Day 511 ~ Any Man Can be a Father... (XXIV)

Day 24 of the Husband Encouragement Challenge
courtesy of ReviveOurHearts.com

"And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord." (Ephesians 6:4) 

You're moving toward the home stretch of your 30-day challenge! Just a reminder of what you've committed: 

• You can't say anything negative about your husband . . . to your husband . . . or to anyone else, about your husband.
• Say something that you admire or appreciate about your husband . . . to your husband . . . and to someone else, about your husband!

Children can be quite a challenge to the marriage relationship. A wise wife will support her husband's leadership in the home as much as possible, and will praise him for his fathering skills. Negativity makes a man feel like a failure, and may make him to want to give up.

Does your husband discipline your children wisely? Does he show them love and encourage them? Does he take an interest in their activities and dreams? Does he spend time with them? Does he take part in developing their character? Praise him for these important life skills.

If you don't have children—is your husband positive and encouraging around other people's children? Let him know that you have noticed. If your husband does not experience positive relationships with children, you will need to figure out why. Perhaps he had negative experiences as a child with his own parents, and needs to learn how to respond. Perhaps you can lovingly and patiently show him how to parent—while still maintaining his authority in the home. 

Day 24 ! . . .
I'm going to keep this simple and not let it get too wordy.  

What a great topic!  

Dean, by all means, is a fabulous father!!  And, he is even a better step-father!!! 

Since my husband has been a part of my life he has always identified with my sons.  Better yet, he has always known what to say to me in regards to them.

Even before Calley was born, Dean has shown me what a wonderful insight he has with children.

Today he continues to be a terrific dad.  He is understanding, patient and very, very loving!  

The best part of it all is that he is just as much as a [BIG] kid as they are.

I could not have asked for a better father to my children if I had not wished him up myself!! 

[here's to you finding your... ]

Peace...

I am second..

... for a, l & c.  You are my sunshine(s).  

Images are courtesy of google or Bing images.  Some images maybe labeled property of Carla Barila Karam and of this blog, Took It... Making It... Living It... My Life .  © 2012  U.S Copyright Laws apply.

Day 375 ~ Calley Has The World's Greatest Daddy!

I wanted to start off tonight by wishing all dads out there a Happy Father's Day!

Mirriam-Webster's (1913 dictionary) defines a father as "One who has begotten a child, whether son or daughter; a generator; a male parent."

Now with that in mind... Long ago... I remember being as old as eleven or twelve, when I  first came across the following quote...

Anyone can be a father, but it takes someone special to be a daddy  ~ author unknown

I knew then... just as much as I know today... about what that quote really means.  

My father may have passed away in 2006... however he more or less stopped being "there" for me way back then.  I even remember him making me feel slighted, second to someone else by his treatment or lack thereof.  (He made me feel like he loved someone that was not his daughter more than me.)  Up until then he treated me as his loving daughter, as a doting father should.

No worries here... I am okay.  Honestly... no bad feelings here.  All that is part of my past... it is part of who I am... you know, like the luck of the draw... or the hand that was dealt to me.. now I just have to play my hand right.

All that aside, I feel really blessed that my daughter has the daddy that she does!

I do have to tell you that my husband never planned on having any children (another story... another day), so the fact that he is the father that he is... says a lot about who he is. (amazing!) 

The way he loves, cares, protects, teaches, disciplines, respects, teases, and plays with Calley... well, let's just say that Calley adores her daddy!  

Dean is tender and is fair.. he has always read to Calley... and teaches her music as well. Calley has been strumming his guitars since she was about six months old, and was given a drum kit at the age of three.  {and} we aren't talking about a wimpy child's kit either.  Dino traded for a Junior sized drum kit, on which he and his brothers are able to jam on too! 

Listen... even though I did not have the "perfect" parents or childhood for that matter, I feel so blessed that not only does Calley have The World's Greatest Daddy, but she also has the Most Wonderful Grandfather, in Dean's own father!

Happy Father's Day to the wonderful fathers in our lives!

[here's to you finding your... ]

Peace...

... for a, l & c.  You are my sunshine(s).  

Images are courtesy of google or Bing images.  Some images maybe labeled property of Carla Barila Karam and of this blog, Taking Back My Life ~ Making It My Own.  © 2012 U.S Copyright laws apply.   

