Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Day 468 ~ Letting Go...

Today has been an unsettling day for me.  Going back to what happened on Sunday... (you can catch up on the drama here) ... well let's just say that not much else has been on my mind.  It's like a bad movie playing over and over again, without an end in sight.

Well I did come to one conclusion today...

After giving this (so) much thought... I figured out that much of my hurt stems from being bullied and humiliated for most of my life (especially as an adult,) by my own father and my (younger) sister, in my own home.  That, and witnessing lie after lie coming from both of their mouths.  It's like they weren't happy with their lives that they felt a need to fabricate most, if not all of their accomplishments.

So... fast forward to today... I do not do well when others lie.  I find a need to call them out on it.  Not to mention the bullying... well let's say that I am sensitive to that.

Therefore... you can definitely say that I do not do well with other people's $#!+.  I do not do well when people are not forthright.  I do not do well with people who are not honest.  I definitely do not do well when people are mean, ugly and gold-diggers! (both male and female alike!)  {and} Needless to say, I DO NOT LIKE BULLIES and WILL PROTECT my love ones and myself from them.  

I would just rather stay away from it all (period).

SO that's where I'm at.  My feelings hurt.  My defense up.  (and) A little sad.

What I am suppose to be doing is praying.  At least that is what my passionate anger class states.  Pray, leave it to God and if needed talk to the people who hurt you in a loving manner.  Therefore... tonight... I am praying and leaving it to God.  Tomorrow... talking.  Maybe.

Lord, you know what has happened.  You know how hurt I am, how angry I feel.  But I really believe that the best thing for me to do in this situation is to accept the wrong and turn the person over to you.
You know not only his or her actions, but his or her motives.  I know that You are a righteous God and so I trust You to do what is right by that person.  I also release my anger to You.  This anger stimulated me to think through the situation and I am taking the steps I believe to be best.  Therefore, the matter is over.
My anger has served its purpose and I release it to You.  Help me not to be controlled by any residual thoughts and feelings that may come to me over the next few days.  I want to use my life constructively and not be hindered by this event.  Thank you that I am your child and that You will take care of me.
I hope this works.  Don't want to be angry anymore and waste my precious time thinking about this.
[here's to you finding your... ]


I am second..

... for a, l & c.  You are my sunshine(s).  

Images are courtesy of google or Bing images.  Some images maybe labeled property of Carla Barila Karam and of this blog, Took It... Making It... Living It... My Life .  © 2012  U.S Copyright Laws apply.


Mommys Juice said...

No one likes a liar! But it looks like you are handling it in the best possible way. Best of luck!

Pepper said...

You most definitely shouldn't waste your precious time thinking about those people. You've been through a lot, you deserve a break from it all. Yes, prayer is the only thing that can help see you through, Carla. Giving you a big HHHHUUUGGG!!! Take care.

Jennifer H said...

good luck moving forward!

mail4rosey said...

If we spend too much time stressing over how other people behave, it detracts from what we are trying/need to do. Been there done that. :)

Good luck w/moving through this (and I hope for you, it's very quickly).


Angelina Johnson said...

Awww sorry to hear that. I will pray for you. I'm reminded of the story of the "Footprints in the sand." Are you familiar with that story? Here is a link to the poem with music if you're interested: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aLLLszBWAhQ&feature=fvwrel
Keep looking to Him and not the waves, dear friend, for then you will be able to walk on water! :-)