Thursday, August 11, 2011

Day 64 ~ "Let's See Where This Goes" Approach ;)

As you may have already noticed I am not continuing with "part tres" of "My Fight Begins" tonight.  

I have thought about this for most of my day today.  Do I want to just write about it all and GET IT OVER WITH... I want to break it up?  Which by doing so, gives me a break on having to re-live it all at once.- However, this method is like removing a band-aid very slowly, making the pain last longer. 

I mentioned in the first part of this series that if my goal is to help some one other than myself with my experiences... then, I have to put it (my story and myself) out there.  

courtesy of Bing images
And even as I sit here writing this, I am still indecisive!

Listen, I have been going through all of this all my life, what's a little longer?  Well. I just want to put it out there and then place it all in a BALLOON! and get it over with!!  I want to lead a positive life, and the sooner I can get it all out, the sooner I can start living!

What's wrong with little bits here and there, with a little POSITIVENESS in between?

courtesy of Bing images
Well that settles it!  I will continue it in a few days... maybe this will be the topic for each Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday or just Tuesday and Thursday, until it's all said and done? ... Or ... Maybe just maybe, I'll get it out there every few days?  How about taking a "let's see where this goes" approach?  

That's it!...

It's settled.  I will continue this series every few days with a "Let's see where this goes" approach.  

With all that said, I would like to let you know that I have been sub-consciously, or maybe even consciously,  dreading the inevitable... sharing my fight for my children.  This even goes back to writing my book.  

I have dragged my feet on this because I knew that I would have to re-live it all ... and not only that ... but I am really putting forth an effort on being positive.  Setting a good example, as you will.  What shakes me up once in a while is the thought of the possibility of Calley, my beautiful little girl, learning negativity from me.

I am not going to lie to you, but there has been a couple of times that I have witnessed Calley doing something negative... where did she get this from?  Well, hellooo! ... ME!!  Oh my gosh!  The last thing I ever want is for Calley to experience is needless negativity.

My wish is for her to be everything I am not!  I wish that she will be strong and self confident.  Approachable, smart and with wonderful self esteem.  I would like her to be whatever she'd like, even if it's something I would not choose for her.  I wish for her to be happy! and most of all to love herself!!

Now, now... I am not trying to be hard on myself, don't forget I am working on myself.  Trying to change negative behavior and thoughts... Just so tired of being down and sad.  I wish all those things for myself and I know that one day I will be all those wonderful things I want for my daughter, and sons for that matter.

courtesy of Bing images
My eldest son just told me this evening that he was going to try out for the Navy Seals tomorrow... so many different feelings and thoughts!  One of which...the last thing I want, is for something to happen to my son!  However, this is something he wants and I am very proud of him for setting such a great goal!!  He has a great outlook... kind of a "let's see what happens" approach.   ;)   

I can tell that he doesn't want to get his hopes up... BUT...  I am his mother and I believe that he can do whatever he sets his mind to... and if it's meant to be, well, I believe that HE WILL BE GREAT AT IT!!  Great things will happen for him!!  

Wonderful things are in store for all my children! and for me and Dean!!

My children are a beautiful reflection of God's love.
“Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.”  Dr. Seuss 

Blessings to all!!

301 days to go.

All contents herein are protected under Copyright laws and can not be used, altered or copied. All accounts herein are written by Cali-Gal/Carla B Karam and are true accounts of her life. Some names may be changed to protect the innocent.

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