After re-reading last night's post, I'd like to elaborate on a couple of things I said. As I read it, I felt that I left out some information... which by doing so made it sound as if I was being a heartless, spoiled brat. I know that part of it is that I really do not, or rather, am not ready to share 100% on this matter~ and because of this I was being very evasive, not to mention I was upset.
Since I was about fifteen, I have been out on my own and have always taken care of myself. When I set to do something... I did it!... may have taken me a little bit, but I did it! My sister on the other hand was not as independent as I, and made completely different choices. Besides the fact that our parents (and as I am starting to learn) especially our father, would use us against each other in their fights, for their own benefit. There is more to it, however this gives you an idea.
Because of some of the choices my sister made, my mother was always by her side helping her. I even remember my mother once saying that she really did not have to worry about me. But all this accomplished was my staying away, more so because my sister and I never got along.
I am very black and white, matter of fact, and can not handle drama and all that goes with it. My sister and I did not get along more so because of the division created by my parents, that and we were opposites in these respects. As I sit back and think in the last thirty-two years, my sister and I have spoken for maybe four years and out of the last eleven years, only one. Pretty sad.
It was so bad that the last time I introduced her to my friends, was in 2001 - I'll just say that she freaked out. She went to my first wedding only because my father threatened me. I didn't talk to her then and wasn't even introduced to my in-laws. In the ten years I was married she came over a couple of times after Addison was born, and that was it. She met Dean back in 2001 when we were dating, and that was it. Was not invited to my wedding. That has been the extent of our relationship.
I started talking to her a few months ago after hearing she was in bad shape. I do notice a change, and have chosen forgive her, although I feel very apprehensive about it. I sincerely do want to have a sister, but it is rendering to be very difficult.
As I mentioned, she has been ill and was recently diagnosed bipolar. She had major surgery back in November, and has had trouble with the recuperation. Infections, trouble with her blood being too thin, and a few other issues. Now... let me make something else clear, I feel that she could be making all of this worse because she is depending on at least twenty different prescription drugs including morphine and Oxycontin. She carries two gallon sized baggies filled halfway with prescription bottles and she is only 45.
Something is just not right.
I know that because I am so black and white, I can be a "little" rough around the edges... because I am so matter of fact, well I just blurt out the truth and how I feel and do not know how to sugar coat things well... when drama shows its ugly face my heart starts racing, I can't breathe and I just can't handle things right. I know these qualities of mine... well let's just say that I have found my foot in my mouth on more than one occasion!
With that said, it has not been easy relating to someone that does not think logically... someone who reacts to things differently than you and I... someone who freaks out at the weirdest things... someone who one minute tells you one thing, which is very believable, and then does not come through.
“Oυr greatest joy-аחԁ ουr greatest pain comes іח ουr relationships wіtһ others.” ~ Stephen R. Covey
Health is the greatest gift, contentment the greatest wealth, faithfulness the best relationship. ~Buddha
Sister is probably the most competitive relationship within the family, but once the sisters are grown, it becomes the strongest relationship. ~Margaret Mead
Blessings to all!
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