Sunday, June 19, 2011

Day 11 ~ A Father's Apology

by anat tikker 
I have just spent the last half hour staring at my laptop~  Father's Day... heavy subject.  Well I did say that I would not sugar coat anything and be 100% honest... so here goes...

My father passed away March of 2006, and I do miss him... BUT ... we did have one roller-coaster of a relationship.  We had just reconciled five weeks prior to his death after not haven spoken for three years.  

However, it wasn't always like that.  I can truly say that as a little girl he loved me, but after he and I came back from Buenos Aires, Argentina because my mother had given custody of me to his grandfather [whom he had not spoken to in years,] ... our relationship started to change.  Oh yeah, I can't make this stuff up any better than this... this really happened!

My mother and father had rough relationship, I remember... they fought a lot, my father had a bad temper, and my mother (another story, another day) was depressed and became sick (even ending up in a mental institution) for the last three years of their marriage, after finding out that my father had an affair with her younger sister who had been staying with us...  don't really remember too many loving, happy moments after that...

Then it happened, when I was nine my mother received the dreaded phone call.  My father called to say that he had been involved in a severe dune buggy accident and he was not coming back home... he was moving out with his girlfriend.

Well his girlfriend, ended up being wife number two (the call girl) with whom I am still in contact with... and no, she is no longer a call girl.  There was also a (common law) wife number three and also a number four.  He may have had many wives, but one thing was consistent with him... he always treated his wives and their children better than his own... at least better than me.

My brother, who had a more or less healthy relationship with our dad, believes the reason dad was tougher with us was because our dad had higher expectations and standards for his children.

I am not trying to disrespect my father's memory by any means... please know I loved/love my father very much but he was not kind to me and this has always hurt me emotionally ... it changed me.  

My father went to his death bed believing that the father he had known all his life, was not his biological father... and his mother went to her deathbed years before with the truth.   I am trying to avoid anything like that happening to me~ I want happiness without any regrets.  I want to be at peace with myself and unfortunately the way my father treated me is something I have to deal with and eventually put in a balloon.  

My father would belittle me in front of others without a problem.  Apologize... not once.  He has called me many names in my life, and as I got older the names became harsher.  He has even called me the unspeakable "C" word without a bat of an eye or remorse immediately afterwards... no apology.

My father, for the most part treated women with a lack of respect, oh and if a woman showed a sign of intelligence or spunk... forget it!  He would be so rude and mean, and then of course if they happen to be my friend~ well that was the end of that.  I witnessed more than once my father tear people apart with his words!   If you could imagine a rougher version of Archie Bunker (if you are even old enough to know who he is- lol!)... a little more aggressive version if you will.  

Then if a woman he wanted to impress or someone he liked would show up~ and he would pull a 180!  Black and white, hot and cold- his demeanor and whole self would be more flirty,sweeter and funny.  As if a new person just stepped in.

Five days before his death he apologized to me.

Blessings to all.

354 days to go!!

PS... there's still a lot more healing to endure when it comes to my dad

All contents herein are protected under Copyright laws and can not be used, altered or copied. All accounts herein are written by Cali-Gal/Carla B Karam and are true accounts of her life. Some names may be changed to protect the innocent.


Glori said...

After reading your very honest posting, something came to my mind. I remember talking to my mom about how "good" dying is to a bad person's reputation. They do whatever they want to whomever they want and it's ok cause "we are not supposed to talk ill about the dead". But... How about thel living...who are still here dealing with the scars of the emotional and verbal abuse?
I think that the best way to remember someone is just as they were: no more and no less without anger nor a "free pass".
I did not get to know your dad, but I have seenthe consequences of his actions.
I just wanted to let you know that I'm very proud if you cause being in your shoes does not seen easy.

Carla said...

I love you primita!