Friday, July 15, 2011

Day 37 ~ I Only "Shop" the Clearance Racks!

As I approached my computer tonight, I was wondering what I was going to write about.  So... I checked into Facebook to see what was going on, and this is the first thing I read...
If you're NOT being treated with love & respect, check your "price tag". Perhaps you have marked yourself down. It's you who tell people what you're worth BY WHAT YOU ACCEPT AND EXPECT! Get off the "clearance rack" and get behind the glass where they keep all the "valuables." The bottom line is....."value" yourself more.  Re-post if you like...You might help someone get off the "clearance rack".
Ok.  Who's been tapping into my brain?  As I read this, the first thing that came to mind was... Where was Facebook when I was growing up? One thing is for sure, their founders weren't even born yet!!  OUCH!  How's that for a stinger!  LOL!

Ah, you know... I think what matters in the here and now is that I now know that I am worth more than I ever possibly thought.  And I will never allow anyone to treat me badly again, not even my boys.

February 1994, Seattle, Wa
I know I mentioned that my boys, (who are men now) and I have been estranged for the last two years.  Well is what happened... my eldest and I got into an argument because I had been talking to who was then the newest of the ex'es in his father's life, the woman that helped "his" father take his brother and he away from me.  He did not like it.  He reminded me of all the things she did to his brother and he, as well as to me.  And of course, all I could hear was "his" father trying to control me through him.

He proceeded to tell me that his father was the "one" that had always been by his side.  I quickly reminded him that "his" father did not communicate many things to me, lied to me, kept them from me, and he himself had been witness etc... and that I did not appreciate what he was saying.  I also remember asking him why it was okay for "his" father to make friends with a man that I used to see that was way more abusive, not only mentally but physically, but it was not okay for me.

Somehow my words were not heard, and what was "heard" was that I had disowned both of my sons.  

Now two years later I feel used, trampled on and very hurt.  Not only by my children, but by the woman who so deeply apologized for her part in taking my children from me.  I did forgive her then, but now... "she" has backed away from our friendship because I had told my son that "she" had been filling me in on things about them to help me out.  Did she expect me to lie to my boys?  I don't keep anything from my boys... "homie don't play that game!"  Well, I definitely do not need friends like that.  Once again she hurt me.  And that was the last time.

It is not that I chose to be friends with her, than to honor my son's request... It was a matter of principle.  I was not going to allow my son to follow in his father's footsteps.  I could hear "his" father talk right through him.  Would I do it again knowing that both my sons would stop talking to me for what now has been two years?  Probably.  Why?  Because I value myself more than that.  Besides what would I be teaching my sons?  It's okay to control women? It's okay to treat people the way their father does?  No, I can't do that.

What would you do?

Courtesy of Bing images
I know that I have missed out in both of their lives, let alone Calley, their little sister has not seen them since she two.  Now, the fact that they do not show me any respect, only drives me more to teach them what is right... even if it means not seeing and talking to them.  I would never forgive myself if I had not tried and then they end up treating others like this, let alone their wives.  

One day they will see how bad all of this was, how much time we wasted apart, and I hope and pray they understand why I did it.  I can not tell you enough how much I love my sons, I would do anything for them... but what I will not do is live on the "clearance rack"!!

My Worth as a Human Being is Unconditional

Blessings to all!

328 days to go.

All contents herein are protected under Copyright laws and can not be used, altered or copied. All accounts herein are written by Cali-Gal/Carla B Karam and are true accounts of her life. Some names may be changed to protect the innocent.

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