Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Day 258 ~ Finding "Good" in the Past

Today I spent most of my day on an emotional roller coaster... some brief moments of sadness and other moments filled with gratitude.  I mean very brief moments of sadness... the moment something would come to mind, you would find me shaking it off the next.

My youngest son has been on my mind lately, more so than just being in my daily prayers... in two days, Thursday, the 23rd of February, will be his twenty-first birthday.  

Needless to say, "my life" of twenty-one years ago was on my mind today.

In his twenty- one years, my son has been through an emotional roller coaster himself.  All the unnecessary trials and tribulations that his father's divorce from me was putting our family through, were not ones that a child needs to witness.  Which is not what I wanted his childhood to be about.  

What certainly does not help how I feel is that for the past nine months, and nearly two years before that... my son and my relationship has not been what it should be...  I will not give up on how I want my life to be... which includes all my children in it... never.

So... the moment a memory would come to mind, a sad thought, I would think of a positive counter-thought... and that would be the end of that.

I needed to remind myself that was the past.  And what about the "past'?!  We can not do anything about it.  It is in the past!  Rather than turning my back on the past and completely putting it out of mind, I find the good in it, learn from it, and realize that those experiences have made me... and made me stronger.

Though twenty-one years ago I was going through some trials and tribulations myself, (marriage was already very unsteady and rocky) God literally blessed me with my son... and for that I will climb the highest mountains... go through trials and tribulations... I would do it all over again!

I love you son... to the moon and stars above!

That which does not kill us makes us stronger.  ~ Friedrich Nietzsche

Blessings to all!!

107 days to go...

PS... for a, l and c.  You are my sunshine(s).

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