Day 511 ~ Any Man Can be a Father... (XXIV)

Day 24 of the Husband Encouragement Challenge
courtesy of ReviveOurHearts.com

"And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord." (Ephesians 6:4) 

You're moving toward the home stretch of your 30-day challenge! Just a reminder of what you've committed: 

• You can't say anything negative about your husband . . . to your husband . . . or to anyone else, about your husband.
• Say something that you admire or appreciate about your husband . . . to your husband . . . and to someone else, about your husband!

Children can be quite a challenge to the marriage relationship. A wise wife will support her husband's leadership in the home as much as possible, and will praise him for his fathering skills. Negativity makes a man feel like a failure, and may make him to want to give up.

Does your husband discipline your children wisely? Does he show them love and encourage them? Does he take an interest in their activities and dreams? Does he spend time with them? Does he take part in developing their character? Praise him for these important life skills.

If you don't have children—is your husband positive and encouraging around other people's children? Let him know that you have noticed. If your husband does not experience positive relationships with children, you will need to figure out why. Perhaps he had negative experiences as a child with his own parents, and needs to learn how to respond. Perhaps you can lovingly and patiently show him how to parent—while still maintaining his authority in the home. 

Day 24 ! . . .
I'm going to keep this simple and not let it get too wordy.  

What a great topic!  

Dean, by all means, is a fabulous father!!  And, he is even a better step-father!!! 

Since my husband has been a part of my life he has always identified with my sons.  Better yet, he has always known what to say to me in regards to them.

Even before Calley was born, Dean has shown me what a wonderful insight he has with children.

Today he continues to be a terrific dad.  He is understanding, patient and very, very loving!  

The best part of it all is that he is just as much as a [BIG] kid as they are.

I could not have asked for a better father to my children if I had not wished him up myself!! 

[here's to you finding your... ]

Peace...

I am second..

... for a, l & c.  You are my sunshine(s).  

Images are courtesy of google or Bing images.  Some images maybe labeled property of Carla Barila Karam and of this blog, Took It... Making It... Living It... My Life .  © 2012  U.S Copyright Laws apply.

Day 264 ~ When I'm A Mommy...

After a few days of "feel good" posts... well... let's just say that reality has been knocking on my door for the past few days, and I have been avoiding opening the door!

Remembering back to my early twenties, and even younger than that... my parents were not my favorite people.  Let's just say that after many years of feeling that they were not true to me... I not only felt insecure, but unloved.

While my friends were talking about what they were going to do after high school, which the consensus was college of course... I had already been voicing how I was going to raise my children.

To this day I do not know what I want to be when I grow up other than being a mommy.  That was the only thing I had been planning for years.  Not like my friends... I had friends that wanted to be hair stylists, attorneys, architects among other professions.  and... Guess what... that's what they are today too.

Personally, nothing had ever driven me more than the desire of being a mom.  I knew what I wanted for my children, as well as the type of mom I wanted to be.  

You tell me, you never said... "I will never do that with my children!" as your own parents were tearing into your moment.  Honestly.. I know I said it many, many times.  "I will never lie to my children!"... "I will never disrespect my babies!" ... etc..  I refused to continue in my parents footsteps as "parents".

Today I sit here, telling you that I am the parent I always wanted to be.  There's a possibility that my sons may argue with you... however, because of what their father has put us through it doesn't count.  (quite honestly ... their father did not make it easy for us to be happy.)  Unfortunately, my boys do not know me how they should... breaks my heart!

Now, as I sit here with the proverbial "shoe" on the other foot, per say... it breaks my heart that my son(s) do not partake in my life.  I really do not know how else to put it.  All I know is that they are missing out on a happy, fun, and goofy life with me.

However... this too I have left in God's hands.

One day, both my sons will marry wonderful girls (because this is what I pray for on a daily basis [for years] ... wink, wink) and they will have a family... and until then I will patiently wait for them to realize that I am the mother they always wanted, and always had.

Isn't it always like that... after we have children we see things differently... for some of us good, for others, some of the fog clears...

Let parents bequeath to their children not riches, but the spirit of reverence.  ~ Plato

I think like any marriage, especially when you've had divorced parents like myself; you want to try even harder to make it work.  ~ Princess Diana 

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.  “Honor your father and mother,” which is the first commandment with promise:  “that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth.” And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.   ~ Ephesians 6:1-4

Blessings to all!!

101 days to go...

PS... for a, l & c.  You are my sunshine(s).  

Some images courtesy of Bing images.  Others are marked accordingly, and are property of Carla Barila Karam and Taking Back Life ~ Making It My Own, this blog.   All U.S Copyright laws apply.  ©

Day 187 ~ My Fight Continues... Part Three

Days 62 and Day 63 I began to tell you the painful story of the loss of my two sons, to their father.  When I first brought this up one hundred twenty-four days ago, I did not expect it to take me this long to continue.  It is  not easy reliving those days.

