Day 192 ~ Life's Curveballs

SO many thoughts going through my mind right now, that it is not even funny!  My thoughts are bouncing off of each other... it's crazy.  The moment I try to process one thought, another one is right behind it taking me in the other direction.

We have Christmas right around the corner, and as I shared last night, I have barely done any shopping.  The big reason is that money is really tight and it might be that Dean has limited work between now and the first week of January.  Ugh!!  

Just as we were getting ahead, BAM!  Little by little, whatever I had saved up... G-O-N-E!  But I have faith that something good is up ahead for us.  I have decided to think that way rather than to focus on the present situation.  I just handle whatever comes our way, and continue to look forward.  SO tired of dwelling on the negative.

Then I have my "special" house guest, my sister.  The jury is still out on this one.  Although, I could say that it's been okay.  It is very difficult to open up and be 100% trusting and loving.  I understand that in order to truly forgive, one must basically let go of the past, in order to move forward and past it all... especially if you want to have a healthy relationship.  However, when there has been as much kaos and havoc as there has been in our lives and relationship with one another... well once you've been burned, you are really careful when you get close to the stove the next time.

Don't get me wrong, I have been giving our relationship a big effort... after all my sister is staying in my home.  And I am trying to teach her about nutrition, exercise and a healthy lifestyle.  I am trying to help my sister.  I feel bad for her... yet, one must keep in mind that whatever she has or does not have is because of decisions she has made.  I am prepared, and will help her... I will however not enable her.

Originally she was to stay until February, operative words being, "originally" and "was".  She found out this evening that she has an appointment just before New Year's that she may not be able to change... she will not find out for sure until tomorrow.  Although by sounds of it all, looks like a definite go.

How do I feel about this?  I really do not know.  Initially, I was very upset in thinking that she is was giving up and reneging on all our plans.  On one hand I don't blame her that she may want to return, yet on the other this is a much healthier environment for her.  Honestly, I can't help it but to think that she wants to go back and this is a perfect out for her.  Well only "time" will honestly dictate if I am right or not, or even if it matters. 

I really thought we would have this time to heal our relationship, and then WHAM-O! she is not here but for four days and something comes up... so much for starting a business or preparing for the future.

I know I am disappointed about the possibilities of things not changing for her or for me.  However, I also have to remember that even though help is offered, that does not mean that it will be welcomed, or taken for that matter.  The "person" in need must want to be helped, and/or want to change things in their life.  We can't force a person to take advise, or to take our help.

One thing is for sure... I tried to help.  I sincerely cared.  That's all I will say right now.  Trying not to get upset.  Just when her self- esteem and self-worth were beginning to show signs of growth.  She was even starting to believe in herself.  (big happy face.)

So as disappointed as I may be to the possible change of plans, I must place my faith in God by leaving my worries in his hands.  I praise you Jesus!

Anything God asks us to do he supplies us with the energy and grace to do.    ~ author unknown   

If anyone speaks, they should do so as one who speaks the very words of God. If anyone serves, they should do so with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power for ever and ever. Amen.  ~ 1 Peter 4:11  (NIV) 

On the forth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, 

...   four loving dogs

...   three cook books

...   two ceiling fans, 

...   our little girl we call Calley

Blessings to all!!

173 days weeks to go...

PS... I love and miss you boys.  To the moon and stars above and back.  You are my sunshines.

All contents herein are protected under Copyright laws and can not be used, altered or copied.  All accounts herein are written by Carla B Karam and are true accounts of her life.  Some names may be changed to protect the innocent.

Picture credits... images courtesy of Bing images.

Day 79 ~ Saving Money On Therapy!

courtesy of Bing images

NEW MILESTONE!!!  3,000 VIEWS!!   This is too cool... 
Here are some blog stats for you (or rather for me, being that I am so amazed by this all)... 
it took 29 days for my blog to reach 1,000 views, another 24 days to reach 2,000 and it has taken 26 days to reach 3,000 views.

I can not explain the feeling I get when I get a comment on my blog ... other than to say that I feel elated, as if my "self-esteem" meter goes off the charts!  

courtesy of Bing images

I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that "writing," more than likely, will not be most people's first choice for a "self-help" therapy, let alone "blogging"... although for me IT IS number ONE!  

