Day 394 ~ Taking It All In

So bummed.  I didn't get my next I Am Second video (#16)... I did contact them, sent an email... however, no response up until now.

I have decided to give you an I Am Second 22 Day Challenge update... you know... how I am handling it all... or rather the after affects.

I do have to say that each day has given me more and more to think about.  One thing for sure is that I am not the only one who has felt the way I have.  

Each video has touched me... it has sort of put a spotlight on different feelings I have felt and experienced throughout my life.

One thing that has been confirmed with this challenge is that I have a control issue when it comes to my life.  lol!  HA!  As if I didn't already know that!

Another confirmation is the anger that has brewed in my heart all these years.  

Funny... I was telling my friend tonight that I wasn't always angry.  I once was a very happy person.  Even a little too happy as I have been told.  It wasn't until I started fighting for my children that the hurt that was being done to me started building upon itself as days would go by.  

You see something would happen, and as I would be in the process of processing it, then something else would happen... and then I would have to process that... and so on and so on...

No different than playing a game of tackle football day after day... having your body slammed day after day {without a break}, getting bruises on top of bruises... not allowing your body to go through the healing process.  Then one day just not being able to play as well as you did on the first day of play... to the point of not recognizing yourself.

Granted... I had no choice.  I had to be in the game for my sons sake.  All the while taking emotional and mental beatings after beatings.  I was able to stay in the game itself... it wasn't until the after math... the dust never settled and I broke. 

Fighting the battle and facing each day made me weaker.  I did try going to church... however I did not keep it up and was discouraged even more.

Today, I can only imagine what it could have been like if I would have really gave God control of my game play.  

But that was then... and now is now.

Waiting for Day 16 of my 22 day challenge, I feel God in my life more today than on Day 1.  Maybe not getting my sixteenth video was a good thing... it's given me the opportunity of looking back and taking it all in.

We are Second when we put Jesus First. Seconds are bold to lift up Jesus and tell others. Are you ready to become a stronger Second?

I challenge YOU to take the I Am Second [22] Day Challenge... Can you spare maybe fifteen minutes in a day?

Do not worry. Learn to pray about everything. Give thanks to God as you ask Him for what you need. ⁷ The peace of God is much greater than the human mind can understand. This peace will keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.  ~ Philippians 4:6-7 (NLV)

I AM SECOND.

[here's to you finding your... ]

Peace...

... for a, l & c.  You are my sunshine(s).  

Images are courtesy of google or Bing images.  Some images maybe labeled property of Carla Barila Karam and of this blog, Took It... Making It... Living It... My Life .  © 2012  U.S Copyright Laws apply.

Day 134 ~ Life's Obstacles

Picture borrowed from
e-nterest.com

I would have to say that today was definitely a far cry from what yesterday bestowed upon me, let alone this entire week for that matter- maybe this entire year!  

It's so funny... maybe even ironic... but right now Dean and I are trying to teach, and instill in Calley, to work through frustrations... you know... coping when you can not have something instantly or when something just doesn't happen like you want it to.  I think that even patience may have a little hand in this as well...  Well let's just say that I may have had some of those coping skills instilled in me this week!

I swear that there were a couple of times I just wanted to scream and then let out some tears... but NOooooOO... I had to lead by example and deal with all of it as Calley witnessed on.

♪♫•♪♫•♪♫•  ***LIFE UPDATES***   ♪♫•♪♫•♪♫•

• I have now been without my car for TWENTY-SEVEN WEEKS!!   Yes you heard me right, twenty-seven weeks!.. Six months plus!!  Although... I do have some GREAT NEWS!!! Guess what I opened in the mail a few days back... A CLASS ACTION LAW SUIT against Toyota; for owners of Rav4 years '01-'03... with the Electronic Control Module (ECM) and automatic transmissions problems... 

GUESS WHAT!?!  ...  

Picture borrowed from Craig's list
ad in St. Louis

I have a Toyota Rav4, who has had nothing but transmission problems (since I have owned it September of 2010 - in thirteen months I have driven it a total of maybe four combined,- and that's being generous!!) including "harsh shifting," and we replaced the ECM!  YES!!  THANK YOU JESUS!!! Mailing my claim to the attorneys tomorrow.  Let's see what happens next...

