Thursday, July 14, 2011

Day 36 ~ Forgiveness, Releasing Part of the Past One Day at a Time

Today was a good day with the exception of not starting my workout until almost three in the afternoon.  I think that is why I have been dragging all day!!

The reason for that... well sometimes "life" does not care that you have to workout in the morning- it wants it now!!  In other words, sometimes one has to be flexible.  

Courtesy of Bing images
Needless to say, I have a problem with flexibility.  Meaning that I like to plan things ahead of time, and sometimes when it is not going according to plan I FREAK OUT!!  I recognize that, and I have to allow life to happen for me,  if not I am going to drive myself crazy.  I am learning to stop, and take a deep breath and step back and enjoy (sort-of-speak).

Even though I had to run errands in the morning, so that Dean could have the car in the afternoon, I did have a good day.  

Great thing happened to me on the way to run errands today, I got to see a wonderful friend of the family, Nicole.  What a surprise!!  I love that lady!  Didn't always feel that way... Don't get me wrong, it was me, not her.  

You see, I have allowed my history with my parents, as well as other things that have happened to me, cloud the way I saw people and life itself.  It's not that I was jealous or envious of Nicole, and other happy beautiful people like her...  As Nicole put it, 
"bad things have happened to you in your life and they made you look at life, people and things differently than are who you are because of your experiences, which have made you a strong person."
Courtesy of Bing images
I have walked around with a frown on my face long enough.  Every day something would happen to me.  Whether with my dad, my boys, my ex, my mother, my sister... you name it, it seemed as if something new would happen everyday and if not I would still be getting over what had happened the day before.  YES EVERYDAY!  How can someone possibly walk around with a smile on their face when there's bad things constantly happening to them?

Then if that's not bad enough, you have to live and be around the happy people!  How can anyone possibly be so happy?  And then after a while, no one calls you, why? Because your sad all the time, or every time you are invited to go somewhere, at the last minute you always cancel.

With Nicole, I think deep inside, I too wanted to be that happy... She was and always is so happy, not to mention very loved and protected by her family.  Something I never had.  After all, my family had always hurt me!  My father belittled me, my mother was never there for me, my sister constantly hurt me, and even though my brother and I always have gotten along wonderfully, he was and is never there for me in the sense that he does not have time for family, his work comes first.

Calley and Nicole
Not that I was completely crappy to Nicole, I feel that I did not welcome her with open arms- mind you, she has been "part" of my husband's family longer than I have!  I had a wall up.  I don't know what changed in me.  Maybe it was that no mater what she was always so kind to me, and very, very loving to Calley.  I finally started seeing through the dark clouds... she was and is an awesome and beautiful person.  It is not her fault that I have had the life I've had!
Courtesy of Bing images

So one day, we finally went out to lunch and I apologized to her.  She open-heartedly accepted my apology, and more importantly now calls me her sister.  

Nicole, you have helped me in more ways that you can imagine.  You have shown me how to love the simplest of things, and you have helped me to accept myself a little bit each and every time I see you.  I could not ask for a better person to be on my "Dream Team".  You will always be a part of my family, and an inspiration!  When I grow up I want to be like just as kind and loving as yoU!!  I love you!!! 
 It is not the events of life but how we respond to them that defines the joy and success of our lives.  ~  author unkown

Blessings to all!

329 days to go.

All contents herein are protected under Copyright laws and can not be used, altered or copied. All accounts herein are written by Cali-Gal/Carla B Karam and are true accounts of her life. Some names may be changed to protect the innocent.

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