Friday, June 10, 2011

Day 2 - Loss for Words?

Several times today, I caught myself thinking of what I was going to write tonight, and needless to say I found myself at what I thought was at a loss for words.  I know, me? At a loss for words?  I'm even having a tough time believing it!

There was a time that I didn't have any problems writing.  I kept a journal most of my life.  I even remember when I was in junior high and in high school I would not only write in my journal but I also had a collection of poems I had written.  What I would give to have them today.

Photo by Portibal
What happened you ask?  Well, Kevin happened.  It was in Seattle, in 1994, a year after my divorce to my children's father.  What was I thinking? I had gone from the frying pan to the fire with this one.  What my sons' father didn't tear down, well let's just say Kevin tried to.

Right after my divorce I had started keeping a journal again.  It was so therapeutic!  For as much as I was being put through at the time, writing my thoughts down helped me tremendously. Then "IT" happened.  A few months into our relationship, one night Kevin saw that I had been writing and asked what I was doing, and thinking nothing of it, I told him.  What occurred next I still can't believe to this day.  Kevin wanted to read my journal and I immediately saw trouble coming and said no in the nicest way possible.  I explained to him that it was my journal and it was therapy to me.  I continued to tell him that writing my thoughts and feelings down was very relieving, and it helped me.  Never mind that it was personal. Then this person, who at the time I thought was an improvement to my sons' father, proceeded to tell me that I could not have my own thoughts and that he had all the right to read them.  I remember thinking at the time that he was crazy and how did I get myself into this.  Well, needless to say this did not go over well with me and bottom line I told him that he was out of his mind.  Then I thought to myself, "I'll show him, I won't write anymore" and I never picked up a pen again.

Since then I have talked, yes, "talked" about writing again.  I'd write one day with the intention of continuing the next, yet found myself making excuses and thinking briefly of what had happened back in '94.  Well, today I say NO MORE!  I have broken the writer's block or what I called "Kevin's curse" and now it's Day 2!  And I have plenty to say!!

Blessings to all!

363 to go!

All contents herein are protected under Copyright laws and can not be used, altered or copied without written permission from Carla B Karam- please just ask.  All views and feelings are true accounts of her life. Some names may be changed to protect the innocent.

1 comment:

Diane said...

Write all you can!!! The power is in your pen, don't fear, grow. Love you dearly. I had ecactly the same conversation with my ex and altho it took me a long time to see my errors, he is the ex... XO