel so blessed to have had Sally help Dean and I with our wedding.  She was a major help!  We feel so blessed that she was a big part of our day... thank God she handled the food... truth be told, it wasn't until Sally told me that her husband and his friends were bringing (scrumptious) Persian food as their gift to us that I realized that I had forgotten all about food!  Big smile!  That was a close one!!

When our BIG day finally arrived, Dean's mother and father, and their respective families, as well as my uncle Jose Luis, aunt Graciela and cousin Alejandra, and my brother all scurried and helped put together a fabulous day for us with all the last minute preparations!

My family?  My mother was late, as usual.  We even held the wedding for nearly an hour and a half.  Finally, the rest of our guests were getting restless, and I had to make the call to start the wedding,  Oh, and my father was far too busy with his wife's grand-daughter.  Boy was that a slap in the face.  He barely put her down long enough to walk me down the aisle!  I was so embarrassed by my family's actions.  Here, Dean's family barely sat down... and my family...             ...     ...  exactly... par for the course.  

Had to get that last paragraph out of my system... and now that it's out... YES!  You got it!  It's in a balloon, tied tight and off it went!  To know more about this awesome reference in my Day 7 post, click here.  A must read.  wink, wink.

As our day went on, Dean kept on wanting to get and do last minute festivities.  He even wanted to go get a keg!  I could have strangled him... after all, what happened with... "don't forget we need to keep it small" ?   

 “And they...LIVED!  Life isn't always ‘Happily Ever After’, rather, loving FOREVER, regardless.”   ― Carmen DeSousa, She Belongs To Me

Blessings to all!!

73 days to go...

PS... for a, l & c.  You are my sunshine(s).  

Images are property of Dean Karam, Carla Barila Karam and of this blog, Taking Back My Life ~ Making It My Own.  U.S Copyright laws apply.  ©

Day 231 ~ God's Children

I shared early on in my blogging, about my experiences with school bullies back on Day 7.  (link provided for your reading pleasure, if you like.  wink, wink)  Funny, now that I think about it ... I have not given it a second thought since I released all those memories in a balloon that day.   

Come to think about it, most of my bad experiences which I have shared and placed a balloon... haven't thought about them.  That's right.  I told myself to forget the bad experiences once I let them go, and I more or less did.  

Note to self... remember to really thank Aleah for that analogy... for some reason it made sense.  Thanks Als!

Back to what I started to share with you... I hadn't thought about those "bullies" in school, until yesterday.  Yes, you guessed it... we watched another movie!  (only so much you can watch with a sick five year old)   

Even though Calley is only five, I thought it was good subject matter to discuss.  So... we watched Cyberbully, on Netflix (We have Netflix through our wii ~ too cool, gotta love it!), which I think may have been originally an after school special on tv. (evident from the badly edited pauses in the movie for a commercial break. lol!)  Actually, Calley was either coloring or playing most of the movie. 

I want to preface my thoughts by saying, that I highly recommend for all parents to watch this with all their computer using school aged children, followed by a family discussion afterwards.  Warning:  There is some not nice name calling, and maybe some of you may want to watch the movie without your young children first to be prepared, and then decide for yourselves what you share.  Regardless, a family discussion on "bullying" need not a movie to preface.

I know first hand that bullying is mean.  Bullies say mean, ugly, hurtful words.  It is real.  I wanted Calley to see some of it.  It starts at a young age too.  So when I saw something that Calley could relate to, I would call it to her attention.  Explaining to her that if someone is mean to her, that she needs to tell mommy or daddy.  Even going further telling her that she can also go to her grandparents or uncles, if that makes her feel comfortable.  

I wanted Calley to know and understand that she has a huge (Christian) support system within her family.  That she has a family that loves her and wants her to be safe.  A family that is never too busy to listen (a great point to stress), and will always be there for here.  

I'll be honest with you, at first I thought this was going to be too heavy of a subject, yet I decided I would watch and pull her in when deemed.  Worse thing would be that she would get bored and go play.  Well, guess what.  Calley may have been playing during most of the movie, but she did take notice to kids being mean.  She did ask questions... there was the use of the word "slut" a few times (it was written), but she was clueless to it.  Although one of the girls called another one a "bitch", I jumped in and said, "wasn't that mean that the girl called her friend a "witch?"  One word... smoothe!  Calley... Not a clue.  