"Writing/Blogging" has and continues to be very therapeutic for me... not to mention all the money I am saving on actually going to a psychologist??!!  Could you imagine that if everyone that goes to therapy were to start writing? or if they were prescribed to write a journal...  hmmmm....  very interesting thought.  Anyways... it works for me, plus I don't get kicked out in mid thought at the end of the hour!  LOL!


Instead... I kick myself off my laptop in time to publish my post before midnight!

And by the way, everything in life is writable about if you have the outgoing guts to do it, and the imagination to improvise.  The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt.     ~Sylvia Plath

Writing became such a process of discovery that I couldn't wait to get to work in the morning:  I wanted to know what I was going to say.     ~Sharon O'Brien

If I fall asleep with a pen in my hand, don't remove it - I might be writing in my dreams.    ~Terri Guillemets 

Blessings to all!!

286 days to go

All contents herein are protected under Copyright laws and can not be used, altered or copied. All accounts herein are written by Cali-Gal/Carla B Karam and are true accounts of her life. Some names may be changed to protect the innocent.

Day 51 ~ My Dream Team Continues to Grow with Angels!

courtesy of Bing images

Life has given me ups, downs and in-betweens, that's for sure.  But the thing I am most grateful for, has been the "Angels" that have been placed in my life!

I have had my struggles with family, which I am sure that that will be endless... however, one constant, has been my friends, or rather what I like to refer to as my "Angels" on my "Dream Team"!

It may have not been apparent at the time, and the world may have felt as it was ending... BUT as I look back, I have always had my "Angels" by my side.

I mentioned that through my blogging, my desire is to be able to help someone else through my experiences... which in turn in my eyes would have made it worth it having gone through what I did.  All the days and nights that I spent in fetal position, all the tears shed, all the moments longing for my children... ALL OF IT WOULD BE WORTH IT if I can spare someone else from going through it.

courtesy of Bing images

Life has a funny way of doing things... a funny way of putting something or SOMEONE in your path of life...

Monday, when Dean, Calley and I were headed to the beach, we were indecisive as to where we wanted to go... so we just went where our feet took us...

Before I knew it, I spent my day not only with my family, but with a new Angel in my life!!  Alysia.  Not only that, but as we talked and shared, I discovered that we were meant to meet!  You see, she is going through a horrible divorce from a controlling man, who wants to take her children from her!  As I shared my story with her, as well as my blog, it was as if the heavens opened up and was shinning on us both!  Seriously!!  

I do not want to get too personal with her story, and I do not know if you want to call it fate, us meeting that is... however, I certainly think so and sincerely hope that I can help her fight and not give up.  

For a mother, it is second nature to put our children's needs before our own, and with that said, we need to do what is right for them, even if it takes a lifetime.  Believe me you never want to hear the words... "why didn't you fight harder for me?!" ... as I did from my Logan.  It broke my heart!  and I thought I fought... I just saw how tired their little faces were of all the court dates, counseling, etc... but I should have gone to trial!  "Shoulda, coulda, woulda!!!"

Alysia, was not the only "Angel" placed in my path this week...

Last night I had the most amazing night at one of my dearest "Dream Team" Angels... :)   Talk about a house full of angels... Jeannie has been a part of my life for twenty-five years now!!  We met as neighbors, and not only that but we were pregnant with our first borns... who ultimately were born nine days apart!!

Jeannie, has seen me get knocked down (figuratively speaking), and witnessed my marriage to my sons' father... she even socked him in the stomach once!  Got him good too!!!

Prior to my heading over to her home, I received a text from her asking if it was ok to have one of her many children over too because she herself just broke up with her (controlling and verbally abusive man, several years her elder) boyfriend.  I told Jeannie... ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!  Of course not!!!

When we got there... Jeannie shared with me that she thought they were supposed to get together tomorrow night, however my Angel was thinking...  Diana needed to come over TONIGHT!!!  It was meant to be!!!

What an amazing young lady.  Diana is my eldest son's age, 24, and already has seen the devil, more than once!  (ha ha- just kidding, oh well, maybe not!)  SO sad to see someone so young going through such ugliness in a relationship!  The great thing about it... they did not marry and do not have children together!!!  That definitely is a plus... now, to get all the ugliness out of her and bring her up to the place she should be at!  Hold her head up high, believing in herself and best of all... loving herself!!  

