Day 162 ~ Avoiding the Dark Side

ENOUGH!!  Do I have a huge BULLS-EYE on me or what!!  When is it going to stop?  

(courtesy of Bing Images)

This has truly been a dark day for me.  I have literally sat here with tears just rolling out of my eyes all day.  I have not been crying per say.  The tears are just making their way out on their own.  One rolling out after another.  

I tell you, I wish I could scream so loud for the entire world to hear!  AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!

On Day 160 I shared with all of you that I had possession of my car, which lasted a total of ten days, of which once again on day one I discovered immediately that it had not been fixed.  Now, It has been sitting at the local Toyota dealership.

Through Toyota's inspection, I found out that the ECM was not replaced with a the new improved one (what we helped pay for,) instead an old one was in its place.  Our mechanic has never brought it in for programming since we have owned the vehicle, when he said he had.  The transmission, well, all they could tell was that it had been taken out of the vehicle.  No way of knowing if it had been replaced or not.

At the suggestion of the assistant service manager, I called Toyota Customer Care.  He said that I would have a better chance of getting them to take care of the KNOWN ISSUE and that  it should have been a RECALL, instead of the SERVICE BULLETIN they had issued.  

Unlike by CBK

Well... Toyota will not cover my car because it is 9,000 miles over the enhanced warranty and that the warranty had already been extended.  I expressed to the man that I had bought the car at 154,000 miles without hesitation knowing that Toyotas run nearly forever.  All he kept responding to me was, I AM SORRY TOYOTA HAS ALREADY EXTENDED THE WARRANTY over and over again.  

I WANTED TO REACH THROUGH THE PHONE AND STRANGLE HIM!!

SO my hands are tied.  No telling if they will honor the class action law suit for me or if the place we bought it from, Master Auto Sales in association with ALLTech Auto will honor their warranty.

The assistant service manager told me that he called my mechanic and let him know that my car needed the new ECM.  My mechanic (and I will use the term loosely!) responded to him that he would have one of his guys pick up the old part within the half hour and return with the new one. 

That was at 10:30 this morning and now it is almost 6:00 in the evening... CAN YOU GUESS?  YUP!! You were right!  HE DID NOT PICK UP THE PART.

Yesterday, one of my dear friends had the following in their facebook status...

Patience, Strength, Courage...

I have truly thought about this since I first read it, as well as every other quote I have posted and what I am trying to accomplish here in efforts to pick myself up off the ground.  I never said or thought it would be easy being positive.  It is taking every fiber of my being to not fall into the deep dark hole, especially when every single time I turn around something or someone is disappointing me.  

We are each on our own journey.  Each of us are on our very own adventure, encountering all kinds of challenges and the choices we make on that adventure will shape us as we go.. Those choices will stretch us and test us, and push us to our limit. And our adventure will make us stronger than we ever knew we could be.    ~  Penelope Garcia on Criminal Minds 11/16/11

Find a place inside where there is joy and the joy will bring out the pain.    ~  Joseph Campbell 

I am thankful for having a (sleep comfort) bed to lay in and pillow to place my head upon each night. 

Blessings to all!!

203 days to go...

All contents herein are protected under Copyright laws and can not be used, altered or copied. All accounts herein are written by Cali-Gal/Carla B Karam and are true accounts of her life. Some names may be changed to protect the innocent.

Day 160 ~ A Car Thing

* # ~  CAR UPDATE...

I knew better than to get excited!!  On Friday November 4th my car was returned to me... that being well into week No. 32 !!

As soon as Calley and I jumped in it and got into our merry way (shopping), we were into mile three and the car started doing the same ol' thing!!  I could have screamed!

The only thing consoling me is that notice on the class action law suit against Toyota Motors, as I mentioned in Day 134 I received in the mail.

We called our mechanic, who is only called that because he has been doing all the warranty work on my car for his partner.  All I have to say is that Thank God I insisted on a 90 day warranty!!  Can you believe that they told Dean to drive it more, because the computer (ECM) would adjust itself (more or less).

