Day 301 ~ "D" is for Daughter

Depression, discipline and divorce, all came into my head at one time or another, for today's "D" word... But for some reason, I was not feeling it. Those words were just not going to do. Especially after the day I had today.  

As I was disciplining Calley today, for not obeying and not staying on task... my word finally came to me!  Daughter.  

All of a sudden memories of being a daughter myself rushed before me.  As quick as those memories came before me, memories of my divorce came before me (and how I handled it all) and the discovery that I had been dealing with depression for many years.  

I do not want any of this for my little girl!  I want to raise her to be a strong woman.  A woman that can stand on her own two feet.  A woman that can provide for herself.  A woman who is soft and gentle, sweet and pleasant to all.  A woman who has wonderful self esteem, and a confidence that will welcome people... as opposed to being unwelcoming or unapproachable.

I want all the things for my daughter that I didn't have.

The ways my parents treated me; the way my mother continues to (not) treat me.  Being lied to, played upon and manipulated... it all took my innocence away.  It all took the sparkle out of my eyes.

As I look at my baby girl... my heart saddens. Unfortunately, she gets in trouble a lot and  frequently is in time-out.  She definitely has a mind of her own.  Today, she went as far as telling me that she did not want to go into time-out, and cried as she as she stated that she can not stay out of trouble.

I do not want my daughter to spend most of her childhood in time-out (lol)... but on the other hand, she has to be disciplined.  After all, discipline starts in the home, right?  And I know that if she does not get disciplined, well... just the thought of it is unspeakable!

I became very frustrated today.  "Why doesn't she listen to me?", I continued to ask myself.  "What am I doing wrong?"  I follow through on all discipline.  Yes, I am strict with her, she needs it.  I can tell her to do something, and have trained her to repeat what I ask of her so she understands what is asked of her... she will acknowledge, then next thing I know... YUP! ... she's off to do something entirely different.  I notice, and she's back in time-out again.  Now mind you, I do talk to her.  I try to find out what going on, but to no avail... I get no where.  She doesn't know why she does what she does, and quite frankly... neither do I. 

I look at my mother in law, the daughter she was.  The wife and mother she is... she is an amazing woman!  I witnessed her put her life aside for over two years, to take care of her mother.  She did so until her mother literally took her last breath.  

I look at my sister in law... she is an absolute sweet heart.  She is a wonderful friend to her friends, a true pleasure to be around.  She's confident, funny, loving and straight to the point.

These two daughters, were loved and taken care of.  They were even respected by their parents.  They both have a loving family.

My Daughter, has a loving family.  (One down, big smile)  I really and truly want to lift my daughter up, not extinguish her light.  My daughter is my life.  I didn't give her life... she gave it to me.  

Bottom line, I am trying to give my daughter positiveness so that she learns positiveness.  I want to give her happiness so that she learns happiness.    I want to give her love so she learns love.  I want to give her a life for her to be proud of, so that one day she will be able to do the same for her children.

Boys, you can break
You'll find out how much they can take
Boys will be strong
And boys soldier on

But boys would be gone without the warmth from

A woman's good, good heart

On behalf of every man

Looking out for every girl

You are the god and the weight of her world

So fathers, be good to your daughters

Daughters will love like you do

Girls become lovers who turn into mothers

So mothers, be good to your daughters too

~ John Mayer, partial lyrics to "Daughters"

Blogging A to Z Challenge April 2012... What will "E" have for us tomorrow?

Blessings to all!!

64 days to go...

... for a, l & c.  You are my sunshine(s).  

Images are courtesy of google or Bing images.  Some images maybe labeled property of Carla Barila Karam and of this blog, Taking Back My Life ~ Making It My Own.  U.S Copyright laws apply.  ©

Day 300 ~ "C" is for Change!

Change... hmmmm and I'm not talking about what you may get back after paying for a purchase or President Obama either.  wink, wink.

After pondering most of my day away trying to come up with a good subject to blog about tonight, beginning with the letter  "C"... I was stuck on children and childhood, and no matter how I thought about it... well let's just say that it was taking me away from my happy place.

