Day 266 ~ Through Calley's Eyes

Today, known as Wordless Wednesday to some in the blogging world, is when we have the opportunity to (A) share pictures with others, which then in turn (B) gives us a little break from writing.  And as you can see, I follow directions well.  LOL!   I just have to give you a little back story, that's all.

After being invited once again to participate in Wordless Wednesday,  I decided to take a break and participate.  

In perusing through my pictures, I came across one of my favs.. actually its a three picture series I took of ... yes you guessed it .. my little Calley-girl.

Since the moment she was born, my daughter has shown me that she is fearless and very, very curious!  Not too long before I took these pictures, I found her crouched down and investigating something.  I discovered she was playing with a bug!  YIKES!!  LOL!  Nothing her mother would ever do, that's for sure!!

  

To see life through my daughter's eyes is like I am rediscovering the world for the first time all over again!  ~  Carla Barila Karam

Blessings to all!!

PSS... My heart goes out to Davey Jones' family... My tribute to my childhood "Tiger Beat" crush, the day after tomorrow.

99 days / 14 weeks to go...

PS... for a, l & c.  You are my sunshine(s).  

Some images courtesy of google images.  Others are marked accordingly, and are property of Carla Barila Karam and Taking Back Life ~ Making It My Own, this blog.   All U.S Copyright laws apply.  ©

Day 265 ~ 100 & Counting!

Today I experienced a couple of milestones!

First... my thoughts... feelings... experiences... mistakes... defeats... accomplishments... my trials and tribulations have reached over 15,000 views as of today!

I've heard, that for each 100 people a person speaks to, they  may possibly get 10 people that really get it.  You know what... If I could reach at least one out of one hundred people, I would be happy with those numbers.  If I could just help one person... I would be very happy with that.

The Second milestone... on today's post, I have "100 days to go" on this blog.  I don't know what to say.  


If you are a first time reader... have no clue what I am talking about and are completely confused on top of it... click here to find out why "100 days to go"  


This blog has done so much for me.  and... Yes, I do have another blog I write... but it's not... this one.  There's a very special place in my heart for this blog.  After all, its safe to say that it has changed my life!

I guess you could say that this blog is my fourth baby!  Except that it did not take nine months to create... more like forty-eight years!

Come to mama.

The first step to getting the things you want out of life is this: Decide what you want.  - Ben Stein

Blessings to all!!

100 days to go...

PS... for a, l & c.  You are my sunshine(s).  

Some images courtesy of google images.  Others are marked accordingly, and are property of Carla Barila Karam and Taking Back Life ~ Making It My Own, this blog.   All U.S Copyright laws apply.  ©

Day 264 ~ When I'm A Mommy...

After a few days of "feel good" posts... well... let's just say that reality has been knocking on my door for the past few days, and I have been avoiding opening the door!

Remembering back to my early twenties, and even younger than that... my parents were not my favorite people.  Let's just say that after many years of feeling that they were not true to me... I not only felt insecure, but unloved.

While my friends were talking about what they were going to do after high school, which the consensus was college of course... I had already been voicing how I was going to raise my children.

To this day I do not know what I want to be when I grow up other than being a mommy.  That was the only thing I had been planning for years.  Not like my friends... I had friends that wanted to be hair stylists, attorneys, architects among other professions.  and... Guess what... that's what they are today too.

Personally, nothing had ever driven me more than the desire of being a mom.  I knew what I wanted for my children, as well as the type of mom I wanted to be.  

You tell me, you never said... "I will never do that with my children!" as your own parents were tearing into your moment.  Honestly.. I know I said it many, many times.  "I will never lie to my children!"... "I will never disrespect my babies!" ... etc..  I refused to continue in my parents footsteps as "parents".

Today I sit here, telling you that I am the parent I always wanted to be.  There's a possibility that my sons may argue with you... however, because of what their father has put us through it doesn't count.  (quite honestly ... their father did not make it easy for us to be happy.)  Unfortunately, my boys do not know me how they should... breaks my heart!