Diana, first of all... you made it through night one!! Major accomplishment!!  and secondly... you have not only Jeannie by your side, but Chelsea & Becki (angels in training!!  heck not!!... they are already Angels... and they're mine too!! - after all their mama is Jeannie!!!)  Be strong and know that you can always count on ALL OF US!

I know I had, and continue to have bad experiences from my marriage to my boys' father... and I never EVER thought I would say this... BUT...

I truly feel blessed for having gone through what I did with my children and their father... today I am a strong woman because of it! It is said that we should embrace our experiences in life, after all, it makes us who we are today!!

I have close friends who nurture me and make me laugh.

I am open to friendship, and I now attract the most wonderful new friends to me.

My circle of friendship continues to grow beyond what I ever expected 

Blessings to all!!

314 days to go.

All contents herein are protected under Copyright laws and can not be used, altered or copied. All accounts herein are written by Cali-Gal/Carla B Karam and are true accounts of her life. Some names may be changed to protect the innocent. 

Day 32 ~ I'm Here... Where Ever You Are...

Courtesy of Bing images

I'm sure you've noticed some changes on here... well I've been doing some researching so that my blog may get more exposure.  Why do I want exposure?  Well, if I do not put my blog out there, how will I ever be able to reach out to that person out there which may be experiencing some of the same things that I am writing about?

I  know that I said that I want my blog to be a sort of a legacy to my children, and that it is.  But I also would like to help someone... someone that may feel alone, against the world and fighting her own demons.  I underwent my divorce and the "custody battle" (which is a long story and I haven't decided on the approach~ but will tell at another time), which lasted a total of five years... yes five years! (another day, another time) all alone!  

My entire family was more than eleven hundred miles away in Los Angeles... sure would have been nice to have had them down the street.  Don't get me wrong I would talk to them on the phone and they came to court I think it was for two days~ but it's not the same.  I felt very alone!

Courtesy of Bing images

Well, if you are out there, feeling as if you are alone against the world... I know the feeling.  But more importantly... I'm here for you!!  Don't waste your valuable time, as I did, in fetal position.  I took me sometime, but I eventually learned that I was allowing all the bad things that happened to me win by doing that!!


NOT ANYMORE!!!  


I'm the winner here!  It took me a while, but I have come to the realization that all I was doing is hurting myself and wasting my life!  Not to mention putting a big wedge between me and my boys... after all it is their father that screwed me up!  But that my dears is giving him too much credit!  


I needed to do something!! and finally between being married to a great guy, and having a beautiful daughter... I have found blogging!!! 


Where ever you are out there, I hope you are reading this.  We can get past this!  I promise we can!!

My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth.  Psalm 121:2

Blessings to all!

333 days to go.

All contents herein are protected under Copyright laws and can not be used, altered or copied. All accounts herein are written by Cali-Gal/Carla B Karam and are true accounts of her life. Some names may be changed to protect the innocent.

Day 28 ~ I Have a "Dream Team"!! & You're on It!

I am feeling very blessed these days!  Imagine being on a mountaintop surrounded by beautiful flowers, a cool fragrant breeze in your face, if you're a girl you would have a "twirly" dress on and of course you would be running and twirling... I'm almost there!  Now, I do have some rough moments, but all in all I know that I am moving in the right direction.

1992 "Dream Team"
Courtesy of Bing images

I feel so supported... I feel as if I have my own "dream team" behind me.  No matter who I speak to lately, family, friends and even a couple of my blog readers, their messages all have had something positive for me to not only help me with my blog, but more importantly to help me with my healing process.

I was speaking to one of my tias ("aunts" in Spanish) the other day... although I do not get to speak to her often (because life happens,) she has always been there for me.  She does not mince words and always gets to the point... I so love that about her!  Her wonderful message... "put all my love into everything I do!"  It does translate a little different in Spanish, however the message is the same.  She had just the right words to say to me without even knowing.  It was as if she knew what I needed to hear.  Just as she said that to me, I felt so much pride for myself for writing my blog (last time I felt like that I was in school and I was doing my pottery.) 

