Thursday, June 28, 2012

Day 386 ~ I Am Second Challenge Day 9 of 22

This is Day 9 of my challenge... {and} my ninth video...

... Richard Ellis, 'remembers "hurting so badly I just wanted to die."  Honestly, he didn't want to leave this place... he simply needed things to make sense.'

Richard Ellis: I am Second

I watched Richard's video at the start of my day, like all the other videos I've been watching so that I may apply what I learn and act upon my task for the day.

Today's task or assignment was, to send the link to the video to someone I know.  Claude was God's answer to Richard's prayer of "send someone to help me."  Who is someone you can encourage today?

As my day progressed, well it got crappier and crappier.  Where now I am in tears over everything that transpired.  

A year ago my first reaction to my day would have been to just cut out anyone that hurt me out of my life.  Which my husband was so kind (sarcasm) to point out to me this evening... this was my method of protecting myself.

Well... I feel very guarded and lost at this point.  You could even say that I completely understand what Richard said about it hurting so badly and wanting to die.. this feeling has overcome me all too often.

However today I turn to God and feel that I am the one to be encouraged.  

I don't know what to do.  Although some people may find it easy to be confrontational.  If I do say something... I am too emotional and often comes out with too much anger and hurt.

I am a very sensitive person and have been silenced by my father so much growing up that it is very difficult for me to say what is on my mind without it coming out nasty and mean.  I hate him for that.

I have been on this quest to better myself... be a better person... put my past behind me... and live a happy life for my family.  Although today that all seems bullshit!  

I am full of anger and hurt for a multitude of reasons.  Not just one.  Today was a day of many trials... not just one!  Just want to make that perfectly clear.  In other words, it was one thing after another until day's end.

I know that tomorrow is another day and I will be able to see this from a different perspective, but it will not change the fact that I felt that everything was coming at me from all angles today.  Murphy's Law, anything that could go wrong, did go wrong.

I do want God to send me my someone to help me make sense of this all.  I want my "Claude" as Richard got his.  I have asked God for help so many times throughout my life... I just pray and hope that one day soon he will answer my prayers. 

Because, He is First... I am Second.

We are Second when we put Jesus First. Seconds are bold to lift up Jesus and tell others. Are you ready to become a stronger Second?

I challenge YOU to take the I Am Second [22] Day Challenge... Can you spare maybe fifteen minutes in a day?
Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?”  Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.  ~Matthew 18:21-22 (NIV)

[here's to you finding your... ]


... for a, l & c.  You are my sunshine(s).  

Images are courtesy of google or Bing images.  Some images maybe labeled property of Carla Barila Karam and of this blog, Took It... Making It... Living It... My Life .  © 2012  U.S Copyright laws apply.   


Anonymous said...

Carla I LOVE your post. I don't know how many times I have felt hopeless, angry, bitter, and frustrated. I have days just like this (still!) but I thank God that when I NEED to hear something..... I always do. This post was one of those times! Bless you for your writing and your Spirit led messages.

Shannon Milholland said...

I definitely naturally run from conflict but God is slowly teaching me to walk and live in His boldness, to deal with problems head on and to speak the truth in love.

Barbara In Caneyhead said...

We all have those weary despair days. And when they come Satan loves to keep us so busy with one thing after another that we don't take the time to be quiet and rest in God. - Barbara
Life & Faith in Caneyhead