I know this movie was more about cyber-bullying, however a bully is a bully, period.  

Do not get me wrong, cyber-bullying is a little more intense.  After all this is on the WORLD WIDE WEB for the ENTIRE WORLD TO SEE!  Not like in my day, where I could go home to get away from it all.

Today there are 48 states with anti cyber bullying laws, with Georgia being the first state to   have the laws back 1999.  I was also surprised to learn of all the sites available on the subject, here are a few.  www.bullypolice.org , socialsafety.org , and there's even a cyber bullying research center.

Bullying has now gone to an entirely new level with the internet.  As a former computer teacher, I could not stress it enough to my students about safety on the internet.  As well as teaching them internet etiquette.  I even taught them to always give their parents their passwords.  Your welcome. wink, wink.

Please take a moment to sit with your family about this serious matter.  Some of our children are not strong enough on their own to handle bullying.  Some of our children have taken their lives because some mean kid has made them feel like they did not want or deserve to live anymore.  

As parents we love our children and want to keep our children out of harm's way.  Please check on them often when they are on the computer and on the internet.  Keep a list of their passwords.  NO password.  No use of computer.  Simple.  

It is our responsibility to keep our children safe, and discussing this serious issue is one way to do so.  Who knows your children may share something with you that you never expected.  

Lets teach our children, to love and respect one another's differences.  To learn, understand and embrace those differences.  

After all we are all God's children.

Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.  ~James 4:10 (NIV)

Blessings to all!!

134 days to go...

PS... Sons, I love and miss you.  To the moon and stars above and back.  You are my sunshine(s).

Images are courtesy of Bing images

Day 161 ~ Fighting Fair

Love & Hate by Luigi Diamanti 

I would be very surprised to hear that a person has never been involved in a complete "blowout" (verbal fight).  Well, needless to say that I have.


More than likely if you have had a "blow out", it has been with someone close to you, someone that you love.  These "blow outs" are very close to the heart, and the exchange of words can be passionate and can become hostile quickly.  Ugly things are said, and more than likely are said not because they are true, but more so because it will hurt the other person.


Words can be very powerful if used properly, and on the other hand can also be poison.  I wrote of this on Day 23.  Words can not be taken back, even if you did not mean them.  They will remain in that other persons being forever.  Solution: never hit below the belt.


When having a "blowout" there are rules, unspoken rules per say.  Remember you love this person.  And the first rule is fight fair.  Challenge yourself to express yourself without attacking the other person.  Get to the root of the problem and stick to it.


Talk about how a situation made YOU, yourself feel... "when thing A happens it makes me feel..."  As opposed to going on the attack... "YOU are such a jerk... YOU always do A... YOU won't B..."  I can almost guarantee you that if you go on the attack that your argument is and will END UGLY! 


There is no healthy or good reason to attack the other person.  You have obviously come to a disagreement of sorts, and that is okay.  Furthermore, it is okay to agree to disagree, but before that happens, one needs to hash things out.  In doing so, stick to the subject at hand.  This is the bottom line.

Now, another rule that should be followed is that if you are getting extremely "HOT" under the collar, TAKE A BREAK!!  Go for a walk.  The other person may not want to, but it will be up to you at this point to keep the fight fair and walk away for a bit.  In doing so let them know that it is time for a break so things do not get ugly.  Agree to take off the gloves for ten minutes, but also agree to finish and come to a resolution or conclusion.  If you do not finish the "blow out," it becomes unresolved which then builds resentment.  More importantly if you can not come to a resolution, at least agree to disagree and then PUT IT IN A BALLOON!! and let it go!


Oh you do not have to tell me, this is hard!  But as we all know that it takes two to fight and one of you has to keep it cool.  Ultimately it would be wonderful for both parties to remain calm and cool.  But at least try.


I was told once to choose my battles.  I said, huh?  Well... what this means is you do not always have to fight.  In other words, fight about what really matters and let the little things go by.  This is a great rule.  It's like they say...don't sweat the small stuff.


Please, please do not bring up the past.  That is why they say "water under the bridge" and there is no good reason to rehash old fights.  It the past and there's nothing you can do about it.


