Monday, February 27, 2012

Day 264 ~ When I'm A Mommy...

After a few days of "feel good" posts... well... let's just say that reality has been knocking on my door for the past few days, and I have been avoiding opening the door!

Remembering back to my early twenties, and even younger than that... my parents were not my favorite people.  Let's just say that after many years of feeling that they were not true to me... I not only felt insecure, but unloved.

While my friends were talking about what they were going to do after high school, which the consensus was college of course... I had already been voicing how I was going to raise my children.

To this day I do not know what I want to be when I grow up other than being a mommy.  That was the only thing I had been planning for years.  Not like my friends... I had friends that wanted to be hair stylists, attorneys, architects among other professions.  and... Guess what... that's what they are today too.

Personally, nothing had ever driven me more than the desire of being a mom.  I knew what I wanted for my children, as well as the type of mom I wanted to be.  

You tell me, you never said... "I will never do that with my children!" as your own parents were tearing into your moment.  Honestly.. I know I said it many, many times.  "I will never lie to my children!"... "I will never disrespect my babies!" ... etc..  I refused to continue in my parents footsteps as "parents".

Today I sit here, telling you that I am the parent I always wanted to be.  There's a possibility that my sons may argue with you... however, because of what their father has put us through it doesn't count.  (quite honestly ... their father did not make it easy for us to be happy.)  Unfortunately, my boys do not know me how they should... breaks my heart!

Now, as I sit here with the proverbial "shoe" on the other foot, per say... it breaks my heart that my son(s) do not partake in my life.  I really do not know how else to put it.  All I know is that they are missing out on a happy, fun, and goofy life with me.

However... this too I have left in God's hands.

One day, both my sons will marry wonderful girls (because this is what I pray for on a daily basis [for years] ... wink, wink) and they will have a family... and until then I will patiently wait for them to realize that I am the mother they always wanted, and always had.

Isn't it always like that... after we have children we see things differently... for some of us good, for others, some of the fog clears...

Let parents bequeath to their children not riches, but the spirit of reverence. Plato
I think like any marriage, especially when you've had divorced parents like myself; you want to try even harder to make it work.  ~ Princess Diana 
Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.  “Honor your father and mother,” which is the first commandment with promise:  “that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth.” And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.   ~ Ephesians 6:1-4

Blessings to all!!

101 days to go...

PS... for a, l & c.  You are my sunshine(s).  

Some images courtesy of Bing images.  Others are marked accordingly, and are property of Carla Barila Karam and Taking Back Life ~ Making It My Own, this blog.   All U.S Copyright laws apply.  ©

1 comment:

Shannon Milholland said...

Praying for you in your lonely today. XO