Now, as I sit here with the proverbial "shoe" on the other foot, per say... it breaks my heart that my son(s) do not partake in my life.  I really do not know how else to put it.  All I know is that they are missing out on a happy, fun, and goofy life with me.

However... this too I have left in God's hands.

One day, both my sons will marry wonderful girls (because this is what I pray for on a daily basis [for years] ... wink, wink) and they will have a family... and until then I will patiently wait for them to realize that I am the mother they always wanted, and always had.

Isn't it always like that... after we have children we see things differently... for some of us good, for others, some of the fog clears...

Let parents bequeath to their children not riches, but the spirit of reverence.  ~ Plato

I think like any marriage, especially when you've had divorced parents like myself; you want to try even harder to make it work.  ~ Princess Diana 

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.  “Honor your father and mother,” which is the first commandment with promise:  “that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth.” And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.   ~ Ephesians 6:1-4

Blessings to all!!

101 days to go...

PS... for a, l & c.  You are my sunshine(s).  

Some images courtesy of Bing images.  Others are marked accordingly, and are property of Carla Barila Karam and Taking Back Life ~ Making It My Own, this blog.   All U.S Copyright laws apply.  ©

Day 263 ~ Each Day I Am Thankful for...

I don't know what made me think of this, but I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me.  Oh, sure, I do not mind an occasional stay strong, or I could not imagine what you are going through, and possibly a my heart goes out to you.  After all, I know that I am sharing with you some personal thoughts, my trials and tribulations that I have survived, as well as troubled times I may be struggling with at the moment.


My motivation to share all this with you is not for pity, but to get my story in written format for two reasons... one... for my kids, a legacy of sorts... I want them to know who I am, what I did and why, and how I survived... and secondly... I honestly want to get my story out in hopes of helping another mom out there somewhere.  Someone who may be going through her own "troubled" times, or simply in need of a friend.

Even though I do not want people to feel sorry for me, I do not want this coming across as if I don't want your comments.  I love and welcome any and all comments.  Actually, I look for them everyday.  Big smile.  Funny.. I never know whether or not to comment back... so most times I don't, mostly because I don't think anyone comes back to read them... is that weird?  Come to think about it... now that I am writing this, maybe I should start responding.  At least the comments won't seem unappreciated or un-noticed.  I think I am going back and responding to all of them! ;)

I know I am going through a "troubled" time with my son(s)... however, I am also working on staying positive and being grateful for what people I do have in my life.  wink, wink   

After all, I do have you!

Each day I am thankful for nights that turned into mornings... friends that turned into family... dreams that turned into reality... and likes that turned into love.  ~ unknown author

Blessings to all!!

102 days to go...

PS... for a, l & c.  You are my sunshine(s).  

Some images courtesy of Bing images.  Others are marked accordingly, and are property of Carla Barila Karam and Taking Back Life ~ Making It My Own, this blog.   All U.S Copyright laws apply.  ©

Day 262 ~ A Part of Something Great!

As I read over what I wrote last night... I was reminded once more that I am truly blessed to have met all the people I have since I started blogging.  WOW!  Words can't even express how blessed I feel.  

I have received some truly loving, understanding, and supportive comments. As a result of reading other's words, I can't even begin to tell you strength I have gained.  Not only that, but I have met some amazing people, that I now call my friends.

Between my blogging, the wonderful people that are in my life, my blogging family and especially my friends... I am ever so humbled.

I have been shown some acts of kindness, that are unbeknownst to me.  I have never had so many wonderful people on my side.. so many wonderful people love me, I mean really love me... NEVER!!  I have never ever felt so much a part of something, something so great... a sense of belonging.  Never.

I have never felt so loved!

I can't help but feeling forever indebted.   As cheesy as that may sound, I can't help it.  All I know is that if any one of my family members, online or off needs a friend, lending ear, or a shoulder to cry on...  cake (wink, wink)... what I am trying to say, is that you can count on me!

