Day 259 ~ The Night Before Becoming a Mommy

Today I spent most of my day enjoying my children.  I would absolutely love to tell you that I had them all together with me... but regretfully so, that wasn't the case.

Although I did not have my children with me physically today... mentally and spiritually my children are always with me.

I did not want to, nor did I allow myself to think about the fact that my sons are not with me...

Instead, I thought about the first time I saw each one of them for the very first time... making sure that all their fingers and toes were accounted for, and then being the first one to kiss each one of them.  What a blessing.

Tonight I sit here, lovingly thinking about the night before each of my babies were born.  Each time, being just as nervous, no different than the time before, with the exception of  my first one of course... Please bare in mind that all my babies were "c" section babies and I knew when they were going to be born.  With my first baby I had no clue what to expect, and it was very exciting.. but with my other two babies it was a little more nerve racking because I knew what to expect.

The night before my babies were born, I remember there being so much hope and so many promises in the air.  So many uncertainties, so much to look forward too.

Twenty-one years ago tonight, I was scared.  I was a little confused.  Wondering how a mother has enough love for all her children, let along how she loves her children equally.  Wondering where a mother finds so much love?  Will I love my Logan, as much as his brother? 

Once I laid eyes on my baby boy, once I held my baby boy and felt him next to me... I felt at ease.  Uncertainties... no more!  I felt so much love for my baby boy and felt that I could handle anything with him and his brother at my side.  

His big brother?  Well, when he walked into my hospital room to meet his baby brother for the first time... it was as if my baby boy grew over night!  And there I sat with both my boys!

One thing I was not counting on as my role as a mother was the fact that my heart would now be wondering around outside of my body, and that the slightest little threat on my children would make me turn into a crazy woman!  Let alone the unlimited love that I would feel for my three children.  

The goal of this command is love, which comes from a pure heart and a good conscience and a sincere faith.  ~ 1 Timothy 1:5 (NIV)

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.  ~ 1 Corinthians 13:4-7  (NIV)

Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth.  1 John 3:18 (NIV)

 Listen to your father, who gave you life, and do not despise your mother when she is old.  ~ Proverbs 23:22 (NIV)

being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience  ~  Colossians 1;11 (NIV)

Blessings to all!!

106 days to go...

PS... for a, l and c.  You are my sunshine(s).

Some images courtesy of google images.  Others are marked accordingly, and are property of Carla Barila Karam and Taking Back Life ~ Making It My Own, this blog.   All U.S Copyright laws apply.   ©

Day 127 ~ A Gift From God

Five years ago, a long time wish of mine came true... my daughter was born.

Leading up to this day, I remember several times being at my wits' end... I remember as if it was yesterday... I was crying... praying... to Jesus... feeling as if I had no hope... feeling that my biggest desire would never come true... I remember thinking ...  "I guess this is it... I will never know what it will be to be a mother of a little girl... you know what is best for me dear Lord..."

Before I knew it...

The day came that my daughter would be born... so many things happened that day... first off we were told to be at the hospital by 2:00pm only to find out that my doctor, Dr. Cooper, who also delivered both of my sons... and YES he was still alive... had made a mistake and should have told us to be at the hospital by 6:00pm.  We were given the option to come back the next day... however, Dean and I had decided that in my father's memory, we wanted our little girl to be born on her grandfather's birthday, who had passed away when Mommy was four and a half months pregnant.

Once our little girl was born... our world was complete... Daddy was ever so protective over the both of us... and did not leave us alone that night, not even for a minute.

Daddy had gotten so grouchy... it did not help that the maternity wing was all being re-designed and re-built, under construction.  Therefore, our room did not have the normal amenities that it should have had... all we wanted was a bed or chair for our daddy.

Regardless... as far as we were concerned... we were complete... our family was complete.

Thank you Jesus!

Rejoice with your family in the beautiful land of life!  ~Albert Einstein

Family:  A social unit where the father is concerned with parking space, the children with outer space, and the mother with closet space.  ~Evan Esar 

You don't choose your family.  They are God's gift to you, as you are to them.  ~Desmond Tutu 

Blessings to all!!

238 days to go...

All contents herein are protected under Copyright laws and can not be used, altered or copied. All accounts herein are written by Cali-Gal/Carla B Karam and are true accounts of her life. Some names may be changed to protect the innocent.

Day 30 ~ My Greatest Gift... My Son Addison

Addison Ryan - 1 month old

Twenty-four years ago today, Wednesday, July 8th, 1987... Bon Jovi's Livin' on a Prayer and  Whitney Houston's I Wanna Dance With Somebody (Who Loves Me) were topping the charts; The Edmonton Oilers won the Stanley Cup; The Los Angeles Lakers were NBA Champs ... and ... I was given the gift of my first-born son, Addison Ryan.  