Then out of no where my darling daughter Calley (ooo another word starting with C) said she wanted to change what she was wearing, and the light bulb went off.  Sure I could have written about my daughter and the joy she brings to my life, but I do that anyway.  Big smile.

Change is a great, especially how I am looking at it.  Since starting to blog last June, I almost immediately noticed what was happening to me.  As each day went by with the publishing of a new post, I noticed something wonderful was happening.  I noticed I was walking a little lighter.  I noticed that rehashing and blogging about some of my issues was doing me good, although ultimately my goal is to help someone else besides myself. 

As time went on my self esteem and self confidence was affected, and growing with abundance within me.  I was learning things about myself that I had taken for granted.  I was being honest with myself about the good, the bad and the ugly.  I learned that the things that happened in my life, the things that had changed my core-being were not my fault, and it wasn't God's fault either.  I also learned that YES, I had taken responsibility for the bad choices I had made in my life (ooo another word starting with C), but I also had to forgive myself and take responsibility for the good choices I had made as well.

The last 300 days (YES DAY 300!- a true milestone if I ever saw one) have made a tremendous impact on my life, as well as my outlook on life.  Sure I may have a bad day here and there, but not as many as I used to.  The important part of this change is embracing all that has happened to me... the good, the bad and the ugly...  I embrace this change, because it has made me who I am today...

I, for one... will never be the same, thanks to Change!

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.  ~ Reinhold Niebuhr

Blogging A to Z Challenge April 2012... What will "D" have for us tomorrow?

Blessings to all!!

65 days to go...

PS... for a, l & c.  You are my sunshine(s).  

Images are courtesy of google or Bing images.  Some images maybe labeled property of Carla Barila Karam and of this blog, Taking Back My Life ~ Making It My Own.  U.S Copyright laws apply.  ©

Day 174 ~ My Do It Yourself Project

I have a feeling that this time next week I will be banging my head up against the wall wondering what I have gotten myself into!

courtesy of Bing images...

Honestly... It could not have been a better time for Calley to be sick... the fact that she is sleeping most of the day away has been a great help.  Especially since I have spent a better part of it working on my new blog.

In just a couple of days I will be launching my "new blog."  Although... I have to let you know that I am starting to get a little anxious.  However, knowing that this is good for me.  Plus, why should I worry?...  after all I have all of  you to keep me in check!  right?

There is no greater motivation than one that forces you to be accountable not only to yourself, but to others.  I always did do better going to the gym with a friend, rather than alone.  Not that I didn't go, I just had a better work out with a work out buddy.  I worked harder, and it was always more fun and enjoyable doing so with a friend.  So, now I have you as my life work out buddy.  

I am almost certain that some of you might think I am insane for not only starting a second blog, but to do it right before the holidays.  I could not agree with you more!  (ha ha I think I am crazy! ha ha) [just kidding, for those of you that do not know me,  I am not crazy, nor do I seriously think that about myself.] This is my lame attempt to humor(at my expense.)  still laughing, I don't know... but now I have the "giggles." 

Okay, seriously... that is the beauty of it all.  I need to face life head on... right at the holidays!  Test myself, better yet learn about myself.  I need to start thinking of what I want my "reality" to be.  How do I want to live my life?  What kind of life do I want to have?  Do I want to live a long healthy life?  Do I want to be mobile, active and have fun?  and Do I want to do so over weight?  Or continue to go up and down with my weight?  How do I want to see myself as I age?    

So, why not start at the holidays?  Why not now, instead of continuously putting it off... 

I feel that I am still young enough to do something about my life, the quality of it and improve upon my health.  I thank God that I am healthy and that I have not suffered any severe ailments.  

At the age of forty-four years old my father had been diagnosed with severe cancer, had a twenty-two plus pound tumor removed from him, and was near death,  WOW!  When I think about that... I am forty-eight (almost forty-nine ...yikes!) and I thank God that the times I have been in the hospital were for three different c-sections, when my babies were born.

Alright, enough said.  I am as ready as I will ever be for my new project.  Project me.  I have been working on the design end of my blog... so we'll see when it's all done what you think.  And if I experience anything near to what I have writing this blog, then I know it will be enlightening, empowering, educational, life cleansing, and above all I will keep it LIGHT and FUN!