Thank you Jesus!  For my wonderful family!!

I am blessed for the wonderful people that are in my life.  ~ Carla Barila Karam

Blessings to all!!

103 days to go...

PS... for a, l & c.  You are my sunshine(s).  

Some images courtesy of Bing images.  Others are marked accordingly, and are property of Carla Barila Karam and Taking Back Life ~ Making It My Own, this blog.   All U.S Copyright laws apply.   ©

Day 261 ~ Thank You For Lighting My Candle

I must admit that I have had a couple of tough days... the kind that not only drain you physically, but emotionally as well.

If you were to have told me a year ago, that not only would I be blogging on a daily basis, and that it would have such a positive impact on me, my family and life... I would have looked at you and thought you were absolutely nuts!

Let me tell you!... I have not only learned so much about myself in the last eight months+, but I have also worked through "issues", grown some, accepted the past, learned to like myself, found some esteem, and so much more.  I have grown to love who I am, faults and all... as well as learned to forgive myself and others.

I want to take the time out to share my "high and lows" from this experience thus far... just so you know, I like saving the best for last... 

my lows... well, I would have to say that my lows have been, recognizing, facing, as well as accepting mistakes I have made in my life.  As painful as facing some truths about myself have been (which is the "low")... The experience also turns out being a positive as well.~ a bonus.

my highs... no question about it!... it has been all the wonderful people I have met along the way, as well as their support and prayers.  Through my blogging, I have had the privileged of crossing paths with wonderful people from all over the world... and I have gained some insight from the experience too.  

All I can say is that this experience has been a sincere blessing in my life... I am so grateful.

At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person.  Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us.  ~ Albert Schweitzer

Blessings to all!!

104 days to go...

PS... for a, l & c.  You are my sunshine(s). 

Some images courtesy of google images.  Others are marked accordingly, and are property of Carla Barila Karam and Taking Back Life ~ Making It My Own, this blog.   All U.S Copyright laws apply.   ©

Day 260 ~ Birthdays... My Favorite Days!

All my life I have loved birthdays!!  Be it mine, a family member's or even friends and acquaintances... I love celebrating birthdays!!  I'm really good at remembering birthdays... wink, wink.

Your birthday is your special day.  The one day a year that you should be allowed to do anything you like, or not.  The one day that you are queen for a day or princess, or you are treated like a king or one in training if that's the case.  You definitely should be able to have your favorite dishes for your meals, all in moderation of course.  All in all you should be able to do what you want (in moderation) and have your special day!

What I love to do as my special gift, is bake my family member or friend their favorite cake or dessert, from scratch of course.  I am merely motivated by the fact that it is their special day, that and I love watching them enjoy their birthday cake.  Big smile.

From Tres Leches to Cheese Cake, Red Velvet Cake, Triple Chocolate Cake and more!

At home, you will get your favorite meals all day long!  BIG SMILE!!  Along with red-carpet treatment!

As I've mentioned before, for some reason I am in the dog house with my youngest son.  (I have no clue whatsoever why I am not being spoken too... BIG SAD FACE! and Living more than 1,700 miles away from my sons doesn't help our situation any, either.)  Today was his twenty-first birthday.   I would have LOVED to have made him his favorite foods, cake, and giving him his special day!      

Today as heart wrenching as it was, I did have some insight and a new perspective at looking at life.  The quote... If someone wants to be a part of your life, they'll make an effort to do so.... hits too close to home!  And when you think about it and the person that doesn't want you in their life is your child... one word... O U C H ! ! ! !  

However, I also read a wonderful post today... and what great timing too!  The Mom Journal's post was so inspirational!  I discovered through her post that I have been behaving like a carrot lately and I need to be coffee beans!  I'm sure you are thinking I am crazy right about now, but if you can take a few minutes, five at most, and read her post.  It'll be the best five minutes ever.