As far as I was concerned, Addison was my "miracle baby"... it had taken me nearly two years to conceive him.  I had never in my life wanted anything more, as much as I wanted to be his mommy!

I remember thinking just days before he was born, as I was laying in bed watching the 4th of July show on tv, trying to keep cool (as mentioned in Day 26)... if I was going to love Addison enough?  Let alone about all the wonderful things I was going to teach him... more importantly to be a true gentleman...  and how I couldn't wait to be his mommy.  

What I mean to say is that after months of talking to my belly, eating properly (the best I had ever taken care of myself EVER!), taking my vitamins... the time was almost here!  Days before his arrival my mind was doing loops!  All the What if's where flying all throughout my head.  What if this?  What if that?  I was literally driving myself insane!!


Addison was a planned c-section baby... so planned, that knowing this in advance, I even planned his actual birthday months ahead (secretly~ I didn't want to come across too neurotic!!  LOL!!)


And talk about the "nesting period"... This "new mommy to be" had to have EVERYTHING ready for her little boy.  His room, his clothes, and even his name!


The day finally came...  The second I laid eyes on my little Addison, I was flooded with an abundance of love!  I had never known that I could love someone as much, until the day my son was born! 

Years have gone by... many trials and tribulations, ups and downs... most definitely more than "the" normal family.  My son is so grown up!  A man.  We hadn't spoken in two years, until today.  (Long story~  another day, another time.)   I just wanted to jump through the phone and hug him!

I told him of my blog (among other things) and how I wanted to leave him something of myself.  How I wanted him to be proud of me... that when he sees me, to say and think of me... "That's my mom!" with pride!    

My son responded by saying, "...first you need to be proud of yourself..."

My immediate thought, "forget me"... I want YOU to be proud of me.  However, then I thought ... "he's right".  You know, like they say, "you need to love yourself, before anyone can love you" ... 

May 1989 ~ Addison and I

Then I thought... "my three children are my best accomplishments", and as quickly as I thought of that, I then thought... "I love that I am writing a blog, and I am proud that I have kept it up and I am still going strong!"...


So maybe, I am starting to feel a little self-worth and pride... WOW!  This is how it feels?


A M A Z I N G !!  I want more!!

I love you Addison.  You are one of the three (okay four~ including Dean) best things that has ever happened to me!  

I love you to the moon and stars above!!

I will bless her and will surely give you a son by her. I will bless her so that she will be the mother of nations; kings of peoples will come from her.”   Genesis 17:16

Blessings to all!

335 days to go.



All contents herein are protected under Copyright laws and can not be used, altered or copied. All accounts herein are written by Cali-Gal/Carla B Karam and are true accounts of her life. Some names may be changed to protect the innocent.

Day 26 ~ Taking a Stroll Down "4th of July" Lane

4th of July in El Paso, TX ~ 2011 

I wanted my post today to [obviously] be about the 4th of July and as I started to put my thoughts together... I was bombarded by all the great memories this day has brought me.  

As a child my father always did something fun for the three of us, my sister, brother and I.  Once, and for as much as he found baseball boring (he was an avid hockey fan!), he took us all to a Los Angeles Dodger game.  We had a great time, although I soon realized that I much rather play baseball than watch it myself.  Right afterwards the Dodgers' organization put on the most spectacular fireworks display, which at the time seemed to have lasted forever.

Then of course as any red blooded american, as I grew into a young adult, my festivities for the day changed.  There were bar-be-ques, parties and dances, but what remained consistent each year was that the day would always end with fireworks! 

One of my most memorable 4th of July was being pregnant with my first baby.  We were living in the San Fernando Valley, which is known for being anywhere from twenty to thirty degrees warmer than the Southern California beaches I had been used to.  That 4th was hot beyond HOT and it seemed as if the evening was even warmer.  There I was, four days before giving birth (planned c-section,) roasting like a humongous chicken in the oven, watching the fireworks on tv.  July 4th 1987 was the unveiling of the refurbished Statue of Liberty, accompanied by a spectacular fireworks show.  I had a fan blowing on me on what claimed to be a high setting with a spritzer bottle of water in one hand and a popsicle in the other.  The water spritzer was what made the excruciating heat tolerable and the night rememberable!

