After last night's post, I am going to go on the (somewhat) lighter side this evening. Having to recall years of painful memories triggers some heartache, sometimes making it feel as if it was all happening yesterday. It takes a lot out of a person.
[Stated in a sarcastic tone.] I guess that is why it took me a little over four months to continue into part three!
How many parts will there be? you ask. Well, you want to know something funny? There is so much drama to my past, that I have no clue how many parts there will be to my "fight." Maybe a couple two or three more or not. Maybe I'll just make a point of it and that's it... I'll take it as it comes for right now...who knows?
But what I do know, is that I have to keep in mind that I better tell it quick, a reader's digest version per say... making points of the important lessons, while weeding away non-sense. Basically hitting the important points... that way there's a better possibility of my connecting with someone who is going at it all alone (or feels alone), someone who may need a friend who can say they sincerely understand.
Okay... now on to ... ta ta Ta da!!! the announcement of my "special" house guest. Of my "YES IT DID HAPPEN" special house guest.
This is a person who I have known for over forty-five years, a person who I can not remember when we sincerely had a respectful, honest, trusting relationship. Hardly ever as adults, that's for sure. The last time I spoke to this person, before six months ago, was two months after my father's death in March of 2006.
After I had spoken to this person, I remember regretting being nice to this person at my father's funeral. Before that, I tried helping this person in 2001, which ended in a very sour situation.
Then, I vaguely remember that I had what could be considered a brief encounter, being that I remember very little of it. Addison, my eldest, was about two, which makes it 1989 more or less. The years in between 1989 and 2001... A.. I either I did not speak to this person... B.. tolerated this person or... C.. I lived in Seattle, Washington- far away from family drama.
Prior to 1989, I remember being forced to invite this person (and spouse) to my wedding to the father of my sons, in 1986. Earlier than 1986 it had been five years since I had contact, and before that, well let's just say there were many, many issues that go back to my being nine and having a knife thrown at me by a six year old in a hysterical rage!
As children, there are few good memories on my end... I strongly feel that I always harbored more resentment, more so because my feelings were generally not validated. You know... maybe a "sincere," "honest," apology once in a while would have been nice. and Remember... we were generally played against each other.
What has changed? Seven to eight months ago I was informed that this person had been hospitalized, almost loosing their life Thanksgiving 2010, four months earlier. (Imagine being in a hospital and no one wanting to be by your side?) It took me more or less two months to initiate contact. Funny, I make it sound sooo mechanical.
I was guarding my heart, after so many years of fights, arguments, lies, drama, etc... I was apprehensive, with my only extending well wishes for a speedy recovery at first.
You're probably asking, what's the big deal? You don't understand... there were many years of, for lack of a better word (and I am not admitting to one what-so-ever) but than "sibling rivalry." Actually that is not a good description, although that is what our parents chalked it up to being.
However, I do not see it as that. After many conversations, hours upon hours, upon hours of telephone conversations and countless correspondence, as well as my many years of experience as a wife, mother and countless hours of therapy... I have come to the conclusion that our parents were too busy trying to get even, lie about one another, as well as use their children as pawns in their "love to hate" game against each other!
And by now... you may have probably guessed it... my "special" house guest is my sister! Again, some may think it is not a big deal, and that I may have made something out of nothing... YOU DO NOT UNDERSTAND!! THIS IS REALLY BIG!! To not only invite my sister, but to have her stay in my home, or even talking to her and getting along... WITH ALL CARDS ON THE TABLE... THIS IS HUGE!!
We'll see where this goes... what I would like? Well, I would like to have a sister in my life for the first time ever! One who I can count on and trust. But first thing is first, help her re-cooperate from her surgery a year ago November.
I just want to say that forgiving is not an easy task, I think the hardest step was taking the first one ... and that was swallowing a little pride and admitting a little responsibility (just a little.) ~ wink, wink.
I am not saying that all honky dorry and all better... but after literally having witnessed death nearly four months ago, having almost lost my sister (which this has done her a lot of good as well as- a somewhat humbling experience I'd say) thirteen months ago, and my getting close to the big five-O... well this has been a humbling experience in learning to let go... and why not give it another shot, after all she is my sister and I'd hate to see her die alone.
For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. ~ Matthew 6:14-15
The week can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong. ~ Mahatma Gandhi
Sisters are different flowers from the same garden. ~Author Unknown
Blessings to all!!
177 days to go...
PS... I love and miss you boys. To the moon and stars above and back. You are my sunshines.
All contents herein are protected under Copyright laws and can not be used, altered or copied. All accounts herein are written by Carla B Karam and are true accounts of her life. Some names may be changed to protect the innocent.
Picture credits... images courtesy of Bing images.