Well... this past Saturday my car barely drove seven miles to my in laws and it was worse!  

First thing Monday I had Dean talk to the shop... If I was to go in there... well, let's just say Dean needed to handle it.  Bottom line, as Dean as his witness, the mechanic (owner of the shop) called Toyota and they told him to bring our car in.

I think that the only good and smart thing this person has done! for us anyways... all the while burying himself in the process, was sending us to Toyota... something that should have been done a long, long time ago.

Well we came to find out that our mechanic did not put a new ECM in our car as he stated; and had not had the computer reprogrammed, as he stated.  As a matter of fact the last time my car was in the Toyota dealership was August of 2010, one month before we purchased the car.  

Come to think of it he said a lot of things that ended up being not true.  

* # ~  LESSON LEARNED...

I would have to say is thank God that I was persistent in getting a warranty from these guys.  What do they say?   Always get it in writing!

Another is the fact, although I started late, I have been keeping notes on this entire experience.

I do not want to jump the gun here, but I think I have been patient enough.  Although, I will have to be patient for at least one more day.  Toyota is going to see if there is anything they can do to help me.

I am thankful for the new found patience I am experiencing. 

Blessings to all!!

205 days to go...

All contents herein are protected under Copyright laws and can not be used, altered or copied. All accounts herein are written by Cali-Gal/Carla B Karam and are true accounts of her life. Some names may be changed to protect the innocent.

Day 97 ~ Next Time CALGON!

Why is it that when you go to bed with angels on your pillows, with nothing but good intentions of waking up the next day and having a fabulous day... but then low and behold... sometime between the time you fell asleep, the seven hours that went by, and then waking up ... all hell breaks loose!!

One thing that didn't help was that I wasn't feeling well... been fighting a sinus headache for the past couple of days... but that doesn't constitute being in such a horrendous mood.

Well let's see...

~ I have been talking, chatting, skype-ing and even playing words with friends with Addison... off and on for a few weeks now...  ~ I'm hoping that this is just an example of good things to come!

~I have not been able to get a hold of Logan since a week or so after Mother's day... this doesn't help any at all- he or I especially when he is at such a vulnerable age (20) with so many choices and decisions to be made

~Tried calling my mother... no response!  What else is new!  Especially when she was suppose to help me out with something this past week.  Why give your word on something and then not follow through?!  History repeating itself, once again!  I guess I should know better.... so this one's on me!

~Tried calling my sister... no response!  What else is new!!??  She was suppose to have come through on something for me as well..

~Wake up, and as I mentioned not feeling well... the house is a wreck!

~This is now WEEK 25 of my NO CAR dilemma... Even under warranty, we gave them $400 for what seemed to be for the computer, that was in the beginning of June... we thought we would be getting back my car within two weeks at that point.  Oh and by the way, a year ago this week we bought both Dino's and my cars!  This is not the first time it has been at the shop either... so,with that, I'd be lucky if I drove my car for three months... IF THAT! 

~This evening, I once again try to call Logan, my second son... but to no avail... no answer...  and no I can not leave a message [because it makes some strange noise and does not give you the opportunity to do so], and I text him from my google number... and nothing.. I didn't go all "psycho-dialing",  well I only tried calling four times... but still to no avail... nothing.

So... instead of yelling "CALGON TAKE ME AWAY!" ... I guess I took the low row and opted to be in a crappy mood.

You know what that means... crappy mood = bad negative thoughts!

Why!?  Well, as far as I am concerned you, or rather I am completely stressed about some obligations we have, and and does not help that I can't talk to Logan.

I know my son is twenty... however twenty year old(s) not only still need hugs, but they need their moms too!

Now some constructive criticism to myself...  I overheard this on tv earlier and it has been repeating itself in my head off and on since ..."Do you think that possibly MY expectations

are a little bit too high?"   Good question, huh?  OR...