First there was my first baby boy~ my blonde one... how I remember how  he would always crawl into my lap... ooo-ing and awe-ing as each fire work popped off.  I can still see the amazement in his face.  I was able to now pass on the joyous festivities onto him, which he welcome with complete wonder and surprise .  I was now experiencing the 4th through his eyes... one word... WOW!

Three and half years later I was blessed with my little burrito (he had dark hair like myself wink, wink) ~ my second beautiful boy!  My life changed a bit (to say the least,) just as each other mom soon finds out when she is blessed with a second child.  (Once he was born, [I am sure many of you have experienced the same] my first baby seemed to grow up over night!) He was my blessed surprise!  He did more for me and my life than he realized then, and now.  The coolest thing about life now was that not only was I sharing a special holiday with both my boys, but now I would witness my eldest boy point things out to his little brother, even teaching him at times what I had taught him.

Shelby loves the 4th

As time went by, there were many years of memories shared by all.  However, it did become a little tougher after my divorce, being that now I was able to spend the holiday with my boys every other year as most divorced parents did.  But that did not stop us from having fun... we just doubled up on the fun on our years together! 

My boys grew and they were now having fun with their friends.  As for me, the holiday became a little more relaxed.  Instead of heading out on the town or over to friend's parties, the holidays seemed more fun and much safer at home.  

Calley - July 4th, 2011

Today, I  have the absolute privilege to share the 4th of July with my daughter.  But somehow this  time around seems a little different.  I do not care what anyone says... Girls are different!!   For years I had two boys in tow and was able to retain my sanity.  However, Calley is the equivalent of having, what seems like ten kids!  The positive side of it all is that she keeps me going and gives me the strength to do so.  Somehow my daughter has given me a gift that I didn't think possible to receive...  she has given me the gift of living!  Thanks to her, I have been re-born, not in the religious sense, but in the "living' sense.  Thank you my sweet little "firework"... I  can not imagine my life without you!

Lift up your eyes and look around; all your children gather and come to you. As surely as I live,” declares the LORD, “you will wear them all as ornaments; you will put them on, like a bride.   Isaiah 49:18

Blessing to all!



339 days to go.


All contents herein are protected under Copyright laws and can not be used, altered or copied. All accounts herein are written by Cali-Gal/Carla B Karam and are true accounts of her life. Some names may be changed to protect the innocent.

Day 25 ~ Reading the Fine Print in The Stages of Life

One minute I am standing in my kitchen talking to my friend enjoying the end of a quick summer downpour... she mentions it's kind of warm out... I agree... and next thing before I knew it... as if someone literally opened a faucet... the sweat was just pouring off of me!  Absolutely CRAZY! 

I have achieved yet another milestone in my life... a true, legitimate hot flash!  Out of nowhere!

Okay... no one prepared me for this!  This is absolutely N U T S!...  I did not sign up for this!  

courtesy of Bing images

First, as girls, we have to experience a most uncomfortable and inconvenient menstruation- and what's worse is that this beast has a mind of its own.  At first just when you start getting the hang of it and you think you know when it's coming to town, and low and behold... it pulls the rug right out from under you and then has the audacity of showing up whenever it wants too!  Dances, weddings, special vacations... you name it!  No occasion is too fancy or special for our dear friend!

Then... what for moments is the most painful experience a person can undergo, yet we fondly look back on it as one of, if not the most wonderful experience we  have the privilege of living... giving birth to our children.  And, of course this is only the beginning of what we will live through for our children!

A woman giving birth to a child has pain because her time has come; but when her baby is born she forgets the anguish because of her joy that a child is born into the world.   John 16:21

Finally, if we have not gone through enough... it has been bestowed upon us women, to denounce not only to us. but EVERYONE that lives with us, that our flowers will no longer bloom (ovulation no more,)  in such a way that it affects EVERYONE you come in contact with (and I mean everyone!  Animals aren't even safe!)... menopause! Only after having gone through its evil partner, perimenopause!!   really?!

Frankly, as I try to be fair about this...  Do we as women have it bad?  ...  Or ...   Or is it the men, who have to deal with the Dr. Jekyll/Miss Hyde persona in these three stages of our lives?

At this point that's as tolerable as I am going to get... from my perspective, I really do not give a damn!  I am hot!! If you don't like it ... well, then may I suggest putting a sweater on? ...  And, don't you dare touch the thermostat!!

One is not born a woman, one becomes one.    ~Simone de Beauvoir, The Second Sex, 1949

Blessings to all!!


340 days to go.




All contents herein are protected under Copyright laws and can not be used, altered or copied. All accounts herein are written by Cali-Gal/Carla B Karam and are true accounts of her life. Some names may be changed to protect the innocent.