Another rule to think about is that crying is okay.  Don't make fun or belittle.. Something was said or done that made he or she cry.  It is valid.  Switch sides for a moment and see it from their perspective.


Finally, if you are going to remember anything from this post, please remember that your "fighting partner" is more than likely someone you love.  It's true if they do something that hurts you, it hurts more than if a stranger was to do so... and this is where the passion lives.  The key here is to remember that you love this person and when you love a person you are to take care of them, love and nurture them.  Especially if it is your spouse... remember the words you both stated on that very special day for better or for worse.  


Now... let's Play Nice and Fight Fair!!

“Nobody can hurt me without my permission.”   ~ Mahatma Gandhi

Sometimes two people need to step apart and make a space between that each might see the other anew, in a glance across a room or silhouetted against the moon.    ~  Robert Brault

In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.  ~  Ephesians 4:26-27 (NIV) 

I am thankful for all the times my family and friends have forgiven me. 

Blessings to all!!

204 days to go...

All contents herein are protected under Copyright laws and can not be used, altered or copied. All accounts herein are written by Cali-Gal/Carla B Karam and are true accounts of her life. Some names may be changed to protect the innocent.

Day 7 ~ Filled A Balloon... and I Let it Go!!

When I woke up this morning I had goals.  After all it was Day 7.. my first week of blogging! My desire was that Calley and I get our chores done early after breakfast, then have lunch, I could research whilst she napped and when she woke we would play with clay again.  I almost had every minute of the day planned.  Boy, was I set straight! 

For some reason I feel as if I took a step back today.  Nothing with Calley was going my way.  At one point my little four year old sassed me as if she was thirteen and I - I felt so defeated.  I went to pour myself a glass of lemonade, and the next thing I knew, I was thinking about how I always felt like "odd man out" or the "third wheel" all throughout school.  

Fame by David Bowie was the number one song playing on am radio (yes, "am" I think it was KJR am) in September of 1975 when I had started 7th grade.  The dust was settling after the four-year court battle my father had put my mother through.  I remember it being a big deal because my father kept telling us that he had been the thirteenth man in the state of California that had won sole custody of his children.  I'll all say about it right now is that he did whatever it took to get us from my mother, and was not nice about it.  Even if it meant marrying a former call girl to do so.

Then the "bomb" was dropped!  We were moving to the San Fernando Valley.  Oh sure it was beautiful there, orange groves for miles. "My" dilemma was that we would be moving during Christmas break, and I would start at my new school in January.  As if it wasn't bad enough moving, AGAIN, but in the middle of the school year!  As a matter of fact, by the time I started high school, I had gone to thirteen different schools.  Yes, thirteen!  Always the new girl.  Heck, by the time I finally made a friend, [because it didn't help that I had an Italian name and spoke Spanish,] we were moving again.

The first time we moved I remember feeling alone, not having a single friend.  It wasn't easy making friends where friendships were already established.  And we all know that kids aren't the nicest of the human species.. they can be downright mean!  If it wasn't my weight, it was that I was shy or my clothes, etc..  

The teasing and bullying got worse as I got older.  Especially this one girl, she tortured me every chance she got from the time I arrived in 7th grade, all the way through the last day of 9th grade.  My self-esteem did not exist by the time she was done.  For the first time in my life, I was grateful I was going to a new school in the fall... high school.  

courtesy of Bing images

When I realized I had zoned out right in the middle of this argument with my four year old, and re-lived the anxiety I felt in school, I could not allow myself to go back there anymore.  That was a long, long time ago, and there are better times to think about.  Then something my sister-in-law said to me yesterday clicked!  "...put it in a balloon and let it go... no need to think about it again..."

So, those bad times I went through.  Times I walked onto a new school campus not knowing a soul, the stares I would get or the horrible things that were said to me.  The anxiety of trying to fit in, not being one of the "popular" girls in the "cool" click or better yet being ridiculed by one of them.  Or just simply not having had a "best friends" for years.  The times I felt so alone... 

I just put it all in a balloon and I let it go!  

Blessings to all!!

358 days / 51 weeks to go.


All contents herein are protected under Copyright laws and can not be used, altered or copied without written permission from Carla B Karam- please just ask.  All views and feelings are true accounts of her life. Some names may be changed to protect the innocent.