My sister-in-law, (gosh that sounds so formal because truth be told she is more of a sister to me than anything else) is also on my dream team!  She is awesome, shhhh don't tell her because her head may explode! just kidding   No, but seriously, timing could not be better- she was the one that had told me that our differences were behind us, as if  we "put them in a balloon and let it go!"  Oh my G.. I just love that analogy (see Day 7)!  Als, I have now adopted it! and giving you props for it too!  As I continue writing my blog, you will find that I will be putting a lot into balloons and letting them go!

As I think of who else is on my "dream team" ... well let's just say that this post would turn into a mini "e-book"!!  Needless to say, I feel so blessed to have such wonderful family and friends supporting me!  

There's Elisabeth (who I met at a low point in my life, while going to schooI in '03-'05, I tutored for her at West Los Angeles College, turned mentor, part-time therapist (lol- jk), turned best bud), Diane (who basically witnessed not only my divorce, but my boys taken away from me), Lena (old high school bud reunited thanks to Facebook, who probably does not have a clue as to how good of a friend she still is to me), Gloria (my cousin who has given me courage and strength on more that one occasion ~ gracias primita), Juli (my cousin who after moving to El Paso, wrote me a letter telling me what a beautiful person I was, to remember my strength, the people who love me and that my children were lucky to have such an amazing mother... I carry that letter with me to this day! ...I could not have received your letter at a better time ~ gracias primita)...

"You like me, you really like me!"
Courtesy of Bing images

I almost feel as if I am giving my acceptance speech for an award because I do not want to leave anyone out!  And if I did leave you out... I still have 337 days to give you proper props! So keep reading because you never know when YOU will be thanked.  By the way, if you do not want to be mentioned by  name in my blog please email me and let me know.

When I first woke this morning, I did just as I have been doing since I started writing my blog 28 days ago... I wake up, and with the crust not even out of my eyes, I grab my glasses and my laptop, and then I check my messages, then Facebook and then my blog stats.  But this morning when on Facebook, I received the following message... 

This month, I celebrate my own independence.  I choose to be free of all negativity, anger, fear, insecurities, jealousies~ and any thought that makes me feel "less than."  I no longer choose to live in the prison of my mind.  I choose thoughts of love, prosperity, and unlimited creativity and opportunities.  ~ Louise L. Hay

Needless to say, that was my status post for most of my day.  Then the more I read it, the more it was appropriate to what I was going through.  Therefore, this month I celebrate my own independence!

“As for God, his way is perfect: The LORD’s word is flawless; he shields all who take refuge in him.”  Psalm 18:30

Blessings to all!

337 days / 48 weeks to go.



All contents herein are protected under Copyright laws and can not be used, altered or copied. All accounts herein are written by Cali-Gal/Carla B Karam and are true accounts of her life. Some names may be changed to protect the innocent.

Day 24 ~ "Writing" ... It's Good for the Soul

HEY!!  Who turned on the lights???!!!  WHAT it's been 24 days and I'm still going strong??!!  At the risk of sounding repetitive... I just can't find the words to tell you how great this has been making me feel.  Now... don't get me wrong, I still have a ways to go, but at least I feel as if I am on the right track.


As far as I am concerned blogging has been a great way to release myself.. to put myself in check... and to get rid of some ugliness that has been brewing within me for years!  

courtesy of Bing images

Who is to say if whether I would have continued to write after Kevin had his day with me (see Day 2) if I would be feeling like this right now or not, although one thing IS for sure ~ I would have been doing it and putting my life on the line with him around!

As I look back... I think I really started writing around the 7th grade... I don't know if it was intended as a fad or not... OR ... if it was something that a young girl gets into at that age... but having a diary was what you did and what I did.  I can remember most of my friends having them.  You could find them in all sorts of sizes, colors and with a lock too! Then the trick was to have a GREAT hiding place so your sister could not get into it.

Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart.          Proverbs 3:3

What  I do know right now is that this is saving me ... from who?  you ask...  From me!  I think I have been self-destructing this entire time ... NOT ANYMORE!


Blessing to all!!


341 days to go.




All contents herein are protected under Copyright laws and can not be used, altered or copied. All accounts herein are written by Cali-Gal/Carla B Karam and are true accounts of her life. Some names may be changed to protect the innocent.