It takes half your life before you discover life is a do-it-yourself project.  ~Napoleon Hill

One characteristic of winners is they always look upon themselves as a do it yourself project.  ~ Denis Waitley 

I am thankful for the times my family is together.

Blessings to all!!

191 days to go...

All contents herein are protected under Copyright laws and can not be used, altered or copied. All accounts herein are written by Cali-Gal/Carla B Karam and are true accounts of her life. Some names may be changed to protect the innocent.

Day 73 ~ With Implementation There Are Goals...

I feel as I am on the right track now.

courtesy of Bing images

After a few changes, (I even dove into my Feng Shui books for a little placement assistance,) and I am feeling so much better.

I am starting to come to the determination that as long as I do not give something much thought, other than initial processing, acceptance, and implementation measures, and go for it!... this is the key with me.

The moment I start to think about something... it turns into dwelling on something...  I end up beating it to death and get nowhere!  and so far that has not worked for me.

One of my favorite Albert Einstein quotes comes to mind...

courtesy of Bing images

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

There's a reason as to how and why this quote hits home with many of us... maybe because it is proven absolutely correct by millions of people on a daily basis... 

Sooooo...

The buck stops here!!!  Crazy I'm not, and I am not stupid either!!

It's time to start putting a different twist to my life... as the ol' saying goes...

It's never too late to be who you might have been.  ~  George Eliot

Just for today, no matter where I am going, or what I am doing, or who I am doing it with, it is my intention to focus on the positive.   ~Lucy MacDonald

Blessings to all!!

292 days to go.

All contents herein are protected under Copyright laws and can not be used, altered or copied. All accounts herein are written by Cali-Gal/Carla B Karam and are true accounts of her life. Some names may be changed to protect the innocent.

Day 71 ~ There's Something to Say About Structure!

courtesy of Bing images

WOW~!!  I can't believe it... two revelations in one week!!??

I am almost positive that you have noticed, as well,  that something has been going on with me... I can tell, especially in my writing.  There's something missing.  ... and ... finally, after being back from our annual family vacation a mere two weeks ... (the light bulb turned on again) ... I know what's been going on... what's taken the "it" out of my heart, mind and soul and most of all, my writing...

First... I am missing structure.  Before leaving on our "family holiday" I was feeling great.  Anticipating seeing friends at my high school reunion... anticipating seeing the ocean, smelling the ocean air and feeling the breeze against my skin.  I was working out and doing great on my wii Fit Plus Challenge and I was eating healthy.

As I have mentioned... being healthy, eating healthy and feeling healthy is a lifestyle not a temporary fix.  

As soon as we "rolled" into LA... my weight loss challenge really became a CHALLENGE!!  It became almost uncomfortable telling your "host", or rather family, that I was watching what I was eating... or rather that I was on a healthy diet.  

IT WAS AS IF I OPENED A CAN OF WORMS!! by doing so.  Everyone had an opinion or their own diet stories... and no sooner as the words came out of my mouth... the food came "TEN FOLD"!   Not to mention, asking to set up my wii... this meant taking over someone's television and their living space as well.

To sum it all up, I had to replace my exercising on the wii with natural exercise...  (walking to the beach... walking on the sand... etc..)  and did they best I could with eating healthy items. 

SOLUTION:  I have decided to place structure back into my life with a NEW wii fit plus challenge, actually more of a change of lifestyle challenge and maintenance... MORE IMPORTANTLY I am doing this for ME... not for a reunion and not to impress... I am doing this so I will have a healthy and active life for a long time...  look for my new blog out next week...  

Second... I am missing vitamin D.  Actually, I am missing the ocean, ocean air and the ocean breeze... as well as outdoor activity!..  This has really sucked the life out of me since I have returned.  It is too hot outside to function.  

T

SOLUTION:  To turn all of this around to a positive note... we, as a family, have to decide what exactly we are going to do to work towards our goal of getting back to the west coast...  The saga continues, however only until a plan is determined.

Note to self...  Sit down and work our a plan, including steps needed to forge forward... and do it!!

courtesy of Bing images

Finally... not having order at home sets a domino effect on the rest of your life.  Can you believe it... I just finished unpacking!!  Can you say no motivation!??!!  