• Safety switch on our water heater went out three days ago (no hot water since,) which is definitely better that the water heater itself needing to be replaced!  $70 vs. $600!  THANK YOU JESUS!!!
• I Had to replace my dsl modem, among other issues... I still need to add a telephone jack and move the actual connection into our home office here and get our home network back up and running.
• Last (I'm sure it won't be the last time), and not least... our tv... it went out too! Aiy ya yai! ... won't be fixed until Monday.  (big sad face)  I Miss my DVR!

I am thankful for all the good and bad in my life... and I am especially thankful for all the good that has come out of the crazy-ness this week!!

As we grow up, we learn that the people that weren't supposed to ever let us down, probably will.  You'll have your heart broken and you'll break others' hearts.  You'll blame a new love for things an old love did.  You'll fight with your best friend, you'll cry because time is flying by, and eventually you'll lose someone you love.  So take too many pictures, laugh too much, forgive freely, and love like you've never been hurt.  Because every second you spend angry or upset, is a second of happiness you can never get back!    ~ Unknown Author

 Blessings to all!!

231 days to go...

All contents herein are protected under Copyright laws and can not be used, altered or copied. All accounts herein are written by Cali-Gal/Carla B Karam and are true accounts of her life. Some names may be changed to protect the innocent.

Day 97 ~ Next Time CALGON!

Why is it that when you go to bed with angels on your pillows, with nothing but good intentions of waking up the next day and having a fabulous day... but then low and behold... sometime between the time you fell asleep, the seven hours that went by, and then waking up ... all hell breaks loose!!

One thing that didn't help was that I wasn't feeling well... been fighting a sinus headache for the past couple of days... but that doesn't constitute being in such a horrendous mood.

Well let's see...

~ I have been talking, chatting, skype-ing and even playing words with friends with Addison... off and on for a few weeks now...  ~ I'm hoping that this is just an example of good things to come!

~I have not been able to get a hold of Logan since a week or so after Mother's day... this doesn't help any at all- he or I especially when he is at such a vulnerable age (20) with so many choices and decisions to be made

~Tried calling my mother... no response!  What else is new!  Especially when she was suppose to help me out with something this past week.  Why give your word on something and then not follow through?!  History repeating itself, once again!  I guess I should know better.... so this one's on me!

~Tried calling my sister... no response!  What else is new!!??  She was suppose to have come through on something for me as well..

~Wake up, and as I mentioned not feeling well... the house is a wreck!

~This is now WEEK 25 of my NO CAR dilemma... Even under warranty, we gave them $400 for what seemed to be for the computer, that was in the beginning of June... we thought we would be getting back my car within two weeks at that point.  Oh and by the way, a year ago this week we bought both Dino's and my cars!  This is not the first time it has been at the shop either... so,with that, I'd be lucky if I drove my car for three months... IF THAT! 

~This evening, I once again try to call Logan, my second son... but to no avail... no answer...  and no I can not leave a message [because it makes some strange noise and does not give you the opportunity to do so], and I text him from my google number... and nothing.. I didn't go all "psycho-dialing",  well I only tried calling four times... but still to no avail... nothing.

So... instead of yelling "CALGON TAKE ME AWAY!" ... I guess I took the low row and opted to be in a crappy mood.

You know what that means... crappy mood = bad negative thoughts!

Why!?  Well, as far as I am concerned you, or rather I am completely stressed about some obligations we have, and and does not help that I can't talk to Logan.

I know my son is twenty... however twenty year old(s) not only still need hugs, but they need their moms too!

Now some constructive criticism to myself...  I overheard this on tv earlier and it has been repeating itself in my head off and on since ..."Do you think that possibly MY expectations

are a little bit too high?"   Good question, huh?  OR...

Maybe I just need to hang in there, and continue to give it to my higher being...

Let go... let God!

Mothers are fonder than fathers of their children because they are more certain they are their own.  ~Aristotle

A mother's heart is a patchwork of love.  ~Author Unknown

Blessings to all!!


268 days to go...

All contents herein are protected under Copyright laws and can not be used, altered or copied. All accounts herein are written by Cali-Gal/Carla B Karam and are true accounts of her life. Some names may be changed to protect the innocent.  