Day 22 ~ Keep On Keeping On!

by Master Isolated Images

Other than what's been going on in Carla's World (being a victim of the Blackberry Bandit, being bit by a dog, Week 12 No Car,) I would have to say that I have been feeling really good - both emotionally and physically.  

As I start Week 3 of my blog, I will have to say that this is the best thing I have done for myself in a very long time.  Actually, I can't remember the last time I have done something so healthy for myself!  I am actually sticking to it without hesitation, as opposed to not wanting to get up and go to the gym after the third day (just kidding- but you get the idea.)

I would have to say that as I get my day going, I am already wondering what I am going to write about at the end of my day.  I actually can't wait!  I allow myself to start thinking about things, but stop to allow my day to inspire me at the end.  I may have a few ideas of what I may want to talk, but in the end it's whatever comes to mind about how I may be feeling about life.

As each day go by, I feel a little lighter and today was no different.  I wish I had not procrastinated so long, however the timing could not be any better!   

I decided to look up Bible verses having to do with writing or thoughts, and once again I think someone is listening (or reading my blog) "up there!"  There it was, the first verse I come across...

How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and day after day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me?   Psalm 13:2  (NIV)

All I have to say is.... NOT ANY MORE!!  No more wrestling and No more sorrow (well, it's not gone, but at least it doesn't seem to hurt AS much)!  Are you kidding ME!?  I will not allow ANYONE to triumph over me!

Blessings to all!

343 days to go.


All contents herein are protected under Copyright laws and can not be used, altered or copied. All accounts herein are written by Cali-Gal/Carla B Karam and are true accounts of her life. Some names may be changed to protect the innocent.

Day 15 ~ Life Updates...

Round and round, ugh, argh, OH EM GEE!!!  I, I ... ai yai yai...

I just don't know what to say ... 

So much going on...  Please answer me this.. Does everyone else have as much DRAMA going on in their lives, want it OR not... can I possibly be the only one on earth going through as much as I am.  I mean --   COME ON...  SERIOUSLY?? 

My blog, in no way was intended to be used to deal with the challenges life has presented me with as of lately...  HOWEVER maybe if you can see what I'm up against, then possibly you will be able to understand or possibly have a glimpse as to why I tick the way I do...

LIFE'S UPDATES...

Updates by Stuart Miles

1.   WEEK 13 - NO CAR!!!!  Car not ready, All parts and transmission are at a transmission shop, but its not getting done.  First its the transmission, then its not, then its the computer, and now the transmission is getting rebuilt.  What the HecK!  Oh, it's under warranty.

2.   Blackberry Enlightenment...  "Merit" finally comes forth - SHE GOES TO THE POLICE TO FILE A COMPLAINT STATING SHE WANTS ME TO STOP SENDING MESSAGES ON FB  (Police said NOT going to happen... I'm not doing anything wrong!) SHE SHOWS UP WITH A DIFFERENT PHONE (She stated she found it at the same place I lost my phone... ***WHICH COME TO FIND OUT MY PHONE FELL OUT OF MY CAR AT THE MARKET not AT PETER PIPER'S.. Answers given to my questions made me think it happened at Peter Piper's and SHE did not correct me)  "Merit" and her friend's efforts BACKFIRE! (Yes, somehow I found her calls and messages which she had made using the OTHER phone she found BUT SOMEHOW her calls all showed up on my phone records- BUT NOW she claims she did not find my phone!)  "Merit" with two of her friends (Someone please tell her that they are not good for her!)... which have such a hold on her that the Police officer even noticed it,.  Police officer said that several times she asked "Merit"questions, "Merit" wanted to answer, both friends prevent her from talking... Police see right through it.  They see I have filed charges against her.  "Merit leaves Police station feeling defeated!"

3. Both my sons have not only lost respect for me, but they do not want me in their lives.  All I  have to say about this is that "Sometimes words are spoken out of anger for the mere purpose of hurting the person they were intended  for."  and out of spite.  How sad.

4.  Calley has her environmental allergies which seem to be on hiatus for the past two and a half weeks, but still hold a dark cloud over our heads... Do we move?  Almost seems inevitable...  Is taking a chance on Calley's discomfort for one more year worth a shot?  So many uncertainties... 