Day 182 ~ Once Upon A Christmas

Ocean Fron Walk, Santa Monica, CA  cica 1970
courtesy of Bing images

I remember being around eleven or twelve, at Christmas time.  Los Angeles in the early seventies was such a charming city.  Although a little, for lack of better words, run down.  The Hollywood of the 70's, was not the Hollywood of glam of the 40's, 50's and 60's, let alone the Hollywood of late...  and Santa Monica, well it most certainly was not the Santa Monica of today.  Everything was simple, compared to today at least.  It wasn't so... Hollywood.  It just wasn't like it is today.  Let's leave it at that.

Back then... are you sitting? ... well they actually did not put out Christmas decorations, lights, let alone have Christmas sales until the day AFTER Thanksgiving.  The official start of the Christmas shopping season.  

Familiar sight to most Los Angelenos who travel into
Beverly Hills, Ca during Christmas time

I do not recall many Christmases from when I was a child, except for maybe three of them.  When I was about 6 or so, 10 and this one.  One thing my father did do for us, as children, was Christmas.  He'd put lights up on the house, a small tree to start with, and every year we would drive through Beverly Hills to see the lights and the "real" reindeer.  


One of the local department stores in Beverly Hills had reindeer in their cages, on the roof top of the store, along with a sleigh.  I think it was in the eighties that I last saw them there, if not the late seventies.  I wonder if the store, along with the city of Beverly Hills still do it (probably not,) or if People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) would allow it?  (Probably not.)  

courtesy of Bing images

I remember that my father would go as far as having us write letters to Santa, make cookies, leave them out for Santa, as well as leave carrots out for the reindeer.  Christmas morning he would go as far as making hoof prints from the patio door (we did not have a fireplace at the time) to the dining room table, where the milk, cookies and carrots were left. 

So today, I try to make every day special for my children, not just Christmas.  I wish for  Calley to have wonderful childhood memories.


On another note... just wanted to point out the day, 182... and how many days are left... 183.  This is as half way as I can get!!  WOW!!  I must say it is bittersweet.  I can't believe  that I more or less have six months left.  WOW!  Sorry to come across at a loss for words, but this has been an awesome six months that really has me somewhat in disbelief and more motivated than I have ever been!

Have courage for the great sorrows of life and patience for the small ones; and when you have laboriously accomplished your daily task, go to sleep in peace.  God is awake.   ~ Victor Hugo 

Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today.  I can choose which it shall be.  Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet.  I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it.    ~ Groucho Marx.

Blessings to all!!

183 days / 26 weeks to go...

All contents herein are protected under Copyright laws and can not be used, altered or copied. All accounts herein are written by Cali-Gal/Carla B Karam and are true accounts of her life. Some names may be changed to protect the innocent.

Day 40 ~ ♪♫•Feeling Good! ♪♫• Just the Way That I Should!! ♪♫• So Good!♪♫•

Even though I have been at a standstill on my "weight loss challenge" the past three days... I am not going to let that, or anything else discourage me from doing what I am absolutely LOVING!!

Courtesy of Bing images

I was a little disappointed when for the third day in a row, I had not lost any weight!  ...great thing about that was, that I did gain any either!!  


Luckily I kept pretty busy today with an unexpected appointment, which thankfully kept my mind off of the "stand still" I have found myself in.


My day ended on a great note after seeing my father-in-law!!... he asked me in such an excited tone as to how many pounds I had lost... "so what are the numbers?"  I hesitated and responded with a little frown on my face... "I haven't lost any in the past three days, haven't gain anything either though." 



My father-in-law was like an "instant cheerleader!"  He told me not to worry about it and to continue with my work outs, not to get discourage, etc... and that I CAN DO IT!! 

Goes back to what I was telling you about how blessed I am in regards to my family!!  My father-in-law is so awesome!!  This man sets such a wonderful example of a Christian man, father and husband for all his children, myself and Calley included of course!  


He advises me, does not judge me, and when I have stuck my foot in my mouth, has looked the other way sort-of-speak!  I call him "Dad"... because that is what he is to me!!  And he respects me as well, even when it comes to Calley.     

Today was a great day!  I felt great about myself all day long!  

Faith isn't something I must have before I move in the direction of my dreams.  Instead, it's something that develops after I start moving.           author unknown

Blessings to all!

325 days to go.

All contents herein are protected under Copyright laws and can not be used, altered or copied. All accounts herein are written by Cali-Gal/Carla B Karam and are true accounts of her life. Some names may be changed to protect the innocent.

Day 23 ~ "words" ... Use Them Wisely

Once again, open mouth, insert foot!  Have you ever said something... and just as the words are coming out of your mouth- one by one, you are simultaneously cringing, and in  great disbelief of what you are actually saying? 

Well NOT ME!  Ha!!... I wish I could say that!  Really... Lord knows that I have had my share of stupidity come out of my mouth!