All I needed was a little bit of order to kick me in the "butt"!! and to open my eyes to what I am missing.  After all, don't they say?... "cleanliness is next to godliness"...

I can not allow myself to get into a slump!  Especially when there are things that I want from life!  Bottom line... I need to do something about it... otherwise... it will not happen on its own and I will be miserable!!

SOLUTION:  SOOO... Structure, Vitamin D, and order here I come!!!  

Never give up on dreams... catch them as they fly by.  author unknown.

Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart.  Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens.  ~ Carl Jung

"The first and the best victory is to conquer self." ~ Plato 

Blessings to all!!

294 days to go.

All contents herein are protected under Copyright laws and can not be used, altered or copied. All accounts herein are written by Cali-Gal/Carla B Karam and are true accounts of her life. Some names may be changed to protect the innocent.

Day 70 ~ I Believe...

courtesy of Bing images

New Milestone!!  Yes!!   I did it... I've been blogging for 10 weeks now!  Awesome!  

I would have to say that in the last ten weeks my life has changed... and for the better.  I have let go of so much... that in turn, I feel as if I stand a foot taller, and have less weight on my shoulders. 

My life... has become a much better life because of my blogging.  I can't explain it... other than to say that I feel happy.  Maybe I can explain it... I'm changing to a more positive way of living.  Mind, body and soul.

courtesy of Bing images

I have let go of so much negativity, and at the same time have accepted life's imperfections, as well as others' ... in turn I look at life in a much happier light!  I am learning to experience life in a positive way.... live life like I haven't ... dream big... work hard... reach for the stars!  Get the Prize!   OK! Get me off the merry-go-round!!  LOL!!  (OK maybe it sounded better when I yelled it at my laptop!)

I am not saying that I am all miss little perfect now... because I'm not.  I have my moments... believe me I do.  Then... I have to stop and think.. process, rein myself in and re-coop!  In other words, I sometimes have found myself feeling like I am forcing being positive... however, I read some where that if you repeat positive thoughts, affirmations, goals etc... they come true!  Even if it feels forced at first... as time goes on you start to believe it. 

Every great dream begins with a dreamer. Always remember, you have within you the strength, the patience, and the passion to reach for the stars to change the world.    ~ Harriet Tubman

Storms make oaks take roots.   - Proverb 

As I grow to understand life less and less, I learn to love it more and more.  ~ Jules Renard 

Blessings to all!!

295 days / 42 weeks to go.

All contents herein are protected under Copyright laws and can not be used, altered or copied. All accounts herein are written by Cali-Gal/Carla B Karam and are true accounts of her life. Some names may be changed to protect the innocent.

Day 53 ~ New Milestone, New Goal!

What a beautiful day to follow up on a great evening the night before.  Then to top it off... my blog has now reached over 2,000 views!!  WOW!!

Yesterday, we put the little wind there was to good use... Uncle Eric surprised Calley with her FIRST kite!  They were having so much fun that they ran out and bought two more... next thing you knew, Calley was not only flying one kite, she was flying two... and at the same time!  Calley... The Kite Whisperer!

After spending such a great afternoon with Eric (and Angela), to end our day yesterday... we took a walk along Westward Beach in Malibu, and witnessed a beautiful sunset!

Dean, Calley and I made a new goal... right then and there I felt like I could accomplish anything! ... Our new goal... to own a home in Malibu within five years!  For some reason, this sounds obtainable.  I can feel it with every fiber in my being.

So ... now to start working towards our new goal!  

...There's a new me coming out
And I just had to live
And I wanna give
I'm completely positive
I think this time around
I am gonna do it
Like you never do it
Like you never knew it
Ooh, I'll make it through

The time has come for me
To break out of the shell
I have to shout
That I'm coming out ...

Lyrics to Diana Ross' "I'm Coming Out"

Blessings to all!!

312 days to go.

All contents herein are protected under Copyright laws and can not be used, altered or copied. All accounts herein are written by Cali-Gal/Carla B Karam and are true accounts of her life. Some names may be changed to protect the innocent.