I started my day on a good note, and not only that but I decided that I only wanted positive things in my life today. I am juggling so many balls which are bouncing around in my life right now, that I needed to step away!
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| by Federico Stevanin |
As my day went on, there was a time today I found myself lost in thought and ended up having a moment of self-evaluation of how I was handling this Merit Velasco situation, including the direction that my blog has taken in the last week...
My blog is meant for me to write about who I am, the roads I have traveled and the tribulations I have had to face... Why? Well I want all my children to know the paths I have taken which have led me to where I am today. I do not want them to have any doubts about me, who I am or why I was the way I was.
I am not saying that I have those doubts about, say my father for instance, because I don't. However, he felt differently. My father himself, felt slighted, and was left with unanswered questions which his mother took to her grave with her, and affected him for the next fourteen years until the day he died.
Since I mentioned my father... I know I have unloaded some harsh and possibly unbelievable things about him, nonetheless it is the truth. I did not write about our relationship to hurt him or disrespect his memory in any way. He was very aware of his mistreatment of me, and apologized for it [literally] five days before he passed (it was the one and only time he had ever apologized to me.) Regardless of his behavior, he was my father, and I love and miss my daddy.
I wrote [and will write] about my feelings of my experiences as a process of healing and to let my children know of that part of my history. Not to hurt or disrespect anyone.
I don't want you to think that something has occurred or that anyone has said anything to me regarding the content of my blog... because they haven't. As a matter of fact, my entire family is aware and very supportive of my blogging. I just wanted to make all of this perfectly clear so there aren't any misunderstandings, and more so because of recent day's events.
After some thought and reassurance, I have decided to add scripture to my blog. I would like to end my blog on a positive note and continue my spiritual growth with Jesus. I went onto the internet on one of my favorite sites... www.biblegateway.com/ (This is a wonderful site for looking up bible scriptures.)
When I first opened the website and saw the scripture of the day, I was blown away!! Before I share it with you let me share some thoughts with you first. Once again. please bare with me, it will all make sense in the end.
As I mentioned I have been doing some self-evaluating and I asked myself the following questions...
- Am I being vengeful? No. All I am trying to do is get back what is rightfully mine.
- Should I just drop it and go back to MY life? After some thought this is an experience, and a bad one at that, that is part of my life, what I have gone through. But do I drop it? As I have already said, if I drop this it will send a negative message to Merit and Marylou allowing them to think that they got away with taking someone else's possession, concluding that they can do whatever they want to whom ever they want to and get away with it. Therefore, I can comfortably say that my answer remains no, I will not drop this.
- Am I being hateful? No I am not. Honestly I do not hate Merit and Marylou. I feel sadness and I feel sorry for them both. These girls are basically my sons ages, and just as I would not allow for them do something like this to someone else- stranger or not, I will not allow them. I sincerely hope that I can teach them a valuable lesson that will make them better people. I would hate for them to end up in jail, junkies or worse yet - uneducated. As a matter of fact I think it would be awesome to make a difference in their lives so much so that it would turn their lives around. It would be really cool!
After my self-evaluation and prayer, I felt reassured and I believe very strongly that I am doing the right thing. After all, I would never allow any of my children to do something so disrespectful not only to themselves, but towards their family and friends too.
"Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against anyone among your people, but love your neighbor as yourself. I am the LORD." Leviticus 19:18 NIV
Blessings to all!
348 days to go.
All contents herein are protected under Copyright laws and can not be used, altered or copied without written permission from Carla B Karam- please just ask. All views and feelings are true accounts of her life. Some names may be changed to protect the innocent.
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