Maybe I just need to hang in there, and continue to give it to my higher being...

Let go... let God!

Mothers are fonder than fathers of their children because they are more certain they are their own.  ~Aristotle

A mother's heart is a patchwork of love.  ~Author Unknown

Blessings to all!!


268 days to go...

All contents herein are protected under Copyright laws and can not be used, altered or copied. All accounts herein are written by Cali-Gal/Carla B Karam and are true accounts of her life. Some names may be changed to protect the innocent.  

Day 75 ~ The Stranger in My Son's Lives... Me

courtesy of Bing images

Back is still out...  (big sad/going stir crazy face)...  basically on bed rest... can't start my new exercise program... and with that the mind starts to go too!! Then I find myself chanting, "positive thoughts, positive thoughts.."  Then thoughts linger and wonder... Then the chants start again, "positive thoughts, positive thoughts..".  And then there's my little girl ... have to make sure she's happy and does not have needs and has a great childhood to remember.

Then, there's my car saga!   Come the 11th of September, it will be a year since we bought both of our cars...  Dean's has been parked at his dad's for several months, and my car... well it is now week no. 22 since my mechanic (the people who sold us both cars) has had my car...  this does not include all the other times he had my car in for repairs two to four weeks at a time... - they have had my car longer than I have!!

courtesy of Bing images

Okay, between you and I ...I am trying to stay positive here.   Being thankful for everything in my life, reading scripture and positive affirmations every day... making each day better than the one before... keeping our goal in sight... and taking one step closer to our goal each day.


I'm also thankful that my sons are [very] slowly coming back into my life.  Although, it continues to be very difficult to mend our relationship(s)... I will not stop until I have my sons back!


I keep in mind that they are men now, twenty-four and twenty respectively.  They are both not only trying to figure out what they want to do with their lives, but they are also starting to make decisions that will pave their paths into their futures.

courtesy of Bing images

What do I want from my sons?  Well that is simple...  I want to be a mother to my sons without obstacles, barriers or psychological poison (head games)... I want to be treated with respect, love... unconditionally... as I want to treat them.   


What I don't want?...  I don't want to be a stranger in their lives anymore.  I am tired of feeling insecure with them.  I feel as if I was walking on eggshells when I speak to them.  Why?  Well, first... don't want to make them mad... and I do not want to go such an extended amount of time without talking to them again.  (two years is a long time not to talk to your children.)


Please, understand one thing... I dug my heels in with my son- it was a matter of principle. ~~The pit of [long distance] parenthood ~~ 



Bottom line...  I am thankful for the time that I have to share a little of me with you!

For what I have received may the Lord make me truly thankful. And more truly for what I have not received.   ~  Storm Jameson

When you come upon a path that brings benefit and happiness to all, follow this course as the moon journeys through the stars. -  Buddha  

 Just for today, no matter where I am going, or what I am doing, or who I am doing it with, it is my intention to focus on the positive.   ~  Lucy MacDonald

Blessings to all!!

290 days to go

All contents herein are protected under Copyright laws and can not be used, altered or copied. All accounts herein are written by Cali-Gal/Carla B Karam and are true accounts of her life. Some names may be changed to protect the innocent.

Day 59 ~ "Life" Does Not Take A Break.

Courtesy of Bing images

After what ended up being a fourteen hour drive, due to the infamous Los Angeles traffic, we finally found ourselves home safe at about 5:30 this morning.

Once we arrived, three things kept Dino and I from sleeping the day away once the car was unloaded (with James' help ~ Thank you James!!)... one was Calley.  (big smile)  

Unlike the two of us, she was able to sleep at least the last six hours of our drive and then another three after we got home... and once she woke up at ten, I had to get up!  (dragging butt and all!)  

Disney's Snow White & Co


Courtesy of Bing images

I let Dean sleep whilst we went to get a birthday gift for Calley's "best friend" Alina, who's party was early this evening.  The second reason we couldn't sleep the day away.