What prompts this?  You ask?  ...  Well, let's just say that I said something stupid which as a result hurt someone who I love... I hurt their feelings.  [In order to protect the privacy of my family, I am going to keep details on the QT or on the down low]... you choose ... either way you look at it.. I was wrong, I said something stupid without thinking, I admit it, groveled and apologized.  Good thing I'm loved! ...  Just saying!

After having dodged that "bullet" (jk or just kidding for those of you who are chat slang challenged- CSC)  ....

courtesy of Bing images

I am taking a stroll down memory lane... remembering all the harsh, ugly and hurtful words that once were said to me by people who claimed to love me.  I am referring to the people in your life who were suppose to love you to no ends, take care of you and keep you from harm's way.~ My father and then my first husband (the father of my two sons.)  I went "out of the frying pan and into the fire!" literally!!


[NOT Dino... Are you kidding me!?  Dino would never say anything hurtful to me... ever!]

People who tell you that they love you should never, ever make you feel so low or worse yet, unloved or unwanted!   


Your father should not belittle you... let alone do it in front of others.  As I am writing this I am thinking..."I do not want to drag my father through the mud by any means"... however... the lack of respect, lack of remorse shown for his actions and the years of humiliation... Well it changes you!


Being married to a man (first husband) who promised to love you forever (whatever that means!) and then he cheats on you (whilst you were pregnant,) lies to you and then takes your children and does everything possible to alienate them from you and also lies about you to them and lies to you about them~ all to keep a mother from her two boys just to be vengeful and spiteful!.. not to mention all the times he called me the most horrific names... He just took what little self-esteem and self-worth I had left and just SQUASHED IT!!... ... Well it changes you! 


Bottom line...


Please think before you say anything.  Think twice.  I have always said.. "that the words that come out of your mouth can not be taken back... once said, that's it!  they will leave a mark!" 

Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.             Luke 6:37

Blessings to all!

342 days to go.


All contents herein are protected under Copyright laws and can not be used, altered or copied. All accounts herein are written by Cali-Gal/Carla B Karam and are true accounts of her life. Some names may be changed to protect the innocent.

Day 17 ~ Doing The Right Thing !!

I started my day on a good note, and not only that but I decided that I only wanted positive things in my life today.  I am juggling so many balls which are bouncing around in my life right now, that I needed to step away!

 by Federico Stevanin

Soooo... I got out of bed and I literally did the wet dog shake! Okay, all better now! (as if that's all it takes - Regardless... I was going to give it the "ol' college try!")  So YES, that's all it took... and off I went to face my day laughing my butt off!

As my day went on, there was a time today I found myself lost in thought and ended up having a moment of self-evaluation of how I was handling this Merit Velasco situation, including the direction that my blog has taken in the last week... 

My blog is meant for me to write about who I am, the roads I have traveled and the tribulations I have had to face... Why?  Well I want all my children to know the paths I have taken which have led me to where I am today.  I do not want them to have any doubts about me, who I am or why I was the way I was. 

I am not saying that I have those doubts about, say my father for instance, because I don't.  However, he felt differently.  My father himself, felt slighted, and was left with unanswered questions which his mother took to her grave with her, and affected him for the next fourteen years until the day he died.

Since I mentioned my father... I know I have unloaded some harsh and possibly unbelievable things about him, nonetheless it is the truth.  I did not write about our relationship to hurt him or disrespect his memory in any way.  He was very aware of his mistreatment of me, and apologized for it [literally] five days before he passed (it was the one and only time he had ever apologized to me.)  Regardless of his behavior, he was my father, and I love and miss my daddy.  

I wrote [and will write] about my feelings of my experiences as a process of healing and to let my children know of that part of my history.  Not to hurt or disrespect anyone.

I don't want you to think that something has occurred or that anyone has said anything to me regarding the content of my blog... because they haven't.  As a matter of fact, my entire family is aware and very supportive of my blogging.  I just wanted to make all of this perfectly clear so there aren't any misunderstandings, and more so because of recent day's events.

After some thought and reassurance, I have decided to add scripture to my blog.  I would like to end my blog on a positive note and continue my spiritual growth with Jesus.  I went onto the internet on one of my favorite sites... www.biblegateway.com/   (This is a wonderful site for looking up bible scriptures.)  

When I first opened the website and saw the scripture of the day, I was blown away!!   Before I share it with you let me share some thoughts with you first.  Once again. please bare with me, it will all make sense in the end.

As I mentioned I have been doing some self-evaluating and I asked myself the following questions...  

