Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Day 301 ~ "D" is for Daughter

Depression, discipline and divorce, all came into my head at one time or another, for today's "D" word... But for some reason, I was not feeling it. Those words were just not going to do. Especially after the day I had today.  

As I was disciplining Calley today, for not obeying and not staying on task... my word finally came to me!  Daughter.  

All of a sudden memories of being a daughter myself rushed before me.  As quick as those memories came before me, memories of my divorce came before me (and how I handled it all) and the discovery that I had been dealing with depression for many years.  

I do not want any of this for my little girl!  I want to raise her to be a strong woman.  A woman that can stand on her own two feet.  A woman that can provide for herself.  A woman who is soft and gentle, sweet and pleasant to all.  A woman who has wonderful self esteem, and a confidence that will welcome people... as opposed to being unwelcoming or unapproachable.

I want all the things for my daughter that I didn't have.

The ways my parents treated me; the way my mother continues to (not) treat me.  Being lied to, played upon and manipulated... it all took my innocence away.  It all took the sparkle out of my eyes.

As I look at my baby girl... my heart saddens. Unfortunately, she gets in trouble a lot and  frequently is in time-out.  She definitely has a mind of her own.  Today, she went as far as telling me that she did not want to go into time-out, and cried as she as she stated that she can not stay out of trouble.

I do not want my daughter to spend most of her childhood in time-out (lol)... but on the other hand, she has to be disciplined.  After all, discipline starts in the home, right?  And I know that if she does not get disciplined, well... just the thought of it is unspeakable!

I became very frustrated today.  "Why doesn't she listen to me?", I continued to ask myself.  "What am I doing wrong?"  I follow through on all discipline.  Yes, I am strict with her, she needs it.  I can tell her to do something, and have trained her to repeat what I ask of her so she understands what is asked of her... she will acknowledge, then next thing I know... YUP! ... she's off to do something entirely different.  I notice, and she's back in time-out again.  Now mind you, I do talk to her.  I try to find out what going on, but to no avail... I get no where.  She doesn't know why she does what she does, and quite frankly... neither do I. 

I look at my mother in law, the daughter she was.  The wife and mother she is... she is an amazing woman!  I witnessed her put her life aside for over two years, to take care of her mother.  She did so until her mother literally took her last breath.  

I look at my sister in law... she is an absolute sweet heart.  She is a wonderful friend to her friends, a true pleasure to be around.  She's confident, funny, loving and straight to the point.

These two daughters, were loved and taken care of.  They were even respected by their parents.  They both have a loving family.

My Daughter, has a loving family.  (One down, big smile)  I really and truly want to lift my daughter up, not extinguish her light.  My daughter is my life.  I didn't give her life... she gave it to me.  

Bottom line, I am trying to give my daughter positiveness so that she learns positiveness.  I want to give her happiness so that she learns happiness.    I want to give her love so she learns love.  I want to give her a life for her to be proud of, so that one day she will be able to do the same for her children.

Boys, you can break
You'll find out how much they can take
Boys will be strong
And boys soldier on

But boys would be gone without the warmth from
A woman's good, good heart

On behalf of every man
Looking out for every girl
You are the god and the weight of her world

So fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers, be good to your daughters too

~ John Mayer, partial lyrics to "Daughters"

Blogging A to Z Challenge April 2012... What will "E" have for us tomorrow?

Blessings to all!!

64 days to go...

... for a, l & c.  You are my sunshine(s).  

Images are courtesy of google or Bing images.  Some images maybe labeled property of Carla Barila Karam and of this blog, Taking Back My Life ~ Making It My Own.  U.S Copyright laws apply.  ©


Anne @ Green Eggs and Moms said...

Carla, I love the photos!!! You guys look adorable together. :)

Raine said...

I love that song! I am sure your daughter will grow up to be a wonderful woman and strong, like her mom.

Sarah said...

I know how you feel with the whole "is it working?" "Am I doing something wrong?" I've thought that with my oldest son many times(he's 3), but I stick with it. I see glimpses of it working. ;) My mom told me I was a terror as a child! But she continued to discipline me regardless. (I was a strong willed child), and by the time I was 5 she saw some of the results of her labor. I have even thanked her at my age now, for disciplining me, and loving me enough to correct me, listen to me, be there for me. I would be such a creep if not for how she handled me! lol Stick with it! Your daughter will come around. She will remember all the love for sure. :)

Susan said...

Such pretty photos...and I think my favorite line from the post would be that you didn't give her life, she gave it to you. Love.

mrsmomx6 said...

That was very sweet and I do understand the struggle.

I had 5 boys before my daughter and the difference is night and day. It sure tries my patience.

Keep your chin up mama!

Courtney said...

Your daughter is lucky to have you for a mother!

Czjai Reyes-Ocampo said...

Daughters is one of my favorite songs by John Mayer.

And can I just say how lovely you are? You look even lovelier when you smile. :)

Anonymous said...

Love the John Mayer song. Nice "D" post. I have two daughters so this one really resonated.
Stopping by from the A to Z challenge.

Carla Karam said...

All I have to say... you all brought tears to my eyes... somehow I didn't stay on top of reading and posting my comments today, so they all piled up. By the time I got to the last comment I could not see beyond my tears! All your words have touched my heart... Thank you. and as always... Blessings to you and yours!