The last reason we couldn't sleep all day, was that when I returned the rental car I had to call Dino to have him pick Calley and me up... however the battery was dead on our loaner car from the mechanic.**  and Dino needed to charge the battery [again... thank you James!!].

Bottom line... once we got home, we could not sleep all day because life happened!

After dozing off several times during our drive home, yet not being able to sleep...  It's very difficult for me to sleep... I feel I need to be awake~  what if Dino fell asleep and I could have prevented it?!  (I know that Dino would definitely pull over if he was even slightly tired... however the fear is still there.) ... it is hard to believe that I am actually writing my post tonight.   I am very tired, and feel as if I am babbling!  lol!   I think I am making this post short tonight.  (big tired smile.)

I wish you all a wonderful night's rest!  May you all sleep with little angels.

One of the ingredients for success is having the ability to stretch - keeping your feet on the ground while your head is in the clouds.   Author unknown.

Blessings to all!!

306 days to go.

** [ YES, I still do not have my car... next week my mechanic will have had my  car for over NINETEEN WEEKS!! -  basically... then some, and ALL SUMMER!! and then some more!! ]  I am definitely not having good thoughts right now.  lol!  I wonder what story I will get come Monday when I stop by. He knows we went on vacation, therefore we even gave him two weeks to GET 'ER DONE!!  I will now put positive thoughts out there... all things will be taken care of on my car, my car will be done and will be running great!

All contents herein are protected under Copyright laws and can not be used, altered or copied. All accounts herein are written by Cali-Gal/Carla B Karam and are true accounts of her life. Some names may be changed to protect the innocent. 

Day 15 ~ Life Updates...

Round and round, ugh, argh, OH EM GEE!!!  I, I ... ai yai yai...

I just don't know what to say ... 

So much going on...  Please answer me this.. Does everyone else have as much DRAMA going on in their lives, want it OR not... can I possibly be the only one on earth going through as much as I am.  I mean --   COME ON...  SERIOUSLY?? 

My blog, in no way was intended to be used to deal with the challenges life has presented me with as of lately...  HOWEVER maybe if you can see what I'm up against, then possibly you will be able to understand or possibly have a glimpse as to why I tick the way I do...

LIFE'S UPDATES...

Updates by Stuart Miles

1.   WEEK 13 - NO CAR!!!!  Car not ready, All parts and transmission are at a transmission shop, but its not getting done.  First its the transmission, then its not, then its the computer, and now the transmission is getting rebuilt.  What the HecK!  Oh, it's under warranty.

2.   Blackberry Enlightenment...  "Merit" finally comes forth - SHE GOES TO THE POLICE TO FILE A COMPLAINT STATING SHE WANTS ME TO STOP SENDING MESSAGES ON FB  (Police said NOT going to happen... I'm not doing anything wrong!) SHE SHOWS UP WITH A DIFFERENT PHONE (She stated she found it at the same place I lost my phone... ***WHICH COME TO FIND OUT MY PHONE FELL OUT OF MY CAR AT THE MARKET not AT PETER PIPER'S.. Answers given to my questions made me think it happened at Peter Piper's and SHE did not correct me)  "Merit" and her friend's efforts BACKFIRE! (Yes, somehow I found her calls and messages which she had made using the OTHER phone she found BUT SOMEHOW her calls all showed up on my phone records- BUT NOW she claims she did not find my phone!)  "Merit" with two of her friends (Someone please tell her that they are not good for her!)... which have such a hold on her that the Police officer even noticed it,.  Police officer said that several times she asked "Merit"questions, "Merit" wanted to answer, both friends prevent her from talking... Police see right through it.  They see I have filed charges against her.  "Merit leaves Police station feeling defeated!"

3. Both my sons have not only lost respect for me, but they do not want me in their lives.  All I  have to say about this is that "Sometimes words are spoken out of anger for the mere purpose of hurting the person they were intended  for."  and out of spite.  How sad.