Last I left off on Day 63, was that I had received the results to the MMPI, another psychological test and a polygraph test.  Let me tell you... I walked in there with nothing to hide and they still try to strip you of your dignity!

When it comes to a possible wrong doing against a child, the accused (me in this case), is guilty until proven innocent.  Nothing is taken for granted.  It is amazing, how Child Protective Services can come into your life, toss it all upside down and all over the place, put you and your life under a microscope and then excuse themselves as if nothing ever happen! 

Wrong... something did happen!  Finally, after nine months of trying to prove my innocence and waiting for the appointment to take a test, then another month for the results, then another week for an appointment with a Guardian ad litem, I was finally granted a supervised visit with my sons with the Guardian ad Litem present.  

Wow, I think by this time my sons were about eight and a half and four [roughly] it was more or less 1996... and I felt like a complete stranger.  I was given instructions  prior to my visit with my boys, I was not allowed to touch them or hug them unless "they" initiated the contact.  It was such an awkward moment.  We, my children and I have always been very demonstrative of our love... meaning we would hug, give and get kisses on the cheeks (my boys would give me kisses, and I would return them)... all the innocence of our mother/son(s) relationship was stripped from us!

Fast forward to July of 2009, I get a friend request on one of the social networks, from the newest of the soon to be ex-wives club member!  Meaning, that the father of my sons (I call him this because I do not want to give him the honor of being called "my" anything!) was getting divorce number three!  Anyways, tonight's post is not about that... we can leave that for another post.  The point I am trying to make here is that she, ex-wife number three, admitted to ALL of his lies.  

What a coward!  Instead of playing fair, he was being spiteful at my and my son's relationship's expense.  He didn't care.  So many times he looked at me as if saying he had no clue where everything was coming from, or blaming his wife... when all along he had been behind all the lies, all the loss time from my sons, the heartache he caused between my children and I.  Their father had been behind it all!

Today, I only think of this when I have to write it down.  It is very painful to relive the time apart from my children.  The privilege of being a day to day parent... all stolen!

I wrote about the fact that loosing my boys this way is worse than loosing them to death. At least with death, there is finality.  There isn't someone bad mouthing your character, as well and poisoning their opinions of you.  

It is a hard thing to explain when someone strips you from being a parent to your children.  They make it difficult, as well as uncomfortable for communication. 

I want to end this post on two positive notes.  First off... although it has been eighteen years since my divorce was final to the father of my children, I am now learning to let go and dare I say it... forgive him.  Not for him... for me.  For my peace.  I will not allow him to hurt me anymore.

I thank God and Jesus for giving me the gift of being a mother a third time.  The privilege of being a parent is definitely God given.  Thank you for giving me Calley.  Thank you.  

On a final note... today I woke up to the honor of being a Featured voiceBoks member.  I do not know what I did to bestow such an honor.  However... I am very grateful and humbled by it all.  Thank you!!  I do have to say that I have looked for camaraderie like this for a long time... I have been blessed to have met some pretty amazing women bloggers out there.  I am nothing compared to some of the talent I am reading!  I sincerely look forward to developing some amazing relationships!!  I feel it in my bones!!

The quote I will leave you with this evening in one that should be taken to heart by all parents.

“The most important thing a father can do for his children is love their mother”. - Theodore Hesburgh, American Priest

Blessings to all!!

178 days to go...

PS... I love and miss you boys.  To the moon and stars above and back.  You are my sunshines.

All contents herein are protected under Copyright laws and can not be used, altered or copied.  All accounts herein are written by Carla B Karam and are true accounts of her life.  Some names may be changed to protect the innocent.

Day 184 ~ The Results of Bad Time Management

Phew!  The only word that comes to mind to describe my day.  The only time I sat down today, was to eat lunch, do crafts with Calley and to paint.

Yes, Elisabeth I am working on a new art piece.  As a side note, my little lady I was working on, well let's just say that Calley thought I needed some help one day.  (sad face)  That was a bad day, yet we survived it.  In the scheme of things, I realized that it was not a big deal, after all I can moisten and reuse the clay.  (big smile)  And she was coming out pretty cool too, as you can see her here.

As part of our 'crafts' that I had planned for Calley and I was to make a Christmas wreathe, being that the wreath we had been using was ten years old and had seen its share of Christmases.  (so sad because I really liked it; it was made entirely of red ornaments)

This project was really simple for what it was, although as Calley helped and saw it come together, she was truly impressed.  She was especially impressed when I threw the bow together.  All she would say was, "ooo... oh wait... ooo... wait...oooooo mommmy."  She was really cute with all the sound effects.  It really wasn't a big deal, but to her I was the coolest mom in the world!  Which of course, I thought was pretty neat.  (BIG SMILE)

Taking care of Calley is special in itself.  We may have our rough moments, but we always manage to get through it.  But then, I always keep in mind that the good times always out weigh the bad.  It's funny, regardless of the situation, I can always count on Calley to be very caring, helpful and with a little touch of drama.  I see acting and possibly the debate team in her future.