• Am I being vengeful?  No.  All I am trying to do is get back what is rightfully mine.
• Should I just drop it and go back to MY life?  After some thought this is an experience, and a bad one at that, that is part of my life, what I have gone through.  But do I drop it?  As I have already said, if I drop this it will send a negative message to Merit and Marylou allowing them to think that they got away with taking someone else's possession, concluding that they can do whatever they want to whom ever they want to and get away with it.  Therefore, I can comfortably say that my answer remains no, I will not drop this.    
•  Am I being hateful?  No I am not.  Honestly I do not hate Merit and Marylou.  I feel sadness and I feel sorry for them both.  These girls are basically my sons ages, and just as I would not allow for them do something like this to someone else- stranger or not, I will not allow them.  I sincerely hope that I can teach them a valuable lesson that will make them better people.  I would hate for them to end up in jail, junkies or worse yet - uneducated.  As a matter of fact I think it would be awesome to make a difference in their lives so much so that it would turn their lives around.  It would be really cool!

After my self-evaluation and prayer, I felt reassured and I believe very strongly that I am doing the right thing.  After all, I would never allow any of my children to do something so disrespectful not only to themselves, but towards their family and friends too.

"Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against anyone among your people, but love your neighbor as yourself. I am the LORD."            Leviticus 19:18 NIV

 Blessings to all!

348 days to go.

All contents herein are protected under Copyright laws and can not be used, altered or copied without written permission from Carla B Karam- please just ask.  All views and feelings are true accounts of her life. Some names may be changed to protect the innocent.

Day 11 ~ A Father's Apology

by anat tikker 

I have just spent the last half hour staring at my laptop~  Father's Day... heavy subject.  Well I did say that I would not sugar coat anything and be 100% honest... so here goes...

My father passed away March of 2006, and I do miss him... BUT ... we did have one roller-coaster of a relationship.  We had just reconciled five weeks prior to his death after not haven spoken for three years.  

However, it wasn't always like that.  I can truly say that as a little girl he loved me, but after he and I came back from Buenos Aires, Argentina because my mother had given custody of me to his grandfather [whom he had not spoken to in years,] ... our relationship started to change.  Oh yeah, I can't make this stuff up any better than this... this really happened!

My mother and father had rough relationship, I remember... they fought a lot, my father had a bad temper, and my mother (another story, another day) was depressed and became sick (even ending up in a mental institution) for the last three years of their marriage, after finding out that my father had an affair with her younger sister who had been staying with us...  don't really remember too many loving, happy moments after that...

Then it happened, when I was nine my mother received the dreaded phone call.  My father called to say that he had been involved in a severe dune buggy accident and he was not coming back home... he was moving out with his girlfriend.

Well his girlfriend, ended up being wife number two (the call girl) with whom I am still in contact with... and no, she is no longer a call girl.  There was also a (common law) wife number three and also a number four.  He may have had many wives, but one thing was consistent with him... he always treated his wives and their children better than his own... at least better than me.

My brother, who had a more or less healthy relationship with our dad, believes the reason dad was tougher with us was because our dad had higher expectations and standards for his children.

I am not trying to disrespect my father's memory by any means... please know I loved/love my father very much but he was not kind to me and this has always hurt me emotionally ... it changed me.  


My father went to his death bed believing that the father he had known all his life, was not his biological father... and his mother went to her deathbed years before with the truth.   I am trying to avoid anything like that happening to me~ I want happiness without any regrets.  I want to be at peace with myself and unfortunately the way my father treated me is something I have to deal with and eventually put in a balloon.  

My father would belittle me in front of others without a problem.  Apologize... not once.  He has called me many names in my life, and as I got older the names became harsher.  He has even called me the unspeakable "C" word without a bat of an eye or remorse immediately afterwards... no apology.

My father, for the most part treated women with a lack of respect, oh and if a woman showed a sign of intelligence or spunk... forget it!  He would be so rude and mean, and then of course if they happen to be my friend~ well that was the end of that.  I witnessed more than once my father tear people apart with his words!   If you could imagine a rougher version of Archie Bunker (if you are even old enough to know who he is- lol!)... a little more aggressive version if you will.  


Then if a woman he wanted to impress or someone he liked would show up~ and he would pull a 180!  Black and white, hot and cold- his demeanor and whole self would be more flirty,sweeter and funny.  As if a new person just stepped in.


Five days before his death he apologized to me.


Blessings to all.


354 days to go!!


PS... there's still a lot more healing to endure when it comes to my dad


All contents herein are protected under Copyright laws and can not be used, altered or copied. All accounts herein are written by Cali-Gal/Carla B Karam and are true accounts of her life. Some names may be changed to protect the innocent.