4.  Calley has her environmental allergies which seem to be on hiatus for the past two and a half weeks, but still hold a dark cloud over our heads... Do we move?  Almost seems inevitable...  Is taking a chance on Calley's discomfort for one more year worth a shot?  So many uncertainties... 

5.  My job... well keeping this on the down low.  Not happy... not happy what-so-ever!  Let's just say that YOU HAVE TO PRACTICE WHAT YOU PREACH or better yet WALK THE TALK!!  (I better stop before I say something I am not ready to talk about).  Let me finish by saying that I am a person who walks her talk... and expects the same 

6.  El Paso...  WOW!  Well, all I have to say is that I can not handle HEAT anymore (not to mention that most drivers need their licences re-evaluated)!

7.  Oh and let's not forget that my 30th high school reunion is around the corner ... AND... well... I better start working out!!  "I'm just saying!"  

One Word... O V E R W H E L M I N G ! !  Life is being unreasonable and overwhelming at the moment!!

Blessings to all...

350 days to go!

All contents herein are protected under Copyright laws and can not be used, altered or copied. All accounts herein are written by Cali-Gal/Carla B Karam and are true accounts of her life. Some names may be changed to protect the innocent.

Day 6 ~ Doing Things Differently for a Change!

I would like to share with you one of my favorite quotes that is not only thought provoking, but don't ask me why, always makes me giggle.

"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."    Albert Einstein

Yesterday... hmmm, well I have decided to put it behind me.  The way I should look at every day is that as long as I am true to myself and my family, and no laws were broken (just kidding! my attempt to humor,) that's all that should matter.  

I would like to report that I really think my writing this blog is not only helping me feel better (getting all of this off my chest), but I think I am also starting to actually feel a little tingle.  Is this what's it's like?  Could I be feeling a little good about myself?  Have I ever?  Well, I think I am  starting to feel good about myself for the first time in my life~  [and it's Day 6!]  

Apprehensive to my day's start I decided to forge forward with a positive outlook, and being that I am no longer working (school's out), I can not let myself get down.  It can easily happen when Calley and I are stuck at home, without my car [for week number TWELVE now.]  I won't hold my breath, but sure do hope I get my car back soon. 

Before I knew it, it was noon and I had had two good phone calls. One of the calls was with my sister where we were actually able to talk about some of our differences without getting upset, yelling or hanging up on one another vowing never to speak to the other ever again.  I call this progress.  Definitely, progress.  I say that time will tell and I feel apprehensively good about it.  Is that a feeling? Well if it's not, I just made it one.  ;) 

My other phone call was with my sister-in-law.  I get teary eyed thinking about it.  I really love her.  She is a very special person to me.  She told me that she wants to read more of my blog and is so happy I am doing this for myself.  I feel really blessed knowing that I have her support, and that she is actually interested in knowing me!  lol! (humor? no, maybe sarcasm- yes, I can also be sarcastic too, and to myself too.)

My sweet little Calley was so patient whilst I was on the phone, she only tried interrupting a half dozen times.  She has been asking, and asking for days now for me to teach her ceramics.  For some reason I am sad when it comes to ceramics.  It has been, for what seems an eternity since I have done any pottery.  This too is so therapeutic for me, not to mention that I took to it so easily in my first year taking it at West (Los Angeles College) in 2004 and amazed my ceramic's professor.  I was asked to show my teapot (below) in the student art show that year.  It was pretty cool.  

Little Bride

Southern Lady Tea Pot

When Dean and I moved to Canyon Country in 2005 to work with my brother on the remodel of the house I put ceramics on the back burner, and then a year later Calley arrived.  For some unknown reason, seems like I always made an excuse for me not to dive into clay, as if I didn't want to be happy.

Soooo... I decided not to do the same thing over and over again...  I got the clay out!  Calley and I not only played for hours, but I started a new piece!  

Blessings to all!

359 Days to go! :D