I know I have to toughen up... it's been a tough journey doing so... and I know there is always room for improvement!  But seriously... when faced with adversity, there are times that I just buckle!  I weaken... and my sons are one of those times.  This is where I behave like a carrot... place it in boiling water and twenty minutes later you have soft carrots.

It's just been such a  fragile relationship with both my sons, always wanting to do the right thing.. questioning myself constantly, worried constantly on what is going on... not only has it been exhausting, but it has been a long row to hoe!  

All I have ever wanted and want, was and is the best for my sons, so much so that I have made what turned out to be bad decisions for all of us... BUT THAT IS ALL IN THE PAST!!  And what does that mean?  I can not do anything about it... However... I can do the best I can from here on out!

I'm going to start growing some beans and behave like coffee!  Yup!  After twenty minutes in boiling water... you get strong coffee!!  wink, wink.

Basically the moral of the story is that given the same bad situation, what matters is how you handle yourself in the face of adversity.  You can "soften" up or you can make "strong coffee"!  

In honor of mothers everywhere...

Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her:   ~  Proverbs 31:28  (NIV) 

Blessings to all!!

105 days to go...

PS... for a, l & c.  You are my sunshine(s).  Happy Birthday Logan... I love you so much! 

Some images courtesy of google images.  Others are marked accordingly, and are property of Carla Barila Karam and Taking Back Life ~ Making It My Own, this blog.   All U.S Copyright laws apply.   ©

Day 259 ~ The Night Before Becoming a Mommy

Today I spent most of my day enjoying my children.  I would absolutely love to tell you that I had them all together with me... but regretfully so, that wasn't the case.

Although I did not have my children with me physically today... mentally and spiritually my children are always with me.

I did not want to, nor did I allow myself to think about the fact that my sons are not with me...

Instead, I thought about the first time I saw each one of them for the very first time... making sure that all their fingers and toes were accounted for, and then being the first one to kiss each one of them.  What a blessing.

Tonight I sit here, lovingly thinking about the night before each of my babies were born.  Each time, being just as nervous, no different than the time before, with the exception of  my first one of course... Please bare in mind that all my babies were "c" section babies and I knew when they were going to be born.  With my first baby I had no clue what to expect, and it was very exciting.. but with my other two babies it was a little more nerve racking because I knew what to expect.

The night before my babies were born, I remember there being so much hope and so many promises in the air.  So many uncertainties, so much to look forward too.

Twenty-one years ago tonight, I was scared.  I was a little confused.  Wondering how a mother has enough love for all her children, let along how she loves her children equally.  Wondering where a mother finds so much love?  Will I love my Logan, as much as his brother? 

Once I laid eyes on my baby boy, once I held my baby boy and felt him next to me... I felt at ease.  Uncertainties... no more!  I felt so much love for my baby boy and felt that I could handle anything with him and his brother at my side.  

His big brother?  Well, when he walked into my hospital room to meet his baby brother for the first time... it was as if my baby boy grew over night!  And there I sat with both my boys!

One thing I was not counting on as my role as a mother was the fact that my heart would now be wondering around outside of my body, and that the slightest little threat on my children would make me turn into a crazy woman!  Let alone the unlimited love that I would feel for my three children.  

The goal of this command is love, which comes from a pure heart and a good conscience and a sincere faith.  ~ 1 Timothy 1:5 (NIV)

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.  ~ 1 Corinthians 13:4-7  (NIV)

Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth.  1 John 3:18 (NIV)

 Listen to your father, who gave you life, and do not despise your mother when she is old.  ~ Proverbs 23:22 (NIV)

being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience  ~  Colossians 1;11 (NIV)

Blessings to all!!

106 days to go...

PS... for a, l and c.  You are my sunshine(s).

