Monday, August 22, 2011

Day 75 ~ The Stranger in My Son's Lives... Me

courtesy of Bing images
Back is still out...  (big sad/going stir crazy face)...  basically on bed rest... can't start my new exercise program... and with that the mind starts to go too!! Then I find myself chanting, "positive thoughts, positive thoughts.."  Then thoughts linger and wonder... Then the chants start again, "positive thoughts, positive thoughts..".  And then there's my little girl ... have to make sure she's happy and does not have needs and has a great childhood to remember.

Then, there's my car saga!   Come the 11th of September, it will be a year since we bought both of our cars...  Dean's has been parked at his dad's for several months, and my car... well it is now week no. 22 since my mechanic (the people who sold us both cars) has had my car...  this does not include all the other times he had my car in for repairs two to four weeks at a time... - they have had my car longer than I have!!

courtesy of Bing images
Okay, between you and I ...I am trying to stay positive here.   Being thankful for everything in my life, reading scripture and positive affirmations every day... making each day better than the one before... keeping our goal in sight... and taking one step closer to our goal each day.

I'm also thankful that my sons are [very] slowly coming back into my life.  Although, it continues to be very difficult to mend our relationship(s)... I will not stop until I have my sons back!

I keep in mind that they are men now, twenty-four and twenty respectively.  They are both not only trying to figure out what they want to do with their lives, but they are also starting to make decisions that will pave their paths into their futures.

courtesy of Bing images
What do I want from my sons?  Well that is simple...  I want to be a mother to my sons without obstacles, barriers or psychological poison (head games)... I want to be treated with respect, love... unconditionally... as I want to treat them.   

What I don't want?...  I don't want to be a stranger in their lives anymore.  I am tired of feeling insecure with them.  I feel as if I was walking on eggshells when I speak to them.  Why?  Well, first... don't want to make them mad... and I do not want to go such an extended amount of time without talking to them again.  (two years is a long time not to talk to your children.)

Please, understand one thing... I dug my heels in with my son- it was a matter of principle. ~~The pit of [long distance] parenthood ~~ 

Bottom line...  I am thankful for the time that I have to share a little of me with you!

For what I have received may the Lord make me truly thankful. And more truly for what I have not received.   ~  Storm Jameson
When you come upon a path that brings benefit and happiness to all, follow this course as the moon journeys through the stars. -  Buddha  
 Just for today, no matter where I am going, or what I am doing, or who I am doing it with, it is my intention to focus on the positive.   ~  Lucy MacDonald

Blessings to all!!

290 days to go

All contents herein are protected under Copyright laws and can not be used, altered or copied. All accounts herein are written by Cali-Gal/Carla B Karam and are true accounts of her life. Some names may be changed to protect the innocent.

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