5.  My job... well keeping this on the down low.  Not happy... not happy what-so-ever!  Let's just say that YOU HAVE TO PRACTICE WHAT YOU PREACH or better yet WALK THE TALK!!  (I better stop before I say something I am not ready to talk about).  Let me finish by saying that I am a person who walks her talk... and expects the same 

6.  El Paso...  WOW!  Well, all I have to say is that I can not handle HEAT anymore (not to mention that most drivers need their licences re-evaluated)!

7.  Oh and let's not forget that my 30th high school reunion is around the corner ... AND... well... I better start working out!!  "I'm just saying!"  

One Word... O V E R W H E L M I N G ! !  Life is being unreasonable and overwhelming at the moment!!

Blessings to all...

350 days to go!

All contents herein are protected under Copyright laws and can not be used, altered or copied. All accounts herein are written by Cali-Gal/Carla B Karam and are true accounts of her life. Some names may be changed to protect the innocent.

Day 14! ~ [Learning to] Letting the Chips Fall Where They May!

Today I took the let the chips fall where they may approach and left EVERYTHING in God's hands.  I learned a long, long time ago that I can not "control" the actions of others.  However, there is nothing wrong with fighting for what is yours, what you believe in or WHAT IS RIGHT!!  

I know, I was getting just a little obsessive with teaching a twenty-three year old the meaning of respecting the property of others.  However, as the day progressed the messages were coming in, slowly but surely...  and from her own family and friends.  As I read each one, the message was more or less the same... she will not give me the phone back, she did what she wanted, and no one stopped her.  

I do want to say that my efforts yesterday did not go unwarranted!  Out of the forty-nine (yes, forty-nine!) people that I contacted, I received responses from five people!  I can say that my faith in people continues to grow!  These people felt bad that their friend/family member had done what she did.  One person even told me that she would speak to her.  Well, we'll see... I won't hold my breath.  

Several of my friends suggested that I leave it to the police... I could have, they're right... BUT I had to do something about it!  Honestly, I didn't even think twice about it!  The next thing I knew I was really finding things out... it was all falling into my lap!

Then again, maybe you do not agree with what I am doing... Well.. Let me share something with you... 

Nearly three years ago, my husband and I, after seeing that the job market in Los Angeles was not panning out, we decided it would be best to start over in El Paso, Texas  [where his dad and his family lives- YES, babysitters!! just kidding ;) ]. after loosing his twenty-six year job, and needless to say its been tough getting to where we are today;  I am a [part-time] computer teacher at a small school, who is now on summer break (no pay).  and...we Thank God we were able to manage with my only working part-time.  


As things went on, my little girl missed sixty-two days of school this year because of asthma and respiratory problems due to environmental allergies (this year worse than last);  my husband, Thank God was also hired by the same school that employs me and teaches Calley~ kinda nice arrangement, huh?...  are you kidding?  No, that's not what I mean, It's cool all of us being there at one time or another.  But, seriously, life s a constant struggle... but who's complaining  ;)

With all that "said"... I also want to share with you that it took me nearly ten months to save for my phone!! Which also has a cool cover and a 8gb micro-sd card in it!  $350!! worth of savings down the toilet! NOT!!... so somehow I am compelled to get it back.

courtesy of Bing images

As I sit back and read what I have written so far... I have found IRONY in all of this... Irony?  you ask?... well the irony is that here I am basically fighting to get my phone back, and trying to teach a twenty-three year old a lesson in life ... and here I can't even have a relationship with my own son who is twenty-three years old, let alone teach him a lesson in life.

Irony, I tell you, Irony!

Did someone say something about chips or Leaving it to God?  I think that's a wonderful idea... as always I say a prayer for my sons and once again I will leave my relationship with my boys in His hands.  

By the way... IT'S BEEN FOURTEEN DAYS!!!  Love this "blogging" thing!

Blessings to all!

351 days / 50 weeks to go!!    

All contents herein are protected under Copyright laws and can not be used, altered or copied.  All accounts herein are written by Cali-Gal/Carla B Karam and are true accounts of her life.  Some names may be changed to protect the innocent.