Friday, October 14, 2011

Day 128 ~ I Did It!!

Okay... 5,000 views/hits!!!  Might not sound like much to some... to me... well ... my cup runneth over!  And if by my spilling my guts and letting you into my world has helped you in any way... I've said it before... helping you has made every night in my life that I have cried in fetal position, worth it all!  

I can't tell you enough how awesome blogging has been for me... I highly recommend it.  (big smile!)  Even when there's a night that I just do not feel up to it, and I do it anyway... in the end... I am so happy I did

So... here is another bomb to drop on you... are you ready? ...  I have decided to forgive myself.  Yes..There, I said it... I FORGIVE MYSELF!

Did you here me, everyone? I said ... 

Oh my?! ... that was so liberating!! Really, it was!  I was hesitant to say it at first, but once I said it, it felt so good, I had to say it over again.

For every stupid decision... for every loss moment... for every dumb thing I ever did... for not being stronger and braver... for not being there even more for my sons... I forgive myself.

I started thinking... (okay no funny remarks!)  I have done all I can do... and what I have done, I have done it well.  I have done nothing but be a great mom my boys... I have done nothing wrong in that sense.  I have done nothing but love my boys.  I have especially put an effort forward on keeping and open and honest line of communication.

I have said it once, and I will say it again... I leave all my troubles to my God, all my worries... I have faith in Him.  And as I have already asked Him for forgiveness... It is now my turn to grant it upon myself.

I forgive myself.

How's that for a new milestone?!

“Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future.”
 Paul Boese

“You will know that forgiveness has begun when you recall those who hurt you and feel the power to wish them well.”
 Lewis B. Smedes

Dear Heavenly Father, I understand that there is nothing to gain by holding myself in unforgiveness and there is everything to gain by releasing myself from unforgiveness and beginning the process of healing. I want to move forward and make a positive difference in the future. I confess the ungodly accountability, self-abasement, and the vows I have made to never forgive myself. Because Jesus died for my sins, I choose to forgive myself--to no longer punish myself and be angry with myself. I forgive myself for letting this hurt control me and for hurting others out of my hurt. I repent of this behavior and my attitude. I ask for Your forgiveness and healing. God, help me to NEVER again retain unforgiveness of myself or others. Thank you for loving me and for Your grace to move forward with You. In Jesus' Name, Amen                         
Prayer quoted from an article about "Forgiving Yourself = An Important Choice"   

Blessings to all!!

237 days to go...

All contents herein are protected under Copyright laws and can not be used, altered or copied. All accounts herein are written by Cali-Gal/Carla B Karam and are true accounts of her life. Some names may be changed to protect the innocent.

1 comment:

laruzzia said... have no idethat I have pa how much you've done for me with today's blog, I'm overwhelmed, speechless(imagine that,hahah), but most of all, I AM a better person now that I have prayed also.
That IS one beutiful prayer, I love it.