Some images courtesy of google images.  Others are marked accordingly, and are property of Carla Barila Karam and Taking Back Life ~ Making It My Own, this blog.   All U.S Copyright laws apply.   ©

Day 258 ~ Finding "Good" in the Past

Today I spent most of my day on an emotional roller coaster... some brief moments of sadness and other moments filled with gratitude.  I mean very brief moments of sadness... the moment something would come to mind, you would find me shaking it off the next.

My youngest son has been on my mind lately, more so than just being in my daily prayers... in two days, Thursday, the 23rd of February, will be his twenty-first birthday.  

Needless to say, "my life" of twenty-one years ago was on my mind today.

In his twenty- one years, my son has been through an emotional roller coaster himself.  All the unnecessary trials and tribulations that his father's divorce from me was putting our family through, were not ones that a child needs to witness.  Which is not what I wanted his childhood to be about.  

What certainly does not help how I feel is that for the past nine months, and nearly two years before that... my son and my relationship has not been what it should be...  I will not give up on how I want my life to be... which includes all my children in it... never.

So... the moment a memory would come to mind, a sad thought, I would think of a positive counter-thought... and that would be the end of that.

I needed to remind myself that was the past.  And what about the "past'?!  We can not do anything about it.  It is in the past!  Rather than turning my back on the past and completely putting it out of mind, I find the good in it, learn from it, and realize that those experiences have made me... and made me stronger.

Though twenty-one years ago I was going through some trials and tribulations myself, (marriage was already very unsteady and rocky) God literally blessed me with my son... and for that I will climb the highest mountains... go through trials and tribulations... I would do it all over again!

I love you son... to the moon and stars above!

That which does not kill us makes us stronger.  ~ Friedrich Nietzsche

Blessings to all!!

107 days to go...

PS... for a, l and c.  You are my sunshine(s).

Some images courtesy of google images.  Others are marked accordingly, and are property of Carla Barila Karam and Taking Back Life ~ Making It My Own, this blog.   All U.S Copyright laws apply.   ©

Day 257 ~ "My Story" Turned On My "Light"

You know... since I have been giving it some thought... God really must have a sense of humor.  I mean, seriously... to not only have written, but then actually allowed for some of the chapters in my life to have played out... is hysterical to me!


Must have a sense of humor along the way.. and I am really laughing, really I am.  


Seriously... did He have to put me through half of what I went through? 

Ha ha. Okay... You could say He has my attention now.  wink, wink.


It's funny... looking at the events in my life as if they were individual chapters in the story about me ... 


You know... the story God has written about me...  what an interesting way of looking at life as a whole.  The fact that God has written a story, giving me choices along the way... my choices to make,,, however...  however knowing all along how my "story" would go...


Interesting analogy.  Hmmm.


Almost comforting... don't ask me why, but it is.  As if "the" light finally went off.  


Anyways... 


Here's to you finding your "light witch"!

And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus. – Phil 4:19

The steadfast of mind You will keep in perfect peace, Because he trusts in You. Isaiah 26:3

Do not fear, for I am with you; do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand. ~ Isaiah 41:10 

Blessings to all!!

108 days to go...

PS... for a, l and c.  You are my sunshine(s).

Some images courtesy of google images.  Others are marked accordingly, and are property of Carla Barila Karam and Taking Back Life ~ Making It My Own, this blog.   All U.S Copyright laws apply.   ©

Day 256 ~ God Took Time Out For My Story

I am realizing more and more that God loves me very much.  Every time I look at the family He took the time out to make for me... 

the wonderful husband, friend and all around wonderful person in Dean...

my three beautiful, healthy, smart... on and on ... children...  (big smile)...

my husband's wonderful parents, brothers, and every other family member I am blessed to have now... 

... I can see the love He has for me,

I have also come to understand that everyone else that comes and goes in and out of my life, contributes a chapter in God's story of my life.

In a sense all the people that have touched my life, whether for a day, a month or a year or more... have left a little of themselves behind in the chapters they contributed.  

I am so blessed to be have a little bit of each and every one of those chapters included in the story of who I am.  