Day 75 ~ The Stranger in My Son's Lives... Me

courtesy of Bing images

Back is still out...  (big sad/going stir crazy face)...  basically on bed rest... can't start my new exercise program... and with that the mind starts to go too!! Then I find myself chanting, "positive thoughts, positive thoughts.."  Then thoughts linger and wonder... Then the chants start again, "positive thoughts, positive thoughts..".  And then there's my little girl ... have to make sure she's happy and does not have needs and has a great childhood to remember.

Then, there's my car saga!   Come the 11th of September, it will be a year since we bought both of our cars...  Dean's has been parked at his dad's for several months, and my car... well it is now week no. 22 since my mechanic (the people who sold us both cars) has had my car...  this does not include all the other times he had my car in for repairs two to four weeks at a time... - they have had my car longer than I have!!

courtesy of Bing images

Okay, between you and I ...I am trying to stay positive here.   Being thankful for everything in my life, reading scripture and positive affirmations every day... making each day better than the one before... keeping our goal in sight... and taking one step closer to our goal each day.


I'm also thankful that my sons are [very] slowly coming back into my life.  Although, it continues to be very difficult to mend our relationship(s)... I will not stop until I have my sons back!


I keep in mind that they are men now, twenty-four and twenty respectively.  They are both not only trying to figure out what they want to do with their lives, but they are also starting to make decisions that will pave their paths into their futures.

courtesy of Bing images

What do I want from my sons?  Well that is simple...  I want to be a mother to my sons without obstacles, barriers or psychological poison (head games)... I want to be treated with respect, love... unconditionally... as I want to treat them.   


What I don't want?...  I don't want to be a stranger in their lives anymore.  I am tired of feeling insecure with them.  I feel as if I was walking on eggshells when I speak to them.  Why?  Well, first... don't want to make them mad... and I do not want to go such an extended amount of time without talking to them again.  (two years is a long time not to talk to your children.)


Please, understand one thing... I dug my heels in with my son- it was a matter of principle. ~~The pit of [long distance] parenthood ~~ 



Bottom line...  I am thankful for the time that I have to share a little of me with you!

For what I have received may the Lord make me truly thankful. And more truly for what I have not received.   ~  Storm Jameson

When you come upon a path that brings benefit and happiness to all, follow this course as the moon journeys through the stars. -  Buddha  

 Just for today, no matter where I am going, or what I am doing, or who I am doing it with, it is my intention to focus on the positive.   ~  Lucy MacDonald

Blessings to all!!

290 days to go

All contents herein are protected under Copyright laws and can not be used, altered or copied. All accounts herein are written by Cali-Gal/Carla B Karam and are true accounts of her life. Some names may be changed to protect the innocent.

Day 59 ~ "Life" Does Not Take A Break.

Courtesy of Bing images

After what ended up being a fourteen hour drive, due to the infamous Los Angeles traffic, we finally found ourselves home safe at about 5:30 this morning.

Once we arrived, three things kept Dino and I from sleeping the day away once the car was unloaded (with James' help ~ Thank you James!!)... one was Calley.  (big smile)  

Unlike the two of us, she was able to sleep at least the last six hours of our drive and then another three after we got home... and once she woke up at ten, I had to get up!  (dragging butt and all!)  

Disney's Snow White & Co


Courtesy of Bing images

I let Dean sleep whilst we went to get a birthday gift for Calley's "best friend" Alina, who's party was early this evening.  The second reason we couldn't sleep the day away.

The last reason we couldn't sleep all day, was that when I returned the rental car I had to call Dino to have him pick Calley and me up... however the battery was dead on our loaner car from the mechanic.**  and Dino needed to charge the battery [again... thank you James!!].

Bottom line... once we got home, we could not sleep all day because life happened!

After dozing off several times during our drive home, yet not being able to sleep...  It's very difficult for me to sleep... I feel I need to be awake~  what if Dino fell asleep and I could have prevented it?!  (I know that Dino would definitely pull over if he was even slightly tired... however the fear is still there.) ... it is hard to believe that I am actually writing my post tonight.   I am very tired, and feel as if I am babbling!  lol!   I think I am making this post short tonight.  (big tired smile.)

I wish you all a wonderful night's rest!  May you all sleep with little angels.

One of the ingredients for success is having the ability to stretch - keeping your feet on the ground while your head is in the clouds.   Author unknown.

