Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Day 161 ~ Fighting Fair

Love & Hate by Luigi Diamanti 
I would be very surprised to hear that a person has never been involved in a complete "blowout" (verbal fight).  Well, needless to say that I have.

More than likely if you have had a "blow out", it has been with someone close to you, someone that you love.  These "blow outs" are very close to the heart, and the exchange of words can be passionate and can become hostile quickly.  Ugly things are said, and more than likely are said not because they are true, but more so because it will hurt the other person.

Words can be very powerful if used properly, and on the other hand can also be poison.  I wrote of this on Day 23.  Words can not be taken back, even if you did not mean them.  They will remain in that other persons being forever.  Solution: never hit below the belt.

When having a "blowout" there are rules, unspoken rules per say.  Remember you love this person.  And the first rule is fight fair.  Challenge yourself to express yourself without attacking the other person.  Get to the root of the problem and stick to it.

Talk about how a situation made YOU, yourself feel... "when thing A happens it makes me feel..."  As opposed to going on the attack... "YOU are such a jerk... YOU always do A... YOU won't B..."  I can almost guarantee you that if you go on the attack that your argument is and will END UGLY! 

There is no healthy or good reason to attack the other person.  You have obviously come to a disagreement of sorts, and that is okay.  Furthermore, it is okay to agree to disagree, but before that happens, one needs to hash things out.  In doing so, stick to the subject at hand.  This is the bottom line.

Now, another rule that should be followed is that if you are getting extremely "HOT" under the collar, TAKE A BREAK!!  Go for a walk.  The other person may not want to, but it will be up to you at this point to keep the fight fair and walk away for a bit.  In doing so let them know that it is time for a break so things do not get ugly.  Agree to take off the gloves for ten minutes, but also agree to finish and come to a resolution or conclusion.  If you do not finish the "blow out," it becomes unresolved which then builds resentment.  More importantly if you can not come to a resolution, at least agree to disagree and then PUT IT IN A BALLOON!! and let it go!

Oh you do not have to tell me, this is hard!  But as we all know that it takes two to fight and one of you has to keep it cool.  Ultimately it would be wonderful for both parties to remain calm and cool.  But at least try.

I was told once to choose my battles.  I said, huh?  Well... what this means is you do not always have to fight.  In other words, fight about what really matters and let the little things go by.  This is a great rule.  It's like they say...don't sweat the small stuff.

Please, please do not bring up the past.  That is why they say "water under the bridge" and there is no good reason to rehash old fights.  It the past and there's nothing you can do about it.

Another rule to think about is that crying is okay.  Don't make fun or belittle.. Something was said or done that made he or she cry.  It is valid.  Switch sides for a moment and see it from their perspective.

Finally, if you are going to remember anything from this post, please remember that your "fighting partner" is more than likely someone you love.  It's true if they do something that hurts you, it hurts more than if a stranger was to do so... and this is where the passion lives.  The key here is to remember that you love this person and when you love a person you are to take care of them, love and nurture them.  Especially if it is your spouse... remember the words you both stated on that very special day for better or for worse.  

Now... let's Play Nice and Fight Fair!!

“Nobody can hurt me without my permission.”   ~ Mahatma Gandhi

Sometimes two people need to step apart and make a space between that each might see the other anew, in a glance across a room or silhouetted against the moon.    ~  Robert Brault
In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.  ~  Ephesians 4:26-27 (NIV) 

I am thankful for all the times my family and friends have forgiven me. 

Blessings to all!!

204 days to go...

All contents herein are protected under Copyright laws and can not be used, altered or copied. All accounts herein are written by Cali-Gal/Carla B Karam and are true accounts of her life. Some names may be changed to protect the innocent.

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