I am truly blessed.

Blessings to all!!

109 days to go...

PS... for a, l and c.  You are my sunshine(s).

Some images courtesy of google images.  Others are marked accordingly, and are property of Carla Barila Karam and Taking Back Life ~ Making It My Own, this blog.   All U.S Copyright laws apply.   ©

Day 255 ~ Let's All Speak Up

Last night's post ... honestly, took a toll on me.  It has weighed heavy on me all day, especially having watched Whitney Houston's Going Home Ceremony.


Quite frankly, watching the ceremony confirmed and backed up what I was implying last night.  We, or rather those close to ... Let's say Whitney in this case, are the ones that enabled her and basically... I hate saying it...  helped Whitney...

I've seen Whitney in action, with my own eyes too!! on tv reports... you see how she could get in your face... therefore I am going to guess that she may have been a li'l demanding?  I don't know... but when she was denying the questions of drug use in Diane Sawyer's television interview... well I recognized the gestures and responses, they were the same as others denying the same questions.


All I am saying is that there are red flags.

During today's ceremony one of Whitney's long time friends in the music industry, shared some  of his memories with us.  He knew Whitney  back in the day... in his eulogy he stated something to the effect of Whitney once being unsure if she could do something (I caught enough of it, but not all), and he had responded to her "You are Whitney Houston... you can do anything you want!"

"You are Whitney Houston... you can do anything you want!" ...  I wonder just how many times Whitney heard that...? 
"You are Judy Garland... you can do anything you want!"
"You are Heath Ledger... you can do anything you want!"
"You are  Michael Jackson ... you can do anything you want!"

These people left families behind.  Children were left behind that will never know their parents or benefit from their love, let alone life's memories they were cheated of sharing.  In some cases, their families are left with final memories of their loved one being taken away from them much too soon.  


Children cheated of sharing their lives with their parents... cheated from sharing in life milestones, happy times and heartaches, weddings, children, and just growing old.  Instead they have memories to cherish, and the memories of other's who were blessed to have once known their parents as well..


I am not trying to find blame here... we have heard enough being thrown around all this week by the news and media.


What I am trying to say is that we need to stop encouraging bad behavior, or addictive behavior (?) , just because our loved one is a "special" person, ie entertainer, etc.


Everyone is so quick to "gift" or "comp" or "look the other way" when it comes to famous people, be it a sports figure, singer or actor...  and that's fine, except for the looking the other way.  Actually, now that I started to think about it, I don't know how I feel about "gifting" and "comping".  Another day, another time.

Why not help your "loved ones" when you see them spiraling?  We have to come up with something to eliminate more accidental deaths.  Be it laws, be it a "universal system" for all doctors and pharmacies... or something.  Why not immediately put them on a medical suspension of some sort?  Why enable?


One word... money!


How much money was Michael Jackson's doctor getting for the proponol?   Was it worth his career, and Michael Jackson's life?  I don't think that the Jackson family think their son's life was worth it, that's for sure.  Just sayin'.


There are more similar back stories behind the deaths of others due to accidental overdose of prescription drugs.

Don't allow someone else's "woulda, coulda, shouldas", to be yours.  I should not have left her alone.  If you are questioning yourself whether or not you should speak up... I'm thinking you should... Speak Up!  What's the worse thing that can happen?  Whitney, Michael or your loved one possibly still being alive?


I am not saying that if you speak up everything will be "roses" like in the movies...  What I am saying is at least try.  It's better than thinking for the rest of your life ... "I should have said something..."  


Isn't your love one's life worth your speaking up and helping them?    


I'm just sayin'...

Blessings to all!!

110 days to go...

PS... for a, l and c.  You are my sunshine(s).

Some images courtesy of google images.  Others are marked accordingly, and are property of Carla Barila Karam and Taking Back Life ~ Making It My Own, this blog.   All U.S Copyright laws apply.   ©