Day 261 ~ Thank You For Lighting My Candle

I must admit that I have had a couple of tough days... the kind that not only drain you physically, but emotionally as well.

If you were to have told me a year ago, that not only would I be blogging on a daily basis, and that it would have such a positive impact on me, my family and life... I would have looked at you and thought you were absolutely nuts!

Let me tell you!... I have not only learned so much about myself in the last eight months+, but I have also worked through "issues", grown some, accepted the past, learned to like myself, found some esteem, and so much more.  I have grown to love who I am, faults and all... as well as learned to forgive myself and others.

I want to take the time out to share my "high and lows" from this experience thus far... just so you know, I like saving the best for last... 

my lows... well, I would have to say that my lows have been, recognizing, facing, as well as accepting mistakes I have made in my life.  As painful as facing some truths about myself have been (which is the "low")... The experience also turns out being a positive as well.~ a bonus.

my highs... no question about it!... it has been all the wonderful people I have met along the way, as well as their support and prayers.  Through my blogging, I have had the privileged of crossing paths with wonderful people from all over the world... and I have gained some insight from the experience too.  

All I can say is that this experience has been a sincere blessing in my life... I am so grateful.

At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person.  Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us.  ~ Albert Schweitzer

Blessings to all!!

104 days to go...

PS... for a, l & c.  You are my sunshine(s). 

Some images courtesy of google images.  Others are marked accordingly, and are property of Carla Barila Karam and Taking Back Life ~ Making It My Own, this blog.   All U.S Copyright laws apply.   ©

Day 57 ~ Never Good Bye... Always So Long!

Such a bitter sweet day!


Soaking in as much as we could, including family and friends... and still there wasn't enough hours in the day or days in the week for that matter!! 


Caught myself even getting cranky a couple of times... and as quick as that happened... a happy face took over.


I will take all these feelings with me when we leave tomorrow and turn them into 100% good old fashioned MOTIVATION!!

Until then... I will turn in and get a good night's sleep.  Tomorrow will roll around before we know it, and then another sleuth of so longs!!


And just in case you didn't catch my affirmation/quote last night... I thought it was also befitting of my day today!

Make every day count.  Appreciate every moment and take from it everything that you possibly can, for you may never be able to experience it again. 

Blessings to all!!

308 days to go.

All contents herein are protected under Copyright laws and can not be used, altered or copied. All accounts herein are written by Cali-Gal/Carla B Karam and are true accounts of her life. Some names may be changed to protect the innocent. 

Day 28 ~ I Have a "Dream Team"!! & You're on It!

I am feeling very blessed these days!  Imagine being on a mountaintop surrounded by beautiful flowers, a cool fragrant breeze in your face, if you're a girl you would have a "twirly" dress on and of course you would be running and twirling... I'm almost there!  Now, I do have some rough moments, but all in all I know that I am moving in the right direction.

1992 "Dream Team"
Courtesy of Bing images

I feel so supported... I feel as if I have my own "dream team" behind me.  No matter who I speak to lately, family, friends and even a couple of my blog readers, their messages all have had something positive for me to not only help me with my blog, but more importantly to help me with my healing process.

I was speaking to one of my tias ("aunts" in Spanish) the other day... although I do not get to speak to her often (because life happens,) she has always been there for me.  She does not mince words and always gets to the point... I so love that about her!  Her wonderful message... "put all my love into everything I do!"  It does translate a little different in Spanish, however the message is the same.  She had just the right words to say to me without even knowing.  It was as if she knew what I needed to hear.  Just as she said that to me, I felt so much pride for myself for writing my blog (last time I felt like that I was in school and I was doing my pottery.) 

My sister-in-law, (gosh that sounds so formal because truth be told she is more of a sister to me than anything else) is also on my dream team!  She is awesome, shhhh don't tell her because her head may explode! just kidding   No, but seriously, timing could not be better- she was the one that had told me that our differences were behind us, as if  we "put them in a balloon and let it go!"  Oh my G.. I just love that analogy (see Day 7)!  Als, I have now adopted it! and giving you props for it too!  As I continue writing my blog, you will find that I will be putting a lot into balloons and letting them go!

As I think of who else is on my "dream team" ... well let's just say that this post would turn into a mini "e-book"!!  Needless to say, I feel so blessed to have such wonderful family and friends supporting me!  

There's Elisabeth (who I met at a low point in my life, while going to schooI in '03-'05, I tutored for her at West Los Angeles College, turned mentor, part-time therapist (lol- jk), turned best bud), Diane (who basically witnessed not only my divorce, but my boys taken away from me), Lena (old high school bud reunited thanks to Facebook, who probably does not have a clue as to how good of a friend she still is to me), Gloria (my cousin who has given me courage and strength on more that one occasion ~ gracias primita), Juli (my cousin who after moving to El Paso, wrote me a letter telling me what a beautiful person I was, to remember my strength, the people who love me and that my children were lucky to have such an amazing mother... I carry that letter with me to this day! ...I could not have received your letter at a better time ~ gracias primita)...