Blessings to all!!

306 days to go.

** [ YES, I still do not have my car... next week my mechanic will have had my  car for over NINETEEN WEEKS!! -  basically... then some, and ALL SUMMER!! and then some more!! ]  I am definitely not having good thoughts right now.  lol!  I wonder what story I will get come Monday when I stop by. He knows we went on vacation, therefore we even gave him two weeks to GET 'ER DONE!!  I will now put positive thoughts out there... all things will be taken care of on my car, my car will be done and will be running great!

All contents herein are protected under Copyright laws and can not be used, altered or copied. All accounts herein are written by Cali-Gal/Carla B Karam and are true accounts of her life. Some names may be changed to protect the innocent. 

Day 15 ~ Life Updates...

Round and round, ugh, argh, OH EM GEE!!!  I, I ... ai yai yai...

I just don't know what to say ... 

So much going on...  Please answer me this.. Does everyone else have as much DRAMA going on in their lives, want it OR not... can I possibly be the only one on earth going through as much as I am.  I mean --   COME ON...  SERIOUSLY?? 

My blog, in no way was intended to be used to deal with the challenges life has presented me with as of lately...  HOWEVER maybe if you can see what I'm up against, then possibly you will be able to understand or possibly have a glimpse as to why I tick the way I do...

LIFE'S UPDATES...

Updates by Stuart Miles

1.   WEEK 13 - NO CAR!!!!  Car not ready, All parts and transmission are at a transmission shop, but its not getting done.  First its the transmission, then its not, then its the computer, and now the transmission is getting rebuilt.  What the HecK!  Oh, it's under warranty.

2.   Blackberry Enlightenment...  "Merit" finally comes forth - SHE GOES TO THE POLICE TO FILE A COMPLAINT STATING SHE WANTS ME TO STOP SENDING MESSAGES ON FB  (Police said NOT going to happen... I'm not doing anything wrong!) SHE SHOWS UP WITH A DIFFERENT PHONE (She stated she found it at the same place I lost my phone... ***WHICH COME TO FIND OUT MY PHONE FELL OUT OF MY CAR AT THE MARKET not AT PETER PIPER'S.. Answers given to my questions made me think it happened at Peter Piper's and SHE did not correct me)  "Merit" and her friend's efforts BACKFIRE! (Yes, somehow I found her calls and messages which she had made using the OTHER phone she found BUT SOMEHOW her calls all showed up on my phone records- BUT NOW she claims she did not find my phone!)  "Merit" with two of her friends (Someone please tell her that they are not good for her!)... which have such a hold on her that the Police officer even noticed it,.  Police officer said that several times she asked "Merit"questions, "Merit" wanted to answer, both friends prevent her from talking... Police see right through it.  They see I have filed charges against her.  "Merit leaves Police station feeling defeated!"

3. Both my sons have not only lost respect for me, but they do not want me in their lives.  All I  have to say about this is that "Sometimes words are spoken out of anger for the mere purpose of hurting the person they were intended  for."  and out of spite.  How sad.

4.  Calley has her environmental allergies which seem to be on hiatus for the past two and a half weeks, but still hold a dark cloud over our heads... Do we move?  Almost seems inevitable...  Is taking a chance on Calley's discomfort for one more year worth a shot?  So many uncertainties... 

5.  My job... well keeping this on the down low.  Not happy... not happy what-so-ever!  Let's just say that YOU HAVE TO PRACTICE WHAT YOU PREACH or better yet WALK THE TALK!!  (I better stop before I say something I am not ready to talk about).  Let me finish by saying that I am a person who walks her talk... and expects the same 

6.  El Paso...  WOW!  Well, all I have to say is that I can not handle HEAT anymore (not to mention that most drivers need their licences re-evaluated)!

7.  Oh and let's not forget that my 30th high school reunion is around the corner ... AND... well... I better start working out!!  "I'm just saying!"  

One Word... O V E R W H E L M I N G ! !  Life is being unreasonable and overwhelming at the moment!!

Blessings to all...

350 days to go!

All contents herein are protected under Copyright laws and can not be used, altered or copied. All accounts herein are written by Cali-Gal/Carla B Karam and are true accounts of her life. Some names may be changed to protect the innocent.