Okay so I am at day three of re-grouping from a two day melt down. HAHAHA!*
*although not funny whatsoever... I have to allow myself to laugh and make light of it all at some point.
Yes. I am feeling a little better. {and} with God's will, tomorrow I will feel even better than today and so on. Not that the feeling of loss ever goes away, but time will {eventually} help lessen the ache. Puts a little distance between the past and me, if you will.
However, I think... actually, I feel that this time I things will be a little different.
Why? You ask.
Well. Allow me. heehee ;)
First thing, the last 344 days have not been spent in vain. I have spent each day learning a little more than the day before on how to better my life. All the way around.
So ... having said that... and for as much as what I have experienced in my life is a sad tale [wink, wink] ... it happened.
Yes it happened.
{and} There's nothing I can do about it. It is what it is. It's done.
Now... I just have to experiment just a tad more with my "recipe"... and then I will be able to make the best lemonade with all these "lemons" I have been so graciously given!
In other words... I have to make the best of it all. Or rather... enough is enough. Being that I can't make any of that better. Not asking for a better outcome, but a better understanding and acceptance of it all.
At this point all I want is to be happy, and help others to accomplish the same. Or a least help them smile.
So in order to truly move forward... I have to let go of "it" all once and for all... or better yet... accept it all. Accept and forgive. Forgive everyone... more importantly forgive myself once in for all {for allowing it all to happen}.
Then find a way to use my experience for something positive.
**UPDATE**
Last weekend, after what turned out to be a four hour class, I became a formal member of my church. I also spoke to the Pastor about getting involved with a battered women's organization...
I think the next step is to meet with my Pastor again to discuss the groups I want to be involved in. The only other thing that I did mention to him was that I would like to become a part of a Bible study group that is reading the Bible as a refresher course, better yet a beginner's group*.
*I studied the bible as a child {I attended Sunday school and St. Monica's Catholic School in Santa Monica, California. However... that was ages ago!... I may have lived according to the ten commandments, but now I am discovering the Bible all over again as new.
Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken. ~Psalm 55:22
(here's to you finding your...)
Peace,
... for a, l & c. You are my sunshine(s).
Images are courtesy of google or Bing images. Some images maybe labeled property of Carla Barila Karam and of this blog, Taking Back My Life ~ Making It My Own. U.S Copyright laws apply. © 2012
6 comments:
That is a good attitude. And honestly, it is all you.
Carla you are such amazing woman, for sharing with us each and every day all that you are going through, I feel so blessed to be apart of this transformation. You said it right, you have to let go it, (let go and let God. So wonderful that you joined the church, being surrounded by God's people will make you feel even better. Be blessed.
Hi Carla, I find it intimidating to pick up a bible and start reading what I should already know. I know you have a young daughter, I don't remember how old. Anyway I read a daily bible story to Christopher as a bedtime story. I read more than a page because the stories are short. It's sort of like cliff notes for me and it makes going to read the adult version a little more exciting and clear - fascinating actually. This is what I WISH I would do. Read his version on my own first. Then read my version so that I could elaborate more after I get done reading to him. Kind of off the subject of your post but its the first thing that came to mind.
I bet you will be making the best lemonade! I don't know what all you've been through, but I love what you are doing with your life to move forward. God bless!
It sounds like you are well on your way to forgiving and forgetting. Congratulations on becoming a member of your church and wanting to get involved in so many different groups!
It's best not to let the bad events or our past drag us down and hold us back. Making lemonade works.
Lee
An A to Z Co-Host
Tossing It Out
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