"You like me, you really like me!"
Courtesy of Bing images

I almost feel as if I am giving my acceptance speech for an award because I do not want to leave anyone out!  And if I did leave you out... I still have 337 days to give you proper props! So keep reading because you never know when YOU will be thanked.  By the way, if you do not want to be mentioned by  name in my blog please email me and let me know.

When I first woke this morning, I did just as I have been doing since I started writing my blog 28 days ago... I wake up, and with the crust not even out of my eyes, I grab my glasses and my laptop, and then I check my messages, then Facebook and then my blog stats.  But this morning when on Facebook, I received the following message... 

This month, I celebrate my own independence.  I choose to be free of all negativity, anger, fear, insecurities, jealousies~ and any thought that makes me feel "less than."  I no longer choose to live in the prison of my mind.  I choose thoughts of love, prosperity, and unlimited creativity and opportunities.  ~ Louise L. Hay

Needless to say, that was my status post for most of my day.  Then the more I read it, the more it was appropriate to what I was going through.  Therefore, this month I celebrate my own independence!

“As for God, his way is perfect: The LORD’s word is flawless; he shields all who take refuge in him.”  Psalm 18:30

Blessings to all!

337 days / 48 weeks to go.



All contents herein are protected under Copyright laws and can not be used, altered or copied. All accounts herein are written by Cali-Gal/Carla B Karam and are true accounts of her life. Some names may be changed to protect the innocent.

Day 7 ~ Filled A Balloon... and I Let it Go!!

When I woke up this morning I had goals.  After all it was Day 7.. my first week of blogging! My desire was that Calley and I get our chores done early after breakfast, then have lunch, I could research whilst she napped and when she woke we would play with clay again.  I almost had every minute of the day planned.  Boy, was I set straight! 

For some reason I feel as if I took a step back today.  Nothing with Calley was going my way.  At one point my little four year old sassed me as if she was thirteen and I - I felt so defeated.  I went to pour myself a glass of lemonade, and the next thing I knew, I was thinking about how I always felt like "odd man out" or the "third wheel" all throughout school.  

Fame by David Bowie was the number one song playing on am radio (yes, "am" I think it was KJR am) in September of 1975 when I had started 7th grade.  The dust was settling after the four-year court battle my father had put my mother through.  I remember it being a big deal because my father kept telling us that he had been the thirteenth man in the state of California that had won sole custody of his children.  I'll all say about it right now is that he did whatever it took to get us from my mother, and was not nice about it.  Even if it meant marrying a former call girl to do so.

Then the "bomb" was dropped!  We were moving to the San Fernando Valley.  Oh sure it was beautiful there, orange groves for miles. "My" dilemma was that we would be moving during Christmas break, and I would start at my new school in January.  As if it wasn't bad enough moving, AGAIN, but in the middle of the school year!  As a matter of fact, by the time I started high school, I had gone to thirteen different schools.  Yes, thirteen!  Always the new girl.  Heck, by the time I finally made a friend, [because it didn't help that I had an Italian name and spoke Spanish,] we were moving again.

The first time we moved I remember feeling alone, not having a single friend.  It wasn't easy making friends where friendships were already established.  And we all know that kids aren't the nicest of the human species.. they can be downright mean!  If it wasn't my weight, it was that I was shy or my clothes, etc..  

The teasing and bullying got worse as I got older.  Especially this one girl, she tortured me every chance she got from the time I arrived in 7th grade, all the way through the last day of 9th grade.  My self-esteem did not exist by the time she was done.  For the first time in my life, I was grateful I was going to a new school in the fall... high school.  

courtesy of Bing images

When I realized I had zoned out right in the middle of this argument with my four year old, and re-lived the anxiety I felt in school, I could not allow myself to go back there anymore.  That was a long, long time ago, and there are better times to think about.  Then something my sister-in-law said to me yesterday clicked!  "...put it in a balloon and let it go... no need to think about it again..."

So, those bad times I went through.  Times I walked onto a new school campus not knowing a soul, the stares I would get or the horrible things that were said to me.  The anxiety of trying to fit in, not being one of the "popular" girls in the "cool" click or better yet being ridiculed by one of them.  Or just simply not having had a "best friends" for years.  The times I felt so alone... 

I just put it all in a balloon and I let it go!  

Blessings to all!!

358 days / 51 weeks to go.


All contents herein are protected under Copyright laws and can not be used, altered or copied without written permission from Carla B Karam- please just ask.  All views and feelings are true accounts of her life. Some names may be changed to protect the innocent.