As I mentioned, today was a whirlwind of sorts.  As a matter of fact, after having my morning tea I checked my emails, blogs, stats, and comments, not necessarily in that order, but anyways... I got so wrapped up in some new games, that when I finally got to the point that I felt I could take a break and do other things with Calley... IT WAS ONE O'CLOCK!!   OH EM GEE!!!  I could not believe how long it took me to do my morning routine.  It took me almost three hours longer than normal!

I have come to the conclusion that I have to do something about time management, that is for sure.  Five hours at the computer, and not realize it... well... I think I need to start using my timer!  LOL!!

All that I experience empowers me to grow more as a positive person.    ~  Carla Barila Karam

  

Blessings to all!!

181 days to go...

All contents herein are protected under Copyright laws and can not be used, altered or copied. All accounts herein are written by Cali-Gal/Carla B Karam and are true accounts of her life. Some names may be changed to protect the innocent.

Day 177 ~ A Mommy's Reply

There are days in raising a five year old little girl that often takes me back to my own adventures in growing up.

When Calley first came to me telling me that she wanted to get married and have babies she was about four years old.  I was beside myself, holding back my giggles.  However in a matter of seconds, which seemed more like hours... it was more like I was moving in slow motion scrambling through my brain making sure I said the right thing [so that I would not scar my little girl for the rest of her life.]

I was finally able to snap out of my stuper only to realize that Calley was waiting for a response from me.  In a matter of seconds, I had my entire life flash in front of me with all the cockamamie lines my mother had once scarred me with.

From the proverbial "sex is dirty," which by the way messed me up for quite some time in my own personal relationships... to ... "there aren't friends," thank God I figured this one out on my own.

Knowing the importance of what my response may do to my little girl's form of being ... well, you be the judge.  This is Calley's response to marriage...

First I have to go to college and become very smart, then I will meet a man like my daddy, we will fall in love, get married and have a family.  But I have to go to college first.

Hopefully, there was and is nothing in that statement that will one day bite me in the behind. 

I know that this is just one of many dances we will have together, especially that since then I have had to tap dance around the infamous question of how are babies born.  (Thank God I had all my babies via c-section... this one was easy to answer honestly.)  I just hope I come up with a more clever and spunky story for when she asks me how babies are made.

I remember as a little girl asking my mother questions, and her response to me was always you are too young to know, I will tell you when you are older.  I remember arguing with her vehemently telling her I was old enough.

Well, can you guess what my thoughts on this today?  

As far as I am concerned, if a child is old enough to ask the question he is old enough for a response.

I made a promise to myself as a teenager, that I would not repeat my parent's mistakes with my own children... that I would be the best mom ever.  More importantly, I would always be honest with my children.

So, with that promise in mind, I will do my best to answer Calley's questions honestly, with a light humorous twist to it too.  

Here's to hoping that I'll be able to think fast on my feet!

Each day of our lives we make deposits in the memory banks of our children.  ~Charles R. Swindoll, The Strong Family.

Children keep us in check. Their laughter prevents our hearts from hardening. Their dreams ensure we never lose our drive to make ours a better world. They are the greatest disciplinarians known to mankind.   ~ Queen Rania of Jordan, Hello Magazine 

Blessings to all!!

188 days to go...

All contents herein are protected under Copyright laws and can not be used, altered or copied. All accounts herein are written by Cali-Gal/Carla B Karam and are true accounts of her life. Some names may be changed to protect the innocent.

Day 131 ~ All In A Day's Work

WHAT A DAY!!  Today was a very challenging day with Calley.  So much so that my brain is literally mush.


Been sitting here for a while, and the only action happening at this computer are my eyelids closing.  For a brief moment I get a flash recall of my day today, and then all of a sudden this blanket of relief comes over me when I am reminded that my day is finally over... Calley's asleep  (big smile)


Right now the only thing coming to mind is the thought that soon my head will be resting on my pillow... then before I know it, Calley and I will have another day full of surprises!

Stop trying to perfect your child, but keep trying to perfect your relationship with him.    ~ Dr. Henker

Praise your children openly, reprehend them secretly.        ~ W. Cecil

Of all the rights of women, the greatest is to be a mother.     ~ Lin Yutang 

Blessings to all!!

234 days to go...

All contents herein are protected under Copyright laws and can not be used, altered or copied. All accounts herein are written by Cali-Gal/Carla B Karam and are true accounts of her life. Some names may be changed to protect the innocent.