|Addison Ryan - 1 month old|
As far as I was concerned, Addison was my "miracle baby"... it had taken me nearly two years to conceive him. I had never in my life wanted anything more, as much as I wanted to be his mommy!
I remember thinking just days before he was born, as I was laying in bed watching the 4th of July show on tv, trying to keep cool (as mentioned in Day 26)... if I was going to love Addison enough? Let alone about all the wonderful things I was going to teach him... more importantly to be a true gentleman... and how I couldn't wait to be his mommy.
What I mean to say is that after months of talking to my belly, eating properly (the best I had ever taken care of myself EVER!), taking my vitamins... the time was almost here! Days before his arrival my mind was doing loops! All the What if's where flying all throughout my head. What if this? What if that? I was literally driving myself insane!!
Addison was a planned c-section baby... so planned, that knowing this in advance, I even planned his actual birthday months ahead (secretly~ I didn't want to come across too neurotic!! LOL!!)
And talk about the "nesting period"... This "new mommy to be" had to have EVERYTHING ready for her little boy. His room, his clothes, and even his name!
The day finally came... The second I laid eyes on my little Addison, I was flooded with an abundance of love! I had never known that I could love someone as much, until the day my son was born!
Years have gone by... many trials and tribulations, ups and downs... most definitely more than "the" normal family. My son is so grown up! A man. We hadn't spoken in two years, until today. (Long story~ another day, another time.) I just wanted to jump through the phone and hug him!
I told him of my blog (among other things) and how I wanted to leave him something of myself. How I wanted him to be proud of me... that when he sees me, to say and think of me... "That's my mom!" with pride!
My son responded by saying, "...first you need to be proud of yourself..."
My immediate thought, "forget me"... I want YOU to be proud of me. However, then I thought ... "he's right". You know, like they say, "you need to love yourself, before anyone can love you" ...
|May 1989 ~ Addison and I|
So maybe, I am starting to feel a little self-worth and pride... WOW! This is how it feels?
A M A Z I N G !! I want more!!
I love you Addison. You are one of the three (okay four~ including Dean) best things that has ever happened to me!
I love you to the moon and stars above!!
I will bless her and will surely give you a son by her. I will bless her so that she will be the mother of nations; kings of peoples will come from her.” Genesis 17:16
Blessings to all!
335 days to go.
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